Senior Year Kinda Sucks...

All through nursing school I was looking forward to this year, my last year as a nursing student. Turns out, it SUCKS!

On my own personal, very mean note, I do not like the people in my class. At my school, there is a whole cohort (the whole group of people you will graduate with) and then those people are divided into two groups so that one group can be doing med/surg 4 while the other does peds/ob and then we switch. I do not like the people in my group/class and I am going to be with them for the rest of the year while I don't get to see all of my favorite people because they are in peds/ob without me. That happened because I am completing this degree faster than most of them so they have more credits meaning they get to sign up for classes before me. Please forgive this bit of whining but I am at my whits end with the people in my class. Many of them are the ones I avoided on purpose last year and so I took the classes they were not in order to not have to be in class with them. So, it does not help that I show up to class grumpy and leave angry each day simply because of personality clashes.

Now, on top of everything, it turns out that senior year is just about writing a billion papers that are essentially our thesis papers for each class. My current med/surg professor had us fill out a bunch of worksheets and pick out an upwards of 6 articles. She then went through all of them, approved/declined many of the articles, and is having us resubmit them to her for grading. She is overwhelmed with the amount of work she has to do and we are all frustrated because we can't move on with the rest of the assignment until she grades our stuff. However, she doesn't have time to look at our stuff before the paper due date so we have been shot in the foot and forced to do the impossible. So, I have been told that she is worried I will fail the paper because the articles I chose are not acceptable but she is not helping any of us or making it possible for us to have success because we don't have enough time!!! It's the worst, vicious cycle of paper writing I have ever been a part of and I am at about level 87 of stress on a scale of 1 to 10. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

So, senior year sucks. I am glad we only have a couple more weeks of this crap before we move on to the next class of this semester. It's Community Health which I'm not excited about, at all, but I like the teacher and she is reasonable so I hope it will be tolerable.

C'est la vie...

I woke up and the day started like a normal day for me. Got ready and was fixin' to head out the door with my brother when he realized he couldn't find his wallet. We looked around for a bit but still could not find it so we decided I should drive. At this point, we are approximately 5-10 minutes behind schedule. I drop him off and as I am driving to my part of campus, I get pulled over.

"Ma'am, do you know what the campus speed limit is?"

"No, sir, I do not"

"It's 15 and you were going 25 when I clocked you. License, registration, and proof of insurance please."

Awesome! My first speeding ticket, I'm already late, and now I can't even find the car's registration because my brother is a pack rat and puts everything in weird places. It's only 9:30 and my day already sucks!

"Ma'am, I'll let you off with a warning because we haven't had to pull you over before but just know that for going 10 mph over the speed limit, your ticket would have been $100"

"I'm so sorry officer, thank you very much"

I walk into class 15 minutes late to find that there was an unannounced quiz. I go up to talk to the teacher who just says "sorry." I got back to my seat and wait for lecture to begin while trying to hold back the tears. With me, it has to be really bad for me to start tearing up in class, but I never cry if I can help it. Fortunately, I didn't cry. All through class, my brother had been texting me. I had turned my phone on silent so I didn't hear anything at all. I check my phone over our short break and 5 new texts and a phone call all from my brother. I wanted to explain what had happened so that he would realize that his problem of having to wait 2 hours was not as bad as all of my angering tragedies, but I didn't. Instead, I stayed calm, texted him to wait until my class was over and then I would take him home. He replied snottily and I felt like going off on him, but I remained calm still.

Class is over, so I head outside. I find my brother in the backseat because he had a bad day too.  His bad day merely consisted of getting a 70% on a quiz, having to walk down to my part of campus, and then sitting in a hot car even though he definitely could have gone inside to where it is air conditioned. Guys, I STILL didn't go off on him! I calmly explained my morning: being late, getting pulled over, and getting a 0 on a quiz I didn't know we had because he would not just leave when I asked him to.

After lunch, I needed to pick up a penlight for my next class which is BHA lab. I left the house underestimating how long it would take to secure such an item. By this time I was 5 minutes late and I didn't have the parking pass that my brother and I share because I forgot it! So, I go to metered parking but I don't have any quarters. I drive around 3-4 times looking for a parking spot in the neighborhood close to the school and finally find one. A brisk walk up a large hill with flip-flops and I make it to lab sweating, out of breath, and 15 minutes late. Oy vey! I almost just didn't even go because I was so angry and frantic.

