Many of you out there are aware that it is finals week. Whether you are in school currently or not, it's all over my Facebook and I hope I'm not the only one. Due to this dreadful week, I have good news and bad news. Ready?
Bad:
I got a 76% on my pharmacology math final. That is because I did it mostly by hand and I'm sure my math was incorrect. So, I get a B- for that class. Moral of the story: before taking a math exam, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PENCILS AND CALCULATOR IN BACKPACK/BAG!!! They were conveniently situated on my bedside table at home when I arrived at the final. Terrible, terrible day. I hate getting a bad grade when I knew the material but forgot my tools at home. Totally my bad, but it suck all the same.
I was unable to bring my Patho grade up beyond a B-. Again, my bad for slacking the first part of the semester.
Basic assessment class finishes with a B- due to unknown circumstances. Really, I had no idea what was going on in that course and we were not tested on anything that we were taught... I have good news about this class later.
I'm an all around grump for being mere fractions of percentages away from a straight up B but couldn't break through. That's so frustrating!
Good:
While I am disappointed with my Basic Assessment class overall, I did get a 90% on the final and a 99% on my final assessment evaluation! The teacher originally marked me as 100% because I think she likes me for some reason, but I admitted that I forgot one part so she took a point back. Still, I am so very pleased with that grade!!!
I got a B in Pharmacology! A 92% on my final made sure that I not only passed but I got a B instead of a C or that dreaded B-! Praise the L-rd for getting me through that class and giving me a gracious teacher that pretty much gave us a play-by-play study guide so we could rock the final. Plus, she let us use our books on the test before this. G-d certainly had his hand on my in that class because that was my most difficult one.
In my Foundations course, we have a final worth 10% of our overall grade, but even if I don't take it, I can get a solid B. I may not even show up tomorrow. Well, maybe I ought to, just so I know that I worked to try to get at least one A this semester. Sheesh, it's so disappointing to know that I will never be a 4.0 student EVER in my nursing school career, but hey, by the grace of G-d I may just graduate and pass the NCLEX. That, plus a caring heart and maybe a couple other things, will allow me to pursue my dream to become a full-fledged nurse. Mainly, that's what I want. The OCD side of me, though, wanted a 4.0. Unfortunately, that didn't even happen my first semester... Oh well.
Finally, I PASSED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF NURSING SCHOOL!!! Most people say it gets slightly easier after this because we are building on this first semester knowledge. I sure hope so.
Showing posts with label pathophysiology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pathophysiology. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday Night Adventure
I'm the kind of girl who does hardly anything besides work and school. Part of this is due to the fact that I procrastinate throughout the week so I must get caught up on Friday and Sunday, leaving Saturday for Sabbath rest, of course.
Anyway, today (well, yesterday by now) I had quite the adventure.
1) My washing machine broke a few days ago so I put in a work order a while ago. After about a week of having my washing machine out of commission, we were brought a brand new one today from the apartment complex. The maintenance guys brought it up a whole flight of narrow stairs and hooked it right up. Beautiful!
2) About an hour after the maintenance guys left, I called them because my pipes froze. Folks, it's so cold here right now and we are getting so much snow that class was cancelled for me today and some kids have gotten at least 2 snow days this week! Anyway, the poor guys came back to my apartment and cut holes in the drywall that cover the pipes so they could get heat to the pipes. They finally thawed and that little fact made me so happy. No burst pipes and now my water is running properly again!
3) Went out to dinner and we talked for 4 hours. That's a long time for us, but it was therapeutic. We were able to talk about things that w experienced together last year but never really discussed and I think we made some headway in our current problems. During the dinner I missed two calls, one from my mom and another from my brother. My mom simply called to talk to me about my Facebook post about #1 and 2. Why? I don't know but I love that she's concerned about us. My brother called and texted me to say that he could not start his car so he got a ride home.
4) Went home to take an online quiz. Studied for about 3 hours and got a 76.67%. Surprisingly, I was pleased with this because it is passing. Then, off to get my brother's car working.
5) Folks, it was so cold that night (in the double digit negatives), I had to use the ice scraper on the INSIDE of my car! NOT COOL!!! Anyway, I drove my brother to the university campus where his car was parked and we fiddled with it for about 20 minutes before he decided we needed jumper cables. Neither of us had them so we drove to the closest gas station which was about 15 minutes away. They didn't sell any so the attendant let us borrow his! How generous, he lent his jumper cables to a teen boy about a half hour past midnight. Then we drove back to campus, messed with it again for about 45 minutes with no success and decided to try a different tactic. One last trip to the gas station to return the cables and we drove back again to campus.
Conversation on the way back to campus:
Him: So, you have a choice as to how we do this thing. I can make the tow strap short or long. It's up to you.
Me: What does it matter?
Him: If it's short, then I won't hit you so hard when you brake and my brakes don't work. If it's longer, then there is less of a chance that I will hit you because I will have more time to brake but when I do hit you, it'll be significantly harder...
