Am I Dying?

About a month ago, I was babysitting for my friend. The previous night she had been in the ER with him because he was sick. They sent him home saying he was fine. Bologna! He has asthma and was presenting with a croupy cough and snot everywhere. They discharged him. So, naturally, you take the sick kid to the babysitter, right? Awesome.

I thought everything was all okay but a few days ago I woke up with no voice. Now, I don't talk enough, ever, to lose my voice, so I shouldn't wake up with it already gone. That night I get a fever and I think I'm gonna lose the contents of my stomach so I slept on the bathroom floor. Several days later, I still have no voice. I'm at my parents house and they are babying me, trying to get me back to health. Meanwhile I'm trying to finish my billions of projects that are due by Monday while also studying for a test I have on Tuesday. Seriously, this illness could not have come at a worse time because I have so much to do!

I'm a little more than mildly irritated that I have contracted croup at the age of 20 when I have so many things that absolutely have to get done. Plus, I feel like crap. (Please excuse the language.)

Gross Obsession

I was put into a group with 7 other of my fellow nursing students to do a case study. We finished the project in 5 minutes (of the 30+ minutes allotted) and spent the rest of the time watching a chest tube insertion, thoracentesis, stitches, and the like on YouTube. I no longer feel like such an oddball for watching these disgusting but totally fascinating procedures!!! There are other weird people like me that can watch all the different types of fluid extracted from the lungs and be able to eat in the process. I can watch the strangest, most graphic procedures and think nothing of it. It's just how I'm wired. Anyway, I made friends by bonding over crazy cool procedures that most people can't handle.

If you can watch invasive videos and keep your lunch down (you don't even have to snack while watching the video!) I recommend you search for a thoracentesis procedure because it is so cool!

*Disclaimer: I don't take any responsibility for any lost meals, nightmares, or gagging. Viewing this video is at your own discretion. It can be considered gross and very graphic. Do not watch if you are squeamish about blood and other bodily fluids.*

You may have to go to YouTube to see it better, but man, it is worth it! I linked it here in case you can't see it well in the embedded video. Enjoy!

Countdown Continuation

I now only have:

Anatomy: 1 lecture and my final
Chemistry: extra credit project and the final
Psych: my final
English: 1 lecture and the final paper

Then I am done. Getting done with the last day of lecture has never been so sweet and I am only half-way done. Tomorrow I have Anatomy, English and then chem lab (which I am actually sad to not be going to anymore) and then time to study for finals! Also, I whipped out 3 1/2 more pages on my English paper this morning before the meeting with my professor and even though I don't know what I am supposed to be writing about, she said it was good. That is a total G-d thing because I am so beyond lost with this paper. She also gave me great advice on how to tweak and continue which is awesome because I had come to the end of what I should write about and didn't know what I was going to say next. I am going to miss my English professor, my psych professor and my chem lab instructor. G-d has blessed me with all good teachers, but they just happen to be my favorites. That's one thing that is unfortunate about schooling of any kind, you are with these teachers/professors and students for several months (sometimes the majority of a year) and then you take a test and never see them again. It's really quite unfortunate because G-d always gives me amazing teachers that really care about their students and the material they are teaching, which shows and is way important.

Daily Thanksgiving: I have been fairly productive today. I am half way through my list of final lectures (only 3 more to go out of 6) and I am slightly optimistic about this summer and my final grades. I am very blessed and G-d is the only one I can thank for that.

Silly Mom

I just talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned that I think I am mentally unstable and she should get used to the fact that I may not be able to produce offspring for her... She laughed for a solid 5 minutes before being able to talk again.

She says I'm not mentally unstable and that I'm emotionally not mature enough, but she doesn't know the craziness that is in my head all the time! My brain does not even have normal functioning anymore. It's a miracle I can still even breathe on my own and feed myself.

By the way, I just Googled emotionally and mentally unstable, I fit most of the symptoms of emotional instability which means I may have a borderline personality disorder. Good news is that I already knew that. Bad news is that I am a hypochondriac that keeps getting the symptoms confirmed by silly websites online. I should be cut off from the internet because this is not a good situation for me...

On the brightest side, I made my mom laugh. I love making people laugh because it doesn't happen often. Also, I like to know that my mom is not worried about me too much that she can laugh when I bring new ridiculous problem to her.

Back to my paper. I have written a page and a half in a little over 3 hours and 10 pages are due tomorrow. Too bad my teacher can't just count all the posts I've written since sitting down to write said paper.

Super Great Day

For being a sunday, and having to work, I had a great day! Y'all got me up to 500 views, I had a great CNA teacher/partner today, and I felt like I knew what I was doing. So, today was a good day.

