Healing of Music

Sometimes songs are the words your heart wants to speak but your brain cannot comprehend. Enter Flyleaf:


Red Sam

Here I stand
Empty hands
Wishing my wrists were bleeding
To stop the pain from the beatings

There you stood
Holding me
Waiting for me to notice you

But who are you
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

The warmth of your embrace
Melts my frostbitten spirit
You speak the truth and I hear it
The words are I love you
And I have to believe in you

But who are you
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

My hands are open
And you are filling them
Hands in the air
In the air, in the air, in the air

And I worship
And I worship
And I worship

You!

You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

An "Off" Kind of Day

You ever have those days where something or everything is just "off?" I seem to have those days more and more, but today is getting to me.

I called my mom to talk to her, but couldn't find the words to talk to her about what is on my mind because it's just something there but not really describable. I have this desire to talk to her but I don't know about what. Then I get sad and start crying for no reason. 2 seconds later I'm frustrated over nothing. Eventually I get productive. Typically, sleep comes next. Then my day is done and it's time to start a new one.

I know I talk a lot about this kinda stuff, but I'm still just processing thoughts and I get more into words when I can type. It just so happens that I don't trust people enough to keep all the typed things on my computer, so I put it on the World Wide Web for everyone to view... Doesn't make sense.

I dropped another $13 at Village Inn at breakfast with my classmates. It was nice, then it turned into a gossiping/bashing fest. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to stand up for anyone. That needs to change. Even though I didn't take part in the bashing/gossiping, it's just as bad for me to bear witness to it and not stop it.

So that happened.

Then I spent $45 on music, for no reason. It is worship music, because I'm breaking my habit of country music and it's not going well. Still, I don't have the money to be spending like this!

Got a 71% on my patho exam from Monday. Passing is 74%. Sorta self explanatory, huh?

Minor Shock

I just ordered textbooks for the nursing program and it came out to over $1100! I almost had a heart attack and I'm still in shock. Why is this so expensive? It would be nice if all of the nursing students got together and one class of students bought all the books then they passed them down to incoming students for a small fee. When the books are deemed "outdated" by the school then the students who actually own them can sell them on amazon or something because there is always someone using those books. Let's beat the system people! I am going to find someone in the incoming class to use my book next year and I will charge them maybe $50 to use the whole lot of them and then they will give them back at the end of the year so I can find another person to use them the next year. I will do this all 3 years and make just a tiny bit of money but it will save so much money for the other people! Co-op folks! We're all being forced into this ridiculous system of buying overpriced books anyway so let's work with each other and find a way around their ridiculous prices.

Sorry I'm getting so worked up, I don't like spending so much money on anything let alone silly books that would have been cheaper if I didn't have to buy from the bookstore just so that I can use my student account instead of my credit card (which is pretty much maxed out all the time now). Plus I am frustrated with other life circumstances right now that I cannot talk about right now. I called my mom last night to talk with her, but she had to go. She promised to call back but she must have fallen asleep.

In happier news, I bought some new music when I finally got my paycheck and I love it! Addison Road is one of my favorite bands and I just got both of their albums on amazon. Definitely check them out. Stories, This Could Be Our Day, and so many other songs have been on repeat for the past few days. I found them on Pandora and I couldn't be happier with the purchase to finally have their music for myself.

Daily Thanksgiving: My coffee date went well yesterday and my friend brought to my attention some interesting things about my country boy's situation. She is so honest and doesn't beat around the bush. It's hard to hear sometimes, but she is good for me, I think. She brings a new perspective to my struggles and isn't afraid to hurt my feelings or offend me. I got to talk to my mom. I was pretty productive yesterday and still had time to relax and watch my shows. I get to volunteer tonight and I found out how to volunteer to go hold babies!!!