Me:... DON'T YOU BREAK MY CAR!
Him: Don't worry, that's why you have a spare tire on the back of your car.
6) Tow strap in place, flashers on, and my brother steering his car and me driving mine, we head back to our apartment. The beauty of speaker phone on our cell phones amazes me. With several inches of snow on all the roads, snow still falling, my brother's car's power steering not working and minimal breaks (plus no working e-brake) we made our way home. The drive began at 1:10 a.m. and we went a whopping 5 miles an hour nearly all the way home because we took the back-roads. On the final leg of the journey, however, we were cruising at 15 mph on the main road! Home at 1:45 or so, we pushed his car into a parking spot and headed upstairs.
Off to bed. This post has not done my day justice but I'm exhausted and it's nearly 4 a.m. Praise the L-rd, He kept us safe on our towing adventure!
Anyway, today (well, yesterday by now) I had quite the adventure.
1) My washing machine broke a few days ago so I put in a work order a while ago. After about a week of having my washing machine out of commission, we were brought a brand new one today from the apartment complex. The maintenance guys brought it up a whole flight of narrow stairs and hooked it right up. Beautiful!
2) About an hour after the maintenance guys left, I called them because my pipes froze. Folks, it's so cold here right now and we are getting so much snow that class was cancelled for me today and some kids have gotten at least 2 snow days this week! Anyway, the poor guys came back to my apartment and cut holes in the drywall that cover the pipes so they could get heat to the pipes. They finally thawed and that little fact made me so happy. No burst pipes and now my water is running properly again!
3) Went out to dinner and we talked for 4 hours. That's a long time for us, but it was therapeutic. We were able to talk about things that w experienced together last year but never really discussed and I think we made some headway in our current problems. During the dinner I missed two calls, one from my mom and another from my brother. My mom simply called to talk to me about my Facebook post about #1 and 2. Why? I don't know but I love that she's concerned about us. My brother called and texted me to say that he could not start his car so he got a ride home.
4) Went home to take an online quiz. Studied for about 3 hours and got a 76.67%. Surprisingly, I was pleased with this because it is passing. Then, off to get my brother's car working.
5) Folks, it was so cold that night (in the double digit negatives), I had to use the ice scraper on the INSIDE of my car! NOT COOL!!! Anyway, I drove my brother to the university campus where his car was parked and we fiddled with it for about 20 minutes before he decided we needed jumper cables. Neither of us had them so we drove to the closest gas station which was about 15 minutes away. They didn't sell any so the attendant let us borrow his! How generous, he lent his jumper cables to a teen boy about a half hour past midnight. Then we drove back to campus, messed with it again for about 45 minutes with no success and decided to try a different tactic. One last trip to the gas station to return the cables and we drove back again to campus.
Conversation on the way back to campus:
Him: So, you have a choice as to how we do this thing. I can make the tow strap short or long. It's up to you.
Me: What does it matter?
Him: If it's short, then I won't hit you so hard when you brake and my brakes don't work. If it's longer, then there is less of a chance that I will hit you because I will have more time to brake but when I do hit you, it'll be significantly harder...
Me:... DON'T YOU BREAK MY CAR!
Him: Don't worry, that's why you have a spare tire on the back of your car.
6) Tow strap in place, flashers on, and my brother steering his car and me driving mine, we head back to our apartment. The beauty of speaker phone on our cell phones amazes me. With several inches of snow on all the roads, snow still falling, my brother's car's power steering not working and minimal breaks (plus no working e-brake) we made our way home. The drive began at 1:10 a.m. and we went a whopping 5 miles an hour nearly all the way home because we took the back-roads. On the final leg of the journey, however, we were cruising at 15 mph on the main road! Home at 1:45 or so, we pushed his car into a parking spot and headed upstairs.
Off to bed. This post has not done my day justice but I'm exhausted and it's nearly 4 a.m. Praise the L-rd, He kept us safe on our towing adventure!
Monday, November 25, 2013
Thanksgiving is Coming! And so is Channukah!!!
First of all, I have heard that there is no official spelling of Hanukkah so people go nuts with it. Therefore, I thought this was appropriate. It also made me have a laughing spell on one of my bad days.
Along that line, I found this list
I got off subject there but Hanuka/Chanuka/Hanicka/etc. begins Wednesday night and the first full day is on Thanksgiving! That makes me happy because last year is started during finals week and I didn't get to be with my family, I could not have fire/candles in the dorms, and I was stressed with a bunch of tests.
Also, on Friday, I took my open book Pharm test after being thoroughly frightened about my well-being in that class. Praise the L-rd, I estimate about an 88% plus/minus a few points because there are some questions that my professor still has to grade and there are some she was saying she was going to throw out. L-rd willing, he will give me a high enough grade on our last test so that I can pass the class and get on with my life!
