A problem I have run across, and recently discovered the other new girls are experiencing as well, is that there is a lack of communication to the newbies.
Depending on who we talk to, we are given 15 different answers to the same question that we didn't have until someone told us we needed to do something different.
I was called in for 2 extra shifts one week, and they were day shifts. So I missed the night/weekend differential that I would normally get, and I worked an extra day that week. Normally, when we get called in for a shift that was not scheduled, we get an extra $250 for that shift because we came in when we weren't expecting to. I didn't know that until I ran in to night shift nurses that told me to ask about it. I asked about it and was denied the money because somebody in HR decided that I was working my "normal" shifts, just switched times. Okay, when you get called to come in at 0630, in order to be there at 0700, that's called GETTING CALLED IN. That is not a normal shift. Then getting texted at 1130 p.m. that night to come in for another day shift, that was not scheduled, is also not normal. Somewhere, there is a disconnect and I suspect it lies with the charge nurse that called me in for both shifts...
A few days ago, I got called in at 1901 (7:01 p.m., and shortly after the start of the night shift) to come in and go to the pediatrics floor. I got an email saying that I got the $250 for that shift, for some reason.
I emailed our DON, but the way it was explained makes little to no sense and I think HR doesn't understand what happened and all of the charge nurses that we keep having during these situation are charge nurses that don't normally act as charge so they aren't used to the strange problems that occur, like random call-in pay.
Besides this, I learned that I wasn't supposed to get floated the other night when I went to be a patient sitter. I learned this from a few other charge nurses that are normally charge nurses. I didn't even know it was a rule that I'm not supposed to get floated for 6 months!!!
One of the other new girls is struggling with the rules too. We have a little paper you can sign, then sign up for an extra shift or two within a pay period. IF you sign this paper, sign up for the shifts, and get to work all of you scheduled and extra shifts, then you get $400 each of the extra shifts (1-2 per pay period). Score! Right? Thing is, you can work all of your scheduled and extra shifts, but if you are given a low census for even one shift that pay period, the extra money is denied and all of the extra shifts you worked count as regular pay. So, it's a bit of a gamble, but the risk is way lower when we are in summer and there are tons of babies on the unit and everyone is working 3-4 extra shifts a week.
The new girl got told she needed to sign up for these extra pay shifts, without being told the stipulation of how to not get the extra money. She was volun-told to stay home one night (after she had already arrived to work), even though there were other girls who had wanted to stay home and she wanted to work. So, she found out that she does not get her extra money and that all of her extra work days were a waste because they called her off.
A similar charge nurse surfaces amidst all of these troubles, but I don't want to go starting troubles where there were none. I'm not going to fight my aunt on the extra pay days, but I might go ask her if all of us new girls could be given information on all of the rules and extra things that we are supposed to do with our jobs because the information that we are not being told is coming back to bite us all in the ass.
Speaking of which, we have these blood tests that get sent to another lab. When sending the tests, we have to fill out some form with a bunch of info about the kid we are testing. Nobody ever told me that it couldn't be done in blue ink, and could only be written in black ink. We got a mass email and signs up ALL OVER THE UNIT specifying that the form must be written in black and yada, yada, yada. I know people probably don't know it was me, but they might. Everyone knows I'm new, so I'm not too concerned about it. Still, I'm irritated for getting shamed for things that we were never taught.
Whatever, I'm pretty much just rolling with it. I certainly don't get nearly as embarrassed as I used to. This is another unfortunate side effect of being constantly humiliated by exfiance, exboyfriend, and several other people who used to be friends and are now confused as to why I don't talk to them anymore. It's a mystery really.*** (*Heavy sarcasm there*)
Showing posts with label embarrassing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarrassing. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2016
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Daily Challenge
I crashed out last night after coming home from clinicals. I was exhausted!
So, I was unable to talk about yesterday's bunch of stuff and tell you my funny story.
Counseling was good. I talked about Jersey and my "difficult" professor. They took up about 10-15 minutes of the session, but I guess it was worth it because I realized some things by discussing it with someone who isn't a friend with Jersey and isn't in class with the professor. Yay! New perspectives!
Counselor says I'm doing well. We're going to start working on rationalizations. She told me that I'm doing really well and working really hard. She likes my college bucket list, Roomie's Thanksgiving List challenge, how I am doing with "friend" struggles, my dealings with the professor, and she told me it's okay to be flip-flopping all the time.
Apparently I go from having rational thoughts to survival mode frequently, and that is because my brain is confused with the PTSD. Survival mode is in the back, in the occipital lobe (from what I remember from anatomy and phys) while logical thought (where I used to live most of the time because I like it) is in the frontal lobe. So, my brain is trying to be normal, but then it decides it doesn't like how I used to be because it's too hard, so then it switches back to survival mode in the back. Meanwhile, I am left with my head spinning, whiplash, and major confusion and frustration at my lack of ability to be who I remember I used to be. C'est la vie, for the time being.
