I have a lot of insecurities. It is an unfortunate part of being alive because no matter where you live, there is always going to be some ideal that you want to obtain but it is often out of reach. With swimsuit season upon us I'm feeling it. You can hide most all winter and then BAM! Out of nowhere everyone starts wearing shorts and little tops and they are getting ready to be wearing the equivalent of socially acceptable skivvies in public areas while renaming them bathing suits.
With summer's approach, I am not immune to the push to get "thin" and swimsuit ready. It happens almost every year. Praise the L-rd that I have been on the chubbier side for most of my life and He has taught me how to deal with it which is mostly protecting my modesty. Maybe that's why He allowed me to remain as I am instead of letting the eating disorders last so that I would actually be thin now. Instead, I jiggle and shake and have plenty of cellulite to make sure that I have enough insulation come winter months. Still, I have started multiple work-out routines and gone on several diets to get to this point. This point is the point of wanting to be healthy and trying to "fake it until I make it" in regards to confidence.
Though my body has not lost the jiggle and muffin top, I am becoming comfortable in my own skin. I am discovering what I like and what I don't. I am learning to stand up for myself and realizing that I am super awkward, but most people just think it's funny so they stick around and call me their friend.
Today I watched a Ted Talk video from a makeup artist (view here.) She noticed that many women apologize for how they look, or their skin, or any number of things that make them unique and that they find less-than-perfect but most other people find beautiful or don't even notice. It got me to thinking... What would I do? Would I climb in the chair and apologize for the way I am? How I was created? What my body looks like? etc.
Several hours later, I found myself staring at myself in the mirror. This is highly unusual because I HATE mirrors and reflections. I despise pictures and avoid anything that requires me to see me at all costs. Memories flooded my mind, almost like the voice of my Creator, reminding me how I'm beautiful in just the physical ways. You want to know what I heard?
I heard multiple friends commenting on my hazel, almond shaped eyes outlined in ridiculously long, jet black eyelashes that don't require mascara. I was reminded of a random customer commenting on how beautiful she though my hands were/are. Best friend calling me beautiful in my red and white polka-dot dress. My dad staring at me and calling me beautiful in my prom dress and even before that when I put on loads and loads of blue eye shadow that I received for free from walking through the mall when I was 4 or 5. My teacher commenting on my dimples that are only seen when I have a big ole smile on my face in the third grade. My friends telling me I have such a cute bottom in Silver jeans, the first time I tried them on. One of my old roommates, who is quite critical of everyone, saying I have a cute nose (this was big because a friend told me my nose was too big a number of years prior to this, fyi).
These are just a few of the things that people have told me. What do I like about my own body?
My hair is thick, a beautiful brown with natural highlights, slightly wavy and getting curlier, and I can do just about anything with it. I like my eyes, especially when I smile. They are dark and change colors (appear to), and you can tell if I'm mad or happy just by glancing at my eyes. My dimples are pretty stinkin' adorable and they have gotten deeper since I got older, which I like because it makes me feel more distinguished and reminds me that I smile a lot. My nose is pretty adorable. I love that I don't have to wear mascara because of my long, really dark eyelashes. I am the spittin' image of my Mema who is legitimately classically beautiful. I have an hour-glass shape and an excellent waist to hip ratio despite having a muffin top (easily hidden with higher rise pants). I have what I call "cute freckles." One resides on my upper left lip (almost like Marilyn Monroe but more on my lip) and the other on my right chin just under the right corner of my mouth. I also have many more cute freckles/moles all over my body including a freckle right next to my belly button that showed up just a couple of years ago. Also, when I have been in the sun a lot, so many freckles show up on my face (that are not at all visible otherwise) and it almost looks like dirt was smeared across my nose because they get so dark! My feet are very small even though I am very tall and all legs. My legs look great in a pair of dark jeans with my cowboy boots. I have scars everywhere, but I know the story behind most/all of them. These scars mean something to me. Disclaimer: I don't condone scarring yourself just to have them though!
What do people tell you they like about you? What do you like about you? I would love to hear what it is that you love about your appearance. Please comment below with your favorite physical attributes as you are right now.
Showing posts with label work-out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work-out. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Are you kidding me?
I was having a great day... then decided to see what my Bikini Body Mommy is for the day. Hahahahahahahahah seriously!?! It's copied below. I'm thinking that I will struggle to get through one rep and she wants me to do 3? I seriously bust out into hearty laughter once I read this. Awww man.
