Developmental Stages

So, in developmental psych, we have taken a turn and our last class seemed more like an A&P lesson than a psych lesson. Despite my confusion at that matter, we are studying something that interests me a lot. We are discussing and learning about the different developmental stages in pubescence.

You know the ones (probably), right? They were super awkward to talk about but they were likely covered in sex ed in elementary/middles school. I woudn't know, my parents didn't allow me to go to sex ed. Instead, I got to chill with the librarians in the print shop. The entire grade (all 4 classes) knew I was the ONLY kid not in that class. But, hey, I didn't like those kids anyway. You know, it makes me laugh that my parents kept me from sex ed, but at this point in my life I have seen more penises, butts, and other actual unmentionable things than I ever would have guessed. I'm a straight up virgin (I was even a dating virgin until I made the idiot choice to ruin my friendship with Best Friend). Regardless, nursing school stole my innocence and yet I'm still innocent. I know all about sex. Well, the anatomy, physiology, hormone, and other simple scientific/medical stuff. I've probably handled more guy's junk than culturally acceptable. I have grown far beyond my years because I have been put in positions of care giving for people who are elders and I'm only 20. Never would I have guessed that this would be where I ended up at this point in my life. I never realized you see so many people naked in nursing. It just doesn't even phase me anymore. Granted, I probably would if it was a friend or my new husband, but perfect strangers could run around in their birthday suits all the day long and I would be fine. Me, on the other hand, refuse to show any more skin than my hands, neck, and most of my face. I'm a hypocrite, what can I say?

I'm getting off subject. The whole development, "puberty" thing has always fascinated me. Can I admit something to y'all? I'm also obsessed with sex but from a purely medical curiosity. Truly, I'm not just saying that. It is fascinating that G-d designed all of this stuff to happen to our bodies so that eventually, two people can produce 1+ more other people (depending on participation, circumstances, etc). He made chemicals to attract us to each other and more chemicals to make us feel "love." He created women to house the offspring until they were hopefully developed enough to breath independently and survive as their own little being. That's only the beginning! There is so much more to all of this stuff and it all begins with hormones fueling the growth of gonads and such. I mean, this stuff is so intricate and amazing! These are the types of things that take my breath away. For some people, it's mountains, sunrises/sunsets, the ocean, outer space, or what-have-you. Personally, it is the intricate nature in which we were designed to carry on life and produce more life.

Wow.

That brings me to a weird point: According to my book's chart of when certain parts and pieces of us are supposed to develop, breast development should be completed around age 16 (on average.) Read this over and let me know what you think of their findings. Now, everything is based off of average and there are always exceptions. However, these time frames just seem odd to me.

Full breast growth at age 16!? Is that what most people have found? Menarche at 12.5? Yikes. I didn't have this childhood...

My Simple Dream

In an effort to be totally real with y'all, so that you know that everyone struggles with silly stuff, I want to confess something to you guys. I keep coming up with situations that seem fun in my head or ideas of the type of guy I want and somehow I turn them into a type of prayer that is really more of my telling G-d a laundry list of things I want. Recently, I have caught myself almost asking, "L-rd, is this too much to ask?" I don't really mean it, but it's gotten into my head somehow. Maybe I picked it up from some of the funny quotes I'm bombarded with everyday or perhaps it was sprinkled through Pinterest. Either way, I'm appalled at myself for ever even thinking to ask G-d this. All thing are possible through Him because He created ALL things. He could give me the things I think I want, but would that be a good idea? Probably not, that's why He hasn't given them to me. Or, maybe He is saving it for sometime in the future. I don't know which because I can't see to the end of my life and all that happens between now and then. Sometimes I wish I could, but it's probably best that I can't.

Lately, I've really been craving a good, down-home, proper, country bonfire. Now, my college tried to hold a "bonfire" to celebrate homecoming week. Nothing about it was right.

The bonfires I'm talkin' 'bout have music up on a flatbed trailer because that's the only right way to do it...

 

But, if you don't have buddies in a bad, a circle of trucks with their radios cranked on the same station will do...

You gotta have beer (for those 21 and over)...