Normally, after counseling, I go to sit at Country Boy's grave. It was so cold yesterday that I stood there for 5 minutes, in my clinical whites because I have clinicals after, and started shivering so I left way early. I told Counselor that I felt it was weird and morbid. She told me it was actually really good because cemeteries are quiet, outside, peaceful, and there are plenty of ways to ground myself with nature, should I feel like I need to. Plus, I get vitamin D with being in the sun. Maybe next week it'll be warm enough to actually be able to sit with him again.
I ended up showing up to the hospital over an hour early. This was a great accident, because one of the other girls from my group was already there. We have a test tomorrow and so we were able to start studying and I learned a lot!!! Maybe I will do okay on this test. I hope so anyway. I just need to be able to stay in my frontal lobe and stop switching back to the occipital lobe for a couple more days so that I can study solidly and remember the information for this class that I need to know for the test and my future career.
Clinicals went well. When we first go there, I asked if I could go change into greens, just so I would be ready if I ended up being able to go to a c-section or something. My instructor said that was okay, so I went with the other girls who were on L&D with me and we went to change. You should know, that I am tall, and I have wide hips. Wide hips are from genetics, and also from a little "extra padding," a.k.a. fat. Plus, I'm 5'8" and mostly legs, with a short (proportionally speaking) torso. When we went in to go get scrubs, the only sizes that were left were extra-small tops and small bottoms along with the 2x and 3x tops and bottoms. Good grief. I spent 10 minutes looking through every pair of bottoms to find a pair that was medium or large. No such findings came about. So, I tried on the 2x and my friends told me no. I tried on the small pants and they were bursting at the seems around my ass and thighs. They also came up about halfway up my calves, WHEN STANDING!
I walked into the pre-conference room with my whole clinical group and I fake-whined to my instructor: "Instructor, I need new pants!!!" They all burst into uncontrollable laughter. Granted, it was hilarious, but regardless of how thick my skin is, some things still hurt. So, when they calmed down a little and my instructor gave me her badge so I could go get scrubs that fit, they burst into laughter as I was walking out. That stung a little bit because I'm self-concious about my butt and thighs. I fit into an x-small top, but my butt needs a medium and my long legs need a large. To have people crack up as I walk out and they can see my butt makes my high anxiety and ability to be easily embarrassed get sent into over-drive. I play a good sport, but that doesn't mean that someone laughing along doesn't get hurt in the end.
So, just the thing I needed on an already difficult day... people laughing. It was funny, I'll give you that. It just made me over-think it for the rest of the day and even still, a day later. Just breathe.
10 Thanksgivings (from yesterday):
So, I was unable to talk about yesterday's bunch of stuff and tell you my funny story.
Counseling was good. I talked about Jersey and my "difficult" professor. They took up about 10-15 minutes of the session, but I guess it was worth it because I realized some things by discussing it with someone who isn't a friend with Jersey and isn't in class with the professor. Yay! New perspectives!
Counselor says I'm doing well. We're going to start working on rationalizations. She told me that I'm doing really well and working really hard. She likes my college bucket list, Roomie's Thanksgiving List challenge, how I am doing with "friend" struggles, my dealings with the professor, and she told me it's okay to be flip-flopping all the time.
Apparently I go from having rational thoughts to survival mode frequently, and that is because my brain is confused with the PTSD. Survival mode is in the back, in the occipital lobe (from what I remember from anatomy and phys) while logical thought (where I used to live most of the time because I like it) is in the frontal lobe. So, my brain is trying to be normal, but then it decides it doesn't like how I used to be because it's too hard, so then it switches back to survival mode in the back. Meanwhile, I am left with my head spinning, whiplash, and major confusion and frustration at my lack of ability to be who I remember I used to be. C'est la vie, for the time being.
Normally, after counseling, I go to sit at Country Boy's grave. It was so cold yesterday that I stood there for 5 minutes, in my clinical whites because I have clinicals after, and started shivering so I left way early. I told Counselor that I felt it was weird and morbid. She told me it was actually really good because cemeteries are quiet, outside, peaceful, and there are plenty of ways to ground myself with nature, should I feel like I need to. Plus, I get vitamin D with being in the sun. Maybe next week it'll be warm enough to actually be able to sit with him again.
I ended up showing up to the hospital over an hour early. This was a great accident, because one of the other girls from my group was already there. We have a test tomorrow and so we were able to start studying and I learned a lot!!! Maybe I will do okay on this test. I hope so anyway. I just need to be able to stay in my frontal lobe and stop switching back to the occipital lobe for a couple more days so that I can study solidly and remember the information for this class that I need to know for the test and my future career.