On Friday, I went out with one of my gal friends to a new hunting store in our area. It was fun and I ran into my friend that I stayed with over the summer. Country boy grew up with her and that is why we stayed at his house during the fire. I confessed that he had been texting me and I gave her the background of how I thought he was playing me and another girl. She informed me that he was doing some unsavory things with girls lately. Since she has told me that, I have been racking my brain with various scenarios where I "go off" on him, but I have decided that 1) I'm not strong/brave enough to do that, 2) it would not be respectful, and 3) he would likely yell back at me (over text) while not learning anything or changing anything for the next girl(s). I have, however, decided to trust the Holy Spirit in His warnings to me to not go out with him, not even as friends. I will break this off and find some what to tell him no gently but while still letting him know why. This will be tough.
I'm not really going to shoot him or hurt him in anyway, these just seemed fitting and they give me encouragement.
Well, I better go listen to my patho lecture. Right now I'm slacking and totally zoning out during patho. C'mon folks! (Not you, the college schedule deciders.) It's two days before Thanksgiving break, why do we even have class?!
- Chanuka
- Chanukah
- Chanukkah
- Channukah
- Hanukah
- Hannukah
- Hanukkah
- Hanuka
- Hanukka
- Hanaka
- Haneka
- Hanika
- Khanukkah
I got off subject there but Hanuka/Chanuka/Hanicka/etc. begins Wednesday night and the first full day is on Thanksgiving! That makes me happy because last year is started during finals week and I didn't get to be with my family, I could not have fire/candles in the dorms, and I was stressed with a bunch of tests.
Also, on Friday, I took my open book Pharm test after being thoroughly frightened about my well-being in that class. Praise the L-rd, I estimate about an 88% plus/minus a few points because there are some questions that my professor still has to grade and there are some she was saying she was going to throw out. L-rd willing, he will give me a high enough grade on our last test so that I can pass the class and get on with my life!
On Friday, I went out with one of my gal friends to a new hunting store in our area. It was fun and I ran into my friend that I stayed with over the summer. Country boy grew up with her and that is why we stayed at his house during the fire. I confessed that he had been texting me and I gave her the background of how I thought he was playing me and another girl. She informed me that he was doing some unsavory things with girls lately. Since she has told me that, I have been racking my brain with various scenarios where I "go off" on him, but I have decided that 1) I'm not strong/brave enough to do that, 2) it would not be respectful, and 3) he would likely yell back at me (over text) while not learning anything or changing anything for the next girl(s). I have, however, decided to trust the Holy Spirit in His warnings to me to not go out with him, not even as friends. I will break this off and find some what to tell him no gently but while still letting him know why. This will be tough.I'm not really going to shoot him or hurt him in anyway, these just seemed fitting and they give me encouragement.
Well, I better go listen to my patho lecture. Right now I'm slacking and totally zoning out during patho. C'mon folks! (Not you, the college schedule deciders.) It's two days before Thanksgiving break, why do we even have class?!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
There's No Winning In Nursing School
Between stress, lack of time, constant studying, and teachers who are fresh out of school themselves, there is essentially no winning in nursing school.
I've heard that the first semester is the hardest and I pray that this is true! I studied for a long time for patho and G-d blessed me with an 86%. That's pretty good, but it used to be enough studying to get an A. I studied for about 8 hours for my basic health exam, which our professor did not prepare us for at all because she is still a really new teacher and makes her tests right before we take them (so she has no way of knowing what to teach us), and I got a 73%.
Now, I'll admit, I did not study as hard as I needed to. That's on me. However, I am so tired from all of these teachers experimenting on us and not teaching anything that they test on. Seriously! This particular teacher does not like lectures so she keeps them under 20 minutes (well, she tries). The rest of class is spent doing group projects and having us "teach" our fellow classmates what is in the book. It is NOT working, at all!!! She doesn't put any of the useful information in the power points and she doesn't write the test until a few days before we have to take it. I'm trying to have grace and stick up for her with my fellow frustrated classmates, but I'm getting so overwhelmed and frustrated. Plus, she teaches two classes that I'm taking and we have a comprehensive exam in both. Her exams are notoriously known for taking the most abstract, random information from the books that no one knows because it's based on a total of 3 words, and she tests on that tiny little blurb. It's not even a blurb! It's 3 tiny words that barely make a phrase and that's what she tests on. Even with an open book test, there would be no way to pass these exams.
My friends warned me about this test, they said it was rough. They were right. They also said that, even with the book and notes, the pharm test is ridiculous. I'm so overwhelmed and nervous I can't even function properly. I don't know how I'm going to get through this nonsense just to make it to clinicals. Right now, I am very worried that I will not pass pharm or basic health. These are not supposed to be easy classes, but so many R.N.'s have laughed in my face and told me that these are some of the easiest classes because it's just wrote (is this the correct word?) memorization. Well, both of these classes have brand new teachers who haven't fully gotten their teaching legs yet and I'm not super great at memorization. Guys, what if I get a terrible grade, like anything below an 86%, and I don't get enough on the final so then I don't pass the course? Then what?
"Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
This is my motto...
"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand." Isaiah 41:10
I know I've heard this one a lot...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is probably one of the most commonly used verses. I get it, don't worry...
Still, even with these verses, I have such a hard time living by them and giving my worry to G-d. How to I just give it up and not worry about stuff? How do you hand it over and let "tomorrow worry about tomorrow?"
Guys, I think I'm having a panic attack.
Can someone explain this to me? Will G-d get me into clinicals with my cohort or will I be held back a semester?
I'm not doing well today. It started off okay but quickly took a turn for the worse. I think I'm going to set up an appointment with the school counseling center tomorrow because this is getting to where I can't control it again.
That brings up a whole new issue. Does going to a psychiatrist/counselor mean that I'm taking my depression/anxiety into my own hands instead of releasing it fully to G-d? Or, is this preparing me and using the resources He has supplied me with? Ahhhh! my attack is getting worse just because now I'm confused. I think I better go try to sleep it off and face tomorrow when I get to tomorrow.
I've heard that the first semester is the hardest and I pray that this is true! I studied for a long time for patho and G-d blessed me with an 86%. That's pretty good, but it used to be enough studying to get an A. I studied for about 8 hours for my basic health exam, which our professor did not prepare us for at all because she is still a really new teacher and makes her tests right before we take them (so she has no way of knowing what to teach us), and I got a 73%.
Now, I'll admit, I did not study as hard as I needed to. That's on me. However, I am so tired from all of these teachers experimenting on us and not teaching anything that they test on. Seriously! This particular teacher does not like lectures so she keeps them under 20 minutes (well, she tries). The rest of class is spent doing group projects and having us "teach" our fellow classmates what is in the book. It is NOT working, at all!!! She doesn't put any of the useful information in the power points and she doesn't write the test until a few days before we have to take it. I'm trying to have grace and stick up for her with my fellow frustrated classmates, but I'm getting so overwhelmed and frustrated. Plus, she teaches two classes that I'm taking and we have a comprehensive exam in both. Her exams are notoriously known for taking the most abstract, random information from the books that no one knows because it's based on a total of 3 words, and she tests on that tiny little blurb. It's not even a blurb! It's 3 tiny words that barely make a phrase and that's what she tests on. Even with an open book test, there would be no way to pass these exams.
My friends warned me about this test, they said it was rough. They were right. They also said that, even with the book and notes, the pharm test is ridiculous. I'm so overwhelmed and nervous I can't even function properly. I don't know how I'm going to get through this nonsense just to make it to clinicals. Right now, I am very worried that I will not pass pharm or basic health. These are not supposed to be easy classes, but so many R.N.'s have laughed in my face and told me that these are some of the easiest classes because it's just wrote (is this the correct word?) memorization. Well, both of these classes have brand new teachers who haven't fully gotten their teaching legs yet and I'm not super great at memorization. Guys, what if I get a terrible grade, like anything below an 86%, and I don't get enough on the final so then I don't pass the course? Then what?
"Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
This is my motto...
"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand." Isaiah 41:10
I know I've heard this one a lot...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is probably one of the most commonly used verses. I get it, don't worry...
Still, even with these verses, I have such a hard time living by them and giving my worry to G-d. How to I just give it up and not worry about stuff? How do you hand it over and let "tomorrow worry about tomorrow?"
Guys, I think I'm having a panic attack.
Can someone explain this to me? Will G-d get me into clinicals with my cohort or will I be held back a semester?
I'm not doing well today. It started off okay but quickly took a turn for the worse. I think I'm going to set up an appointment with the school counseling center tomorrow because this is getting to where I can't control it again.
That brings up a whole new issue. Does going to a psychiatrist/counselor mean that I'm taking my depression/anxiety into my own hands instead of releasing it fully to G-d? Or, is this preparing me and using the resources He has supplied me with? Ahhhh! my attack is getting worse just because now I'm confused. I think I better go try to sleep it off and face tomorrow when I get to tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Patho Exam Grade
I was hoping for an A...
Drumroll, please...
Seriously, I need a drumroll...
Fine, you don't have to do it. I got an 87% on my last patho test! That's pretty good considering the average was an 80% and the lowest was a 69%.
Now I have a 79.51% total in that class. So frustrating, but I hope to bring it up!
Drumroll, please...
Seriously, I need a drumroll...
Fine, you don't have to do it. I got an 87% on my last patho test! That's pretty good considering the average was an 80% and the lowest was a 69%.
Now I have a 79.51% total in that class. So frustrating, but I hope to bring it up!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Lost My Motivation...
