You all probably know about my recent discovery/pre-relationship status with my guy friend. Well, he was in cahoots with a very close girl friend of mine and they were planning how and when to tell the people that they like (me and the guys roommate...) Anyway, since she was so close to my guy friend, they shared everything! She knew about him coming to talk to me before I had any clue that it would happen that day. Since they are thick as theives, she informed me today that the told his roommate and possibly others. I don't like knowing that people know something that I didn't know that they knew. (That just confused me too, just take it slow.) It's cool, his roommate is pretty cool and I'm pretty sure that my guy friend had to tell his roommate to bring up who the roommate likes so that my girl friend could be worked into the situation and an assessment of the roomies thoughts could be taken.
Still, if you know what is going on behind the scenes, I don't want to know because then it gets weird. It may only be weird for me, but I'm already super awkward and probably don't need anything else to make it worse.
With that said, I still love her to pieces because she is so stinkin' adorable!
End of Spiel... for now...
Showing posts with label intimate details. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimate details. Show all posts
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Falling Fast
Have you ever had those times when you can't fall asleep because your brain won't shut up? I'm having a season of this, but it's not fully unwelcome. Somehow I even wake up and I'm not super exhausted because I wake up thinking about what I fell asleep thinking about. Which, by the way, is not something... it's someone. All of my efforts to not fall for anyone, not even a crush, until junior year is not working so well. While that sucks, it still makes me happy to think about him and hang out with him. I can't explain it, but I can look into his eyes and be comfortable. He knows most of my faults, he knows my quirks, he knows my past, yet he is comfy. I don't shy away from his help, in fact he is one of the only people I actually ask for help from. His arms hold a peace and he knows how to get me to laugh when I am really down. He doesn't push my boundaries as other guys have when they showed interest in me and that is huge for me. While he does not know I may be having a bad day, he knows how to turn my day around. What is this?
Here I am, gushing like a little girl about a guy. It makes want to gag and dance all at the same time. Feelings are not something I like, but, in the words of The Band Perry, "he is hip to my heart". If this is something more than just a crush, I know we are in the beginning stages, but it seems that this is what people look for. Ideally you are supposed to marry your best friend right? This is so different from my crushes in the past, this is not awkward, it's not going past my boundaries, he does not pressure me or put me down. He jokes with me, makes me want to be kinder and improve myself so I am congruent with G-d's desires for how people should act. I want to be more outgoing and share everything about my day with him. I constantly want to let him know what's going on and hang out with him. This seems like how a true life-long relationship would/should start. Weirder still than all of my fears of relationships is my lack of fear now.
Times like this make me want to know if it is a waste of time to be so focused on a person. I want to know if I will ever get married. I want to meet my husband and start to get to know him. I want to know how G-d has planned my life and what life will be like. I do not want to be spending so much time thinking about boys (which I do not do often) if I am never going to get married because I could be focusing on school or something else. At the same time, I know G-d reveals all things on His time and it is fun to have the surprise of what G-d is bringing into my life. Still, I am frustrated not knowing if I am wasting my time because I cannot focus on anything. I think I may be falling for this boy, just a little...
Here I am, gushing like a little girl about a guy. It makes want to gag and dance all at the same time. Feelings are not something I like, but, in the words of The Band Perry, "he is hip to my heart". If this is something more than just a crush, I know we are in the beginning stages, but it seems that this is what people look for. Ideally you are supposed to marry your best friend right? This is so different from my crushes in the past, this is not awkward, it's not going past my boundaries, he does not pressure me or put me down. He jokes with me, makes me want to be kinder and improve myself so I am congruent with G-d's desires for how people should act. I want to be more outgoing and share everything about my day with him. I constantly want to let him know what's going on and hang out with him. This seems like how a true life-long relationship would/should start. Weirder still than all of my fears of relationships is my lack of fear now.
Times like this make me want to know if it is a waste of time to be so focused on a person. I want to know if I will ever get married. I want to meet my husband and start to get to know him. I want to know how G-d has planned my life and what life will be like. I do not want to be spending so much time thinking about boys (which I do not do often) if I am never going to get married because I could be focusing on school or something else. At the same time, I know G-d reveals all things on His time and it is fun to have the surprise of what G-d is bringing into my life. Still, I am frustrated not knowing if I am wasting my time because I cannot focus on anything. I think I may be falling for this boy, just a little...
Monday, March 4, 2013
Eye Contact
I have written twice already today, with this being my third post, but I just keep thinking about stuff. Maybe this is making up for all the days I missed over my extended weekend.
Any-who, I have thinking about eye contact more and more because of interviews, friendships and so on. Why is eye contact so uncomfortable? The other person cannot really see deep into your soul. Emotions are played out on the face and through body language, not just through eyes. Eyes, are simple really, just a cornea, lens, retina and some goo in-between layers. That's it! Not much to eyes.
Why is it, then, that it is foreign to make eye contact for so many? I am first on the list, by the way, of people who despise it. For some reason, eye contact usually makes me blush. Even with my parents, brother, close friends, anyone really. I get squirmy and self conscious. Lately, however, I have become more comfortable with a few people and can actually look into their eyes and perceive an unspoken understanding. Not with very many people, mind you, but there are one or two who I actually find comfort in locking gazes with. The weirdest thing, though, is they actually know more of my story, my full story. I would have thought that with them knowing my shady past, the most intimate details of my life, I would be more self-conscious around them. Therefore, I would likely shy away from their glance. Quite the opposite is happening, however, and I am pleasantly surprised! I do not plan on sharing my story with many others, but just a few close friends can know (plus you guys, but I'm anonymous).
Do you have a theory as to why eye contact is so unnerving? Why is it easier to look into someone's eyes when they know more about you than most of your closest friends?
Any-who, I have thinking about eye contact more and more because of interviews, friendships and so on. Why is eye contact so uncomfortable? The other person cannot really see deep into your soul. Emotions are played out on the face and through body language, not just through eyes. Eyes, are simple really, just a cornea, lens, retina and some goo in-between layers. That's it! Not much to eyes.
Why is it, then, that it is foreign to make eye contact for so many? I am first on the list, by the way, of people who despise it. For some reason, eye contact usually makes me blush. Even with my parents, brother, close friends, anyone really. I get squirmy and self conscious. Lately, however, I have become more comfortable with a few people and can actually look into their eyes and perceive an unspoken understanding. Not with very many people, mind you, but there are one or two who I actually find comfort in locking gazes with. The weirdest thing, though, is they actually know more of my story, my full story. I would have thought that with them knowing my shady past, the most intimate details of my life, I would be more self-conscious around them. Therefore, I would likely shy away from their glance. Quite the opposite is happening, however, and I am pleasantly surprised! I do not plan on sharing my story with many others, but just a few close friends can know (plus you guys, but I'm anonymous).
Do you have a theory as to why eye contact is so unnerving? Why is it easier to look into someone's eyes when they know more about you than most of your closest friends?
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