Gross Obsession

I was put into a group with 7 other of my fellow nursing students to do a case study. We finished the project in 5 minutes (of the 30+ minutes allotted) and spent the rest of the time watching a chest tube insertion, thoracentesis, stitches, and the like on YouTube. I no longer feel like such an oddball for watching these disgusting but totally fascinating procedures!!! There are other weird people like me that can watch all the different types of fluid extracted from the lungs and be able to eat in the process. I can watch the strangest, most graphic procedures and think nothing of it. It's just how I'm wired. Anyway, I made friends by bonding over crazy cool procedures that most people can't handle.

If you can watch invasive videos and keep your lunch down (you don't even have to snack while watching the video!) I recommend you search for a thoracentesis procedure because it is so cool!

*Disclaimer: I don't take any responsibility for any lost meals, nightmares, or gagging. Viewing this video is at your own discretion. It can be considered gross and very graphic. Do not watch if you are squeamish about blood and other bodily fluids.*

You may have to go to YouTube to see it better, but man, it is worth it! I linked it here in case you can't see it well in the embedded video. Enjoy!

Worst Friend Ever

Folks, I'm talking about me. In the last week, I have made a friend cry and ruined another friendship. I don't know why I suck at life, but I do. I'm terrible with people! What was I thinking making friends and talking? Dumbest decision I've had in a long time, and maybe ever in my life. Man alive! What is wrong with me? I never used to make people cry, never. And friends have been mad at me before, but this one hurts more than it did before. So far they are both still talking to me, but I still failed them.

I have a confession, I wanted to learn how to speak my mind so that people don't keep walking all over me, but if this is what results, I don't want any part of it! It's not even like I have a thick skin either, but I didn't think I was mean. Now, I'm thinking I am so very mean and I'm seriously considering why people even befriend me in the first place.

Then, I start thinking about why I befriend others. I make friends because I know what it is to be uncomfortable on the sidelines watching everyone else socialize and have fun. So, I rope other people in a help them to make connections until they don't need me anymore. Then, the connections that we had slowly fade into nothing more than a smile in the halls. Fortunately for me, I am now comfortable on the sidelines with no one else to sit with or talk to, but if there is someone, I will interact with them.

Subsequently, I started thinking about my friends. I do have friends, and they are often very kind to hang out with me because I am crazy. Y'all know, you read my thoughts in this blog. Anyway, I have never really felt connected to anyone. Even when I have a bunch of friends, and loads of stuff to do with them, I always feel lonely. So, what's wrong with me? We weren't made to be of the world, we are merely in it to fulfill G-d's plans, but I feel all alone when surrounded by seas of people. Even when I let someone know my secrets and my deeper, crazier thoughts, I never really feel connected or close to anyone. Now, the bonds I used to have with my parents and brother are even dwindling. Is it just part of growing up? If it is, then why have I always been so lonely, all my life. I know G-d is always with me, but I've been screwing up with Him and I haven't been working on that relationship and everything is falling apart!!!

So, my conclusion is: I suck at life.