My professor for lab just happens to be the professor I have for the lecture I went to earlier in the day. She came over to me, and my heart started pumping so hard and fast. She leaned over and whispered, "You can come into my office tomorrow and retake that quiz." Let me tell you, those were such sweet words along with the cop just letting me off with a warning. I wasn't even worried about the quiz anymore, I didn't care at that point because it was already definitive for me, I missed the quiz and I'll just take a zero. I was also sure that I was going to get a ticket today. Instead, G-d had different plans for me with both of those. He gave the cop and my professor grace for me and allowed my day to be awful, but completely within His control. It was definitely a lesson in time management, anger, forgiveness, grace, and trust.

I would really like to go to bed now because I'm exhausted from having such a stressful day, but I have a million things due tomorrow so I had better get to work. C'est la vie, non? (FYI: "non" is how you spell and say "no" in French, it is pronounced just like our "no")

Full Moon

As y'all know, I was skeptical about rumors of strange behaviors during the full moon before I started working in healthcare. Now that I am immersed in it, and in an elderly care facility, I very much believe that it is a real thing. Today is proof of it. Everyone was upset with everyone else. People were screaming at each other and many were convinced that their families and our staff were conspiring to kill them or to make them think that they are crazy. Needless to say, today was insane! To top if off, it wasn't even the complete full moon today. No, that happens tonight or tomorrow night, so we should be in for some more big fun the next 2 days that I work. Tomorrow I even work a double... I really have to start looking at a calendar with the moon phases before I schedule myself for shifts.

When I went into work today I wanted to quit. As I left, I still wanted to quit, but I somehow had more compassion for my residents at the end of the day than I did at the beginning. I'm pretty sure G-d changed my heart somewhere along the line today, I'm not sure when He did, but I'm very glad He did.

Nursing school: Now that I've been accepted, what else do I have to do? I have to get health insurance, the flu shot or a medical exemption, tons of books (totaling about $1000!), and I have to send in loads of paper work. This will be an interesting month getting everything ready for nursing school seeing as I don't believe in getting the flu vaccine and I don't have health insurance.

Daily Thanksgiving: I had a decent day at work and I got to talk to my mom today. I was accepted into nursing school and G-d will allow all of the insurance and vaccine things to work out somehow.

Minor Shock

I just ordered textbooks for the nursing program and it came out to over $1100! I almost had a heart attack and I'm still in shock. Why is this so expensive? It would be nice if all of the nursing students got together and one class of students bought all the books then they passed them down to incoming students for a small fee. When the books are deemed "outdated" by the school then the students who actually own them can sell them on amazon or something because there is always someone using those books. Let's beat the system people! I am going to find someone in the incoming class to use my book next year and I will charge them maybe $50 to use the whole lot of them and then they will give them back at the end of the year so I can find another person to use them the next year. I will do this all 3 years and make just a tiny bit of money but it will save so much money for the other people! Co-op folks! We're all being forced into this ridiculous system of buying overpriced books anyway so let's work with each other and find a way around their ridiculous prices.

Sorry I'm getting so worked up, I don't like spending so much money on anything let alone silly books that would have been cheaper if I didn't have to buy from the bookstore just so that I can use my student account instead of my credit card (which is pretty much maxed out all the time now). Plus I am frustrated with other life circumstances right now that I cannot talk about right now. I called my mom last night to talk with her, but she had to go. She promised to call back but she must have fallen asleep.

In happier news, I bought some new music when I finally got my paycheck and I love it! Addison Road is one of my favorite bands and I just got both of their albums on amazon. Definitely check them out. Stories, This Could Be Our Day, and so many other songs have been on repeat for the past few days. I found them on Pandora and I couldn't be happier with the purchase to finally have their music for myself.

Daily Thanksgiving: My coffee date went well yesterday and my friend brought to my attention some interesting things about my country boy's situation. She is so honest and doesn't beat around the bush. It's hard to hear sometimes, but she is good for me, I think. She brings a new perspective to my struggles and isn't afraid to hurt my feelings or offend me. I got to talk to my mom. I was pretty productive yesterday and still had time to relax and watch my shows. I get to volunteer tonight and I found out how to volunteer to go hold babies!!!

Return of My Cynicism

I just researched "cynic" just to see if I was spelling it right, but I found this definition on Google: "Cynicism, in its original form, refers to the beliefs of an ancient school of Greek philosophers known as the Cynics. Their philosophy was that the purpose of life was to live a life of Virtue in agreement with Nature."

