A Glimpse Inside My Brain

Now, this whole blog has kind of morphed into a diary of my inner thoughts and experiences. I don't know if that is good for you or not yet, I'm still collecting and analyzing data from this little experiment. Regardless, I will share the random thought I had last night.

I was driving home at 11:20ish last night, just thinking about life. I started to think about how my "thing" has always been school and good grades. I have never been good at sports. Never been the class clown or even a social butterfly. I associate my identity, some of it, with being the quiet girl that sits in the back and does really well at school (sometimes, even without studying). College has since crushed that identity. I think that is why I was so distraught when I got an A- last year. The B I got in Micro was tough to take, but G-d has relieved my initial upsetness (that's now a word) over getting this grade that I viewed as being unacceptable. At the heart of this problem, though, is the fact that I realized I am just a typical person. That's disappointing. Doesn't everyone want to be extraordinary?

The more I thought about my ordinary life, the more I realized that my life is the "typical" type of life. I was a college freshman that lived in the dorms. Now I live in an apartment 5 minutes from school. I got my first job at 16. I went through school in the grade that I was supposed to be in (no skipping grades because I was super smart) and I was usually in the average class, not the accelerated classes. I graduated in the typical fashion, but didn't go to my actual graduation because it was on a Saturday. I grew up in the suburbs, rode a school bus to school or walked. I was not someone to finish high school by age 12 and become a full-fledged MD by 18. I was not born into royalty and not many people know my name. I may never actually do anything extraordinary in life, but that's for G-d to decide. So, I have to learn how to serve the L-rd in my typical, ordinary life. School is not my identity. I can only get my identity from the Creator. Period.