Let's start off with some good news: My pharmacology teacher, after weeks of saying we would not be able to do it, sent out an email this morning saying that we could use our books on our upcoming test!!! My heart swelled and I am so relieved because I need at least a B, but I'm hoping for an A. Praise the L-rd! He answered my prayer to let us use our books.
Today I texted country boy first because I figured I would see if he would keep the conversation going. Not so much. He has asked me if we can hang out though...
I took my patho test and felt better than I've ever felt about one of these tests before. That also scares me, though, because sometimes that means that I made silly mistakes and didn't do as well as I had hoped. I'll let you guys know how I did when the scores are posted.
Well, I should be studying for my other two tests (of 3) I have this week. I had 5.5 hours today to study. I read Gathering Blue instead. (You should look into reading that book, btw. It is part of a 4 book "series." They don't really go fully together, but they are very interesting. They are written by Lois Lowry and the series starts with The Giver.) Now, I have a few more hours to study yet I'm watching t.v., texting country boy, and now writing this post. Folks, I lost my motivation.
I'm going to go look for it...
Today I texted country boy first because I figured I would see if he would keep the conversation going. Not so much. He has asked me if we can hang out though...
I took my patho test and felt better than I've ever felt about one of these tests before. That also scares me, though, because sometimes that means that I made silly mistakes and didn't do as well as I had hoped. I'll let you guys know how I did when the scores are posted.
Well, I should be studying for my other two tests (of 3) I have this week. I had 5.5 hours today to study. I read Gathering Blue instead. (You should look into reading that book, btw. It is part of a 4 book "series." They don't really go fully together, but they are very interesting. They are written by Lois Lowry and the series starts with The Giver.) Now, I have a few more hours to study yet I'm watching t.v., texting country boy, and now writing this post. Folks, I lost my motivation.
I'm going to go look for it...
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Study Break
Hey guys! I haven't been on here for what seems like a really long time. I have been studying and trying to figure out life. School is going somewhat better, but not by much.
Friday I went in to meet with my pharmacology teacher. That didn't really help at all. I'm so frustrated in that class and I'm so scared I'm not going to pass! I really need for G-d to allow me to remember everything I need to know for the next two tests so that I can get A's on them, or at least B's to pass the class.
In happier news, I got 100% on my pop quiz in Patho and I got a 90% on my other scheduled quiz for that same class. Praise the L-rd! Normally I get D's or F's on both of these types of quizzes, but G-d gave me good grades on these two and it brought my grade up considerably. That was a weight off.
Also, on Friday, I went out to coffee with my mentor. She confessed that she has been struggling with depression and I was able to tell her about my history and current bout with it. Then, in church this weekend, the pastor talked about depression! G-d must have needed me to hear about it or something because He usually has echoing lessons when He really needs me to get it. Well, I think I got it. Also, I feel like I've gotten somewhat "healed" of my current state of depression. It's only been 2.5 days, but I'm lighter and able to think more clearly. We will see when the pressures of life start to increase again, but for now I'm feeling a little better.
Country boy hadn't texted me for about a week and a half and then texted me tonight. Why tonight? I have three tests coming up this week, 1 of which I have to get a B on in order to pass and the other ones I'm feeling better about but still have so much to study! I've decided to not text him back unless he keeps the conversation going because I don't have the time, patience, or energy for this nonsense. Curious about tonight's conversation?
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hey how's life?"
Him: "Decent, watching the game"
Seriously? Seriously. That's it. That is all that was written and that is likely how it will stay. This is a new boundary for me because normally I will keep asking questions. I will dig for conversation and try to be as polite as possible to keep being able to let us have something to talk about. Not tonight! I am not going to be some person's "texting buddy" if they have nothing to say. I have tried to start the conversation with him many times and he is still disinterested so I'm not doing it any longer. This is so silly for so many reasons. 1) We don't really know each other over texting or in "real" life. 2) We don't have much to talk about. 3) He always seems disinterested and does not contribute to the conversation or the continuation of said conversation. Therefore, I am done. I will give him the short answers he gives me and that will be the end of it. Maybe one day I will have the guts to ask him what we are doing and why. Today, however, it has taken a significant amount of guts and self determination to ignore the text because the conversation hit a dead end.
Tonight I also went out to study with my friends for our patho test tomorrow. After that, I'm even more scared about the patho exam. Normally I do okay just studying on my own and I think I need to go back to that for patho because they over think everything. They are preparing for a test that is way harder than our professor usually gives us and it confused the day lights out of my. So, for patho, I will continue to study alone.
Daily Thanksgiving: Sleep is coming soon. G-d gave me good grades in patho last week. I am learning to set my boundaries and I'm excited to finally practice having my say and standing up for myself. Also, I will be able to stand up for myself in a less threatening manner because I never see country boy, we only text each other. I am motivated to start studying for pharm and have started partially. I have also been studying for patho for about a week and a half as apposed to the normal day or two of cramming and it seems to be paying off. My depression may be subsiding. I received prayer and now have someone I can talk to about it because I didn't know who to talk to before. G-d answered my prayer to have someone to confess my depression to and someone who would understand me and be able to pray with me. That was huge.
