I just finished my third semester of nursing school! This is only including the nursing program classes and not the two semesters I took of prereqs before this. Anyway, 3 down and only 3 to go! This translates into about a year and a half left of classes, L-rd willing I do not get behind or have to retake any of them.
This semester was cake, though. I had Mental Health Nursing, Nursing Research, and Statistics for Nursing. Catching a theme? Next semester is going to be rough, especially following something so easy as this semester has been. I went to school for 3 hours Monday and Tuesday then went to clinicals on Wednesday. Clinicals weren't like normal hospital clinicals though. There were no care plans to write the night before and we literally sat around watching television while waiting for a client (patient) to approach us wanting to have a "therapeutic conversation". That's the kind of conversation where you ask them why they are there, they explain, then you ask "so, how does that make you feel?" I don't do feelings. Clinicals, where you are not running around and passing meds, was a real struggle. I like to have some type of schedule and something to do. Mental health clinicals had neither of those two things and I had to talk about feelings. Yuck! It almost makes me want to gag.
Anyway, I passed and now I get about a month off for winter break! Praise the L-rd!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Confessions of a College Prude, Part 2
Lately, in my life, there has been an abundance of sex talk. It's getting on my nerves, to be honest because nobody is discussing the desire to refrain from it but merely rumors and desires to take part in it.
There have been stories of people losing their virginity in middle school. Many conversations about "numbers" (the amount of people individuals have slept with. Some people have begun describing in vivid detail certain acts or positions. Still others discuss their sadness that they have not yet given themselves entirely over to another person in that way. Most of these conversations were cut short on my end because I proceeded to plug my ears and began humming in order to drown out the information being presented.
I don't want to know the details of acts, or numbers, or anything else that I do not need to know about sex! In my book, I need to know that: 1) it's how you get babies, STD's, funky rashes, and other various conditions that one may find themselves in that require medical treatment, 2) there are psychological and emotional scars that can develop, 3) THAT I DO NOT NEED TO BE PARTAKING IN THESE ACTIONS UNTIL I AM MARRIED!!! That is it! All other information simply chips away at my dwindling innocence and causes me to have nightmares and panic attacks (on a regular basis).
My dating/marriage rules are strict, I understand that. However, those rules only apply to myself, I do not expect anyone else to follow them. If they don't follow them, I simply ask that all conversations about sex be held until I am out of hearing range. People cease cussing due to simple requests, is it too much to ask that inappropriate talk be held too?
It was brought to my attention that one of my friends is not pleased with the amount of physical contact they have had with the opposite gender. This conversation was light and was mostly about kissing and holding hands which are both okay for me to discuss with people because those are "normal" dating practices that are mostly started when dating anybody (with me and maybe a handful of others in the exception). When talking about these things, though, most people don't realize that I abstain from these little gestures as well. This may have a large part to do with my tongue ring, which I have been informed is used for unsavory acts of the sexual nature (things that I do not partake in). So people begin talking about these things and they haven't known me long enough to know that I am saving hand holding for my engagement, or kissing and beyond for when I am married.
Bringing this up with other people has proven slightly foolish in my experience because my closest friends and mentors all advise me to not wait for these things. I was encouraged and told that "it would be highly unlikely for me to be in a relationship with someone I really liked without kissing them." Yes, it will be hard, but that doesn't mean that it is bad. I am not forcing these rules on anyone else and I understand that if G-d sends along someone who I really like and who really likes me, there will be a pull for physical contact like kissing and hand-holding. However, by saving these little gestures, it's not going to cause any harm to me or my beloved. We won't get an STD or become pregnant before marriage, we won't become ill or suffer any psychological issues by waiting either. Why, then, is everyone counseling me to just go ahead a kiss whatever guy comes along? Why are they encouraging me to date, just to get the first one out of the way? I "tried" that, it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because I don't want to date just anybody, I wanted to wait until it seemed like the L-rd was guiding us both into the relationship instead of me getting talked into it by someone who had put me up on an unrealistic, unhealthy pedestal.
Seriously, the most waiting could do is make me become a cat lady. Which would make my death folder come in mighty handy because I am allergic to cats and they would likely suffocate me in my sleep.
You know what makes me the most sad? I feel embarrassed discussing these things with people because I have gotten such negative reactions from them so far. Some of my friends have decided they are going to take me to a bar, try to get me drunk, and then attempt to talk guys into making out with me. There are so many holes in that plan, but it bugs me that my closest friends can't just leave me be. It's not they are intervening for self-destructive behavior, they are attempting to make me do things that I don't want to do but that aren't causing harm to anyone. My mentors have continuously told me that it is okay to kiss boys and I shouldn't go any farther than I am comfortable with, but that lines should be past the hand-holding/kissing/cuddling things to really only prevent "real sex" from occurring until marriage. It's almost like skinny shaming where people tell thin people to go eat a hamburger or gain some weight even though the person is not anorexic or bolimic or anything else unhealthy.
