Heaping Scoop of Dissappointment

I applied to graduate school for Nurse Midwifery to a campus that is a sister school to my alma mater. I thought it would be amazing! Go to school and graduate somewhere that is in the same school network... go do clinicals up where my parents live so I can just live with them... everything will be wonderful!

Well, I submitted my application and waited. One day, there in my email box, was an email inviting me to an interview day. Yes, they made a whole blessed day out of it. 8-4, there were 2 interviews (with all 16 of the faculty for the program), seminars from: current students, faculty from your specific specialty (there were other nurse practitioner applicants there too and they split us all up), financial aid, and several other people. Then, at the very end of the day, I had to write an essay! *sigh*

Then, I wait. Wait for their decision. Wait in hopes that I get in. Wait in trepidation that I wasn't what they were looking for, even though I was supposedly chosen out of hundreds of other applicants for this interview day.

This morning, after night shift, I got the call that I didn't get in. It's a bummer.

I called my mom and told her, but not with any more emotion than could be mustered to just state it matter-of-factly. She encouraged me that whatever the L-rd wants to have happen, will happen. "Maybe there are trips or something else you need to be available for," she suggested, in true Mom fashion. "Yeah," was all I could respond.

While I am not at the point of tears (because I believe my give-a-damn was broken with the trauma), I am disappointed. This was my first choice of schools. I have had so many other people apply to graduate school around me, and several of them were accepted to several schools on the first try! I keep hoping that they will email me back and tell me that the first email was a mistake and that I was actually accepted, but that longing seems to be more of the bargaining stage in my journey to acceptance.

It's funny because about a week ago, my mom met this lady who's daughter is one of the faculty members for the nurse-midwifery program at the university I wanted to attend. They got to talking and the lady gave my mom this faculty member's email and encouraged me to reach out to her. So, I emailed the lady, saying that "my mom met your mom and they wanted me to email you" but she never responded. It is awkward to begin with, but worse now that I know I wasn't accepted.

I don't really want to wait until next year to begin school, only because I wanted to graduate 2020 to keep my high school graduation (2012) even with my college graduation (2016) then grad school to be finished in 2020. How pretty is that?! Alas, it doesn't seem like it will happen. Plus, I want to get married and start a family at some point. I was really hoping to graduate and be settled before this happens.

Only the L-rd knows why things happen the way that they do. All I can do is pray and follow His lead.



In less painful news, I quit my position at the NICU. For those of you that haven't read all of my happenings; I was working NICU and L&D, for several months now. When I first moved back here, I was hired for L&D, but there was no position open. I know what you are thinking, why hire somebody for a position that is not open?! Yeah, I'm not sure. Regardless, the managers of L&D decided that they still wanted me, but bargained with me that I could be hired and would need to work Mom/Baby while waiting for an L&D position to open up.

I was so torn. I had had offers for several NICU positions around the state. I didn't want to give up my critical care specialty for anything other than a position that would be able to further my career. As such, I bargained with that manager, and the NICU manager that offered me a position at a level 3 NICU at the same time. I got both managers agree to let me work both jobs at the same time, with working part-time at both places. They both agreed, and both agreed to be "flexible" with my scheduling to assist me with this endeavor.

Fast-forward about a month and a half into working NICU: I have already had several scheduling problems with NICU because the people in charge of scheduling will not email me back after several weeks! My manager called me to yell at me, and I stood my ground. I gave her evidence and explained to her the many, many ways I had tried to resolve the issue, with no success. HR had emailed about how the unit could be improved and I responded with several pages worth of diplomatically worded suggestions. Spoiler alert: none of those changes were made. Shocker, I know. Continue on in my journey there, and I find out about legal actions being taken, they refuse to train me to the level 3 kids (even though I have level 3 experience and they begin training those hired after me to train to the critical kids before me), they continue to con me into working day shift holidays where I am losing time with my family as well as night shift differential. The list goes on!

