I'm just going to start by saying I HATE Halloween. I cannot stand it. If there were a stronger word in my vocabulary than hate, despise, or the like then I would use it. In fact, I think that my strong dislike for this day deserves its very own word that should be made up right now. Problem is, I am not super creative so I can't come up with a word... Just pretend that it is really strong and clever. Thanks!
Anyway, back to the title. The lady that I babysat (notice past tense) for in the past just got married. Understand that I nearly put off college to remain at home with her to take care of her children because her husband cheated on her and pretty much abandoned her and her four children, one of which was a newborn at the time. I adored this family. I had prayed for them for such a long time and I felt like I belonged as their babysitter/nanny. It's been about three years since he first left and about a year and a half or two years since their divorce was finalized. Her children melt my heart and they came up with their own nickname for me. We are also on the basis of telling each other that we love each other because we share intimate areas of our lives and hearts with each other. This story only scrapes the surface of how much I truly care for this family.
About a week or two ago, she got married. Yes, I am happy for her because she seems really happy. They only dated for a couple of months but they have known each other for years through church. Actually, I knew him at church too because that's how I met this lady to begin with. So, even though their dating only lasted a few months and their engagement about a month, they have known each other for awhile. I was kind of hoping to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, but they had a teensy wedding in her parent's backyard and nobody was really invited. Plus, it's not fair that I would assume she would ask me. It's also not fair of me to assume that I am such an integral part of her family. Still, it breaks my heart that I don't ever get to babysit or see them anymore. I call these children my kids. All my friends know that I have had 4 kids since I was 16 because those are my kids! Yet, I haven't seen them since June, except on Facebook.
I guess I'm a bit jealous that I am no longer in the picture and yet her life is moving on. I miss them and I stay stuck on the past while this lady and her family (and everyone else in the world) continue to move on with their lives. Wow, I sound narcissistic. Really, I don't think I am that important that her world would come to a halt just because I was not there, but I have a tough time with any kind of change. I am happy that she seems happy. I pray that she finds joy in this new phase of her life and I pray that the kids are held by the L-rd through their time dealing with their parent's divorce. I want happiness and joy and love for them all, I just don't understand why it's so hard to watch this all from the outside.
I think I need to shut off my Facebook, it just seems to depress me the more I go on it. I also need to get out of the past. I keep wishing life was the way it was before, but that's just not how life or time works.
L-rd willing y'all won't get yourself too scared this Halloween season. A few more hours in my time zone and then I have survived Halloween 2014!!! May your remaining time be easy to cope with and not at all scary.
Blessings!
BedpanAlley
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