The LPN was so stinkin' sweet. She is always asking if I'm doing alright and if everything is going well. Then the float CNA was kind enough to sit down and start talking to me. My partner was very nice and told me a bunch of tricks to help with the floor I was on and she even thanked me at the end of the night. I know that's not because she was really thankful that I was there, but she was just being polite and kind. After working for four months here with CNA's that have been here close to three decades, I have come to expect rudeness, yelling, and embarrassment. Not today though! Today, I was feeling like I knew what was going on, for the most part, and the LPN and CNA's were so sweet I can't even begin to describe how nice it is. Regardless of how fantastic my day was, I'm still beyond exhausted.

Tonight I get to finish my paper, and turn it in, for English... I love my teacher, but I still HATE writing papers. It's just not my forte and I don't understand what makes good writing. I also don't understand how I get a good grade on one paper and not on others. What makes the writing worth an A?

Daily Thanksgiving: I had a great day at work, I have amazing nursing staff to work with, and I am done with work for the week. Also, I am very glad that I only have a small section of my paper to finish writing instead of half of it. Finally, I got a B on my anatomy practical (I can't remember if I said that in a past post or not) and I got a 19/20 on my take-home chem quiz. Now we just have to wait and see how I did on my other tests...

Praise the L-rd for a good, safe day!!!

Update From Yesterday

So, my birthday turned out decent. Nobody knew about it, that I know of, so that was good. Also, my classes weren't terrible, they just dragged on all day. However, yesterday is a success in my book and I am very glad I didn't make a big deal about turning 19. That number bothers me, because I just got used to writing 18 on stuff... Oh well.

The crush I have is still there despite the various ways I have tried to lose these "feelings". Feelings is such a gross word. Anyway, I still have not decided what I am going to do about it and I am still waiting on the L-rd to direct my decision.

School is back in full swing even though my brain is still stuck on break, but I am getting through the week and enjoying the lack of homework I have to complete thanks to my hard effort over break!

Daily Thanksgiving from yesterday: Nobody knew about my birthday (except my family). It rained here. Saturday I may be going on a hike that I am very excited about, which is good because I usually don't get excited about hikes or physical activities at all.

More to come about today later.


How are you doing today?

Spring Break!

I should have updated you all yesterday once I got out of lab that I was now on my spring break, but I was hanging out with my friends. So, I am now officially on spring break! To start off the festivities, I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching t.v., but I also did my laundry and hung out with my friend until about 10:30.

I am so excited to go home today, unfortunately I have to stay until at least 2 or so because of my RA interview. I do not like interviews, they make me uncomfortable and stress me out. If I do interviews, I would want it to be at a coffee shop, where we can get a coffee and sit and get to know each other because it seems that people are more themselves when they are not sitting in a chair alone being questioned by a panel of strangers. Anyway, after my interview, I have to wait for my friend to get off work, then we are going to his new house until the traffic subsides a bit. Fridays are awful for traffic from my campus to the city I live in. A typical hour drive turns into a 2-3 hour drive because people won't get out of the fast lane and were not taught how to properly utilize highways. Plus, the highway is mostly a two lane highway (in each direction), when it really needs to be closer to three or four because of the large influx in population. But, it is what it is, and I really enjoy cranking up my radio and jamming out for an 1+ hours.

Not having homework (except for editing and submitting a paper) is so nice! I miss high school because homework had an end to it after just a couple of hours. In college, not so much. No matter how long or how hard you work, there is always more that can be done. Whether it is reading for the next class period, or studying, or writing your papers, or even actual homework, there is never an end.

Daily Thanksgiving: It's spring break and life is nice right now. I loved hanging out with my friend last night and I finally made the move to delete my Facebook account to avoid the awkwardness from my ex-roommates. This is gonna be a good week... once I can get through my interview.

The Irony

Have you ever had life experiences where all you can think is "that's ironic!"? Most of my life is that way. A while ago a guy I had had a crush on for four or five years started dating a girl that I don't believe liked me much. We were all from the same small little church and it's just weird that of all the people that they could have started dating, they choose each other. Just like it's odd that my best friend, C, from middle school started dating one of my friends after I didn't share in his romantic understanding of our relationship. Now he is married, with a kid, that could have been me... And while I still love him as a very dear friend, I am glad it was not me that he married and I am even more glad he did not break my heart. I also find it slightly ironic that I now live in a town my family has despised all my life because my dad grew up near here. I did not want to come to this town, but now that I am here, it's not so bad. There are plenty of other examples of my life's irony, but I shan't bore you too much today.

In other news, I found an entire section of my university's library devoted to nursing, midwifery, obstetrics and all the stuff I want to do!!! Guys you have no idea how excited I was when I found it. I almost screamed and cried for joy at the sight of those beautiful books explaining the processes of labor and delivery and such like material. Well, not really, but my heart did get happy that my school has this section of books. Now I can go and learn on my own about material way above the actual material I need to know currently.

