So I went to the doctor...

I went to the doctor today, except it was actually the nurse practitioner because I was hoping for some nursey care instead of another experience with a doctor (I haven't had good experiences with them in the past). Anyway, it was dumb. I have been having some weird symptoms but I highlighted nausea and dizziness for the past year as well as increased shedding lately. She was in the room for a solid 5 minutes and left to go write up her orders for me. However, in those few moments she was present in the room she asked if I was sexually active a few times. When I told her no she moved on briefly and then asked: "are you sure you haven't been messing around? No sex?" Oh my gosh! Lady, it's not like people trip and end up with a penis in their vagina!!! I know that I have not had sex! I am absolutely positive! What more do you want from me?!

Anyway, she ordered a CBC, thyroid blood test, pregnancy test, and a full STD panel because she obviously still does not believe that a 20 year old could have their "V card". I just lost my hand-holding and kissing virginity, the sex virginity card is not going to be given to anyone but my husband and not until we have a wedding. That is a certain, guaranteed fact of my life. I was struggling with the kissing, but there is not wavering in my mind about sex. No. No. No. No. NO!

Also, she wouldn't do my well-woman exam because I'm not 21 yet. I have a freakin' month until I turn 21, it's not like the day before my birthday I'll be fine and then BAM! I suddenly get cervical cancer the day after my birthday so they miss it for a whole year or two until I go get another one. Well, let's be real, I've lasted about 8-10 years without a doctor appointment so far and I would probably last another decade or two before I ever go back after this whole fiasco gets finished up in another MONTH AND A HALF.

Moral of the story: going to the doctor accomplishes nothing for me except raising my blood pressure, causing me anxiety, making my hypochondria flare up, getting me thoroughly frustrated and my blood drawn.

Oh my gosh, I had to get my blood drawn twice today! My insurance company sent me a biometric screening kit and so they needed some blood. They told me to go to my doctor. Okay, fine. I take the kit to the doctor/NP office and they tell me they don't do that there. The NP orders blood to be drawn and sends me downstairs to the lab where they actually do draw blood. They won't draw it for me either! So I have to drive across town to the hospital I work at because they are actually able to do the stupid blood draw and they were for the same exact tests my NP had already ordered. *facepalm* The sheet even said I could have the doctor send in results from any labs they had ordered. Does she do that? No. So I look like a drug addict today because both of my arms were tapped for my two seperate 30 second blood draws that could not be done together for some odd reason.


Well, that's the end of my rant. I need to go take my anxiety meds and try to get some sleep by avoiding thinking about lying to my NP about drinking and depression...

Piercings

About a month ago I started thinking about what it would be like to have a nose ring. It's in the Bible that ladies back in the Old Testament had nose rings sometimes. So, I looked into it a bit more and Jewish law has nothing against piercings. Then a couple of weeks ago I brought it up with my friends that I was thinking about it. Now we are planning to go on Friday after our last final...

I am also currently considering a belly button ring and possibly even a tongue ring. However, the more I think about it, the more reasons I find to not do it. I wasn't even super serious when I brought it up, it was more for laughs and giggles. Now it's real. I looked into a few places that do piercings here in town, but they have good and bad reviews.

I really scared about getting an STD. How terrible would it be to be a virgin my entire life but then get an STD from a stinkin' piercing because somebody didn't use proper sterile procedures and then I wouldn't want to get married or have kids because I would probably pass on the disease! Or what if they do it wrong and it is crooked? What if it gets infected and then I scar really bad? What if right after I get it then I regret it but then I will have a scar on my face, my tongue, or my belly button for the rest of my life? I'm just a simple, church-going girl that nobody expects to get piercings and they would probably look really weird on me anyway.

I talk myself into the piercing every morning and talk myself right back out of them every afternoon.

Tongue rings cause teeth and gum damage. Plus, I would have to put a spacer in for work and clinicals. Belly button rings get ripped out and are easily infected due to their location. Nose rings are ON YOUR FACE and would also require a spacer while at work and clinicals.