Friday I went in to meet with my pharmacology teacher. That didn't really help at all. I'm so frustrated in that class and I'm so scared I'm not going to pass! I really need for G-d to allow me to remember everything I need to know for the next two tests so that I can get A's on them, or at least B's to pass the class.
In happier news, I got 100% on my pop quiz in Patho and I got a 90% on my other scheduled quiz for that same class. Praise the L-rd! Normally I get D's or F's on both of these types of quizzes, but G-d gave me good grades on these two and it brought my grade up considerably. That was a weight off.
Also, on Friday, I went out to coffee with my mentor. She confessed that she has been struggling with depression and I was able to tell her about my history and current bout with it. Then, in church this weekend, the pastor talked about depression! G-d must have needed me to hear about it or something because He usually has echoing lessons when He really needs me to get it. Well, I think I got it. Also, I feel like I've gotten somewhat "healed" of my current state of depression. It's only been 2.5 days, but I'm lighter and able to think more clearly. We will see when the pressures of life start to increase again, but for now I'm feeling a little better.
Country boy hadn't texted me for about a week and a half and then texted me tonight. Why tonight? I have three tests coming up this week, 1 of which I have to get a B on in order to pass and the other ones I'm feeling better about but still have so much to study! I've decided to not text him back unless he keeps the conversation going because I don't have the time, patience, or energy for this nonsense. Curious about tonight's conversation?
Him: "Hey"
Me: "Hey how's life?"
Him: "Decent, watching the game"
Seriously? Seriously. That's it. That is all that was written and that is likely how it will stay. This is a new boundary for me because normally I will keep asking questions. I will dig for conversation and try to be as polite as possible to keep being able to let us have something to talk about. Not tonight! I am not going to be some person's "texting buddy" if they have nothing to say. I have tried to start the conversation with him many times and he is still disinterested so I'm not doing it any longer. This is so silly for so many reasons. 1) We don't really know each other over texting or in "real" life. 2) We don't have much to talk about. 3) He always seems disinterested and does not contribute to the conversation or the continuation of said conversation. Therefore, I am done. I will give him the short answers he gives me and that will be the end of it. Maybe one day I will have the guts to ask him what we are doing and why. Today, however, it has taken a significant amount of guts and self determination to ignore the text because the conversation hit a dead end.
Tonight I also went out to study with my friends for our patho test tomorrow. After that, I'm even more scared about the patho exam. Normally I do okay just studying on my own and I think I need to go back to that for patho because they over think everything. They are preparing for a test that is way harder than our professor usually gives us and it confused the day lights out of my. So, for patho, I will continue to study alone.
Daily Thanksgiving: Sleep is coming soon. G-d gave me good grades in patho last week. I am learning to set my boundaries and I'm excited to finally practice having my say and standing up for myself. Also, I will be able to stand up for myself in a less threatening manner because I never see country boy, we only text each other. I am motivated to start studying for pharm and have started partially. I have also been studying for patho for about a week and a half as apposed to the normal day or two of cramming and it seems to be paying off. My depression may be subsiding. I received prayer and now have someone I can talk to about it because I didn't know who to talk to before. G-d answered my prayer to have someone to confess my depression to and someone who would understand me and be able to pray with me. That was huge.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Goin' Out With My Boots On
Well, I went out last night, with my boots on. Unfortunately, they are not Western boots not work boots (like in the song). They were just plain, black boots. But I went out last night with a bunch of my friends from last year. We were celebrating one of their birthdays and so we all met at a brewery. No, none of us are old enough to drink, but they have really good food and they make their own cream soda and root beer which, I was told, is delicious. Normally, when I go out with a large group of friends, I sit at end, but not at the foot or head of the table. Last night I sat smack dab in the middle and had so much fun! I don't think I've laughed so hard in months. Plus, they understand me. They know my quirks, they get excited when I get excited about something I'm sharing, and they understand my weird story telling, and they love me anyway. They also know that I don't like gossiping so they refrain from in even though there was some drama last night between my guy friends and the girl that used to like one of them. I've told you about it. The girl showed up at dinner and the boys came and I was scared she hadn't gotten invited. Then I was scared that it would be awkward. I didn't feel the tension, but I may have just been so happy to see everyone I didn't pay attention. Whatever, we got through the night.
Long story short, I prayed for more friends. G-d gave me a night out with my old friends. I feel much better now.
Also, I have a Pharm test today. I've been studying here and there all week, but still don't think I've really gotten anywhere. Oy, this is frustrating. It seems like I do so much work, but then I don't know any of the material or drugs. Then I take the test and get bad grades but I don't know how to get better grades. I have to bring up my Pharm and Patho grades because I am scared I'm going to flunk out of this program in the first semester. I wouldn't be able to handle myself if I did.