I want another chance with this kid. I want to explain that while many people lose their virginity or hold a lot of emphasis on getting to a certain point in their physical relationship, that is not the general consensus among everyone. Yes, it may seem like everyone is sleeping around and has done more than you, but that's just because the people that hold-off are either not talking about not doing anything or they are getting drowned out by the people with the crazy hook-up stories. I just want to explain that this tongue ring was an attempt to not go back down my self-harm path that I have a history of. I want to explain why I am choosing to not kiss or hold hands right now. I want to explain that I am in the minority, but I CHOSE to be in the minority and it's not as small of a group as it may seem. Oh I pray I get the chance and I pray that this person is receptive!
There have been stories of people losing their virginity in middle school. Many conversations about "numbers" (the amount of people individuals have slept with. Some people have begun describing in vivid detail certain acts or positions. Still others discuss their sadness that they have not yet given themselves entirely over to another person in that way. Most of these conversations were cut short on my end because I proceeded to plug my ears and began humming in order to drown out the information being presented.
I don't want to know the details of acts, or numbers, or anything else that I do not need to know about sex! In my book, I need to know that: 1) it's how you get babies, STD's, funky rashes, and other various conditions that one may find themselves in that require medical treatment, 2) there are psychological and emotional scars that can develop, 3) THAT I DO NOT NEED TO BE PARTAKING IN THESE ACTIONS UNTIL I AM MARRIED!!! That is it! All other information simply chips away at my dwindling innocence and causes me to have nightmares and panic attacks (on a regular basis).
My dating/marriage rules are strict, I understand that. However, those rules only apply to myself, I do not expect anyone else to follow them. If they don't follow them, I simply ask that all conversations about sex be held until I am out of hearing range. People cease cussing due to simple requests, is it too much to ask that inappropriate talk be held too?
It was brought to my attention that one of my friends is not pleased with the amount of physical contact they have had with the opposite gender. This conversation was light and was mostly about kissing and holding hands which are both okay for me to discuss with people because those are "normal" dating practices that are mostly started when dating anybody (with me and maybe a handful of others in the exception). When talking about these things, though, most people don't realize that I abstain from these little gestures as well. This may have a large part to do with my tongue ring, which I have been informed is used for unsavory acts of the sexual nature (things that I do not partake in). So people begin talking about these things and they haven't known me long enough to know that I am saving hand holding for my engagement, or kissing and beyond for when I am married.
Bringing this up with other people has proven slightly foolish in my experience because my closest friends and mentors all advise me to not wait for these things. I was encouraged and told that "it would be highly unlikely for me to be in a relationship with someone I really liked without kissing them." Yes, it will be hard, but that doesn't mean that it is bad. I am not forcing these rules on anyone else and I understand that if G-d sends along someone who I really like and who really likes me, there will be a pull for physical contact like kissing and hand-holding. However, by saving these little gestures, it's not going to cause any harm to me or my beloved. We won't get an STD or become pregnant before marriage, we won't become ill or suffer any psychological issues by waiting either. Why, then, is everyone counseling me to just go ahead a kiss whatever guy comes along? Why are they encouraging me to date, just to get the first one out of the way? I "tried" that, it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because I don't want to date just anybody, I wanted to wait until it seemed like the L-rd was guiding us both into the relationship instead of me getting talked into it by someone who had put me up on an unrealistic, unhealthy pedestal.
Seriously, the most waiting could do is make me become a cat lady. Which would make my death folder come in mighty handy because I am allergic to cats and they would likely suffocate me in my sleep.
You know what makes me the most sad? I feel embarrassed discussing these things with people because I have gotten such negative reactions from them so far. Some of my friends have decided they are going to take me to a bar, try to get me drunk, and then attempt to talk guys into making out with me. There are so many holes in that plan, but it bugs me that my closest friends can't just leave me be. It's not they are intervening for self-destructive behavior, they are attempting to make me do things that I don't want to do but that aren't causing harm to anyone. My mentors have continuously told me that it is okay to kiss boys and I shouldn't go any farther than I am comfortable with, but that lines should be past the hand-holding/kissing/cuddling things to really only prevent "real sex" from occurring until marriage. It's almost like skinny shaming where people tell thin people to go eat a hamburger or gain some weight even though the person is not anorexic or bolimic or anything else unhealthy.