"On to DAY 2: Today’s Workout is a DOOZY!
"There are 8 exercises and we will do 3 sets of them!
Here they are:
1. Speed Squats – 20 reps, then 20 sec rest
2. Elbow Plank – 30 sec hold, then 10 sec rest
3. Push ups – 20 reps, then 10 sec rest
4. Burpees – 10 reps, then 10 sec rest
5. Alternating Lunges – 20 reps (10 per side), then 10 sec rest
6. Elbow Plank – 30 sec hold, then 10 sec rest
7. Tricep Dips – 20 reps, then 10 sec rest
8. Squat Jumps – 20 reps, then 2 MINUTE REST
REPEAT the above series for a total of 3 sets."
"On to DAY 2: Today’s Workout is a DOOZY!
"There are 8 exercises and we will do 3 sets of them!
Here they are:
1. Speed Squats – 20 reps, then 20 sec rest
2. Elbow Plank – 30 sec hold, then 10 sec rest
3. Push ups – 20 reps, then 10 sec rest
4. Burpees – 10 reps, then 10 sec rest
5. Alternating Lunges – 20 reps (10 per side), then 10 sec rest
6. Elbow Plank – 30 sec hold, then 10 sec rest
7. Tricep Dips – 20 reps, then 10 sec rest
8. Squat Jumps – 20 reps, then 2 MINUTE REST
REPEAT the above series for a total of 3 sets."
Sunday, May 4, 2014
New Exercise Regimine
Hey y'all, I'm starting this new workout regimen with Nurse Dee. I'm trying to get to a point where I am confortable in clothes and to where I can maybe even wear a swim suit...
Yes, I was on a different program a few months ago but I've been slackin'. I thought I was doing good so then I fell off the band wagon. Never assume that you are doing good at anything because that is typically when G-d decides to show you that you aren't as good at life as you thought you were.
Anyway, I just did day 1 of the workout and it was only 8 minutes but I'm shaking everywhere. The workout is Bikini Body Mommy. I'm not a mom and I don't actually plan on being bikini ready, but it seems like a great way to get in shape. It's going to be rough, but that's how you know you're actually doing something, right?
Well, I need to go shower and finish all my homework. I'm fixin' to start Dead Week at school which means it is almost summer time!!! This summer is going to be great and I cannot wait to be done with school for awhile.
Yes, I was on a different program a few months ago but I've been slackin'. I thought I was doing good so then I fell off the band wagon. Never assume that you are doing good at anything because that is typically when G-d decides to show you that you aren't as good at life as you thought you were.
Anyway, I just did day 1 of the workout and it was only 8 minutes but I'm shaking everywhere. The workout is Bikini Body Mommy. I'm not a mom and I don't actually plan on being bikini ready, but it seems like a great way to get in shape. It's going to be rough, but that's how you know you're actually doing something, right?
Well, I need to go shower and finish all my homework. I'm fixin' to start Dead Week at school which means it is almost summer time!!! This summer is going to be great and I cannot wait to be done with school for awhile.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Exercised Today!!!
I am trying to start exercising now that I have time and hardly anything to do... with the exception of the next three days where I'm working every hour that I'm awake and only going home to get a couple winks of sleep and maybe a bite to eat.
Normally, this plan does not bode well for me and nothing happens. This time, however, I'm starting well. Of course, it's hard to keep going until I have a routine and get past the daily soreness that is nearly debilitating. But I have worked out about 3 times in the past 4 days or so. Plus, I workout when I'm studying. I study until I can't handle it and get really unproductive (about 20-30 minutes, like clockwork). Then, I'm so bored that almost anything sounds more fun. So, I do my tricep dips with the coffee table, some pushups, crunches, bicycle crunches, squats, lunges, and some hip flexor/extensor things (as seen performed by Audrey in Pitch Perfect when she learned their group was moving onto Nationals). It's a pretty good, short work-out that still gets me sore enough to actually do something for my muscles.
Today, I tried a new work-out that I found on Pinterest. Oh man, it had me shaking so much! It's good for apartment living because unless you fall, you won't be making a lot/any noise for the people living below you. I bet I'll be really sore. I like that kind of sore. Unfortunately, I have to work tonight at my CNA job and I work a double tomorrow and a shift the following day... NOT good when I'm sore. Oh well, eventually I'll get stronger and smarter to know to not pick up anymore CNA shifts.
