He texted me again.
It showed up today. He says his friend got killed last night and I'm the only one that understands him.
I am stuck between wondering if it happened and thinking that he's just full of shit like he's been this whole time.
Regardless, it's not my problem. Maybe if you want support and friends to be able to talk to about stuff like this, then maybe don't be a complete and total asshole. I mean, that's just a suggestion, but what do I know?
He had told me several times throughout the relationship that a friend had died. Good gracious, at that pace there should be nobody alive anywhere on Earth at this point!
Maybe he really does have friends dying all of the time. Mostly, I think he's trying to get me to be sympathetic and fall back into his poisonous tentacles.
His number is still blocked so the text didn't come through until I went searching for it.
My heart is still filled with panic. My stomach was instantly queasy. My hands are sweaty and I feel flushed all over. This is the sympathetic nervous response kicking in. I am in panic. I know I shouldn't be, but sometimes anxiety comes with no rational explanation for it's presence.
Deep breaths. Continue on about my day. Load my gun...
Showing posts with label Gunpowder and Lead. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gunpowder and Lead. Show all posts
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wide Open Spaces
Have you ever listened to Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks? I love that song. Have not listened to it in years but it's somehow as clear as day in my head right now. This song gets me!
If you have not heard it before, or perhaps you forget how it goes, I recommend listening to it on YouTube. These ladies understand me, it's beautiful really. (Haha, I don't really talk like that normally.)
You know who else gets me? Miranda Lambert. Her song Gunpowder & Lead suites me quite well. I probably wouldn't be smoking or shooting at an ex, even if he did beat me up. But the song represents the freedom us ladies have to stand up for ourselves - with a catchy tune.
These songs bring up the fact that I have been told I am too independent. Just as these ladies are very strong and independent. Plus, I am a bit of a feminist, if you haven't noticed. Not a bra-burning one, (though I have considered it before). I just believe in equality. G-d did make distinctions, and not everything a man can do a woman can do or vice versa. However, females and males are created to compliment each other. This doesn't mean the woman has to stay home or the man has to bring home the turkey bacon (keepin' it kosher guys). To me, this simply means that we work together in our careers to best mirror Yeshua (Jesus') image and G-d's image. We are created in His image. So show grace, extend mercy, forgive, love and live a life worthy of G-d's approval.
...It just occurred to me that was one of the most random sets of transitioning I have read in a blog, but it effectively explains my thought process. This is also why I do not talk much, my thoughts go EVERYWHERE!
If you have not heard it before, or perhaps you forget how it goes, I recommend listening to it on YouTube. These ladies understand me, it's beautiful really. (Haha, I don't really talk like that normally.)
You know who else gets me? Miranda Lambert. Her song Gunpowder & Lead suites me quite well. I probably wouldn't be smoking or shooting at an ex, even if he did beat me up. But the song represents the freedom us ladies have to stand up for ourselves - with a catchy tune.
These songs bring up the fact that I have been told I am too independent. Just as these ladies are very strong and independent. Plus, I am a bit of a feminist, if you haven't noticed. Not a bra-burning one, (though I have considered it before). I just believe in equality. G-d did make distinctions, and not everything a man can do a woman can do or vice versa. However, females and males are created to compliment each other. This doesn't mean the woman has to stay home or the man has to bring home the turkey bacon (keepin' it kosher guys). To me, this simply means that we work together in our careers to best mirror Yeshua (Jesus') image and G-d's image. We are created in His image. So show grace, extend mercy, forgive, love and live a life worthy of G-d's approval.
...It just occurred to me that was one of the most random sets of transitioning I have read in a blog, but it effectively explains my thought process. This is also why I do not talk much, my thoughts go EVERYWHERE!
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