My Heart Is In NICU

I was supposed to go to L&D last week, but we had no laboring patients and my instructor knew I loved the NICU so she sent me there!

Oh my goodness! I got to cuddle and rock so many babies to sleep. Those sweet little babies just steel my heart!!!

This week was my scheduled NICU day and I was able to "play" the nurse for at least one baby all day, and work on teaching one of the other three how to nipple feed. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but I'm telling you, for babies born at 2 pounds, it can be challenging to teach them how to bottle/nipple feed. However, it is incredibly rewarding.

I have so enjoyed every moment I've spent in the NICU. Honestly, I love Labor and Delivery, but my heart is with those babies.

Being able to get a hearing screening done in 33 seconds instead of 5-20 minutes is so amazing to me! The charge nurse doing the screening was so amazed that I was able to get baby to sleep in order to do the screening done that fast. I've gotten 3-4 different babies to sleep quickly my two days as a student nurse when the nurses were unable to spend the time to get them to sleep because they were stressed with other baby needs. That feels amazing. Maybe I'm the baby whisperer!

Regardless, I will attempt to continue to get a NICU job. I had an interview over the phone Tuesday, but they said no because they didn't have any NICU or L&D openings at the time. I'll try back later though.

The nurses I worked with the past two clinical days tried to get me hired at their NICU!!! Unfortunately, I told them I was trying to move to another state :( . Yes, I will use a sad face for this because I am so sad! They are able to see me work and see that I know what I'm doing and see that I am good at this work, but I cannot stay here. I need to move because I am so sick of seeing exboyfriend, exfiance, and their family/friends everywhere, I NEED to move. Like, really badly. However, they are actual in-person referrals that want me to stay because they see how much I know and how hard I've worked to be able to be in the NICU. That is hard to explain over a resume or cover letter. They see it, I can't express it any better than I have been.

I've been applying in new states, but I've gotten nothing but one 5-minute interview that told me they had no openings where I want to go. The other ones either are still looking through applications or they tell me they've gone with other candidates. I don't know if this is because they don't look for new grads until later... or maybe they don't like my application? Regardless, I will continue to keep applying everywhere, but I'm starting to get anxious about finding a job. I absolutely need to leave this state. I am sick of being scared of every-other road because that is where they drove me or where they work. I am sick of being terrified of seeing them at a club or restaurant. I am sick of being scared!!! It's exhausting! I slept until 3 p.m. today because I've been on edge and tired for weeks now. That is not okay. I just want to get away from that. I want to be somewhere that exfiance doesn't know where I live. I want to start over.

I've heard from several people that "your past will follow you." Great, it'll follow me. However, there is a much greater chance that he will not know where I am. I will be reminded of all three of them, but I will not see them, nor their families. That is what I'm banking on. I don't want to run into their moms at supermarkets or the hospitals I am working at. I don't want to work beside their sisters. I don't want to worry about their trucks showing up wherever I am. I don't want to see their family's business vans around town. I don't want to see THEM! Seriously, I don't feel like it's too much to ask. I have to live with what has happened, but I don't want to live with them in any type of near vicinity.

May the L-rd provide a job for me in my desired state... We shall see...