Normally, this plan does not bode well for me and nothing happens. This time, however, I'm starting well. Of course, it's hard to keep going until I have a routine and get past the daily soreness that is nearly debilitating. But I have worked out about 3 times in the past 4 days or so. Plus, I workout when I'm studying. I study until I can't handle it and get really unproductive (about 20-30 minutes, like clockwork). Then, I'm so bored that almost anything sounds more fun. So, I do my tricep dips with the coffee table, some pushups, crunches, bicycle crunches, squats, lunges, and some hip flexor/extensor things (as seen performed by Audrey in Pitch Perfect when she learned their group was moving onto Nationals). It's a pretty good, short work-out that still gets me sore enough to actually do something for my muscles.
Today, I tried a new work-out that I found on Pinterest. Oh man, it had me shaking so much! It's good for apartment living because unless you fall, you won't be making a lot/any noise for the people living below you. I bet I'll be really sore. I like that kind of sore. Unfortunately, I have to work tonight at my CNA job and I work a double tomorrow and a shift the following day... NOT good when I'm sore. Oh well, eventually I'll get stronger and smarter to know to not pick up anymore CNA shifts.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Continuation
I tried to find a word different than update because it seems I use that word ("update") in a lot of my blog titles... so I chose continuation, but it doesn't really make sense...
Anywho, I haven't done a whole lot with my day. I went to English without my completed paper, but my teacher didn't seem to care. Then I had chem lab and I got so embarrassed! So my lab partner and I are always the last people because we are always messing around and talking. Then my lab instructor came over to see if we were doing alright and they started joking around about how funny it would be if I ever cursed anybody out or yelled at them because I have a fairly high-pitched, soft voice. I turned all sorts of red! Then I got redder because I was embarrassed that I was blushing which made the whole situation worse. Whatever, it was pretty funny. Now I am the Hulk with an anger problem in chem lab... Haha, at least we have a good time.
Also, I got to work-out today!!! I ran for a whole 5 minutes and burned about 250 calories by running that little bit and walking. That's not bad. I know it takes a whole lot more calorie burning to actually lose weight, but I just do cardio to burn energy so I can sleep better and do something besides sit in my room. Maybe tomorrow I will conquer the stair stepper, or probably an elliptical first because stairs kill and I need to climb 2600+ stairs to start to train for the stair hike. That's a lot of stairs! But, I have rarely had goals that I actually go through on, but I really want to do this so that I am not the slowest person who keeps their whole group waiting for an hour. It's also good because I used to be the chubby kid in class. I was called fat repeatedly by different groups of kids in different grades and schools. Now, for the first time I am comfortable (kind of) with where I am and I am finally starting to enjoy exercise, not as a weight loss campaign that I get on a month before the pool opens, but as something that makes me feel good. Nobody is pushing me but myself and if I want to run, I run. If I just want to talk, that's all I do. This is a big step for me because I usually resist exercise because I was forced onto diets as an elementary and middle school student because I hated the way I looked. G-d is showing me the beauty in my curves and He is also teaching me to eat healthy to keep this body healthy because it is His body, I just rent it while I'm here on earth.
Daily Thanksgiving: All my tests are done for this week and I am now on the weekend! I got a volunteer opportunity with a faith-based medical clinic and I will get to work, hopefully, as a CNA in a clinical setting! I got to work-out and I ran today. Also, I probably could have run longer than 5 minutes which is big for me because I don't run (normally). G-d is showing me the beauty in this body he created. I have an amazing lab partner and a great chem lab instructor. Regardless of the cold weather that has come in and the bad feelings about my tests, I am having a great week. I have Shalom and joy, true joy that only comes from the Father. Tomorrow I get to go apartment shopping with my old roommate who is going to be my roommate again next year! I get to live with the girl that I got along with when I was in my dorm suite (before I moved out).
Anywho, I haven't done a whole lot with my day. I went to English without my completed paper, but my teacher didn't seem to care. Then I had chem lab and I got so embarrassed! So my lab partner and I are always the last people because we are always messing around and talking. Then my lab instructor came over to see if we were doing alright and they started joking around about how funny it would be if I ever cursed anybody out or yelled at them because I have a fairly high-pitched, soft voice. I turned all sorts of red! Then I got redder because I was embarrassed that I was blushing which made the whole situation worse. Whatever, it was pretty funny. Now I am the Hulk with an anger problem in chem lab... Haha, at least we have a good time.
