A Little Exciting News

So, in the midst of what feels like a continual life storm at this point... I have a few points of good news!

1) I fixed my dryer yesterday. All by myself! I woke up Friday, trying to throw my scrub pants into the dryer really quick because I had washed them for work. Well, the dryer was sounding like it was working, but it was not tumbling. Great. I proceeded to dry my pants, with a hair dryer, and went to work with wet pants. Have you ever done that? Oh my gosh, wet pants are AWFUL!!!

Oh well, I called my dad on Saturday, told him what was going on and that I thought the belt had broken. He agreed that's what it sounded like. So, I took my dryer apart Sunday in hopes that I would fix it and not make it worse. Turns out the belt had simply slipped off the tension spring instead of breaking completely. Praise the L-rd!

2) I took care of 2 babies successfully, mostly on my own, for two days now! I was really struggling because i had 2 days of feeling like I had just been put through the wringer and criticized for everything even though I had gotten no instruction on how to do things... That was frustrating. Well, whatever. I shook it off and went back for another day. Friday and today (Monday) ended up turning out really well! I know two babies don't sound like much, but I'm finally getting to the point where I forget less and less during my assessments and during the day. I'm beginning to remember the various nuances and strange rules that occur in the NICU. And I am starting to find my newbie groove while simultaneously keeping most poop and urine off of the baby's bedding. Yay! (Guys, I had an incident involving projectile shit in an isolette. Add in a flailing baby and you can just imagine the art work created. While walking away from that baby's room about 30 minutes after the incident, I found a lovely, long, brown streak going down the length of my forearm. *sigh* The struggle.

3) Last, but not least, I PASSED THE NCLEX!!! Do y'all know what that means? That means I am a Real/Registered/Redneck Nurse. In case you missed it, that is three was to define the term of R.N. and they ALL describe me! I'm now a Real Nurse (maybe a baby or adolescent nurse, but I'm a real nurse), I am a Registered Nurse (of course, that's what the hospital and Board of Nursing call me), and I'm also a Redneck Nurse (as described my my nursing class and those who know me best). Guys, I am so very glad and excited to be done!

As you may know, I've been working as a graduate nurse and have been signing my name at work (as necessary) as BedpanAlley, GN. Well, today I got to sign it BedpanAlley, RN! AND I got a new badge changing the GN to RN!!! So, so, so excited and relieved.



Well, seeing as I have to go to work again tomorrow, which means I get up at 0430 (unless I want to smell good which means I need to wake up at 0400...). Anyway, I better hit the hay. As it is, I'll be getting maybe 5 hours of sleep.

Goodnight y'all!
BedpanAlley, RN, BSN

Flat Tire Services

New announcement y'all: BedpanAlley is starting a tire changing business!!!

It turns out that I am super great at changing flat tires. I've done it TWICE this week alone! What is up with all my friends getting flat tires? I love changing them and I really love being the one that is called in cases of "emergency" regardless of how bad it may actually be but dang. Are people dropping mass amounts of nails out of the backs of semi's? Are there tack strips being laid out? What's the deal?

Anyway, I feel super cool that I know how to do it and guys stop by to ask if I need help but I get to tell them I've got it. I'm sort of a feminist if you haven't caught that yet, so being able to be independent in every possible way is important to me. Well, if they were my age then I may just let them take over, but they're usually my dad's age.

Service list with prices to come soon...

Mom: My Matchmaker

Do any of you have moms, dads, family members, or friends who are always trying to set you up with someone?

I'm reminded of Gru in Despicable Me 2 because that blonde lady is constantly finding him ladies to date. She and the ladies she sets him up with are certifiably insane. They are just a bit cooky. Granted, it's a children's cartoon movie. However, people really do act like that...

Anywho, my mom knows how I despise being told that I need some boy so that I can be happy. She gets it. She is actually where I get my feminist streak from and I'm even a bit more feminist than she ever was. My immediate family (including mom) all understands and agrees that setting people up to date or get married is risky business because it can end very, very badly. When that happens, liability defaults to you because you introduced them and essentially screwed up their lives.

Today on the phone, my mom was consoling me about clinicals, my brother yelling at me, me seeing a deer get hit by a car, and the millions of other nonsensical things that are floating around in my noggin on a daily basis. During this point of assisting me to sort out life she began talking about her life, work, etc to try to distract me because tears were pouring and my voice went up about 7 octaves. We started talking about some family friends that she met at a bakery that they own. She began with the phrase, "Now, I'm not trying to set you up but..."

YOU NEVER START A CONVERSATION LIKE THIS.          EVER!!!

Got it? Good.