And you have to have loads of people surrounding the main even, a large pile of fire. Yes, fire can be in a pile, just trust me on this one...

These are just the necessities! You also typically need some fun guys and gals. Some down-to-earth country boys are usually the best fit because they worked hard all day/week and are ready for some fun!

Add in a tractor pulling a little trailer outfitted with some benches of straw/hay and you got yourself the best hangout you could imagine...

There may be some swimmin', and that includes skinny dipping, but I don't roll that way because I just don't. I can't even wear a tank top with my closest gal pals, how am I supposed to take off everything but my birthday suit or skivvy's to go swimming in some leech infested, stagnant water? No thank you! I will go in broad daylight wearing my nun's outfit of a "bathing suit" and that'll do me.

Guns may be brought out before the sun sets all the way and before people are completely plastered just to blow some steam and get some good chemicals (oxytocin, my favorite hormone, among others) pumpin' through everyone's veins...

Most of all, bonfires are just about kickin' back, chillin' and having a good time with your friends after a lot of work and likely a lot of stress. I haven't been to a bonfire, let alone a good bonfire since I was a kid. I couldn't drink at those either, because I was a child (probably 10 and under), but I sure did have a good time anyway! All of us kids, meaning me (the only girl) and all the boys (around 5-10), would run around lighting fire crackers, roasting marshmallows, and doing everything that was frowned upon in "normal" life. Normal life simply means the city life full of suburbs, people everywhere telling me what to do, and nobody having similar views on the way life should be handled. Those weekends were like family reunions and happened nearly every other weekend. Those people are my family especially because we don't talk to my mom's family and we aren't super close with my dad's side either. But we were so close with that huge group of friends that were closer and more connected and committed than our biological family. I miss that.




Another confession is that I have been craving a beer or some type of alcohol all week. I know that it will not necessarily make life more fun. Also, it's not good to "self medicate" with mood altering drugs. Not to mention, I'm only 19 and have never had a drink before, but I'm getting this craving for beer again. The Bible says: "There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God" (Ecclesiastes 2:24). But, I'm also supposed to follow the law because G-d said so. I doubt that I would/will ever get plastered, but I just want some kind of fun in my life! Alcohol never seemed like it would be fun or worth it until this summer at about the same time that boys suddenly became attractive. Dagnabbit! (That is how you spell it. It is a word. Well, where I come from it's a word.) What kind of trauma did I incur that I now want to drink a little bit, go to bonfire parties, have a boyfriend, and actually find boys cute!?!

Haha, I told my friend that I never used to think guys were cute until sometime this summer and she informed me that it happened suddenly to her too... somewhere in middle school... at the beginning of puberty. I'm not convinced that I may be slightly academically developed, thought I'm certainly still working on that, but I am severely developmentally delayed. I'm in college and just now starting to think guys are cute. What is going on?!

IT Job Has Never Been Better

So, are y'all familiar with my sudden realization of guys that happened this summer? Well, if not, I have been living life so simply, not understanding what my girl friends meant when they thoughts guys were cute. For the first 19 years of my life, I was gloriously ignorant of male beauty. *Note, I do not objectify them, I just appreciate their dark eyes and the fact that they seem to be down to earth.* Anyway, I must have hit my head or something this summer because now I'm seeing guys I think are cute EVERYWHERE!

*I just thought this picture was funny. It has hardly anything to do with the following post besides mentioning country boys...*

Folks, this is a huge inconvenience. It gets really bad when I'm at my IT job (which is sitting in the library until a student has a question) when I should be studying, but I start watching these handsome guys walking by and I get absolutely nothing done all day.

So, today at work I must have had 3-5 guys come and ask for my help. Well, they had minor problems and I didn't even have to leave my desk to help them. Regardless, they were stinkin' cute and they were wearing Carhartt, Wranglers, and camo to boot! They were also wearing boots but I figured that went without saying. They smiled at me and talked to me like I knew what I was doing and they said please and thank you. I know these are simple things, but this is getting bad. For some reason, I find myself really attracted to country boys. I'm fairly country myself, but there are more to boys than their dress. However, most guys don't dare roll with the country fashion if they aren't actually country boys. Now, this is becoming a more popular "style" but us girls can see straight through them silly city boys.