Ya, that's definitely not me. I go under the newer definition of cynicism (also found on Google):

1. Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
2. Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile.

I am under the influence of both of these ways of thought.

Anyway, gone was the week or so of being slightly calmer than normal because my cynicism has returned with a vengeance! It seems like I'm going through the whole wedding cycle again, which is weird because the normal triggers that typically have to take place have not taken place. Maybe its the fact that I'm writing a paper about college student's views on marriage and how it is beneficial to remain single, at least until school is completed and your career is up and running. Right now though, I am finding myself not wanting to be married, or even dating at all. But, coupled with my sudden disdain for the thought of me being married is that little inkling of hope that I will someday be a mother and have children of my own. I will not be a single mother who just gets knocked up in order to have offspring so how do I get around being married but still have children? Maybe I will just give up the thought of children and just focus on helping other women have their babies instead. Then, I still get to hold babies and I don't have to get hitched. Unfortunately, I have a sinking suspicion that this proposal will not provide happiness or get rid of my desires. Maybe marriage won't be so bad, but right now it makes my stomach ill. Not because I'm scared of living with someone for the rest of my life, or because I'm terrified of letting someone know all of me (my thoughts, my life, my everything) though that is a little scary. Right now, I can't pinpoint why I am so opposed to me marrying someone, but this thought of no marriage is getting stronger.

Again, questions are circling through my mind like: Does G-d even have someone for me? Would I even be able to have children? Would I be a good mother? Can I make it through nursing school, let alone midwifery school?

Why am I not able to just trust that G-d will take care of everything!?! I'm so frustrated with myself that I tell G-d I trust Him to orchestrate my life, but then I take the reigns right back and I begin to tell him what I want from life, in a husband, and random things throughout the day. Why? I'm not Him, I don't know what's best for me. Maybe He needs me to finish nursing school in 4.5 or 5 years instead of the 4 year program I am trying for. Maybe He doesn't even want me to be a nurse. I don't know. Perhaps I need to stay single and not be a mother for whatever reason. It sucks constantly not knowing what life is going to be like, where I am going, or what's going to happen. But it's in those times that my faith is strengthened and life is the smoothest when I finally surrender and let G-d do what He is going to do. How do I get back to the state of surrender? How do I stay in that state instead of trying to control everything again?

Freshman Year Is Nearly Complete!

With all of my classes completed, now I just have to turn in my English paper and take my three finals and then I am free!!! Of course, the freedom only lasts for a week and I won't really be completely free because I have to study for the HESI... but I won't have any actual school for a little bit which is so very nice. Praise the L-rd!

Today I went and volunteered at a free medical clinic as a CNA and I absolutely loved it. I had such a good time. My main job is to call a patient back, get their vitals, history, medications, and what they are in the office for. Then I let the doctor know that the patient is there and that's it. The rest of the time we stand around talking and doing other stuff. Tonight I learned about a month long EMT course and a two week long course (only 2 classes a week) after that to become certified for IV's. Seeing as I wanted to be an EMT first instead of becoming a CNA, I am so excited about this possibility, but I don't have time nor money for the class... So, we will see if it's something G-d wants me to do or not. The frustrating thing about finding this kind of information is that I wanted to be an EMT first, but then got my CNA. So now I am at a crossroads because I am already licensed and I paid for one class, which was nearly $1000! Now, I find a class that I was originally interested in, so do I shell out another $1000 to get that license as well? Did I just waste $1000 getting a now useless license? Now I probably can't even get reimbursed for the CNA course because the administrators did not get my paperwork done in time and nobody is letting me know what's going on with anything. But that is also partly my fault for not pestering them more so that I could actually be made a priority in order to get what I needed. So very frustrating!

Daily Thanksgiving: I'm done with classes. I got to volunteer. My paper was peer reviewed and found to be "excellent" (paraphrasing) by the girl who read it. Opportunities are being presented for lots of stuff in my life, I just have to wait on G-d to tell me if I should act on it or not.

