I have a lot of insecurities. It is an unfortunate part of being alive because no matter where you live, there is always going to be some ideal that you want to obtain but it is often out of reach. With swimsuit season upon us I'm feeling it. You can hide most all winter and then BAM! Out of nowhere everyone starts wearing shorts and little tops and they are getting ready to be wearing the equivalent of socially acceptable skivvies in public areas while renaming them bathing suits.
With summer's approach, I am not immune to the push to get "thin" and swimsuit ready. It happens almost every year. Praise the L-rd that I have been on the chubbier side for most of my life and He has taught me how to deal with it which is mostly protecting my modesty. Maybe that's why He allowed me to remain as I am instead of letting the eating disorders last so that I would actually be thin now. Instead, I jiggle and shake and have plenty of cellulite to make sure that I have enough insulation come winter months. Still, I have started multiple work-out routines and gone on several diets to get to this point. This point is the point of wanting to be healthy and trying to "fake it until I make it" in regards to confidence.
Though my body has not lost the jiggle and muffin top, I am becoming comfortable in my own skin. I am discovering what I like and what I don't. I am learning to stand up for myself and realizing that I am super awkward, but most people just think it's funny so they stick around and call me their friend.
Today I watched a Ted Talk video from a makeup artist (view here.) She noticed that many women apologize for how they look, or their skin, or any number of things that make them unique and that they find less-than-perfect but most other people find beautiful or don't even notice. It got me to thinking... What would I do? Would I climb in the chair and apologize for the way I am? How I was created? What my body looks like? etc.
Several hours later, I found myself staring at myself in the mirror. This is highly unusual because I HATE mirrors and reflections. I despise pictures and avoid anything that requires me to see me at all costs. Memories flooded my mind, almost like the voice of my Creator, reminding me how I'm beautiful in just the physical ways. You want to know what I heard?
I heard multiple friends commenting on my hazel, almond shaped eyes outlined in ridiculously long, jet black eyelashes that don't require mascara. I was reminded of a random customer commenting on how beautiful she though my hands were/are. Best friend calling me beautiful in my red and white polka-dot dress. My dad staring at me and calling me beautiful in my prom dress and even before that when I put on loads and loads of blue eye shadow that I received for free from walking through the mall when I was 4 or 5. My teacher commenting on my dimples that are only seen when I have a big ole smile on my face in the third grade. My friends telling me I have such a cute bottom in Silver jeans, the first time I tried them on. One of my old roommates, who is quite critical of everyone, saying I have a cute nose (this was big because a friend told me my nose was too big a number of years prior to this, fyi).
These are just a few of the things that people have told me. What do I like about my own body?
My hair is thick, a beautiful brown with natural highlights, slightly wavy and getting curlier, and I can do just about anything with it. I like my eyes, especially when I smile. They are dark and change colors (appear to), and you can tell if I'm mad or happy just by glancing at my eyes. My dimples are pretty stinkin' adorable and they have gotten deeper since I got older, which I like because it makes me feel more distinguished and reminds me that I smile a lot. My nose is pretty adorable. I love that I don't have to wear mascara because of my long, really dark eyelashes. I am the spittin' image of my Mema who is legitimately classically beautiful. I have an hour-glass shape and an excellent waist to hip ratio despite having a muffin top (easily hidden with higher rise pants). I have what I call "cute freckles." One resides on my upper left lip (almost like Marilyn Monroe but more on my lip) and the other on my right chin just under the right corner of my mouth. I also have many more cute freckles/moles all over my body including a freckle right next to my belly button that showed up just a couple of years ago. Also, when I have been in the sun a lot, so many freckles show up on my face (that are not at all visible otherwise) and it almost looks like dirt was smeared across my nose because they get so dark! My feet are very small even though I am very tall and all legs. My legs look great in a pair of dark jeans with my cowboy boots. I have scars everywhere, but I know the story behind most/all of them. These scars mean something to me. Disclaimer: I don't condone scarring yourself just to have them though!
What do people tell you they like about you? What do you like about you? I would love to hear what it is that you love about your appearance. Please comment below with your favorite physical attributes as you are right now.
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