I'm kinda stereotyping here, but all the boys I've met from the country tend to be well-mannered, polite, kind, and most are not players (minus Country Boy). I'm sure I'm wrong on some of these accounts, but they are my kind of people. I need some mud on my shoes, red dirt decorating my car, and people who know how to hunt/fish/have a proper bonfire! One last thing: SWEET TEA! I need others who can make it right and who like it. I've found so many people who don't like it and I die a little inside each time they say that.

This is just because I found it cute and wanted pictures in this post:

Moral of story: I think my hormones have finally reached my brain, and I mean that in the least technical sense possible because I know that's not how hormones work. Also, being a girl has become hugely inconvenient because I can no longer just be this independent, single person who just so happens to be a girl, I am now learning about attraction. Ugh, somebody pray for me!

Not much happenin'

I bought Pitch Perfect. If you haven't seen it, definitely consider watching it because I find it hilarious! Especially the really quiet girl because she always says the funniest things. My favorite is when she says, "I set fires to feel joy," to a boy and he says, "that's adorable!" I love that part because I like fire and everyone always looks at me weird when I say that. I like controlled fires and not destructive fire so candles and bonfires.

Unfortunately, there is a love story tied into the main storyline... The guy is pretty darn cute and the girl that he is diggin' is really pretty and she looks just like one of my friends. In fact, she likes music and works in the radio station just like my friend! It's wild.

Last night my parents called to talk to my brother and I. For some reason, I found myself confessing to my mom that I need more friends, hopefully people that are more like me yet not in the nursing program. Before that confession, I didn't even really realize that I needed more friends. However, I was home, on a Friday night, by 7:45 p.m. Guys, I'm doing college wrong because I don't even get invited out and I have no one to invite out so that we can do things together. My mom told me to go join a club or two. 1) I'm pretty lame for being a sophomore and having to ask my mom how to make friends... 2) I don't have the time between two jobs, time that I try to study, and class times. 3) I don't really have any skills, talents, or real hobbies that have been turned into clubs. So, that's cool. Any ideas?

Daily Thanksgiving: I got to go to church today and we had baptisms! I work tomorrow and next week Sunday and then I have the chance to not sign up for more shifts so I can take a break from that job because I dread going into work now. My friend suggested a new way to study for pharm that may very well help me! I really hope that it helps me because I do not want to flunk out of nursing school, nor do I want to have to take this class again because that would be highly unfortunate. My hair is curly! It's always been kinda curly, but it's a weird curl. Recently, I found Herbal Essence's curling moose and gel. Ya, it works. I love my curly hair and I've gotten so many compliments. I finally purchased Pitch Perfect. I'm able to hear from G-d again.  I was walking away from Him, which is probably what was causing much of my depression, because He has always been my go-to. Over the past few months, I've become more dependent on myself instead of relying on Him and so I lost His voice (usually consisting of Him bringing up topics in my life and giving me scriptures that allow me to "see" what He wants me to know from Him.) So, I've recently gotten His voice back, slowly but surely. I keep getting verses that are concerning, but L-rd willing, He will reveal what He means so that I'm not here freaking out. I'm really hoping that it isn't bad like it seems like they are...

Meanwhile, boys are becoming more attractive and I'm becoming increasingly concerned. Girls, I don't know how you handle this because I'm getting more and more distracted and I find myself daydreaming and glimpsing at cute guys all day. Is it because I'm surrounded by girls constantly? Is it because my brain is finally maturing to the level that everyone else my age is already at?

Guys, I have been studying you for sometime. Recently, this question popped into my head: What makes you like a girl in the first place? It seems like many guys go after girls that are pretty and typically at their "level" of attractiveness. After they find a pretty girl, then they start to pursue her and get to know her. Sometimes they go after friends but that seems to happen after they have been rejected by several other girls that they have unsuccessfully tried to pursue. Can any guys out there explain some of this to me? If you are willing to enlighten me on this matter, you can private message/email me and I would so appreciate it!

