I'm Still Here

Hey guys,

I know I've been radio silent for awhile. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I don't know where I left off and I don't know how many posts I'll write today, but there's a lot to tell y'all about.

1) I tried to get restraining order on exfiance. Judge denied it because there was no "imminent" threat that she had proof of. I know she can't predict what he'll do, but if I report him he's going to go crazy!

2) Jersey confronted me in the hall during a class break this last week. She yelled at me for probably 10 minutes. She would ask me a question and then start talking over me a few words into my reply. By the end of the conversation, I was just saying "okay" when she would accuse me of something. This made her more angry. But at the beginning I had told her I think we should talk about everything over coffee instead of in the hall. She said that would be good but continued to yell and berate me for several minutes. There's no use in trying to speak because she just gets mad and won't listen to me. So, we're going to get coffee. We were supposed to get coffee this Friday, but I was in court trying to get the damn restraining order ALL day.

I've decided I am going to "break up" with her. I am going to tell her she is toxic and that the relationship we have is not healthy. She's going to flip, start crying, and begin yelling at me. She will then tell everyone in our class. I don't even care. My friends always come back to me after she tells them something and I tell them my side. Beauty is sick of her shit, but refuses to tell Jersey off. Not my problem. If Beauty wants to be Jersey's buddy, great. Jersey could use a buddy because she has no one else in the class. Why? Because she treats everyone like shit.

And these are the types of nursing students about to be let run free in the hospitals all across the country... We have several "Jersey's" in our class. I have witnessed them be rude and talk down to patients regularly. If I had any number of these types of student nurses or real nurses, I'd fire them without a second thought in my brain. Yes, that's terrible, but they don't treat people well! I'm over-empathetic and tend to believe all sob stories patients tell me. I'm starting to know when they are lying or being dramatic, but I'm getting better at setting boundaries, being able to have other staff members sit and talk with them, and also be able to let them know I can only do so much because I have other things that are more pressing than answering their 50 million requests.

3) Roomie put me on a Messianic dating site and also on Tinder. She said it would help with my self-esteem. 25-30 guys messaged me saying I was cute, then they would try to talk with me. It's great having that many guys that I think are cute also think I'm cute. It was exhausting to talk to so many and keep everyone's story straight. I shut it off after a couple days.

I only gave my number out to two guys. One guy was particularly kind and we seemed to get along on most subjects and issues that I've had with other guys in the past (both exes). Last night he asked me on a date. I said I would go if I could bring Roomie and her boyfriend along. He flipped out! He yelled at me for several text messages. I told him it wasn't to make him feel bad, it was just for safety since I'd never met him before. That made him even more angry! He told me I'm the type of girl that has caused guys to not want to be nice to girls anymore. I'm the reason chivalry is dea. and I'm the reason he doesn't want to try to be nice to girls anymore. Well fucker, you've been showing me red flags to remind me of exfiance all along. Unfortunately for you, your guilt trip methods and abusive ways will not work on me. Don't mess with me buddy. So, unfortunately for me, my radar was right. He was telling me everything I wanted to hear but his true colors showed awfully fast.

I'm just excited I stood up for myself and stayed my ground! He is blocked on my phone. He ended up texting me because I blocked him off of Facebook and text at the same time, but he yelled at me for taking him off Facebook. Hahaha, I think it may have actually been exfiance because the Tinder guy knew an awful lot about exfiance and I didn't start that conversation... He knew one of EF's (exfiance) exgirlfriends, talked similarly about Mormonism and life, had larger than life stories, and knew a lot about EF's past jobs and where he lives. If it was him, then wow. If it wasn't him then oh my gosh! So many crazies find me! I think they have a club...

4) Roomie's birthday was a couple days ago. We ended up going out dancing. Exfiance was there! I saw him as soon as I came in the door. My friends say he stared at me the whole night. I don't care, I had a grand ole time! I danced with all the girls and guys in my friend group while he stood on the sidelines and looked more and more angry. He danced with one girl and I wanted to go tell her that he is bad news, but maybe if I get legal things started, she'll be spared.

Hopefully she is smarter than I am and she doesn't get caught in his web of lies and abuse. I'll pray for her but I can't do much else.

5) My mom came down last night and we went to dinner. We got to talk about counseling and all of our life's happenings. So much to talk about with that! We ended up going to Target and started picking things out for my graduation trip! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!!!

I'll fill in more for some of these events, but I'm working on a bottle of wine. Yes, it's 2:30 ish on a Saturday afternoon. No, I don't normally drink wine. It'll be okay guys, I'm just trying to relax. This week has been absolutely awful and I just need to escape for a little bit.