Spring break is three days away and I have so much I have to do. I have a paper due on thursday, I took my Chem test today and break is going to be spent reading research books for my next paper and studying. Unfortunately, HESI studying will be focused on during my spring break. Then Anatomy, Chem and Psych studying... school never ends. But when I come back there will only be 6 weeks separating me from no longer being a college freshman.

Have any of you heard of/listened to Francesca Battistelli? If you haven't, you should look her up. I love her voice and most of her music is upbeat and about normal, everyday life. It has become my Pandora station of choice during homework, leading to procrastination, but I love her music.

Do you have any fun plans for spring break?

Daily Thanksgiving: I am finished with my chem test, my anatomy tests, my psych test and on Thursday I will be done with my English paper. I am so close to being on spring break I can taste it and I do actually get to spend time with my friends for some of the time. I am so very thankful that I get to go home for spring break because I haven't been home for about a month, which is a very long time for me.

Test Results

In college, tests usually end up being scheduled all in the same week or two. I don't really know why this is, but it is a pattern I have discovered. Last week and the week before just happened to be my testing weeks. As you may know, I got a C on my A&P Lab test, a B on my A&P Lecture, a B on my Chem test and I finally got my grade back for psych... I got 104% with no extra credit offered!!! It wasn't even a typo, the teacher just decided that 6 questions were not properly worded, so she gave the entire class (of nearly 400, I think) 12 extra points. This was my first A of the semester (even without the extra points) on a test and it felt really good. Somehow, it doesn't seem as though I deserve it because I did not study nearly enough for the test, and the whole thing is multiple choice. But I am so very glad with the results because my other grades were really getting me down. This is a start, not a great one, but it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. Now, just to finish off the week... I have psych left today since I went to Chem this morning. Then I have A&P, English and Chem lab tomorrow. 11.5 weeks remaining in the semester, out of 18 (including spring break and finals week). We are making head-way guys!

My struggle to nicer talk update: I am struggling with this not because I gossip, but because I let others "vent" and gossip to me. I am also not to the point where I have stopped my sarcastic remarks to my friends. Everyone knows it is all fun and games, and most of us use sarcasm, but I don't want to be speaking anything but life to my friends. This may be a really difficult habit to break because we have morphed as a friend group to really shy and timid people, to being super comfortable with each other so we can poke fun at each others faults or shortcomings. While this may be fun, it is not right for me to do as a believer in Yeshua (Jesus' Hebrew name) because we are called to be children of light. In order to do this, we must be respectful and build each other up, speaking life over them, complimenting them, pulling them aside to talk about shortcomings that may affect the person/group, etc. When I started doing daily thanksgivings, it was really hard, I did not normally look for the good in life because I saw so much "going wrong". But once I got into the habit of looking for thanksgivings, I became more positive and happy. This was a crazy transformation because I struggle(d) with depression. Of coarse, I still have seasons of depression, but it is usually because I am not following the L-rd's plans, or I am rebelling in some way. Perhaps speaking life over my friends, and everyone else, will bring some sort of positive effect for them and maybe even for myself. I still need an accountability partner though... Maybe if I am accountable to all of you, it will work even better! Congratulations, you are all now helping me to live a more Messiah-like life! Don't be afraid to tell me when I am not speaking properly about others. Just be honest. Honesty seems even easier when you cannot see me and I cannot see you doesn't it?

I also want to start talking more positively. My friends compared me to the "grumpy cat" that usually has a frown and says some negative (yet funny) comment about most everything that is enjoyable. I know I complain quite a bit, even though it's not nearly as much as I used to. This is unacceptable for me to do. G-d blesses me with so much, how is it that my friends do not see the joy that comes from my relationship with Ad-nai? Obviously, I am living improperly, because my friends should see the love and excitement I have for G-d. I should be known for this joy and love, not for my depression, negative remarks, and sarcasm. I want to be known for being kind, gentle, loving, gracious, thankful, enjoyable, and positive. This has to change and I plan on allowing G-d to work with me on it.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful that I got an amazing grade on my first psych test. I am also thankful I paid off my balance from moving to a more expensive dorm room. G-d took care of both of those because I definitely could have managed extra cash or more than 100% on a test (that does not offer extra credit points). Today, I am feeling so blessed and at peace. I know I am blessed everyday, today is just one of those times I am able to really notice every single blessing and the overwhelming Shalom (peace and many other meanings, you should look it up) encompassing me like a hug. I am also thankful that G-d is pointing out my flaws. He disciplines and works on those He loves, as long as they are willing, right? Maybe I am learning how to listen to His whispers in my life, teaching me to live properly for Him. I sure hope so because I do not like living improperly especially when my friends know I am a believer. I want to make sure my life reflects His beauty in all aspects. I am thankful for His correction.