Well, I had been feeling like I was finally getting this nursing school thing down, I don't anymore. I was thinking that my feelings of overwhelming, impending doom was barreling towards me were beginning to go away. They aren't, I had just misplaced them but have recently rediscovered that they have gotten stronger. My episodes of random "bad" days where nothing really goes wrong but it all feels bad, were subsiding. Those, too, have come back in full force. Ugh! How do I go on in school if I can hardly make it through each day? Should I go talk to my professors? Can/will they even help?
I guess I will go talk to them. Even if it doesn't help, at least I will go down fighting.
I still need more friends and more nights like last night.
In other news, I got to palpate edema in my friends legs because she had been standing all day (she is the friend I met in the dorms last year who is now in the nursing program with me. We're pretty tight now.) I also got to help our waitress who has an ear infection and my friends introduced me and the other nursing student as nursing students last night. It was a pretty proud moment even though I still don't "feel" like a student nurse. So, that was the cherry on top of last nights momentary bliss.
Long story short, I prayed for more friends. G-d gave me a night out with my old friends. I feel much better now.
Also, I have a Pharm test today. I've been studying here and there all week, but still don't think I've really gotten anywhere. Oy, this is frustrating. It seems like I do so much work, but then I don't know any of the material or drugs. Then I take the test and get bad grades but I don't know how to get better grades. I have to bring up my Pharm and Patho grades because I am scared I'm going to flunk out of this program in the first semester. I wouldn't be able to handle myself if I did.
Well, I had been feeling like I was finally getting this nursing school thing down, I don't anymore. I was thinking that my feelings of overwhelming, impending doom was barreling towards me were beginning to go away. They aren't, I had just misplaced them but have recently rediscovered that they have gotten stronger. My episodes of random "bad" days where nothing really goes wrong but it all feels bad, were subsiding. Those, too, have come back in full force. Ugh! How do I go on in school if I can hardly make it through each day? Should I go talk to my professors? Can/will they even help?
I guess I will go talk to them. Even if it doesn't help, at least I will go down fighting.
I still need more friends and more nights like last night.
In other news, I got to palpate edema in my friends legs because she had been standing all day (she is the friend I met in the dorms last year who is now in the nursing program with me. We're pretty tight now.) I also got to help our waitress who has an ear infection and my friends introduced me and the other nursing student as nursing students last night. It was a pretty proud moment even though I still don't "feel" like a student nurse. So, that was the cherry on top of last nights momentary bliss.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
An "Off" Kind of Day
You ever have those days where something or everything is just "off?" I seem to have those days more and more, but today is getting to me.
I called my mom to talk to her, but couldn't find the words to talk to her about what is on my mind because it's just something there but not really describable. I have this desire to talk to her but I don't know about what. Then I get sad and start crying for no reason. 2 seconds later I'm frustrated over nothing. Eventually I get productive. Typically, sleep comes next. Then my day is done and it's time to start a new one.
I know I talk a lot about this kinda stuff, but I'm still just processing thoughts and I get more into words when I can type. It just so happens that I don't trust people enough to keep all the typed things on my computer, so I put it on the World Wide Web for everyone to view... Doesn't make sense.
I dropped another $13 at Village Inn at breakfast with my classmates. It was nice, then it turned into a gossiping/bashing fest. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to stand up for anyone. That needs to change. Even though I didn't take part in the bashing/gossiping, it's just as bad for me to bear witness to it and not stop it.
So that happened.
Then I spent $45 on music, for no reason. It is worship music, because I'm breaking my habit of country music and it's not going well. Still, I don't have the money to be spending like this!
Got a 71% on my patho exam from Monday. Passing is 74%. Sorta self explanatory, huh?
I called my mom to talk to her, but couldn't find the words to talk to her about what is on my mind because it's just something there but not really describable. I have this desire to talk to her but I don't know about what. Then I get sad and start crying for no reason. 2 seconds later I'm frustrated over nothing. Eventually I get productive. Typically, sleep comes next. Then my day is done and it's time to start a new one.
I know I talk a lot about this kinda stuff, but I'm still just processing thoughts and I get more into words when I can type. It just so happens that I don't trust people enough to keep all the typed things on my computer, so I put it on the World Wide Web for everyone to view... Doesn't make sense.
I dropped another $13 at Village Inn at breakfast with my classmates. It was nice, then it turned into a gossiping/bashing fest. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to stand up for anyone. That needs to change. Even though I didn't take part in the bashing/gossiping, it's just as bad for me to bear witness to it and not stop it.
So that happened.
Then I spent $45 on music, for no reason. It is worship music, because I'm breaking my habit of country music and it's not going well. Still, I don't have the money to be spending like this!
Got a 71% on my patho exam from Monday. Passing is 74%. Sorta self explanatory, huh?
