Professor Troubles

At the beginning of this semester of nursing school, we (students) get schedules for each class. When these schedules are given to us, they are then our life. We have no say in when we are able to then make out lives happen because we are expected to move our life around to fit in with the professor's required schedule. This means cancelling certain life events or dropping the class if the life event is not something you can get out of. It means having to miss other classes on campus just because the nursing schedule is supposed to over-ride our life, regardless of what else is happening.

This year, my nursing school schedule is conflicting majorly with a class that I have that is required in order for me to graduate. Normally, this would be no problem. However, this class has mandatory attendance. If you don't go, you miss A LOT of points. Not cool.

My nursing class is scheduled in the morning while the other class is in the afternoon. I scheduled it this way so that there should be no conflicts. We were not warned that the nursing professor expects us to have the afternoons free after her class because she schedules several things those afternoons. Had I known this, I would have chosen a different class. But, it would be too easy for her to let us know in the scheduling period so that we could avoid making work schedules and school schedules the afternoons she plans stuff for us outside of her allotted times.

This nursing professor has so many bad comments about her from last semesters students (I live with one and talk to many of them) as well as last year's students! They went to the Dean of the nursing school and nothing got done. I am so sick of the nursing school being able to do whatever they want and be as terrible as they want, just because they are all nurses and all feel so victimized by us students. We, as students, do not ask for a lot. All we want is fair treatment and for our lives to not be required to revolve around when the nursing professors want us to come in. There are pre-planned, scheduled times that are expected for lecture and clinicals. The same is across the board for all other majors. If something is scheduled outside of those predetermined times, then it is typically done on an extra-credit basis.

Nursing school, however, is quite convinced that the universe revolves around them and they are too good to stick to the normal schedule. So, professors gladly sign US up before talking to US for things that we should not have to be required to do! We were required to go to a babysitting day for our pediatric class. It counted as clinicals, but we were just free labor and we were given the children that were "too difficult" for anyone else to handle. Clinicals are expected to be free labor, in exchange for a learning experience so that we can grow into the role of being a nurse. I get that. If the babysitting thing is thought to be helpful (it absolutely WAS NOT!), then it should be on one of our scheduled clinical days instead of a Friday night or a Saturday during the day. Simple as that.

Test reviews should be done during class time, if they are to be required. If not done during class time, then the students that are unable to go because maybe they have: jobs, or children, or another class, should be able to have a test review emailed to them so as to make it fair for everyone. Instead, I was told I could either go or miss on the information. I got the info from friends who went to the review, but it's unfair that she is giving information to those who can make it, but refuses to help those who are unable to get out of other life requirements. Not only that, she scheduled my clinical group's skills lab during the test review (and during my other class) so I am missing tons of information because she is being unreasonable and requiring attendance during times that are not her allotted times for school.

This professor is known for failing too many students that it is giving her bad marks with the school. An yet, they keep her on staff because of tenure. How did she get tenure? NOBODY KNOWS!!!

Most of our class is on clinical probation because none of us know what we are supposed to be doing because she doesn't tell us anything. Nor does she put it on the calendar so that we would have any kind of an idea that something should be due.

Well, I emailed her a few times about my scheduling problems with her class. She told me it was my responsibility to get it figured out with my other professor. This means, in no clear language, that she refuses to help me out at all. After getting that email, I emailed her supervisor. The supervisor then forwarded my email back to my professor. When she received it, I then got a scathing email from the professor telling me tht it is my responsibility to get it figured out. Okay, I already knew she was going to say that. I emailed her supervisor originally to ask to meet with the supervisor. Unfortunately, the professor and supervisor are friends. This means my life just got a whole lot more complicated.

In addition to all of that bullshit, she also confronted me in front of our entire class about the whole situation. She told me that she refuses to change the skills lab just for one person. I told her I understand that. She got mad at me for not coming in the day she told me "I guess you could come in today, but we already have 6 people in each group and you would have to talk to the instructors". I got that email 30 minutes before she expected me to show up for the impromptu lab. Ya, okay lady. She then proceeded to tell me I needed to prioritize my classes because I am "getting my bachelors in nursing and the other class should not matter."

Ha! Okay lady. I wonder how the Vice Chancellor and Chancellor of the school are going to like that little comment. Remember, I have witnesses that will go to bat for me and add in a whole slew of other fun things you've put us and previous classes through. Do not underestimate me lady. I have been pushed around by far too many people and you just so happen to be the last one to try to push me down. I am not backing down. I may lay dormant for a few months until I get my brochure. Then you better believe that I am unleashing HELL and going to ALL of your bosses with just how unprofessional you and your supervisor are. You are both unreasonable and it makes it so clear as to why we have such a nursing shortage because people refuse to go through learning under instructors like you. There are also so many nurses who refuse to be instructors because we have all had such shitty ones in the past we are scarred from ever going back to school to be able to teach.

So, don't you dare believe for one second that I will back down. You just flipped my bitch switch so get ready for a ride.

The Blows Keep Comin'

It's strange that the course of events that transpire in one day can take someone from feeling like they are finally doing better in their journey of life, and then a few moments later they can go back to feeling so defeated.

That is me today.

I thought, Great! I'm going to start working on getting legal stuff situated to help me out with these assholes who took everything from me. I am starting to believe my brain about what has actually happened and I know that legally I did what I needed to do. I am beginning to have days where I believe that the actions of these fuckers were not my fault and maybe, someday, eventually, I can possibly be okay. 

Yes, I know that "maybe, someday, eventually, and possibly" are all words that sound like I do not believe that I will be okay. That is because "being okay" is something I don't forsee happening. However, I am hopeful that I will eventually work to get a little bit better than I have been in my deepest pits of despair.

Then, I have a day like today. Nothing seems to be going right and it's only 11 in the morning! My professor is being unreasonable and covering her tracks so that her supervisors do not see any problem with her actions. Meanwhile, she takes it out on me and works on publically embarrassing me and any one of my fellow students who tries to make life fair for the rest of us or even future classes.

I still have homework that I need to complete for my next class, a test on Thursday to study for, and a million other things going on in my life.

It's one of those days where it becomes very easy to fall back into bad habits that I thought I was finally starting to grow out of.

It's one of those days that I question why I am here.

It's a day I wish I could live under a rock and not have to worry about the things that plague my life so heavily.



I've said it before, but I'm so very tired.

Being tired is not a physical state of exhaustion where you can go to sleep in hopes that life will be calmer and more clear when you wake up. It's the kind of tired where all I can seem to manage to do is lay in bed and stare at a blank wall. I don't want to deal with "friends," professors, nursing school, the stresses of what to do after graduation, wondering if I will graduate, or even worrying about eating. I find myself going through motions and not actually being present. My body is in the right place that I am supposed to be, but I no longer have a brain, thoughts, or emotions to accompany my body to it's scheduled activities.

I'm tired.