I'm a Traitor

I got a flu shot. I know, I'm disappointed in me too. After fighting so hard to get a CNA job that allowed the exemption, I buckled so that I wouldn't have to fight so hard through nursing school. I'm praying that nothing bad happens to me because I know that statistically, nothing bad should happen. Still, I worry about that small little list of people that are poorly affected by this stupid waste of money will have my name under it. Yes, I did say that the shot is stupid and I am very upset that I got it. Please forgive me for stepping on toes and for being ignorant, but I do not believe that this vaccine should be mandatory. I have a million reasons as to why I believe we should not be pinned down and forced to take this shot, but it won't do any good. Everyone already has their sides and I just happen to be on the side that scientists call ignorance. I accept this title, in this case, because it means that I am actually thinking for myself instead of just trusting what all the "experts" say about it. I am "ignorant" because I refuse to accept all of the biased information that they put out.

When getting the vaccine, however, I started talking to the lady that was doing all my paperwork, and she happened to be in the nursing program at another nearby college. She was asking me why I don't get it normally and I beat around the bush because I didn't know her stance. It turns out, she is against it too! Unfortunately for me, she has a medical excuse because she has someone in her house that is often hospitalized when they get any kind of infection, so she doesn't have to get the flu shot. The nurse practitioner I talked to is also against it and his wife just happens to teach at a nearby nursing school. Funny huh? I just don't understand why we let hospitals push us around. If all of the people that are against the vaccines would just stand up for what they believe in, together we could reform the healthcare system to actually help us instead of allowing them to bully us around every corner. People, why will you not just stand with me and be radical? Look who's talking though... the girl who was too lazy to fight with each of her clinical sites to be flu vaccine free. I understand vaccines save lives, they are typically safe, they have eradicated many diseases, blah, blah, blah. I am just not okay with their vaccine happy, shove it down your throat or you can't function in America as a normal part of society deal they have goin' on. I especially don't like having to get a flu shot that protects against 3-4 strains of the flu when there are hundreds or thousands constantly mutating. I know it is designed to protect against the "worst" ones predicted to hit the U.S. in any given flu season, but what is a measly 3-4 strain vaccine really going to protect you from?

Whatever, the NP was cool and the PCT (patient care tech) was cool about it. I wish I could have gotten a medical exemption signed by him, but he doesn't want to lie and I don't either. So, now I am trusting the L-rd to keep me protected from whatever toxins they had loaded up into that evil syringe, and I pray for peace because right now I am switching from pure anger to near tears every 5 minutes or so. Also (though this likely won't help much, if at all), I loaded up on vitamins, colloidal silver, and EmergenC. Yes, I am slightly scared of the symptoms that may come about. This happened with my Tdap vaccine the other day too but my mom was here so I couldn't even keep my tears at bay for very long. Why do I regress into childhood when my mom's around? I fought so hard to be an adult when I lived at home but now I get around my parents and it's like I'm 3 again. I lay with my head in her lap and I am constantly giving my parents hugs, kisses (on the cheek, of course), and acting like a little child. I need to work on that...

In the mean time, I wish I were 21 because I need a beer. I know! How dare I condone alcohol!?! Well, I don't drink underage (except for about an ounce for religious ceremonies and my parents are always there for that 1 sip), Yeshua drank wine, and I'm not planning on ever getting plastered. For some reason, however, I've been craving a beer. Why? I have no clue. I'm probably not even really craving a beer, I likely just need a stress outlet because I am way worked up. I just need G-d. He's the only One that can take away my stress, my anxiety, my unrighteous anger, my fear of life, and my worries about the future. He is the only One who holds my heart, knows all my thoughts, and can calm me down. Let me tell you, I'm struggling right now, and not even just with the flu vaccine. Life kinda is kickin' me lately and I feel very alone.

Daily Thanksgiving: Now I am able to be hired by the hospital that hired me the first time because I'm now a sell-out and caved into getting the dumb flu vaccine. I have a G-d who is bigger than the American health system, bigger than vaccines, and He created me so I know that He can protect me from anything. Today is done and tomorrow is a new day. One of the little girls that I babysit emailed me today asking when they would get to see me again. That lifted my spirit. The L-rd truly knows how to make me feel just a little bit grounded just in the nick of time.



These are my real-life, totally legit, and completely real struggles of life. This is what goes on in my brain constantly.

Studying Abroad?

I recently received an email from my university offering a get-together for those students who want to study abroad. I never thought of myself as someone who wanted to go see the world because I am much too scared of people/travel/kidnappers/murderers/life, but lately I have been wanting to move to Switzerland, New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, Iceland, or some other country once I graduate nursing school, of course. Being a midwife in another country appeals to me because there are so many places that are pro-midwife and don't require stupid immunizations. Now, I know there is a big push for immunizations because they stop disease and prevent unnecessary death and everything, but I don't agree with it being mandatory for everyone. I really don't agree with the preservatives, ingredients, and the excessive amounts of vaccines they are shoving down our throats. I want to go somewhere where the citizens are wanting to live healthier lives, they are encouraged to take health into their own hands using homeopathic remedies instead of chemicals for every sniffle and spot they find whether it is harmful or not. I want to deliver babies in a fashion that resembles the beauty of the old-school method that doesn't require a C-Section or doctors bullying their patients into drugs and surgeries for normal labor and delivery. I need an island by myself because this dream I have is likely unrealistic and I don't know what I'm thinking...