Drudgery of Studying

In my ambitious quest to stop my problem with procrastinating, I have somehow managed to still fall behind. Now I have 7 pages of my paper due tomorrow (I've written about 3/4 of a page...) and I have my last anatomy lab test tomorrow but I am not nearly ready to take it! Besides that I'm having to balance my social life with my school work and I am getting really frustrated because no one else seems to care that I need to focus on school alone. Does it seem to happen that everyone wants to talk to you, or visit you, or need something from you as soon as you get into your zone of studying? I almost wish I didn't have a cell phone, computer, or a social life because managing all of these things plus school is making me slightly angry. I know, I could just shut it all off, but what if my mom calls me and needs something? My phone is my only means of communication besides the computer. I guess that means I'm cutting out all my friends. I do better being a loner anyway, that way I don't have to check in, orchestrate meals or events, and I don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings because it's just me, myself, and I. Yep, that's what I have to do, I have to go back to being a loner.

Daily Thanksgiving: I made it through my last Monday of legitimate classes of my college Freshman career! I have friends, which may be slightly inconvenient for oddballs like me, but I suppose it's good so that I don't end up talking to myself under a bridge somewhere (more on that story later). I got to the library and got a group study room for myself so that I could draw stuff for the test I have tomorrow and I am beginning to understand some of the material. 3 more days of learning related material then just three finals. Next year, I have a much easier course load even though they will be more challenging. I am very thankful that G-d allowed someone to make dry erase markers, they are so nifty and helpful for anatomy! If you take anatomy, buy yourself some dry erase markers and find yourself a whiteboard, then go nuts with drawings and color-coding and graphs, etc. Then, take pictures of them, make those pictures into a power point and you have yourself a fantastic study guide because you had to figure out how to simplify it to draw it and you learn all the ins and outs of the thing you draw! Also, my depression and anxiety have not been so bad the past few days even though I am very stressed out. G-d got me through the day. He is my Rock and my Abba (Father), I don't really trust anyone but Him because He has never let me down and He has shown me His mercies today (for the millionth time, but for some reason I always forget the amazing things He does).

Okay, so for that story about me living under a bridge... During lab last week, my lab partner and I were more unfocused than normal and so we made up a story with my other friend about us quitting school and living under a bridge in Florida because we have decided school is silly and too stressful to become nurses. We are all in the nursing program by the way (technically pre-nursing until I take the HESI and hopefully get accepted into clinicals, L-rd willing!). So, we are quitting nursing school, hitch-hiking to Florida and finding a bridge to live under. There, we will scrounge for food and, in case of a hurricane, hitch-hike back to a land-locked state until the hurricane ceases. Anybody in?

Failed My Test

Okay, I am not completely sure that I totally failed my chem test, but I just took it and I am 98% sure I legitimately failed the test. I did the study guide but half the stuff my teacher asked about wasn't even on the study guide!!! Why? She says everything that will be on the test will be on the study guide, but that's not the case. I miss my old teacher. She gave us huge study packets and actually talked about chemistry in a language I understood. I should have stayed with her. Also, I should have kept my original A&P Lab time because I am not pleased with my current lab instructor, who is also different than last semester. I am just regretting so many life decisions, you have no idea.

I'll keep you guys updated about my test grade, I get it back tonight or tomorrow...

On a brighter subject, I got a 97% on my English paper so that cheered me up, until I took my test. So, I was in a good mood for all of 8 hours (and I was asleep most of those 8 hours).


Why did I have to make such foolish decisions about everything in my life!?!

By the way, I called home last night because I was about to lose it. Then I let it slip that my depression is coming back and my anxiety is getting much worse. Talk about freaking your parents out! I took it back right away and told my mom I was good, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe me. That poor woman, and my poor dad are always having to reassure me that life is alright. I feel bad for making them worry, but it just slipped out. I need to learn how to fix my depression and anxiety so that this doesn't keep happening because right now it is so bad, I am actually physically sick. I will likely live, it's nothing big, but I get so frustrated because I cannot figure out how to control this nonsense! Then that just makes matters worse and it's a cycle that keeps getting increasingly more difficult and problematic. Maybe I have bi-polar disorder... Or maybe I'm just a hypochondriac...

Short and Sweet

Folks, I'm going to keep this short and sweet and just do my daily thanksgivings in this post.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am alive. I'm passing my classes with at least a B. I got to talk to my parents (and have a little cry, but don't worry about that). G-d's allowing me to have fun and He is also teaching me a lot about others and even more about myself. I am so very thankful for the ability and opportunity to go to college and have it be so close to home. I am the daughter of THE King, THE Creator, and THE One TRUE G-d (all names for the same G-d). He protects me and loves me despite my foolishness and He forgives me for my many shortcomings when I ask for forgiveness. He loves me enough to discipline me and also He loves me enough to let me make mistakes that He fixes in the end. He holds my heart. He holds my past, present, and future and He will never leave me, nor will He forsake me. He is my G-d, my Abba (Father), and I am not worthy of His love or grace or provisions.

