Finals are Finally Finished!

Yes, I was trying to use alliteration. I am that nerdy that I like to do silly stuff like that, and I'm cheesy.

Anyway, I took my last final exam of freshman year and I am officially finished with my first year of college!!! Y'all, I thought I would be happier, but it's really bitter sweet. This is the last night in my dorm room. I will likely never live this close to my friends every again and I will not be eating all my meals with them and seeing them all day, every day. While I am happy to be out of school for the summer (one whole week for me), I am also very sad that this year has come to an end. It was really exciting and I had a lot of fun. I also learned a ton in my classes and even more about people. It also seems that I have learned a lot about myself too. I am stronger than I ever thought. I am able to rely on G-d even though I make terrible mistakes. Also, I am capable of making friends.

That last one was a huge deal for me because I have lived my whole life wondering what is wrong with me and why people will not hang out with me. It turns out that I am nice to everyone and the people that really jump on nice people are people that may not be so nice themselves. So, while I am a little bit nuts and may not be a great friend, I am not the only problem in the majority of the failed friendships I have been a part of in the past. Confrontation, forgiveness, courage, and independence (from people, but dependence on G-d) are huge lessons that I began to learn this year. Of course I am not anywhere near through learning these yet, but I have a pretty good start on them.

Another huge one is that I can be liked by a boy. I have been "liked" just like I have been "friends" with people. In reality, it just means that I am being used and walked on. While I am very grateful for the experiences and lessons I have learned from these people, I am even more glad that G-d showed me that I can be cared for too. This is a big deal for me. It seems like all my life I care for everyone around me so deeply, but I never see that caring reciprocated. In this recent case, I'm liked back and someone likes the way I smile and laugh. He likes me for me and respects my boundaries... once I get around to discussing those with him (which I also did tonight).  I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Someday, I can be cherished by a man. Perhaps I will be married to a guy someday, that loves G-d more than he loves me. And he will love me more than he loves the things of this world. But, our marriage will be based on G-d, first and foremost. This is possible, despite the many shortcomings I find in myself and the various doubts the Adversary tries to sneak into my brain.

Daily Thanksgivings: G-d gives me the words I need to explain what He has impressed upon my heart. He protects me and guides me through the various problems and struggles I have in this life. I am cherished by the Creator of the Universe and someday He will teach a man how to cherish me too. Freshman year has come to an end and I have made so many friends and learned so very much. Finals are over!!!