She continued on about how one of the sons is a lot like me. She said we both like the country, the mountains, shooting, fishing, camping, hunting (I have yet to go but think I would like to try it at least once), road trips, and a bunch of other stuff. He is described as being someone who is very dedicated to becoming an engineer. He is kind, a very hard worker, sweet, a good protector, and a plethora of other adjectives. I have met him. I agree that he is so very kind, sweet, dedicated, etc, etc, etc. Everything about him seems great and his family is amazing. Plus, he understands cars, restores old Volkswagens, and I think he is a Believer (though not likely Messianic). He sounds amazing and I bet he is a great friend.

The whole conversation, though, caught me off guard. I was telling her about the after shocks of my break up, and she pops this little bundle of anxiety into my lap without a second thought.

She knows how crazy I am because I share the most of my mental processes with her and yet she still proposes this kid as... a friend? potential suitor? something else?

I have no idea what possessed her to bring that up. She has never done anything like that in the past and she typically doesn't think like that anyway. It actually made me feel like a family shunned spinster because her tone made the conversation sound like it was an intervention to get me in a relationship before my biological clock runs out of time. Actually, it's making my head spin just a little bit thinking about it. I already broke Best Friend. How on earth am I ever supposed to start another relationship. Honestly, I don't like the whole dating thing and I'm certain I didn't even do it right the first time because it was really just a differently labeled friendship. Regardless, it has made me consider swearing off guys almost indefinitely. I was nearly nun status. Problem is: I am lonely, I would like offspring, and it would be super if I could find someone (preferably a guy close to my own age who isn't afraid to tell me to "suck it up" if I start to get a bit scare) to take me hunting that I feel safe with. Country Boy offered to take me but he's got a cabin and I've been told he does naughty stuff with girls.

For now, I am asking for strength and contentment in my single state. I didn't want a dating record at all, and now I have one. Regardless, I would like to avoid adding unnecessary names to that list because I break them and they break me and dating is really stupid, overrated, and has high stakes with no way of knowing what will happen.

"Good Work!"...?

The other day I was scrolling through Facebook, just procrastinating. I happened upon a picture of a guy I used to go to church with (and had a minor 4 year crush on) who had pictures of himself and his new girlfriend. There are so many problems with this, it's just not even funny.

First of all, he was dating a girl who also goes to the church he belongs to. They dated for a few months and were seriously considering marriage. Why? I don't know. A massive reason probably has to do with the fact that they both go to Christian colleges and they have known each other since they were like 3 and now they are approaching 20. All of a sudden, they break up. The church they attend consists of 150 people, on a good day and they push maybe 100 on normal Sundays. Good news is that they are both living at college right now. He is at a seminary college in Florida and she is attending some Christian college in another state so they are apart and their relationship was basically over Facebook, Skype, and the occasional school break when they would come home. Anyway, they broke up.

Remember how I said I had a 4 year crush on the kid until about 4 years ago? It turns out that he had had a crush on me too! Little bugger never hinted at it or made a move, but he told my brother... HE TOLD MY BROTHER!!! and every other person in the whole church! Why on earth would anyone ever do something like that? Everyone knows that rumors spread faster'n wild fire in a church. Also, his dad was the children's pastor. Guess what I got to be for our Christmas play when I was about 10. I was Mary while this guy was Joseph. I should have seen it. How embarrassing! The whole church knew that he liked me and he used his dad to get us married for our big production. Please forgive me, I just realized this whole scheme as I was typing. It never occurred to me in the last 8 years and just hit me like a ton of bricks. So, that happened.

The real reason for this whole spiel? One of the comments on his picture of his new girlfriend was, "Wow dude, good work! She is gorgeous!"

Do I really need to explain? We are not trophies!!! Guys work to see our hearts, but we are not some object to be congratulated over just because we are pretty. That kid that commented does not know if she is smart, kind, gracious, prayerful, generous, funny, or anything besides the fact that she is good looking. When did we, as girls, become just arm candy instead of a valued partner in the journey of life? When did we stop being equal and helpful to guys and turned into an award or something that causes the guy's friends to be jealous?

I need to go, I can feel my blood pressure rising. But girls, have pride in the wonderful heart G-d has put inside you. Develop your relationship with G-d first. Then, find a boy who appreciates that aspect of you and then comes to appreciate your physical beauty, all in due time. Also, make sure you stand up for yourself. If he, or his friends, start to see you as an object as opposed to an equal human being, stand up for yourself!

Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion and I'm getting caught up in my feminist ways.

Ladies, I know you can make your own decisions so take my opinions with a grain of salt. Just make sure you're decisions line up with what the Good Book says and life won't be easy, but it'll be significantly easier than it could be.


Also, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show takes place tonight. That's another novel in itself and I don't have time for that.

