Today's Dating Culture

I've been doing some thinking about today's "dating" culture. I know, that's sketchy business 1) for me thinking and 2) trying to analyze the culture of my generation. I've come to some sad realizations, and it makes me believe that the only way for me to end up getting married or even having a successful dating relationship will be by major miracle and some serious mountain moving/water splitting. I have no doubt the Good L-rd can do it, but it'll be interesting to see if He wants to.

1. Guys don't know how to keep conversations except by text or meme. Even when going to coffee with a guy, I found myself trying to make conversation with someone who clearly didn't have any interest in speaking with me. Why, then, did he insist he enjoyed spending time with me and talking with me when he would end up ignoring me to look at memes on his phone? Bro, seriously, I'm right here.
2. Boys/guys (because they are legally old enough to be "men" but not mature enough to be labeled as such) don't know how to ask a girl out. Back in the day, they would go up to a girl who caught their fancy, learn a little about them, bring the girl flowers, ask her on a date, plan said date to a T, pay for her meal, pull out her chair, hold open doors, and they would get excited about hand holding and plan how to get a hand hold worked into the date. Now, girls are expected to kiss the guy who asks "do you want to hang out?" and proceeds to meet her somewhere that she is expected to pick. Affectionate displays like hand holding, hugs, and generally kisses are expected, especially if dinner was paid for by the guy. And things like flowers, cards, sweet acts from them are not the norm, they are reserved for a year anniversary or Valentine's Day if the couple has been dating for several months before the despicable day arrives. 
3. Texting is something that is done on a daily basis, so there is not much to talk about when the couple meets in person. Add that to the fact that guys these days don't know how to carry on a conversation or talk about anything real and this is simply a recipe for disaster and suddenly, the fact that guys spend their whole date on their phone instead of looking at the girl sitting across from them, makes much more sense. Also the text "WRYD?" (translation: "What are you doing?" We're too lazy to even type it out *facepalm*) instead of asking meaningful questions to spark an intellectual discussion, comes into play about 4 times an hour, at minimum.
4. With no values placed on the importance of dating, having the balls to ask a girl out in person, and getting to know one another while having worth-while conversations face-to-face, it's a wonder anyone gets married these days. 
5. Add in the prevalence of online-dating, and it becomes clear why guys are less likely to commit to one girl, why they have no guts to ask a girl out in person, and how conversations never get past the "so what's your favorite thing to do?" texts. 

Don't get me wrong, girls are helping to perpetuate all of this shit. We make it too easy on guys, by not expecting anything more of them, by not demanding respect and by not waiting ourselves for hand-holding, hugs, and kisses. We have become so addicted to the feel good hormones that accompany such acts, that we refuse to put off that sensation when we meet a new fella. Therefore, we are always chasing the rush instead of finding a guy that is ready to commit to a relationship, and we are often not even wanting to commit because we "fall out of love". Instead, it turns out we merely "fell out" of infatuation because love was never a destination we understood how to get to.

In a culture of instant gratification, looking for deals, expecting life to turn out like a fucking Disney Princess movie, and nobody taking responsibility for their own actions, we have lost the art of dating. What chance do we stand to have a life-long marriage to a high-school sweetheart? What hope do we have to even find someone to marry for any longer than about 6 months to a year? There are online dating sites targeted to help married men find someone to cheat on their wife with. There are countless websites aimed at helping people to find meaningless "relationships" in order to merely have a one-night stand. Even dating websites targeted at "helping" those of a religious background find others with a similar mindset are being used for evil people to find the purest members of a particular faith in order to target them for sexual violence or to try to snatch them away from G-d. Don't tell me it doesn't happen, I know it does.

So, with the cowards that we have become, the inability to tear ourselves from our fucking screens, and the loss of understanding what dating and marriage is supposed to look like, how is there any chance for anyone from this generation to find what G-d intended marriage to look like?

Small Victories

I went out tonight, in celebration of St. Patrick's Day! There is a "hole in the wall" Irish Pub over yonder in College Town that I have begun frequenting because it is laid back and they have karaoke. Oh my gosh, so fun! Also so much better than the typical country bars I go to because people are more genuine at this new place. They wear their skater/hipster/preppy/jock/country clothes and just roll with it because they are just chill and there to hang out with friends. At the country bars, it is expected that you wear "country" clothing regardless of whether you've ever mounted a horse, shot a gun, or even driven on a dirt road for more than a quarter mile.

Honestly, from where I'm from, most guys dress the cowboy part but are not even close! They look mighty good in their freshly shined boots, clean little cowboy hat, and snap button shirts. However, they don't know that girls who are looking for a real country boy are looking for mud on the boots, wranglers with grease stains that are stacked at the bottoms, and dust on the hats. They may or may not be in a snap button shirt, depending on whether they are trying to dress up or not. Typically, to go out, true country boys will be in a greasy ball cap and t-shirt with the jeans stacked on top of muddy boots. They are simple things, but those of use who know anything can tell. Also seeing the "cowboys" climb into a prius at the end of the night tends to give them away...

Anywho, this post is about tonight's adventure. I went with Best Friend and a bunch of his work friends to the Irish Pub. He is actually the one to introduce me to the place to begin with! Anyway, I show up alone and go in to find him. Little did I know that his "couple of work friends" meant a solid 10 people! My goodness! Oh well, the more the merrier. He and I talked the most along with one of our other friends from freshman year of college. The three of us went on a lot of adventures back in the day and are still really good at just being able to chill and they let me be one of the guys. So, whatever.

