I thought the death and dying talks were done at school. Turns out they are just beginning. Today we got to listen to two guest speakers who talked to us about palliative care and death.
I was doing great for the first hour and a half when discussing palliative care and hospice and even the signs/symptoms of impending death. Then the other guy got up to speak...
I was fighting back tears for a solid hour because he kept talking about different grief process models and such. He told stories about all sorts of different people. Then he talked about a 19 year-old guys suicide... Wow, worst time to hear that story for me! It was a story about how his sister was sitting next to his body in the ER when the chaplain (the guy) and the nurse walked in. The sister asked if he would go to heaven. The chaplain and nurse didn't answer, they asked what the sister thought would happen to him. She said she hoped not because he had been sexually abusing her since she was a little tiny kid. Yikes.
It just seemed like I was getting over all of these feelings. Just when I think I'm in the clear, though, everything is brought right back up.
Anyway, I kept my tears to myself and did not let a single one drop. Now, this coping/ineffective coping strategy is a personal thing. If y'all can cry in front of people, go for it! That's great. If you can't, then don't. Whatever works for you, do that. As for me, I was raised in a family where you don't cry in front of others. My mom is an exception, but I still fight crying in front of her. I have also cried to my dad, but I fight that as best as I can too. That was just our culture. Your culture is likely different and is very important. So, go with what makes sense for you and what helps you through whatever it is that you are facing.
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