Don't Tell Me What I Believe

It's a well-known joke in my family that I got three doses of stubbornness. One from my mom, one from my dad, and one from my mema. I have a hard head and a lot of opinions. My brain is constantly going and I analyze just about everything I hear and see in order to try to figure out how the world around me works and how I fit in within that world.

Recently I met a guy. He is studying history in an attempt to eventually get a PhD in Old Testament theology or something. We get into some discussions about beliefs, but it often stops at a fairly shallow level in order to avoid offending the other party. He makes sly remarks now and again about Messianic beliefs, and I normally bite my tongue and let him go on. 1) because I'm not great at defending my beliefs, even though I have poured hours and hours into researching and figuring out what I believe and 2) because I don't want to step on toes. I have very strong beliefs that do not commonly match up with other people's beliefs, but that doesn't mean I think anyone else should believe this way just because I do. I don't want to change anyone's beliefs, that's not my job. I may be wrong, they may be wrong. Maybe we're all wrong! Who knows?!

Regardless, this guy also started saying some things about how midwives "take over the role the husband should be playing during the birthing process" and so he doesn't believe they should be used and a doctor's management of labor/birth is a better plan. OOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!  Son, you did not just say that! Oh child, yes he did.

After a week or two of me holding my tongue and gently reminding him over and over that I want to be a midwife. He said it again. This time, since I had been contemplating what I would say the next time he uttered those despicable words, I had an answer. First, I asked where he got his info. Then I added in my own experience and the research I had found. We had a nice little discussion and he now says he doesn't think they would be that bad to use. Maybe he was just trying to not get in a bigger discussion, but I sure hope I was actually able to change his view on midwifes because they are not in the business of "taking over" the husband's role. Nurse-midwives are essentially the nurse practitioner version of an OB/GYN but they do not perform the cesareans themselves. Mostly, nurse-midwives manage women for well-woman visits, healthy/low-risk pregnancies and births, as well as birth control and other woman's health areas. OB/GYNs are versed in the high-risk and complicated pregnancies and births. It's not that either is better than the other, I think there are just different times to use each along with pro's and con's of both.

Now, getting back to theological discussions, he keeps making remarks as if he knows all about what Messianic's believe. I can tell you right now that most of what he tells me about what Messianic's supposedly believe are not things that I have heard of Messianic's actually believing... I don't know where he's getting his info, but I think that if you are going to discuss beliefs with somebody you should maybe ask them what they believe instead of talking like you know their position... Maybe that's just me...

Still, he doesn't degrade me the way ex-fiance did or even the way ex-boyfriend did. It's weird being able to be heard and also being able to actually talk during a discussion because we're both actually discussing things instead of one person (him, a.k.a. ex-fiance) yelling at the other (me). So, even though I'm infuriated with the process and the way in which he (new guy) thinks he knows it all, he still seems to at least give me a moment to explain my side, when I get the gumption to be able to share my side because I'm still used to remaining shut down talking to people.

I don't feel like we're compatible for marriage or dating, but it's still nice to be able to work on my discussion/debate skills and work on being able to stand up for my beliefs while knowing how to walk away, if the need should so arise.

I'm fully aware that my beliefs are really weird and that I'm too damn stubborn on most issues. I get it. However, if everybody stood for nothing, would anyone on the earth be able to have convictions and would we get anything done? Our passions are what make us unique and valuable. My odd thoughts on the way the Bible is written and how the world works gives me different insights into what is needed on earth than my neighbor might have. With these different beliefs and views, we (the people of the world) have a chance at finding creative solutions to the troubles we encounter in our every day lives. Right?

I dream of the miraculous. I'm not talking walking on water, turning water into wine, or any of the other amazing things talked of in the Bible. My desire of a personal miracle is simply to be blessed with a guy why is so incredibly good to me and the kids we could potentially have. Kind, sweet, gentle but strong, able to provide, and somebody who not only respects my beliefs but believes similarly so that we are not constantly fighting. How hard would that be? Somebody to support my dreams and career goals while also having goals and a strong career of his own. However, of course, I would want him home for supper and able to get off for children's events and to be there for sports and whatnot. Somebody who knows how to take care of cattle, livestock, and horses and who could allow us to have land with all sorts of animals and horses. Ideally, this guy is super smart, but kind and humble and still goofy/silly/easy-going, especially when I need him to help me relax. I want somebody who believes in the traditional roles that I believe in and see in the Bible so that I can focus on serving him, as a wife, and he works with me to set up a great household for ourselves and kids. I want someone to inspire, and spoil, and love on, and encourage, and grow old with. Somebody that knows I love him and who loves me right back so that we never have to question it with each other. I want a best friend, a leader, a supporter, and somebody that is somehow excited and comforted to find me, of all people.