Understanding Marriage

This is one of the best articles I have read explaining marriage. Actually, I found a bunch on this one particular website. Plus, it numbered and bolded the reasons for marriage in one of the articles! I love this because not only does it make it easier for me to skim, it also helps you (should you choose to read these) to skim and not read entire articles! I figured this would likely help you guys because I am long-winded and I really want all of the info to be shared without you, my friends, to have to read entire textbooks worth of writing spread across several sites. (Wow, that was kinda a run-on... Sorry!)

Read these articles if you would like more info on the point of marriage. I put them in order of most relevant to my previous points to stuff that I thought was just interesting or other good points...

1) What's the point of marriage?
2) 5 Reasons Marriage Cynics Are Wrong (surprisingly, I am not cynical about any of these 5 things...)
3) What It Really Means to Say 'I Do'
4) 3 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married
5) You Never Marry the Right Person (I know this one sounds disheartening, just trust me and try reading it)






Also, on a completely unrelated note, my mom called. We talked for a little over 1 hour and 39 minutes. I am in a considerably better mood and I didn't even explain my recent struggles. G-d truly blessed me with a strong, hilarious, and totally understanding mom. I love her and I love my dad. I am a daddy's girl, in the best sense, meaning I love working on cars, hangin' with the boys, and setting stuff on fire. I also enjoy throwing footballs, baseballs, and learning about cars/sports/anything anyone is willing to teach me. I'm so very grateful for my parents and their very different personalities.

Dating Drama

No, this is not another rant about my current dilemma in the pre-dating phase of my life, this is about a very dear friend of mine. Its about my friends B, P, and Z (P = my guy friend who likes me, B = P's roommate, Z = my close girl friend who is in cahoots with P). Does it feel like algebra again?

Anyway, Z has (had) a crush on B while P had a crush on me. So, P and Z decided to form an alliance and take B and I down. Why? I don't know. Currently I have a theory that there are too many pheromones and hormones going around and since it's spring, people begin to look for mates... This is likely not the case, but that's what I'm sticking with because for girls and guys around the nation, last week sucked in the dating world (at least in my group of friends which includes many more than just these three people).

So, Z had my guy friend (P) ask B if he liked Z or not. Z and P were assuming he had no idea of what was going on, like they assumed I had no idea what was going on. But B had a hunch that she was into him, but he did not "feel" the same way about her. Now my friends heart is broken, but she is taking it like a champ. B probably does not know that Z knows because P told him that Z did not know. For now, everyone is acting like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I don't know what to do. I think B probably doesn't either. Knowing all that has gone on behind the scenes of Z and B, I wonder who knows about P and I. Also, I wonder what is going on and how big of a mess I'm really in because I am obviously only aware of the tip of this iceberg, like B is only aware of the smallest little bit of his iceberg. I am quite convinced I'm going down like the Titanic... Poor B, I just don't like that he is not aware of everything going on because I don't like not knowing all that is going on. Maybe he doesn't care, but I have a feeling he knows more than anyone else knows because I know more than I am supposed to know about my ordeal.

I'm going to need a therapist after this.

At least I am learning about my vast amount of shortcomings when it comes to being a human that, unfortunately, has to interact with other humans that occasionally develop crushes. If more people knew the science behind attraction, would there be less romantic relationships and therefore less unnecessary heartbreak? This science is fascinating to me because it explains all that I cannot understand about other because I have not really been the type of girl to think a guy is "hot" or anything like that. I have never had a boyfriend, and at this point don't really want one (at least for a few more years) but I may never want one. But the explanations and science behind dating, attraction, kissing, etc. is so fascinating and I know what's going on in P. If he knew, then it probably wouldn't be the same because he may chalk it up to pheromones and hormones like I am...

I need to do more research because research is comforting to me. I'll let you guys know what I find. In the meantime, enjoy some facts about kissing (also part of my reasons to not kiss anyone until I kiss my husband on my wedding day):

• Prostitutes do not kiss their clients because it leads to feelings of attachment
• When you kiss someone, hormones are transferred between the two people (especially testosterone and oxytocin - which you likely know leads to feelings of attachment)
• It uses a bunch of muscles in your face which may keep you looking younger
• Kissing burns calories, but not a huge amount

There are others, but I can't remember them. Just Google it and you'll get millions of hits!