Is it weird that my main concern is not the fact that someone would be poking a whole in my body with a giant needle? My main worry is it being off-centered, not where I want it, and getting an STD or infection.

Nursing school has ruined me. Now I know what true sterile procedure looks like and what happens when it is not followed. I can see the bacteria I grew and stained from my microbiology class. I can see all of the slides of pictures and all of the information given to me about STD's. Then I look at myself and think, "is this really you?" But I have wanted lots of piercings since I was a little kid, but now it's really real and I am not so certain anymore. What would the kids that I babysit think? What will my Mema think? What would my future boyfriend/husband think? What would my kids think?

I wonder why I want piercings. Is it just because I found a rebelious, angry side that I was not aware of before Country Boy died and Brother moved out? Do I think it will liberate me from... something that I'm not fully aware of?

Wow, my neurotic anxiety is kicking into high-gear, huh?

More thought is needed and more prayer. I prayed about it, but maybe G-d is staying quiet to see what I will do again. Last time He did this I wasn't supposed to do what I was praying about (going out with Best Friend). Maybe I should swallow my pride and back out of getting piercings with my friends. If I do, it won't cause any more grief because I won't change from how I already am. But if I do go, then I will have at least 2-3 more holes in my body, plenty of pain and swelling, and I will have puncture wound scars if I decide to ever take them out. Looks like I talked myself out of them... Thanks for helping me guys!

Developmental Stages

So, in developmental psych, we have taken a turn and our last class seemed more like an A&P lesson than a psych lesson. Despite my confusion at that matter, we are studying something that interests me a lot. We are discussing and learning about the different developmental stages in pubescence.

You know the ones (probably), right? They were super awkward to talk about but they were likely covered in sex ed in elementary/middles school. I woudn't know, my parents didn't allow me to go to sex ed. Instead, I got to chill with the librarians in the print shop. The entire grade (all 4 classes) knew I was the ONLY kid not in that class. But, hey, I didn't like those kids anyway. You know, it makes me laugh that my parents kept me from sex ed, but at this point in my life I have seen more penises, butts, and other actual unmentionable things than I ever would have guessed. I'm a straight up virgin (I was even a dating virgin until I made the idiot choice to ruin my friendship with Best Friend). Regardless, nursing school stole my innocence and yet I'm still innocent. I know all about sex. Well, the anatomy, physiology, hormone, and other simple scientific/medical stuff. I've probably handled more guy's junk than culturally acceptable. I have grown far beyond my years because I have been put in positions of care giving for people who are elders and I'm only 20. Never would I have guessed that this would be where I ended up at this point in my life. I never realized you see so many people naked in nursing. It just doesn't even phase me anymore. Granted, I probably would if it was a friend or my new husband, but perfect strangers could run around in their birthday suits all the day long and I would be fine. Me, on the other hand, refuse to show any more skin than my hands, neck, and most of my face. I'm a hypocrite, what can I say?

I'm getting off subject. The whole development, "puberty" thing has always fascinated me. Can I admit something to y'all? I'm also obsessed with sex but from a purely medical curiosity. Truly, I'm not just saying that. It is fascinating that G-d designed all of this stuff to happen to our bodies so that eventually, two people can produce 1+ more other people (depending on participation, circumstances, etc). He made chemicals to attract us to each other and more chemicals to make us feel "love." He created women to house the offspring until they were hopefully developed enough to breath independently and survive as their own little being. That's only the beginning! There is so much more to all of this stuff and it all begins with hormones fueling the growth of gonads and such. I mean, this stuff is so intricate and amazing! These are the types of things that take my breath away. For some people, it's mountains, sunrises/sunsets, the ocean, outer space, or what-have-you. Personally, it is the intricate nature in which we were designed to carry on life and produce more life.

Wow.

That brings me to a weird point: According to my book's chart of when certain parts and pieces of us are supposed to develop, breast development should be completed around age 16 (on average.) Read this over and let me know what you think of their findings. Now, everything is based off of average and there are always exceptions. However, these time frames just seem odd to me.

Full breast growth at age 16!? Is that what most people have found? Menarche at 12.5? Yikes. I didn't have this childhood...