Grandpa died Sept 19 - I got to be there during his 3-4 days in hospice, and G-d performed many miracles. Major family drama went down. I never have to see grandma ever again!
Grandma went into the hospital shortly after and they won't let her out because of the neglect charges and APS (adult protective service) calls I (and several others) put in about her. Heard this from my aunt.
Counseling is going well, I really like my counselor and G-d gives me exactly who I need when I need them.
I kissed Best Friend. Yeah, Best Friend from freshman year of college... He still really likes me and I'm digging him a bit right now too. I'm trying to figure out life and dating, so we're technically "pre-dating", but pretty much there.
I'm still working 2 jobs, but not for much longer. My NICU job is being ridiculous, but I absolutely LOVE working L&D. My preceptor says I have about 90% accuracy rate when checking cervixes and really just don't predict that moms are 9-10 when they are. Usually I guess they are a 7...
I bought a car. It's the exact one I wanted and it's so pretty. I think G-d saved it for me and waited until the last minute, as He typically does, then gave me the exact one I wanted. I'm a little spoiled by Him <3
So, what's new with you?
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Unnecessary Finger Wagging
My grandpa is in his last days. He's grown so weak, tired, and he's largely given up. It's hard to watch. He hasn't been able to go visit his family/siblings down in the south, because my grandma won't let him go. He doesn't technically know that the doctor knows he's dying, because my grandma won't let the doctor tell him. He's not eating things that he can actually stomach, because she won't let him eat anything but "Boost" shakes.
You have no idea how much I despise what she's doing to him, but I've exhausted my list of resources and they have all proven to be USELESS. Nobody is helping him at all!!!
So, my mom is the black sheep of the family. She is "unwelcome" because she doesn't buy into my grandma's scheming, manipulation, and hatred. However, my mom pushes my grandma's continued abuse aside, so that she can go check on my grandpa, and see if she can do anything for him. Recently, my mom's sibling that live in other states decided to come and visit grandpa before he dies. We all went over to my grandma's house and that's when things went downhill.
Let's start off that grandma has nobody that sticks around. She has favored one particular son, we'll call him Buddy (ironically kind for how mean he is). Grandma has Malicious Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The only attention she knows how to give, is evil attention. She is out to get everyone, and I'm not even kidding. There is no way she is not controlled by a terribly evil spirit, there's simply no way she's not straight evil. All she does is steal, kill, and destroy.
Anyway, we were all there, none of us like her, but we were there for grandpa. My aunt wanted to have a small family discussion, to see what grandpa's last wishes are for his funeral, burial arrangements, etc. My aunt brought it up gently, spoke just to grandma, and kept it civil. Grandma kept skirting the questions, like I've never seen anybody avoid questions. And exfiance was a master at it! I'm not saying he was particularly smart in his answers, but he sure didn't answer any question.
So, grandma was avoiding the questions, then she realized we were all watching her and listening. That's where things really took a turn for the worst. I wanted to stand up for my aunt, as my grandma started to accuse her of meddling. But then my mom asked a very simple question, even in a nice way. My uncle Buddy turned on her! He started yelling at her, for literally no reason (other than the fact that he was already drunk). He tried to start yelling at her for staying away from the family and how she kept my brother and I away from our fucking crazy, evil grandmother and him (who beat his wife and raped her on a regular basis, and has a serious drinking problem causing him to lose all of his teeth over a decade ago).
This is when I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped in and told him "I'm glad she (my mom) kept us away! Grandma's a bitch and I don't want to ever know you! You didn't even know my name or who I was!" I continued on, but because of my dissociation, I don't remember what else I said. I called grandma out for lying about everything. She was trying to tell me what the doctors were doing even through 1) what she was saying makes no medical sense and 2) I have already heard from the doctors and 3) anybody with a pulse and half a brain know that he's not going to live another 1-2 years and that he's actually getting better. Ugh, her lies are just too much to handle. I can't believe she is so ridiculously crazy, that she thinks we're dumb enough to listen to the lies that spill from her mouth. We call her out on most of the lies she feeds us every time she talks. And yet, because of her personality disorder/demons, she thinks we believe her. There's really no way to make this shit up. Oh, and I used a lot of bad words this weekend that I hadn't used in months. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.
So he had his finger in my face, I could have reached out and broken his nose. I was sitting, he was standing over me and yelling. His best comeback? "You mom lies!" Homeboy, you're fighting with grandma too and everything my mom has told me about you and grandma has been proven to me... by you and grandma. I am old enough and smart enough to make my own decisions about you. You guys bragged about me being a nurse when grandpa was originally in the hospital, but now you want to tell me I don't know anything? Little kids know when their grandmother doesn't like them and yells at them (the little kids) and when the only memories I have of grandma and uncle Buddy are of them yelling at my mom, I'm not going to soon forget those memories.
He continue to yell at me and get up in my face until his son came out of the house and and yelled at him saying: "Dad! What are you doing?!? You're yelling at BedpanAlley!" Obviously he used my real name... but the rest of it is real! Buddy proceeded to sit down, but got up quickly and started talking over grandma who was trying to tell me all these lies about trying to visit me when I was a kid and how her and grandpa tried to drive by and essentially stalk my brother and I. Her and Buddy then started yelling at each other because he kept talking over her. Hahaha, that was pretty funny.
