Suicide Anniversary

Friends, I have made it a year since Country Boy committed suicide. Granted, I didn't learn about it until April 9, but we are celebrating me surviving a very rough year in my life.

I want to hang out with people today to keep my mind occupied but everybody's busy. Oh well, I'm surviving the day and only cried for about 30 seconds twice. That's pretty good!

I was told today by Beauty that I am made of "wife material". What is that? She said that because every guy that goes out with me is convinced he needs to marry me. Is that just because that's what guys do or is that because of me? Boyfriend told me I'm the best girlfriend he's had (out of 3-4 before me) but I don't know what that means either.

We got to go shooting this weekend and out of like 20-30 clays that we launched, I hit one. ONE! That's terrible! The first time I went shooting I hit all but 2-3 out of 20. Good gracious I've gotten worse. I also got to help feed the cows! Oh my gosh, I love cows. There are new little babies that are only about a week old and they get so excited they start running around with each other for no reason. So cute! They gave me cow kisses. I like cow kisses. The older ones also follow me around and that was even before I gave them cake/treats! Ugh, I just cannot get enough of them.

Also, I got a letter in the mail today telling me I got a scholarship for $3500! I wish I would have applied to more last year because this scholarship is usually not given for more than about $1000-$2000 so maybe I could have gotten a lot more help last year and stayed out of such huge debt. Oh well, the L-rd will provide for me to get out of my crazy debt. Yay! In order to get the scholarship, I even had to have an interview. Since I was at clinicals the only day they had the interviews, they ended up allowing me to have a phone interview. I was so scared they didn't like me or that they weren't happy about having to do it over the phone but they gave me such a big award. L-rd willing I will get lots of other scholarships and maybe be able to start paying off some of my interest on the unsubsidized loans I've had to take out.

So, my rough day is getting better and I'm much stronger than I was a year ago. My life has changed dramatically from that point. Granted, I thought my world was turned upside down because Brother told me he was moving out, a week later I broke up with the boy I was "trying" a relationship with, and then Country Boy killed himself a week after the break up. That on top of a very long, really bad bout with depression, two jobs, and a general life meltdown, I was not in a good place at all.