Throughout childhood, you can learn words, the spellings (hopefully, but praise the L-rd for autocorrect and google!), and you can learn the dictionary's definitions of words.
As I've grown, and matured, and started continued living life, I have begun to understand the meanings of more and more words.
Examples:
- grief
- weeping
- pain
- suffering
- anguish
- abuse
- torment
- anxiety
- depression
- regret
- flashbacks
- poor relationships
- trauma
These are just a few examples. Now, more recent definitions of words I've just now come to understand include:
- forgiveness
- grace
- mercy
- redemption
- faithfulness
- compassion
- rejoice
- wisdom
Worship songs have come to mean different things to me now. Songs that used to be okayish and fun to sing are beginning to cause me to weep, and be still, and nearly fall to my knees with understanding (it's hard to fall to your knees when driving... just sayin'). I'm beginning to personalize and accept the redemption G-d is bringing forth with my story. I will struggle, I will wrestle, and I will fall backwards as I attempt to move forward in my healing. It's all normal. It's a part of being a human and growing and learning how to love the Good L-rd along with learning to love who He made you to be.
I sure hope that my love and excitement for the L-rd continues to grow. I hope that someday, my story can be of help and that maybe I can bring encouragement. My hope is that I can understand and experience the love and excitement that David, Moses, Abraham, Ruth, Sarah, and so many others have experienced. I want to love the L-rd and search after Him the way Peter, Paul, Matthew, John have shown us to do. I want passion and enthusiasm. I want to know and experience love, marriage, community, connection with people, and multitudes of other wonderful words. I want to know healing and freedom and peace.
I want to keep learning.
My vocabulary lessons are not over.
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