Completely Fed Up

Do y'all ever have those days were you are just fed up with everything? You don't want to work, or go to school, or have friends or even breath...

Ya, I'm having one of those months.

I love my friends. I like my job and I'm very grateful I have employment. I am truly thankful for the opportunity to go to college to further my career and I am also very grateful that G-d allows me to continue breathing. Today, I am just having a tough time. Maybe it's the mid-April snow storm or the fact that I have a billion, potentially life-changing decisions to make. Or it could just be that my brain's chemistry is off, especially today, causing this extreme discombobulation that is accompanying my demeanor. I don't know what it is, but it's bummin' me out! Also, it could likely be attributed to the fact that I got B's on every test I had last week, after I thought I had worked really hard to get better grades, because I was not being self-disciplined enough to stop hanging out with friends... On second thought, it could be that last one that is making me want to give up, not only at school, but at life because honestly, I don't know what I'm doing with my life!

I just want to know what my purpose on this planet is. I know we are here to give G-d glory and to allow His plans to go through, but do I have a bigger purpose? Some people "cure" diseases or save lives. Others make the world a better place by giving orphans a home and providing meals for those who don't have food. Yet others do other stuff that has some significant impact on the world and the general well-being of others. As for me, I don't do anything. I am just a student, quiet and shy. Timid and I used to be decent at school, but that is not necessarily the case any longer. I have friends that get to know me on the surface as I delve deeper into who they are, only to be deserted a few months or years down the road for someone else. I have been a best friend to countless others while I am still very lonely, and without a mate, myself. I am a daughter and sister. I am the oldest grandchild on my dad's side and just one of a bunch on my mom's side. I am a CNA who makes too many mistakes to count, and I'm almost surprised they haven't talked to me or fired me yet for making the other CNA's late all the time in their daily schedules. I was an unnoticeable cashier but now I stick with my life-long dilemma of no one remembering my name, or even my face.

It's times like these when I wonder what is going on? Why are we here? Do I even have a bigger purpose or am I just a space-filler? Does anybody get me or am I just an undetectable island? Will there ever be a friend that gives me what I give to them? I don't need much, just someone to hear me when I can't find anyone. I need someone who will sit with me when I just need to know someone else is there. I need someone to be silly with, but who I can also pour my heart out to as they make sense of the mess within me. I need a wise mentor who is also looking for advice from me.

I need to be needed... understood... accepted... nurtured... loved.

Bad Driver, That's Me...

There is a good chance that you have heard that women are terrible drivers. This is not completely true and it is not a complete lie. When my friend and I went apartment shopping, I was the designated driver, and it was not a great experience for her, as I have recently been informed of, in front of a huge group of my friends. I was the butt of nearly 10 minutes worth of jokes, but I just laughed along. They were pretty funny, and somewhat true, but that doesn't mean they didn't hurt just a little and I was embarrassed. Now, I can refuse to drive people, because I'm a bad driver...

Just to give you an idea of how bad, let's review the points she brought up, and a couple she failed to mention:

1. I almost ran a stop sign. (I was looking at apartment complexes and just missed the little red sign. Fortunately, she pointed it out and I stopped with no problem.)
2. According to her, I ran into a little column that sticks out in random parking spaces in our university's parking garage. (My story: I did not run into it, I tapped it, with my car, because I was not sure how long my car was, but it was a minor tap!)
3. She failed to mention that I slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light even though she told me to just go through it.
4. Also, I drive a stick shift, and I am not a smooth shifter (she didn't say this).

So, clearly I am a terrible driver. I am actually aware that I am not a good driver, it just sucks to be made fun of in front of all my friends... But hey, it's cool, whatever. I get made fun of for lots of stuff. Then I change the behavior or practice, then I'm not so bad. I guess, this will have to be one of those times where I just practice and get better so that I cannot be mocked anymore. Even though it stings, I think this may be beneficial, because at least someone is honest with me so that I can make others more comfortable.