The reason I stayed so long, is that I thought I needed to work NICU for 2 years before I could get my critical care nurse certification (RNC). About 4 days ago, I was reading over the requirements again, and I discovered I needed 2 years as an RN, but only some of my career needed to be in NICU!!! WHAT A WONDERFUL DISCOVERY!!!

I learned this little tidbit, while I was working L&D and I was nearly singing and dancing in the halls! I told everyone of my coworkers about it!!! Suddenly, my decision was clear: quit NICU. Life is too short to be dreading every. single. shift. Work is not the end-all-be-all of life. We work to be able to afford fun things, trips, food, etc. I don't need to sustain this life of being miserable at a work where management does not treat me well, my license is not safe to practice there, I don't agree with their practices, they continually screw me out of pay while requiring more and more from me, and day-shift (plus many night-shifters) are rude and miserable there as well!

So I quit. Then, I worked an L&D shift and they all celebrated with me. Such joy from my coworkers! They shared how glad they were that I am there. They fought over keeping me on their pod (we have 2 with a little hallway in between). The patients are communicated the same information from everybody, so they are grateful and understanding of the care they receive. (NICU nurses at the other place were regularly told different things from each nurse/nurse practitioner/doctor they encountered because there are no protocols and everybody practices based on how they were trained somewhere else.) While there are still people that I clash with in L&D, we are largely coherent on night shift, and even several of day shift people. They encourage my sarcastic jokes, dark humor, and general personality quirks. They like my hard-work and how much I try to help my patients through labor and delivery. They like that I do my best to continually learn and improve and help others when I can. They understand me better.

I like it here.

Job Front Update

The NICU with paper charting decided the other candidate they liked would work better for them... Not gonna lie, that hurt a little bit. Regardless, I had 3 other interviews set up by the time that call came.

The rejection call resulted in another interview that I will be doing today. Actually, in about 45 minutes. It's for a PRN position, but at a decent hospital in the same hospital system.

I had an interview on Friday where the interview ended with them telling me I interviewed well and they wanted to give me an offer early this week! Now, this interview was supposed to be for L&D. They interviewed me under that assumption and did not tell me, until I had finished the interview, that they would be hiring me for Mother Baby and would maybe be able to transfer me over into L&D after a year!!! Why have job postings open and interview people under the assumption that they would be going into said posted position, and then inform them that the job is not actually available? That's just mean! So, I hope to be able to get a job offer with them, and maybe work in a condition that they start training me for L&D by September/October. Otherwise, that job isn't worth it for me. I need the critical care experience and I am already worried I might lose my NICU experience and I'll lose my baby IV skills, delivery skills, and general NICU knowledge. The other thing with working at this hospital is that I would not be able to work for the NICU because it's a hospital that rented out their Peds/PICU/NICU floors to THE children's hospital of this particular state. It is the hospital that every hospital sends their sick babies to. We almost sent one of our sick babies there but our neonatologist threw a hissy fit and got the baby denied for being too critical (and for the neonatologist being mean to the receiving doctor). Since that hospital rents from the hospital of the Mom/Baby floor, the NICU employees are employees of the children's hospital and the other hospital. As such, I can't work part time for both hospital systems... Ugh, ridiculous.

Well, I have an interview with that children's hospital at that hospital too... hahaha. I guess we'll see how it goes. I need L&D experience but I also want to go somewhere and work part time in a NICU where I would be able to see more critical cases. I need L&D experience for graduate school through.

I'm so torn and just need an L&D hiring manager to take a chance on a little, baby NICU nurse and train me up while letting me work part-time in a high acuity NICU that is also willing to train me in the high acuity cases!!! Is this so much to ask?

I would love to work 2 part-time jobs, with over-time days and be able to live with my parents and not pay rent... I could end up buying a house in the next couple years! And if I have so many months of experience in both critical care areas, I could go and be a travel nurse in other states! I struggle with there not being enough hours in a day, not enough days in a week, and not enough ways to get experience in a shorter amount of time. I want to master it all, and that's just not feasible by today's standards. I know, however, that there is a connection and a better way to care for babies and parents through combining L&D and NICU practices. There simply has to be.