Also, I got to work-out today!!! I ran for a whole 5 minutes and burned about 250 calories by running that little bit and walking. That's not bad. I know it takes a whole lot more calorie burning to actually lose weight, but I just do cardio to burn energy so I can sleep better and do something besides sit in my room. Maybe tomorrow I will conquer the stair stepper, or probably an elliptical first because stairs kill and I need to climb 2600+ stairs to start to train for the stair hike. That's a lot of stairs! But, I have rarely had goals that I actually go through on, but I really want to do this so that I am not the slowest person who keeps their whole group waiting for an hour. It's also good because I used to be the chubby kid in class. I was called fat repeatedly by different groups of kids in different grades and schools. Now, for the first time I am comfortable (kind of) with where I am and I am finally starting to enjoy exercise, not as a weight loss campaign that I get on a month before the pool opens, but as something that makes me feel good. Nobody is pushing me but myself and if I want to run, I run. If I just want to talk, that's all I do. This is a big step for me because I usually resist exercise because I was forced onto diets as an elementary and middle school student because I hated the way I looked. G-d is showing me the beauty in my curves and He is also teaching me to eat healthy to keep this body healthy because it is His body, I just rent it while I'm here on earth.
Daily Thanksgiving: All my tests are done for this week and I am now on the weekend! I got a volunteer opportunity with a faith-based medical clinic and I will get to work, hopefully, as a CNA in a clinical setting! I got to work-out and I ran today. Also, I probably could have run longer than 5 minutes which is big for me because I don't run (normally). G-d is showing me the beauty in this body he created. I have an amazing lab partner and a great chem lab instructor. Regardless of the cold weather that has come in and the bad feelings about my tests, I am having a great week. I have Shalom and joy, true joy that only comes from the Father. Tomorrow I get to go apartment shopping with my old roommate who is going to be my roommate again next year! I get to live with the girl that I got along with when I was in my dorm suite (before I moved out).
3 Tests Completed
I just finished my final test. It was in anatomy and I'm not so sure I did very well. All three tests are leaving me pessimistic about grades, but that is largely my fault for not studying more in the past few weeks. L-rd willing, I will get decent grades, but that will take a miracle from G-d! Now I get to go to English, with an incomplete paper... It's only peer review and my friends are in that class so they can read it for me, but it's still just frustrating and slightly worrisome not being prepared for class.
In other news, we were talking about clinical psychological disorders in psych, and it turns out I had 11/11 of the symptoms at one point and now I'm down to 7/11 symptoms. I know that this doesn't mean that I definitely had clinical depression, but it makes me feel better that it wasn't just all in my head and I wasn't the only person who has ever experienced it. Also, I have anxiety, but it's only minor anxiety. Both of these things are hereditary in my family so I am sure there will be more battles with both anxiety and depression, but for the time being I'm doin' alright.
I'll check in later tonight after I go to the gym for the first time in a week! It's been two weeks since the stair hike and my friends are going again on Saturday, but it's supposed to be cold and I feel really bad for making them wait for so long at the top. Likely I will go next week by myself, but we will see.
Also, I am going with my potential roommates to go look at apartments tomorrow and I am so beyond stoked!!! It makes my heart happy to think about living on my own... then I think about leaving my parents for the rest of my life and that makes me sad. Then I get anxious about bills and how I am going to afford everything... But, for right now, my heart is happy about the future and I am glad I have someone who asked to live with me so I don't feel like such a huge burden!
In other news, we were talking about clinical psychological disorders in psych, and it turns out I had 11/11 of the symptoms at one point and now I'm down to 7/11 symptoms. I know that this doesn't mean that I definitely had clinical depression, but it makes me feel better that it wasn't just all in my head and I wasn't the only person who has ever experienced it. Also, I have anxiety, but it's only minor anxiety. Both of these things are hereditary in my family so I am sure there will be more battles with both anxiety and depression, but for the time being I'm doin' alright.
I'll check in later tonight after I go to the gym for the first time in a week! It's been two weeks since the stair hike and my friends are going again on Saturday, but it's supposed to be cold and I feel really bad for making them wait for so long at the top. Likely I will go next week by myself, but we will see.
