Even I Forgot!

I'm 20 today. It's that odd year in between legally being able to drown your troubles in ETOH (alcohol) and your teenage years. This is going to be a struggle.

During clinicals today, I kept forgetting that it was my birthday until a family member would text me here, or I would get a Facebook message there. I was successful in keeping it a secret from all but my family and Best Friend. Yes, even he texted me Happy Birthday. How sweet is that?! G-d sure blessed me with an amazing ex even though I don't think I deserve someone being so kind as he is after I agreed to and then took back my proposal to "try this" (aka, begin going out.)

Maybe I forgot because I was up until 0200 finishing my care plan for today. Perhaps I forgot because I then woke up at 0430 to prepare for clinicals. Then I was rushed all day. I didn't remember again until one of my patients told me it was his birthday today too. He reminded me of my dad... I have got to stop relating my pt's to my family and friends because it makes the care so much harder. I love my dad. In fact, I'm a daddy's girl. However, the last pt I had that reminded me of him passed away unexpectedly. My heart broke and I grew a scar. Then the two ladies that reminded me of my Mema passed unexpectedly and that probably could have been avoided. Again, my heart ripped right in two, and then crumbled into a million little pieces. I picked up what I could, slapped it together with some glue and now my heart is more of a sagging, scarred, mangled mess of flesh more than anything else. I can't even find it some days because I give it to G-d, then foolishly take it back and proceed to lose it. He finds it and I make the same mistakes to repeat the vicious cycle again.

Today was so busy I just don't even know where to start. I got to D/C (discontinue) a foley! That was super exciting because I have only inserted/taken catheters out of manikins and they don't behave like real people and I feel so silly talking to them because I know they are a doll and they cannot respond. I despise make-believe games because I don't understand them and I can hardly think for myself let alone having to create whole other people/situations/conversations/etc for another person or people.

Also, in lab it took about 10 minutes to D/C a catheter. Well, not really, but it seemed like it would take a long time when going through the whole process. I did it in about a minute and I'm sure the nurse could have done it in about 4 seconds. You just deflate the balloon and pull out the tubing while coiling it around your hands so that it doesn't whip out and share the special surprises that are inevitably waiting at the end with everyone present.

I also got to give meds for the first time. That was actually more nerve wracking that the foley thing because they stress the importance of the 6 rights, double and triple checking your meds, and the dangers of getting into too much of a pattern. In lab, that skill took us about 30 minutes to pull approximately 15 meds from one med cart at the bedside, check them the 84720583 times that you have to check them, put them in a cup, and assist your patient with the administration of the meds. In real life, it took me maybe 5 minutes total to pull 8 meds from the med room down the hall from the pt, verify them, and assist the pt with taking them. I felt like I was doing it wrong all day. Thank the L-rd I got to give meds 3 separate times so I got lots of practice. But dang! All day I felt like I was doing everything wrong from passing meds, to helping the pt, to my assessment, to walking down the hall. At one point I questioned my heart's ability to pump simply because it is inside of me, the screw-up.

I survived. It was nuts. Even still, I am more comfortable learning how to be a nurse than I have ever been anywhere where I knew what I was doing. This profession makes me make sense. I'm super cheesy today. You're welcome.