Monday, September 23, 2013
Overloaded = Emotional Meltdown
You know how last week was awful for me? That terribleness couldn't be fit into just one week so it is spilling out into this week as well! Joy.
Recap of last week: Patho pop quiz: 50%. BHA pop quiz: 0% (because I was late to class) then I retook it to receive a whopping 20%. Pharm Math and Foundations of Nursing went off without a hitch. Then, Pharmacology... I had to take a test in that class that got me a 76%. Finally, one last Patho quiz: 63%. I know, why did I have to take 2 Patho quizzes in one week? I have no clue! But in addition to those two "fun" quizzes, I also had an exam today. Man, this lady loves piling on all the quizzes and exams onto a weeks calendar, doesn't she? Good news about the exam, G-d gave me an 81% (higher than the class average, finally!) after only studying for about 8 hours. I was so nervous but G-d gave me an amazing grade, considering my sleep deprivation and lack of preparation, and He brought my total class grade from a D to a 79%! Hey, that's almost a B, folks, which turns out to be a really good grade from this teacher because she is tough and Patho is rough!
Today, on a totally unrelated note, I keep running into my friends from the past. I ran into one of my closest guy friends from last year. We've kept in touch so it wasn't weird to see him, it was actually nice to be able to have something be "normal" again. Then I was sitting outside when a guy from a party I went to freshman year of high school saw me and came to say hey. I didn't really know him, but we had Psych last semester. He's really nice, a pre-med student, and he lives in the town my uncle lives in (where my dad grew up). Him and the friend he was with (who I met for the first time today) both volunteer with my uncle for the volunteer fire department. It's weird when people know my family and I get referred to as, "so-and-so's niece/daughter/granddaughter/etc." Don't you feel strange when people introduce you or remember you as someone's sister/brother, daughter/son, grandkid, etc? Then, I saw one of my other guy friends from last year. We sat and talked for awhile, but I really need to work on my conversation skills. What do people ever talk about? What is the point of small talk? It seems like such a waste of time and energy...
Anyone else having meltdowns/psychotic breaks/crying fits?
Recap of last week: Patho pop quiz: 50%. BHA pop quiz: 0% (because I was late to class) then I retook it to receive a whopping 20%. Pharm Math and Foundations of Nursing went off without a hitch. Then, Pharmacology... I had to take a test in that class that got me a 76%. Finally, one last Patho quiz: 63%. I know, why did I have to take 2 Patho quizzes in one week? I have no clue! But in addition to those two "fun" quizzes, I also had an exam today. Man, this lady loves piling on all the quizzes and exams onto a weeks calendar, doesn't she? Good news about the exam, G-d gave me an 81% (higher than the class average, finally!) after only studying for about 8 hours. I was so nervous but G-d gave me an amazing grade, considering my sleep deprivation and lack of preparation, and He brought my total class grade from a D to a 79%! Hey, that's almost a B, folks, which turns out to be a really good grade from this teacher because she is tough and Patho is rough!
Today, on a totally unrelated note, I keep running into my friends from the past. I ran into one of my closest guy friends from last year. We've kept in touch so it wasn't weird to see him, it was actually nice to be able to have something be "normal" again. Then I was sitting outside when a guy from a party I went to freshman year of high school saw me and came to say hey. I didn't really know him, but we had Psych last semester. He's really nice, a pre-med student, and he lives in the town my uncle lives in (where my dad grew up). Him and the friend he was with (who I met for the first time today) both volunteer with my uncle for the volunteer fire department. It's weird when people know my family and I get referred to as, "so-and-so's niece/daughter/granddaughter/etc." Don't you feel strange when people introduce you or remember you as someone's sister/brother, daughter/son, grandkid, etc? Then, I saw one of my other guy friends from last year. We sat and talked for awhile, but I really need to work on my conversation skills. What do people ever talk about? What is the point of small talk? It seems like such a waste of time and energy...
Anyone else having meltdowns/psychotic breaks/crying fits?
Friday, September 20, 2013
Short Story
Okay, I know I'm ridiculously wordy and I think that is because I don't know what info to include in stories and what to leave out. So, I am going to try to make this a short post/story today. Ready?
My week: Pop quiz in Patho and in BHA. Got 50% on Patho pop quiz and 20% on BHA's. Pharm test and Patho quiz due today, both online. Study for 3 days. Pharm test completed with at least 6 wrong (more to be graded by prof.), lowest figured grade is C. Patho quiz = 19/30. I QUIT!!! What was I thinking?
My week: Pop quiz in Patho and in BHA. Got 50% on Patho pop quiz and 20% on BHA's. Pharm test and Patho quiz due today, both online. Study for 3 days. Pharm test completed with at least 6 wrong (more to be graded by prof.), lowest figured grade is C. Patho quiz = 19/30. I QUIT!!! What was I thinking?
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