I want another chance with this kid. I want to explain that while many people lose their virginity or hold a lot of emphasis on getting to a certain point in their physical relationship, that is not the general consensus among everyone. Yes, it may seem like everyone is sleeping around and has done more than you, but that's just because the people that hold-off are either not talking about not doing anything or they are getting drowned out by the people with the crazy hook-up stories. I just want to explain that this tongue ring was an attempt to not go back down my self-harm path that I have a history of. I want to explain why I am choosing to not kiss or hold hands right now. I want to explain that I am in the minority, but I CHOSE to be in the minority and it's not as small of a group as it may seem. Oh I pray I get the chance and I pray that this person is receptive!
Death Folder
Since about middle school, I have been thinking about how I would want my funeral executed, if I would want artificial life support, etc, etc. Until last weekends funeral, I had not really discussed much of this with my parents. Since then I have decided to put together a death folder. I've already made a Pinterest board with basics of my funeral ceremony and I started documenting my accounts, passwords, and other information that may be important in the case of my demise.
Why am I planning for my death before I have even turned 21? I have no clue but I have always felt this pull to make sure it was planned, so I am preparing everything and getting it to my parent's house and my brother.
So far I have a will that I made from a template from the internet, a letter describing my wishes for my funeral, and a paper with the usernames and passwords to all my accounts. That's it. I need to sign a DNR and get the other legal stuff taken care of but that sounds terribly boring and time-consuming. It'll get done, hopefully by summer.
Any ideas of what else to put in it? I plan on writing a letter to my parents and brother. Then I can add on other letters if there happens to be a special guy in my life or anyone else I believe truly needs a letter.
Why am I planning for my death before I have even turned 21? I have no clue but I have always felt this pull to make sure it was planned, so I am preparing everything and getting it to my parent's house and my brother.
So far I have a will that I made from a template from the internet, a letter describing my wishes for my funeral, and a paper with the usernames and passwords to all my accounts. That's it. I need to sign a DNR and get the other legal stuff taken care of but that sounds terribly boring and time-consuming. It'll get done, hopefully by summer.
Any ideas of what else to put in it? I plan on writing a letter to my parents and brother. Then I can add on other letters if there happens to be a special guy in my life or anyone else I believe truly needs a letter.
I'm Off My Meds
Several months ago I decided to start treating my depression. Did I go to a doctor? No. Did I seek any type of counseling or therapy? No. I decided to self-prescribe St. Johns Wort, vitamin D, melatonin, valerian root, magnesium, prenatal vitamins, and the list goes on. These were taken in hopes that my depression would be more controllable and I was hoping I would be able to function.
At the time, I was unaware that treating major depression could result in manic or hypomanic occurrences. I am now well aware of this little tid-bit. However, I have enjoyed several months of less severe cycles through hypomania and depression so that's good! My depression has pretty much been kept at bay and I felt normal. Actually, I felt just a tad bit hyper most days, but I have been very productive with school work, housework, and everything else that used to seem so daunting to me. Due to all of this, I think I may have bipolar type 2 but that may just be my Mental Health hypochondria acting up on me...
There are so many posts I want to write right now! Funny how I choose to begin this whole thing at 0135. Anyway, check dates and times on my upcoming posts because there are likely to be several tonight.
It needs to be noted that I, in no way, suggest that you do not receive professional help for mental/medical conditions. Nor do I propose you put yourself on a regimen of "self-prescribed" suppliments. Please consult your doctor or other health care professional before taking or doing anything mentioned in this post or my previous posts. This is a blog about nursing school and my struggles, do not take me for a doctor and do not take health advice from me, please!
At the time, I was unaware that treating major depression could result in manic or hypomanic occurrences. I am now well aware of this little tid-bit. However, I have enjoyed several months of less severe cycles through hypomania and depression so that's good! My depression has pretty much been kept at bay and I felt normal. Actually, I felt just a tad bit hyper most days, but I have been very productive with school work, housework, and everything else that used to seem so daunting to me. Due to all of this, I think I may have bipolar type 2 but that may just be my Mental Health hypochondria acting up on me...
There are so many posts I want to write right now! Funny how I choose to begin this whole thing at 0135. Anyway, check dates and times on my upcoming posts because there are likely to be several tonight.
It needs to be noted that I, in no way, suggest that you do not receive professional help for mental/medical conditions. Nor do I propose you put yourself on a regimen of "self-prescribed" suppliments. Please consult your doctor or other health care professional before taking or doing anything mentioned in this post or my previous posts. This is a blog about nursing school and my struggles, do not take me for a doctor and do not take health advice from me, please!
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