Also, I am going with my potential roommates to go look at apartments tomorrow and I am so beyond stoked!!! It makes my heart happy to think about living on my own... then I think about leaving my parents for the rest of my life and that makes me sad. Then I get anxious about bills and how I am going to afford everything... But, for right now, my heart is happy about the future and I am glad I have someone who asked to live with me so I don't feel like such a huge burden!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
Yes, this is meant to be a quote from Dory in "Finding Nemo". That movie is so adorable!
Today got even better. I worked out for an hour, which was really just walking on the treadmill, but I at least made it get steeper so I am moving up! Then we spent about an hour at the pool. Oh man, that was such a good idea. This is dangerous because I love working out now. Okay, again, I love the treadmill and cardio "working-out". Maybe I will grow to love working on abs and limbs with time? First, I would have to try those and I do not see that happening for sometime, but the pool kinda supplements what I should be doing on those machines... for me it counts that way.
Now, for you ladies who do not like swim suits for whatever reason (mine is because I am on the chunky side and swim suits are not typically modest AT ALL!), consider buying some swim trunks and a rash guard or a surf shirt. You may not be near the beach, but they are just like t-shirts and you can find cute, inexpensive, modest ones with no trouble. Mine is even a loose fit, when it is dry, so it helps with my uncomfortableness with my slightly chubby shape. Guys swim trunks are also very comfortable. I find that they are more comfortable than girls ones, but you can definitely look into both. Also, wear a swim suit underneath the shirt and the trunks because 1) it is uncomfortable to walk around with nothing under your t-shirt (I'm really sorry to go there, but I think it needed to be confronted head-on), 2) the swim trunks and shirt may begin to float, in which case you will need something underneath to ensure that you truly are maintaining the maximum amount of modesty.
So check it out, I love my swim suit now and I am more comfortable than I have ever been in a swim suit. Plus, it lets me pull off a "skater/surfer" look that suits me just fine!
Today got even better. I worked out for an hour, which was really just walking on the treadmill, but I at least made it get steeper so I am moving up! Then we spent about an hour at the pool. Oh man, that was such a good idea. This is dangerous because I love working out now. Okay, again, I love the treadmill and cardio "working-out". Maybe I will grow to love working on abs and limbs with time? First, I would have to try those and I do not see that happening for sometime, but the pool kinda supplements what I should be doing on those machines... for me it counts that way.
Now, for you ladies who do not like swim suits for whatever reason (mine is because I am on the chunky side and swim suits are not typically modest AT ALL!), consider buying some swim trunks and a rash guard or a surf shirt. You may not be near the beach, but they are just like t-shirts and you can find cute, inexpensive, modest ones with no trouble. Mine is even a loose fit, when it is dry, so it helps with my uncomfortableness with my slightly chubby shape. Guys swim trunks are also very comfortable. I find that they are more comfortable than girls ones, but you can definitely look into both. Also, wear a swim suit underneath the shirt and the trunks because 1) it is uncomfortable to walk around with nothing under your t-shirt (I'm really sorry to go there, but I think it needed to be confronted head-on), 2) the swim trunks and shirt may begin to float, in which case you will need something underneath to ensure that you truly are maintaining the maximum amount of modesty.
So check it out, I love my swim suit now and I am more comfortable than I have ever been in a swim suit. Plus, it lets me pull off a "skater/surfer" look that suits me just fine!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Uneventful Day
Truly, today was uneventful. I had a quiz in chem that I got a C on, which I am not happy about. Then, psych was funny, but it doesn't seem like it was overly difficult or stressful. Also, I worked out again today! When I "workout" I really just mean I walked on the treadmill for awhile. Today it was 30 minutes and I walked close to 45 minutes Monday. Hopefully these short periods of exercise help or do something good for me.
I have been super distracted lately and not able to keep much focus on anything. I really need to buckle down and start working harder because I already have B's in 2 of my 4 classes and that is so NOT okay. I have A's in the other two so far, but I need to work and keep them A's. These bad grades that I have been getting are so discouraging. I know that I am not working hard enough or smart enough, but once I get into a hole with bad grades, it seems impossible to get out of it to raise my grades again. Thus, starting an ugly cycle of worse and worse grades.
Daily Thanksgiving: Psych was hilarious, chem was kinda easy, I didn't fail my quiz, I hung out a lot with my friends, and I worked out! Though I had some stuff that was weighing heavy on my mind, it seems like today was a good day overall.
