I got a flu shot. I know, I'm disappointed in me too. After fighting so hard to get a CNA job that allowed the exemption, I buckled so that I wouldn't have to fight so hard through nursing school. I'm praying that nothing bad happens to me because I know that statistically, nothing bad should happen. Still, I worry about that small little list of people that are poorly affected by this stupid waste of money will have my name under it. Yes, I did say that the shot is stupid and I am very upset that I got it. Please forgive me for stepping on toes and for being ignorant, but I do not believe that this vaccine should be mandatory. I have a million reasons as to why I believe we should not be pinned down and forced to take this shot, but it won't do any good. Everyone already has their sides and I just happen to be on the side that scientists call ignorance. I accept this title, in this case, because it means that I am actually thinking for myself instead of just trusting what all the "experts" say about it. I am "ignorant" because I refuse to accept all of the biased information that they put out.
When getting the vaccine, however, I started talking to the lady that was doing all my paperwork, and she happened to be in the nursing program at another nearby college. She was asking me why I don't get it normally and I beat around the bush because I didn't know her stance. It turns out, she is against it too! Unfortunately for me, she has a medical excuse because she has someone in her house that is often hospitalized when they get any kind of infection, so she doesn't have to get the flu shot. The nurse practitioner I talked to is also against it and his wife just happens to teach at a nearby nursing school. Funny huh? I just don't understand why we let hospitals push us around. If all of the people that are against the vaccines would just stand up for what they believe in, together we could reform the healthcare system to actually help us instead of allowing them to bully us around every corner. People, why will you not just stand with me and be radical? Look who's talking though... the girl who was too lazy to fight with each of her clinical sites to be flu vaccine free. I understand vaccines save lives, they are typically safe, they have eradicated many diseases, blah, blah, blah. I am just not okay with their vaccine happy, shove it down your throat or you can't function in America as a normal part of society deal they have goin' on. I especially don't like having to get a flu shot that protects against 3-4 strains of the flu when there are hundreds or thousands constantly mutating. I know it is designed to protect against the "worst" ones predicted to hit the U.S. in any given flu season, but what is a measly 3-4 strain vaccine really going to protect you from?
Whatever, the NP was cool and the PCT (patient care tech) was cool about it. I wish I could have gotten a medical exemption signed by him, but he doesn't want to lie and I don't either. So, now I am trusting the L-rd to keep me protected from whatever toxins they had loaded up into that evil syringe, and I pray for peace because right now I am switching from pure anger to near tears every 5 minutes or so. Also (though this likely won't help much, if at all), I loaded up on vitamins, colloidal silver, and EmergenC. Yes, I am slightly scared of the symptoms that may come about. This happened with my Tdap vaccine the other day too but my mom was here so I couldn't even keep my tears at bay for very long. Why do I regress into childhood when my mom's around? I fought so hard to be an adult when I lived at home but now I get around my parents and it's like I'm 3 again. I lay with my head in her lap and I am constantly giving my parents hugs, kisses (on the cheek, of course), and acting like a little child. I need to work on that...
In the mean time, I wish I were 21 because I need a beer. I know! How dare I condone alcohol!?! Well, I don't drink underage (except for about an ounce for religious ceremonies and my parents are always there for that 1 sip), Yeshua drank wine, and I'm not planning on ever getting plastered. For some reason, however, I've been craving a beer. Why? I have no clue. I'm probably not even really craving a beer, I likely just need a stress outlet because I am way worked up. I just need G-d. He's the only One that can take away my stress, my anxiety, my unrighteous anger, my fear of life, and my worries about the future. He is the only One who holds my heart, knows all my thoughts, and can calm me down. Let me tell you, I'm struggling right now, and not even just with the flu vaccine. Life kinda is kickin' me lately and I feel very alone.
Daily Thanksgiving: Now I am able to be hired by the hospital that hired me the first time because I'm now a sell-out and caved into getting the dumb flu vaccine. I have a G-d who is bigger than the American health system, bigger than vaccines, and He created me so I know that He can protect me from anything. Today is done and tomorrow is a new day. One of the little girls that I babysit emailed me today asking when they would get to see me again. That lifted my spirit. The L-rd truly knows how to make me feel just a little bit grounded just in the nick of time.
These are my real-life, totally legit, and completely real struggles of life. This is what goes on in my brain constantly.
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