My list goes on. I know the Good L-rd performs miracles every day, I'm simply asking that maybe, if it be His will, that I be blessed with an amazing guy that allows me to know that G-d is willing to allow amazing things in my life so that I forget the evilness of ex-bf and ex-fiance.

Pioneer Woman in the Works

I got to help butcher a cow this weekend! I didn't think I would have the stomach for it, but I actually really enjoyed the whole process. Granted, I wasn't there for the killing, skinning, or de-gutting of the poor guy, but I finally saw how hamburger, roasts, and steaks are made from the different parts of the cow. Roommate and I have been given free reign of the brain so we're going to dissect it one of these days and I got to pick out the spinal cord, several arteries, and all sorts of fun A&P stuff. So cool!

Y'all should also know that the cow wasn't supposed to be killed this early in the season, but he got kicked by one of the horses at Roommate's Grandpa's ranch (the one we go riding at), so he was put out of his pain. Sometimes, if the break is low enough, they can heal and they'll end up making really tender beef. This break was really high, though, and would never heal correctly so the cow would end up dying slowly if he hadn't been killed. That's me rationalizing the whole death a little bit, but that doesn't help me a whole lot. Mostly, it was made easier just being separated from the killing and only dealing with the meat. That's why surgeons partition off the patient's face, to help compartmentalize their job from the actual person they're working on.

Tonight I talked myself into preparing a whole trout. It was already gutted from the store, but I took off the fins, decapitated it, and figured out how to get the scales off. Then I baked a couple up and they were actually pretty tasty! I even learned how to de-bone the thing after it was already cooked.

It's scary, but I might be able to be one of those domestic ladies someday... I might even be able to live on a cattle ranch and be able to slaughter my own chickens someday... That's gonna take a lot of time, but I think I'm pretty well cut out for this pioneer woman stuff!

Fantastic Weekend Review

Hey y'all, how was your weekend? I hope it was fun, or at least relaxing.

Mine was super fun. After going to the barbeque that I kinda initiated... I got to spend nearly an entire day with my Mema. Oh goodness, I LOVE her!!! We drove about 2 hours to go look at the leaves that are changing colors and scoped out some camping spots for next summer with the whole extended family. Super exciting and it killed my back sitting for nearly 5 hours cramped in a car. That's one of the only times I wish I had a little bit shorter legs. That and the fact that I'm taller than most guys... Therefore I tower over the cutie pies I may/may not crush on and I would like to find a guy that's a bit taller than me. I don't know why that's a thing, but I want to feel petite and feminine next to a guy and not like a frickin' giant.

Anywho, I also got to ride horses for about an hour and the horse kept running! Oh my goodness I should have shortened those stirrups. Since I didn't, but bum is a bit sore because I couldn't stand in the stirrups to prevent bouncing up and down about a foot with each horse step. I almost felt like I was going to get thrown too because I was not prepared for the horse to start running, he just took off!

Well, Roommate's mom loves taking pictures. I HATE being in pictures. I loose the argument with her every time because I just adore her! So, I took a picture with Roommate Mama's boyfriend (of 10 years). He's awesome. Really, they have an amazing family. Later that night this picture was posted on the boyfriend's Facebook page. About 5 minutes later he gets a call. Keep in mind it is about 9 at night and where we're from, it's not okay to call after 9 unless it's an emergency. The call was from his nephew and the nephew was asking who I was. He told the boyfriend I was "hot" and some other very flattering descriptive phrases that I was not informed about. Haha, that made me feel significantly better after them silly high school boys told me to try harder. I wasn't even wearing make-up in the picture and my hair was all wind-blown from having ridden horses. So, while I should not be so easily upset and encouraged by these little comments, I am just now coming into being noticed by guys and noticing them back. Plus, the guy that was diggin' on me is a few years older and has a bigger pool of girls and still thought I was worth a "double take". Good thing it was dark when they told me because I was blushing all over!

My brother got a girlfriend. Have I told you about that yet? She got him to smoke pot less and he doesn't drink as much, so that's good. He took the new girlfriend to meet my mama over the weekend without warning mom that the girlfriend was coming. Nobody is telling me anything besides the fact that it went okay. I'm kinda hoping that there are some better stories than that but I guess I'll just have to dig some more this week.

I'm gonna go try to be productive today. We'll see how far that gets me. Also, I think I need to come up with better nicknames for Roommates family... Maybe that's what I'll do today.