By the way, today, I told one of my friends that my birthday was yesterday... the story remains to be continued. We will see if he keeps his promise of not telling anyone about it.
Also, I am starting to think that this dating thing may not be such a difficult thing to do. It's just a lot of talking and hanging out, getting to know each other, right? Maybe some hugs, or kisses (but not for me in my relationships). Perhaps some crisis, meeting the parents and other life events. But for the most part, it seems like a friendship that is more exclusive and it is acceptable to be a pair of people with secrets together and a mutual understanding of what each other think and believe. There is a good chance I am getting this totally wrong, but from my observations, that is a simplistic idea of what dating is. Guys, I really need some input as to what is going on!!!
I have been super distracted lately and not able to keep much focus on anything. I really need to buckle down and start working harder because I already have B's in 2 of my 4 classes and that is so NOT okay. I have A's in the other two so far, but I need to work and keep them A's. These bad grades that I have been getting are so discouraging. I know that I am not working hard enough or smart enough, but once I get into a hole with bad grades, it seems impossible to get out of it to raise my grades again. Thus, starting an ugly cycle of worse and worse grades.
Daily Thanksgiving: Psych was hilarious, chem was kinda easy, I didn't fail my quiz, I hung out a lot with my friends, and I worked out! Though I had some stuff that was weighing heavy on my mind, it seems like today was a good day overall.
By the way, today, I told one of my friends that my birthday was yesterday... the story remains to be continued. We will see if he keeps his promise of not telling anyone about it.
Also, I am starting to think that this dating thing may not be such a difficult thing to do. It's just a lot of talking and hanging out, getting to know each other, right? Maybe some hugs, or kisses (but not for me in my relationships). Perhaps some crisis, meeting the parents and other life events. But for the most part, it seems like a friendship that is more exclusive and it is acceptable to be a pair of people with secrets together and a mutual understanding of what each other think and believe. There is a good chance I am getting this totally wrong, but from my observations, that is a simplistic idea of what dating is. Guys, I really need some input as to what is going on!!!
Update From Yesterday
So, my birthday turned out decent. Nobody knew about it, that I know of, so that was good. Also, my classes weren't terrible, they just dragged on all day. However, yesterday is a success in my book and I am very glad I didn't make a big deal about turning 19. That number bothers me, because I just got used to writing 18 on stuff... Oh well.
The crush I have is still there despite the various ways I have tried to lose these "feelings". Feelings is such a gross word. Anyway, I still have not decided what I am going to do about it and I am still waiting on the L-rd to direct my decision.
School is back in full swing even though my brain is still stuck on break, but I am getting through the week and enjoying the lack of homework I have to complete thanks to my hard effort over break!
Daily Thanksgiving from yesterday: Nobody knew about my birthday (except my family). It rained here. Saturday I may be going on a hike that I am very excited about, which is good because I usually don't get excited about hikes or physical activities at all.
More to come about today later.
How are you doing today?
The crush I have is still there despite the various ways I have tried to lose these "feelings". Feelings is such a gross word. Anyway, I still have not decided what I am going to do about it and I am still waiting on the L-rd to direct my decision.
School is back in full swing even though my brain is still stuck on break, but I am getting through the week and enjoying the lack of homework I have to complete thanks to my hard effort over break!
Daily Thanksgiving from yesterday: Nobody knew about my birthday (except my family). It rained here. Saturday I may be going on a hike that I am very excited about, which is good because I usually don't get excited about hikes or physical activities at all.
More to come about today later.
How are you doing today?
Monday, April 1, 2013
April 1st = Success
Today, I was suprised that no pranks were pulled on me or my friends (that I knew of). Seeing as we are in college, there was definitely potential to have a disastrous day, but it was uneventful. Maybe that was because it was the first day back to school and everyone was tired from their spring break adventures. Anyway, it was a success because it was a good first day back and no catastrophes!
Off to the gym tonight. I gained 5 pounds from being home for 1 week, count it... 1! That's pretty sad. I didn't even eat junk food, I just ate a bunch of leftovers. Oh well, it will likely come off in a week because I can't eat much at the cafeteria except for fries and salad, so not to worry. Also, I have decided that I want to have a toned body for the summer this year. Most of my life I have been slightly overweight, enough to make me uncomfortable, but I don't want that to be the case anymore so I have to change it. If I make it to my desired fitness level, I will not wear a bikini still, because it is so not modest enough for me, so I will continue to wear my tankini... under guy swim trunks and my surf shirt. Even that barely hides me enough for comfort and the shorts go slightly past my knees and the shirt has sleeves half way down my arms. Seriously, if I could swim in sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt, and not look super silly and if the material didn't cling to my body when I got out, I totally would!