Good night y'all.

Another Dilemma... and a Solution

So, for those of you who have read my past posts, you know I was kinda into this guy, who might kinda be into me. If you know this, you likely also know that I was fighting with myself as to what I ought to do about it. Well, I did the wrong thing because it felt good... it doesn't "feel" good anymore. (No, I did not sleep with him, I did not kiss him. My boundaries do include no hugs unless they are side hugs. Also, no laying in the same bed together cuddling. The last two things, the hugs and laying in the same bed, I did allow him to do.) It's not even a big deal, I just have been leading him on in a way by letting him come over a lot. We have spent probably around four hours together every night (except for maybe 2) in the past two weeks since I've gotten back from break. Then, last night I started to get back to being closer with G-d, and everything has changed. I realized that this isn't right when He gave me Proverbs 4:23 to read. I shouldn't be letting this boy push my boundaries, and I should not be leading him on because it will break his heart also leading to my broken heart. Strange how so much pain can come from just having a crush on someone and then calling it off. We aren't even dating and I know this is going to hurt. He has been one of my closest friends since I've started school here and if I have to tell him no, he's probably going to be really sad. And since he is sad, I will be super sad because I hate telling people bad news. It affects me almost more than it affects the person because I don't handle guilt very well.

So, I have come back to the conclusion that I cannot date until junior year, maybe. Still, that depends on if G-d even ever wants me to get married. The boys that have liked me so far are getting closer and closer to the kind of guy that I envisioned for myself, but who's to say that is the type of man G-d wants for me. Or if there even is someone He has picked for me. I don't know what the future holds, all I know is that this newly strengthened resolve is giving me motivation for today and is helping me to get closer to the Creator. Actually, I even have a peace about this whole thing. For week I have been contemplating throwing some boundaries out the window, like dating before junior year. But now, I am a little more sure that I will just have to wait. I trust the L-rd wholly because only He knows what the future holds for any of us. He is my rock, and He has my heart.

That's another thing, I've been thinking about values and how important they are in relationships, especially romantic (I hate that word as much as I hate "feelings") relationships. Lately a few of my friends have had to say no to boys who have been interested in them, simply because they have different values.  We are not to be "unequally yoked" with people who do not believe the same as we do. (This does not mean you cannot be friends with them, because how are they to see the Light if they are not exposed to people who have the Light? It simply means we should not date or marry them because they will have very different values and expectations of the relationship.) How can a relationship work if the foundations of the people in the relationship are completely different? For me, my faith is really important. Also, I love G-d above anyone or anything else, EVER. So, to be contemplating a relationship with someone who does not share the same passion for G-d is a very foolish decision.

Needless to say, I am now trying to figure out how to tell him, should the time come that I have to explain everything. Also, I am trying to figure out how to enforce my boundaries... L-rd willing this whole thing will just blow over and fizzle out, but I don't know how likely that is.

I will try to post again tonight after I spend some time with my Mema, mom, and extended family. My Mema is coming into town today and she is a nurse who is so excited I am going into nursing also. I so respect her and look up to her. She is a woman who has been married and divorced twice because the men did not treat her right. Now, she is independent and I aspire to be like her. She is kind, easy going and a fantastic NICU nurse. Hopefully she won't retire until she can teach me how to be a nurse too!

Wide Open Spaces

Have you ever listened to Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks? I love that song. Have not listened to it in years but it's somehow as clear as day in my head right now. This song gets me!

If you have not heard it before, or perhaps you forget how it goes, I recommend listening to it on YouTube. These ladies understand me, it's beautiful really. (Haha, I don't really talk like that normally.)

You know who else gets me? Miranda Lambert. Her song Gunpowder & Lead suites me quite well. I probably wouldn't be smoking or shooting at an ex, even if he did beat me up. But the song represents the freedom us ladies have to stand up for ourselves - with a catchy tune.

These songs bring up the fact that I have been told I am too independent. Just as these ladies are very strong and independent. Plus, I am a bit of a feminist, if you haven't noticed. Not a bra-burning one, (though I have considered it before). I just believe in equality. G-d did make distinctions, and not everything a man can do a woman can do or vice versa. However, females and males are created to compliment each other. This doesn't mean the woman has to stay home or the man has to bring home the turkey bacon (keepin' it kosher guys). To me, this simply means that we work together in our careers to best mirror Yeshua (Jesus') image and G-d's image. We are created in His image. So show grace, extend mercy, forgive, love and live a life worthy of G-d's approval.

...It just occurred to me that was one of the most random sets of transitioning I have read in a blog, but it effectively explains my thought process. This is also why I do not talk much, my thoughts go EVERYWHERE!