Anyway, I would really love to study in Ireland, New Zealand, Switzerland, or Israel for a summer. Unfortunately, they have no nursing studies, but I could try to go under pre-health and get an internship somewhere. Also, there are no available studies in Israel that I could find! They weren't even on the list, but Hebrew and Jewish studies were on the list. Maybe I will just have to go there on a missions trip instead. The bigger problem with this whole idea) bigger than my fear of everything) is the lack of funding. Not only do I have to find enough money to go on the trip and pay for all related expenses to that, I would need to save up enough money for double my trip time for bills back at home and missed work days. That, my friends, is something they don't tell you you have to save for with these things. So, it possible doubles my fundraising needs just to go somewhere else to attend school for a month. Good news is that it would be about 7-9 credits for 4-6 weeks of school. Is that worth it though? I can take 2 of the week-long interim classes and receive 6 credits for cheaper expenses and less risk of getting kidnapped in a strange country... However, I don't get to see the world. Do I really even want to see the world? My whole thing with traveling is this: Why spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere in the world to look at a tower, temple, museum, etc. when there are pictures and virtual tours? If I go on vacation or travel, I want to go somewhere with a beach; really tasty, kosher, lactose-free food; and super nice people that, at the very least, understand/speak basic English or will teach me their language. I need the traveling to/from that location to be safe and I actually need a really strong, tall, protective husband before I am even comfortable going anywhere else in the world. I saw Taken, and let's be real, I won't survive if I get kidnapped, I'm not strong enough.

School is overwhelming. Pharmacology is kicking my bum and I'm only on the second week of it. However, I believe that G-d will get me through so that I never have to take it again, so long as I work hard and trust Him to fill in all my gaps.

Daily Thanksgiving: work went really well today and I got to answer a lot of questions. It was a slight confidence boost for my IT job. I get to go to church tomorrow night at a college group which I am super excited about. G-d may allow me to study abroad, which would be really fun and exciting and totally out of my norm.

Thoughtful Thursday! “If People Question Your Choices, Use Me As A Scapegoat…”

Thoughtful Thursday! “If People Question Your Choices, Use Me As A Scapegoat…”

Love it! If you are for getting vaccines, this is a doctor you want. One that will take the responsibility to support your decisions and wishes for treating your children. This doctor is even willing to take the flack for any backlash the parents receive if they don't want to take it. I think I will volunteer to be a scapegoat for parents because it's worth it to make sure that their children are taken care of the way they want to.

Full Moon

As y'all know, I was skeptical about rumors of strange behaviors during the full moon before I started working in healthcare. Now that I am immersed in it, and in an elderly care facility, I very much believe that it is a real thing. Today is proof of it. Everyone was upset with everyone else. People were screaming at each other and many were convinced that their families and our staff were conspiring to kill them or to make them think that they are crazy. Needless to say, today was insane! To top if off, it wasn't even the complete full moon today. No, that happens tonight or tomorrow night, so we should be in for some more big fun the next 2 days that I work. Tomorrow I even work a double... I really have to start looking at a calendar with the moon phases before I schedule myself for shifts.

When I went into work today I wanted to quit. As I left, I still wanted to quit, but I somehow had more compassion for my residents at the end of the day than I did at the beginning. I'm pretty sure G-d changed my heart somewhere along the line today, I'm not sure when He did, but I'm very glad He did.

Nursing school: Now that I've been accepted, what else do I have to do? I have to get health insurance, the flu shot or a medical exemption, tons of books (totaling about $1000!), and I have to send in loads of paper work. This will be an interesting month getting everything ready for nursing school seeing as I don't believe in getting the flu vaccine and I don't have health insurance.

Daily Thanksgiving: I had a decent day at work and I got to talk to my mom today. I was accepted into nursing school and G-d will allow all of the insurance and vaccine things to work out somehow.

No More Mask!!!

Another thing I forgot to tell you guys is...





I no longer have to wear a mask because flu season is over!!!!!!!

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I will be able to breath and work and not have my face constantly breaking out because of the silly masks at work. Yes, I would rather wear the mask than to have the flu shot. But we shouldn't even be given the ultimatum of flu shot or unemployment. Honestly, this is overbearing and extremely wrong for all healthcare companies to ban together and require immunizations. The patients don't have to have it, they can spread the flu around. Plus, isn't the vaccine supposed to protect the victim... I mean person who gets the vaccine, from the flu? So if they are protected, why do they have to worry about getting the flu if the vaccine really works? Guys you need to stand with me and fight these mandatory immunizations! If more of us banded together, we could make it illegal for companies to force employees to get shots. We could be the change that is needed. We need to be the ones to change these ridiculous rules and unfair treatment.