Minor Celebrations

With school, I get really excited when I do well, and I get slightly upset when I do not do well. So, I usually celebrate little accomplishments, like getting A's and 100% on tests and quizzes. Since I was kinda down on myself for getting a B and a C on my first two A&P Exams of the semester, I would like to share that I got 100% percent on my chem quiz! It's something small, but it's so great to be able to celebrate minor accomplishments when they do occur. So what are your minor accomplishments today? Do you care to share? I would love to celebrate with you!

That is also my thanksgiving today, that I did well on my chem quiz. Also, the fact that I have amazing friends who are supporting me now more than ever since I am in my own room now. I have never found other people so genuinely happy for me now that I am able to be comfortable and happy in my own space. If you have amazing friends out there supporting you, thank them for it. Give them hugs (if that's your thing and if they are cool with it), give them candy, send a thank-you note, do something to tell them how much you appreciate them. Now, if you do not have amazing friends that support you like this, don't worry, just pray about it. That's how G-d brought my friends into my life, and these people understand me, they are my kind of people. But if you go out and look for them, you may not be able to find them. Just pray, and watch how G-d works, He will bring you the right people.

RA Position?

Now that the school year is a little over half way over, there are RA positions open! I think it would be fun to be an RA (Resident Assistant) and it is also a great "scholarship" in a way because I wouldn't have to pay for housing. That means it over a $10,000 job position. Ya, when I realized that my jaw dropped too.

Are any of you RA's? What advice do you have for me? Is the position worth it? Next year I will be in the nursing program, L-rd willing. In addition to that, I will still be a CNA but I will likely keep my PRN position so I can work a max of 2 days a week (8 hr. shifts). Will there be too much on my plate or should I go for it?

Any input is greatly appreciated!

Peace

After a couple months last semester, and several weeks this semester of roommate drama, G-d has given me peace. It's this peace that surpasses understanding, just like the verse says. I know these problems are far from over, but He gave me joy in the storm. Even though I cannot yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, He has still provided me with a firm place to stand, happiness and a breath of fresh air. Today, I am grateful for the calming presence of the L-rd in my life. He is my rock, my life and my absolute love. He is all I need. Every time I have heartache, He brings me back to this point of realizing He is all I need. Once I finally realize this, He provides me with this weightless feeling. He envelopes me in love and gives me His shalom.

Ahhh, now that that is off my chest and I have shared my piece of life I am thankful for today, let's talk about nursing school. Technically it is pre-nursing school... but nobody is going to say that every time they talk about their college career. Right now, I am taking intro to organic chem, anatomy and phys 2, english and psych. I love these classes! I adore my english teacher and that makes me like the class. Normally, I despise english because I do not understand it. It is my first language, but I cannot understand what makes writing good. It's fuzzy logic for me. My strong suits have always been science and math. So the fact that I have 3 sciences this semester, makes life a lot easier. So, as of yet, school is enjoyable. I will update next week after my two anatomy tests in one week. And then again the following week after my chem and psych tests are done. Seem like a ton of tests? Ya, it is. But G-d will get me through, He always does!

Oh the Weekend!

Oh the beauty of college, only four days of school and a three day weekend! I do not know how I ever managed to go to school all day five days a week. I am really diggin' this maximum of three classes, set your own schedule, have extended weekends every week thing. Ahhh.

If only the classes could stay as easy as they are the first week of school...

I have counted up my quizzes, tests, lab practicals, papers due and other assignments for the semester. It came to a whopping total of 47 assignments (including finals). 15 weeks to go, then the first year of college will be under my belt. With this end, however, comes the joys of the HESI-A to try to get into nursing school and several months of anxiety for this very anxious girl.

Well, sweet dreams all! I get the privilege of working tomorrow. Truly such a blessing! :)  (Please forgive my little smiley face there, I usually do not use those but it seemed appropriate.)

First Day Back

For anyone that has had the privilege of going to school, you know the first day back is exciting, perhaps exhausting, and maybe a tad stressful. Speaking for myself, the first day back to my second semester of college is quite daunting. I am very grateful I get to go to school, don't get me wrong. The thing is, I enjoy being with my family! Winter break was a whole five weeks of lounging around, hanging out with people I have known most-if not all- of my life. School brings the great uncertainty of people. Strangers in my classes, strangers sitting around me at meals, and my dorm mates are still kind of strangers. I do not mean to whine or complain, I have just always had a difficult time adjusting to tons of change. G-d always gets me through though, providing in every situation.

So, here we go tomorrow. A brand new day. The first day of my second semester of college. Hey, I am half way through my first year and well on my way to becoming a nurse!