Also, I have noticed that I do the "..." thing a lot. I really am fond of it and I would put it in a lot more, but I figure I overuse it. How can you not though? It's like one of my favorite things!

Well, That's Embarassing!

I apologize for yet another post about this pre-relationship thing going on, but it's consuming all of my thinking and I have to let it out and "talk" it out because I have three tests coming up that I cannot focus enough to study for.

So my guy friend told his roommate and my close friend. We are calling the Roommate B and my close girl friend Z. For the sake of easier writing, my guy friend will be P. Are we good? Anyway, so P told B and Z, without my knowledge, about our talk and confessions yesterday. This apparently made for some knowing looks and giggles because I say stupid things. We were talking about just random stuff, like sleeping, and I waited for a few other people to finish up their talking then decided that I should contribute to the conversation. BIG MISTAKE! B and Z exchanged knowing glances and smiled, likely giggling quietly to themselves at my foolish choice of speaking times. How embarrassing! I didn't even mean it the way they took it, but that's the price of talking about "feelings"... I think I better go lie down before I stress myself out too much over all the stupid things I'm fixin' to say. I had also better figure out how to go back to not talking... EVER. I used to never talk, I don't know what happened to me.

Today went well though. I can't pay attention during class, but I actually got to sleep in a little bit today so that was nice. I also studied for another hour and a half with a good friend who is in all of my classes. She is so awesome and chill and I am so glad G-d brought her into my life.

Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't say anything stupider than what I did at breakfast. Also, now I know who to watch what I say around because I guarantee I am going to be at the butt of a huge amount of jokes. It's cool though, I've been at the butt of jokes most of my life... (That wasn't supposed to sound like self-pity or sad, it's just a funny fact about yours truly.) I have studied quite a bit and I know most of the models that will be on my test. After this week, I only have to worry about finals and the HESI, but I will get a slight break before madness descends on my life, a very short break. Guys, Monday is done and G-d allowed me to survive!!! He will get me through this life. Everything threatens to break me, but I know that He will allow me to survive as long as He sees fit, then I get to go home and not worry about being so foolish, awkward and ridiculously bad at being around anything/anyone but rocks. I like rocks, except for when they decide to attack me, which actually happens a lot... Probably because I talk to them too much...

See!?! My brain does not work right now and I have to study!!!!!!!!!!!

Turnaround

I'm sorry to start on a negative note, but my day was terrible. For some reason I had the bright idea to work on a Friday along with my normal Sunday shift. Note to self: NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! First of all, I was on the behavior unit which means there are a bunch of people who do not speak English or they wander or they need a lot of attention. Second, the CNA working with me was having a life crisis and was not there for the majority of the day. Needless to say, one new girl with 15-16 residents - who require a lot more work than two people can handle - was not a good situation. I am totally fine with people needing to be gone to talk or take care of business or whatever, but I need someone else there with me! I was just a bit frazzled.

This story ends well I promise...

Anyway, I come home and was expecting to go play outside. Yes, I am a college student who goes to play outside with her friends (for the third consecutive night in a row). But they were not playing outside, so I texted my friend. Somehow I end up going to a friend's room and asked him for a hug because I had such a bad day. He thinks I'm nuts because I always fight it when he tries to give me a hug because I do not like being touched or close to people. So he gives me a hug (and will not stop talking about it with everyone because it is so out of my character) and I feel better. I actually feel great! We got a big group of friends together and played volleyball outside and I got to chatter on about all the random stuff that popped into my head. This too is uncommon for me, usually I am super quiet. So my day ended well.

I don't know what is happening to me though! I lived in a suite with three other girls and always wanted to be alone. Then, when I moved, I was totally content only seeing my friends for meals, well, just for dinner. Now, all of a sudden, I crave human interaction on a very steady basis. This is driving me nuts because I don't get anything done! I guess I am just going to have to develop a balance between almost living with my friends and getting schoolwork done when I don't have to work. Gosh, this is going to be tough...

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful for my friend's hug, volleyball, a warm day without direct sun contact making playing ball easier, the CNA's that worked with me today, the fact that I have a job (a CNA job), and for my car.

Shabbat Shalom everyone! I even said it at the right time this time!!!

Oh golly, I forgot to tell you I made a new friend at work. He is studying to be a pastor and working in the food service area of the facility. We met at orientation and he is super nice. It's a wonder I make friends with how timid and awkward I am, but G-d provides companionship regardless of how silly I am.