Moving on, I have no homework. It's the craziest thing but I actually did work over spring break. Shhh, don't tell anyone. But I think I should start working ahead from now on because this is pretty nice, not having to do tons of homework for the classes the next day. Plus, now I have time for the gym.
By the way, Pinterest is dangerous for me. I go through the fitness section and I'm all pickin' out workouts thinking, "Ya, I can do this!". Then, when I have time, I don't do any of them... I wish I was better at working out, but I am working to fix this so that it is not just a wish. Folks, I don't know how to motivate myself. Looking at pictures of skinny, fit people doesn't work, it just makes me sad. Bribing myself doesn't work, I just give up and decide I didn't want the bribe. Same thing when I try to get friends to bribe me... Seeing my swimsuit doesn't motivate me because I just got a bathing suit that works for me, but when I am trying on bathing suits I just get depressed and start crying, leading me into a dark place for the next week or two. I tell ya, it seems so much sends me into a depression. I really do try to control it, and I try to take steps to manage or fix what is making me depressed, but sometimes I just can't hold it off. Does anyone have any advice? Besides sending me to a mental hospital or locking me away... Seriously though, I think, maybe, I should get checked out. Back to my motivation problem. Does anyone have advice for motivation? Any advice at all would really help, with any of my posts because I am pretty sure I come off as being a huge sack of crazy rolled into a 5'7", slightly chubby package.
Daily Thanksgiving: Psych was cancelled, I am done with most of my homework and reading for this week and April Fool's Day didn't involve pranks! This was a good day. And I get to work out, which I am excited for, making the day even better.
Off to the gym tonight. I gained 5 pounds from being home for 1 week, count it... 1! That's pretty sad. I didn't even eat junk food, I just ate a bunch of leftovers. Oh well, it will likely come off in a week because I can't eat much at the cafeteria except for fries and salad, so not to worry. Also, I have decided that I want to have a toned body for the summer this year. Most of my life I have been slightly overweight, enough to make me uncomfortable, but I don't want that to be the case anymore so I have to change it. If I make it to my desired fitness level, I will not wear a bikini still, because it is so not modest enough for me, so I will continue to wear my tankini... under guy swim trunks and my surf shirt. Even that barely hides me enough for comfort and the shorts go slightly past my knees and the shirt has sleeves half way down my arms. Seriously, if I could swim in sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt, and not look super silly and if the material didn't cling to my body when I got out, I totally would!
Moving on, I have no homework. It's the craziest thing but I actually did work over spring break. Shhh, don't tell anyone. But I think I should start working ahead from now on because this is pretty nice, not having to do tons of homework for the classes the next day. Plus, now I have time for the gym.
By the way, Pinterest is dangerous for me. I go through the fitness section and I'm all pickin' out workouts thinking, "Ya, I can do this!". Then, when I have time, I don't do any of them... I wish I was better at working out, but I am working to fix this so that it is not just a wish. Folks, I don't know how to motivate myself. Looking at pictures of skinny, fit people doesn't work, it just makes me sad. Bribing myself doesn't work, I just give up and decide I didn't want the bribe. Same thing when I try to get friends to bribe me... Seeing my swimsuit doesn't motivate me because I just got a bathing suit that works for me, but when I am trying on bathing suits I just get depressed and start crying, leading me into a dark place for the next week or two. I tell ya, it seems so much sends me into a depression. I really do try to control it, and I try to take steps to manage or fix what is making me depressed, but sometimes I just can't hold it off. Does anyone have any advice? Besides sending me to a mental hospital or locking me away... Seriously though, I think, maybe, I should get checked out. Back to my motivation problem. Does anyone have advice for motivation? Any advice at all would really help, with any of my posts because I am pretty sure I come off as being a huge sack of crazy rolled into a 5'7", slightly chubby package.
Daily Thanksgiving: Psych was cancelled, I am done with most of my homework and reading for this week and April Fool's Day didn't involve pranks! This was a good day. And I get to work out, which I am excited for, making the day even better.
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