Within about 10 minutes of me being there, after all of the introductions, this one guy starts talking to me. He starts with the normal, "hey, how are you?" kinda questions. I didn't think much of it because he was part of Best Friend's group and I figured he was just trying to be friendly. He ended up giving me one of his green necklaces (even though I was wearing green already) and we continued on. A group of my friends from nursing school showed up and got a table near the one I was already at. So, I floated between the two. Eventually, the guy kept talking with me. He asked me to play skeeball with him, bought me a drink (though I fully expected to pay for my own), and continued to talk with me. Fine, whatever, he's probably just being nice and making conversation.

He ended up giving me his number. At the end of the night, he asked for mine. I was a little tipsy, but with it enough that I recalled what I told myself I would tell guys when they asked... "I don't give out my number at bars." He started guilt tripping me saying he bought me a drink, played skeeball, and all this other stuff. He said he wasn't like other guys and asked for my number again. I said no. He said, "then, can I give you mine?" I told him he already had on a ticket because he wrote it out and put the ticket on my keys. I picked it up and put it in my pocket, not knowing what it was. Best Friend told me later what it was and I decided to keep it just in case. After talking with the guys, I think it's a definite no-go.

Honestly, dude, if you want a girl to go on a date with you and actually get to know you to be able to date, then you shouldn't be so pushy. Believe it or not, we don't like that!

Anyway, he spent the next hour trying to convince me that he was a good guy, that he was thinking I'm pretty, and pulling all the stops to convince me that I should give him a shot. Oh my gosh, I spent the whole hour pointing out the ways his story didn't add up, the ways he was tyring to build himself up but how it didn't work with me, and also discecting his dirty joke and asking why he would tell a "Jewish Church-girl" a dirty joke like the one he had. For the first time in my life, I got to purposely make a guy squirm!!! He was so sure of himself at the beginning, thinking he was making me laugh and thinking he could get me because I look dumb and sweet.

Sorry Honey, but I'm not really sorry that I'm putting you in your place. Don't expect every girl to fall at your feet when you are blatantly flirting with a girl right next to me all night when you don't know what else to say to me! Good heavens, let's use a little bit of brains here, huh?

Regardless, I shut down an "ex-fiance-like" guy... IN PERSON!!! I have done it online or softly over text, but never in person. I usually get scared and don't want to hurt the guy's feelings but hey, they don't care about mine. They just want to get laid and I'm not the one they are going to find that satisfaction from.

So, that is my little victory for the day. I win against some asshole playa guy that thought he was so smooth all night. I ended up showing him I'm not as dumb as I look and that I'm small, but I can stand on my own two feet.

Praise the L-rd for me thinking about how I would respond to a guy in a bar before having to live through it. Also, Praise the L-rd for the slight buzz that allowed me to answer without having to actually think about what I was saying and also allowing me to not be super concerned with hurting the guy's feelings. I know it sounds mean, but he was looking for a one-night-stand. He was not looking to get to know me and to be nice to me and treat me well for the rest of our lives. He's looking for immediate gratification. I'm not falling for it and, unfortunately for him, I got to unleash the anger and sassy remarks I've been saving up for months on him.

I go to bed feeling empowered and hoping I can continue on to have strength to face each day because I'm taking life day-by-day at the moment. Actually, it's day-by-day on god days. Most of the time it's more of a moment-by-moment situation.

Goodnight!

Fantastic Weekend Review

Hey y'all, how was your weekend? I hope it was fun, or at least relaxing.

Mine was super fun. After going to the barbeque that I kinda initiated... I got to spend nearly an entire day with my Mema. Oh goodness, I LOVE her!!! We drove about 2 hours to go look at the leaves that are changing colors and scoped out some camping spots for next summer with the whole extended family. Super exciting and it killed my back sitting for nearly 5 hours cramped in a car. That's one of the only times I wish I had a little bit shorter legs. That and the fact that I'm taller than most guys... Therefore I tower over the cutie pies I may/may not crush on and I would like to find a guy that's a bit taller than me. I don't know why that's a thing, but I want to feel petite and feminine next to a guy and not like a frickin' giant.

Anywho, I also got to ride horses for about an hour and the horse kept running! Oh my goodness I should have shortened those stirrups. Since I didn't, but bum is a bit sore because I couldn't stand in the stirrups to prevent bouncing up and down about a foot with each horse step. I almost felt like I was going to get thrown too because I was not prepared for the horse to start running, he just took off!

Well, Roommate's mom loves taking pictures. I HATE being in pictures. I loose the argument with her every time because I just adore her! So, I took a picture with Roommate Mama's boyfriend (of 10 years). He's awesome. Really, they have an amazing family. Later that night this picture was posted on the boyfriend's Facebook page. About 5 minutes later he gets a call. Keep in mind it is about 9 at night and where we're from, it's not okay to call after 9 unless it's an emergency. The call was from his nephew and the nephew was asking who I was. He told the boyfriend I was "hot" and some other very flattering descriptive phrases that I was not informed about. Haha, that made me feel significantly better after them silly high school boys told me to try harder. I wasn't even wearing make-up in the picture and my hair was all wind-blown from having ridden horses. So, while I should not be so easily upset and encouraged by these little comments, I am just now coming into being noticed by guys and noticing them back. Plus, the guy that was diggin' on me is a few years older and has a bigger pool of girls and still thought I was worth a "double take". Good thing it was dark when they told me because I was blushing all over!

My brother got a girlfriend. Have I told you about that yet? She got him to smoke pot less and he doesn't drink as much, so that's good. He took the new girlfriend to meet my mama over the weekend without warning mom that the girlfriend was coming. Nobody is telling me anything besides the fact that it went okay. I'm kinda hoping that there are some better stories than that but I guess I'll just have to dig some more this week.

I'm gonna go try to be productive today. We'll see how far that gets me. Also, I think I need to come up with better nicknames for Roommates family... Maybe that's what I'll do today.