He got up in my mom's face again, blah, blah, blah. More fighting. Blah, blah, blah. Then another one of my uncles stepped in and called her out on not visiting his kids or caring about them either. He had a really great speech, directed straight to her about how ugly she's been, how terrible she is, and how much she lies. At the conclusion of that, I leaned over to my mom, whispered "Mic drop, we gotta go" and all of us left.
I wish I could have said different words. I wish that my arguments were better thought out and less emotionally charged. However, I am so proud of myself for standing up for my mom and getting to yell at grandma and my uncle Buddy. I wanted to yell at her dad (great-grandpa) for him yelling at me when I was a kid, but he up and died before I got the chance.
I spoke my peace instead of getting scared and avoiding the situation. I wanted to get up and leave, but I couldn't leave my mom. I didn't back down!!!
You have no idea how much I despise what she's doing to him, but I've exhausted my list of resources and they have all proven to be USELESS. Nobody is helping him at all!!!
So, my mom is the black sheep of the family. She is "unwelcome" because she doesn't buy into my grandma's scheming, manipulation, and hatred. However, my mom pushes my grandma's continued abuse aside, so that she can go check on my grandpa, and see if she can do anything for him. Recently, my mom's sibling that live in other states decided to come and visit grandpa before he dies. We all went over to my grandma's house and that's when things went downhill.
Let's start off that grandma has nobody that sticks around. She has favored one particular son, we'll call him Buddy (ironically kind for how mean he is). Grandma has Malicious Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The only attention she knows how to give, is evil attention. She is out to get everyone, and I'm not even kidding. There is no way she is not controlled by a terribly evil spirit, there's simply no way she's not straight evil. All she does is steal, kill, and destroy.
Anyway, we were all there, none of us like her, but we were there for grandpa. My aunt wanted to have a small family discussion, to see what grandpa's last wishes are for his funeral, burial arrangements, etc. My aunt brought it up gently, spoke just to grandma, and kept it civil. Grandma kept skirting the questions, like I've never seen anybody avoid questions. And exfiance was a master at it! I'm not saying he was particularly smart in his answers, but he sure didn't answer any question.
So, grandma was avoiding the questions, then she realized we were all watching her and listening. That's where things really took a turn for the worst. I wanted to stand up for my aunt, as my grandma started to accuse her of meddling. But then my mom asked a very simple question, even in a nice way. My uncle Buddy turned on her! He started yelling at her, for literally no reason (other than the fact that he was already drunk). He tried to start yelling at her for staying away from the family and how she kept my brother and I away from our fucking crazy, evil grandmother and him (who beat his wife and raped her on a regular basis, and has a serious drinking problem causing him to lose all of his teeth over a decade ago).
This is when I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped in and told him "I'm glad she (my mom) kept us away! Grandma's a bitch and I don't want to ever know you! You didn't even know my name or who I was!" I continued on, but because of my dissociation, I don't remember what else I said. I called grandma out for lying about everything. She was trying to tell me what the doctors were doing even through 1) what she was saying makes no medical sense and 2) I have already heard from the doctors and 3) anybody with a pulse and half a brain know that he's not going to live another 1-2 years and that he's actually getting better. Ugh, her lies are just too much to handle. I can't believe she is so ridiculously crazy, that she thinks we're dumb enough to listen to the lies that spill from her mouth. We call her out on most of the lies she feeds us every time she talks. And yet, because of her personality disorder/demons, she thinks we believe her. There's really no way to make this shit up. Oh, and I used a lot of bad words this weekend that I hadn't used in months. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.
So he had his finger in my face, I could have reached out and broken his nose. I was sitting, he was standing over me and yelling. His best comeback? "You mom lies!" Homeboy, you're fighting with grandma too and everything my mom has told me about you and grandma has been proven to me... by you and grandma. I am old enough and smart enough to make my own decisions about you. You guys bragged about me being a nurse when grandpa was originally in the hospital, but now you want to tell me I don't know anything? Little kids know when their grandmother doesn't like them and yells at them (the little kids) and when the only memories I have of grandma and uncle Buddy are of them yelling at my mom, I'm not going to soon forget those memories.
He continue to yell at me and get up in my face until his son came out of the house and and yelled at him saying: "Dad! What are you doing?!? You're yelling at BedpanAlley!" Obviously he used my real name... but the rest of it is real! Buddy proceeded to sit down, but got up quickly and started talking over grandma who was trying to tell me all these lies about trying to visit me when I was a kid and how her and grandpa tried to drive by and essentially stalk my brother and I. Her and Buddy then started yelling at each other because he kept talking over her. Hahaha, that was pretty funny.
He got up in my mom's face again, blah, blah, blah. More fighting. Blah, blah, blah. Then another one of my uncles stepped in and called her out on not visiting his kids or caring about them either. He had a really great speech, directed straight to her about how ugly she's been, how terrible she is, and how much she lies. At the conclusion of that, I leaned over to my mom, whispered "Mic drop, we gotta go" and all of us left.
I wish I could have said different words. I wish that my arguments were better thought out and less emotionally charged. However, I am so proud of myself for standing up for my mom and getting to yell at grandma and my uncle Buddy. I wanted to yell at her dad (great-grandpa) for him yelling at me when I was a kid, but he up and died before I got the chance.
I spoke my peace instead of getting scared and avoiding the situation. I wanted to get up and leave, but I couldn't leave my mom. I didn't back down!!!
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