Clinicals went well. When we first go there, I asked if I could go change into greens, just so I would be ready if I ended up being able to go to a c-section or something. My instructor said that was okay, so I went with the other girls who were on L&D with me and we went to change. You should know, that I am tall, and I have wide hips. Wide hips are from genetics, and also from a little "extra padding," a.k.a. fat. Plus, I'm 5'8" and mostly legs, with a short (proportionally speaking) torso. When we went in to go get scrubs, the only sizes that were left were extra-small tops and small bottoms along with the 2x and 3x tops and bottoms. Good grief. I spent 10 minutes looking through every pair of bottoms to find a pair that was medium or large. No such findings came about. So, I tried on the 2x and my friends told me no. I tried on the small pants and they were bursting at the seems around my ass and thighs. They also came up about halfway up my calves, WHEN STANDING!
I walked into the pre-conference room with my whole clinical group and I fake-whined to my instructor: "Instructor, I need new pants!!!" They all burst into uncontrollable laughter. Granted, it was hilarious, but regardless of how thick my skin is, some things still hurt. So, when they calmed down a little and my instructor gave me her badge so I could go get scrubs that fit, they burst into laughter as I was walking out. That stung a little bit because I'm self-concious about my butt and thighs. I fit into an x-small top, but my butt needs a medium and my long legs need a large. To have people crack up as I walk out and they can see my butt makes my high anxiety and ability to be easily embarrassed get sent into over-drive. I play a good sport, but that doesn't mean that someone laughing along doesn't get hurt in the end.
So, just the thing I needed on an already difficult day... people laughing. It was funny, I'll give you that. It just made me over-think it for the rest of the day and even still, a day later. Just breathe.
10 Thanksgivings (from yesterday):
- First test of the week is done and I was able to take it with really smart people (it was a group test).
- I had great night shift nurses and got to see an ultrasound/fetal echo.
- Counseling went well.
- I was able to go to Country Boy's grave site, even if just for a few minutes.
- I'm finding friends in unlikely situations and places.
- I started studying and did really well in our version of jeopardy (for the studying).
- Roomie is helping me on my road to recovery and we are setting goals before they are even assigned for counseling homework!
- Fake friends are dropping off while solid friends are coming to the surface because the fake friends are wearing them out too.
- My clinical instructor is absolutely wonderful.
- I am nearly done with one set of clinicals for the semester and my very last set of clinicals starts in about a week or two.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Confessions of a College Prude, Part 2
Lately, in my life, there has been an abundance of sex talk. It's getting on my nerves, to be honest because nobody is discussing the desire to refrain from it but merely rumors and desires to take part in it.
There have been stories of people losing their virginity in middle school. Many conversations about "numbers" (the amount of people individuals have slept with. Some people have begun describing in vivid detail certain acts or positions. Still others discuss their sadness that they have not yet given themselves entirely over to another person in that way. Most of these conversations were cut short on my end because I proceeded to plug my ears and began humming in order to drown out the information being presented.
I don't want to know the details of acts, or numbers, or anything else that I do not need to know about sex! In my book, I need to know that: 1) it's how you get babies, STD's, funky rashes, and other various conditions that one may find themselves in that require medical treatment, 2) there are psychological and emotional scars that can develop, 3) THAT I DO NOT NEED TO BE PARTAKING IN THESE ACTIONS UNTIL I AM MARRIED!!! That is it! All other information simply chips away at my dwindling innocence and causes me to have nightmares and panic attacks (on a regular basis).
My dating/marriage rules are strict, I understand that. However, those rules only apply to myself, I do not expect anyone else to follow them. If they don't follow them, I simply ask that all conversations about sex be held until I am out of hearing range. People cease cussing due to simple requests, is it too much to ask that inappropriate talk be held too?
It was brought to my attention that one of my friends is not pleased with the amount of physical contact they have had with the opposite gender. This conversation was light and was mostly about kissing and holding hands which are both okay for me to discuss with people because those are "normal" dating practices that are mostly started when dating anybody (with me and maybe a handful of others in the exception). When talking about these things, though, most people don't realize that I abstain from these little gestures as well. This may have a large part to do with my tongue ring, which I have been informed is used for unsavory acts of the sexual nature (things that I do not partake in). So people begin talking about these things and they haven't known me long enough to know that I am saving hand holding for my engagement, or kissing and beyond for when I am married.
Bringing this up with other people has proven slightly foolish in my experience because my closest friends and mentors all advise me to not wait for these things. I was encouraged and told that "it would be highly unlikely for me to be in a relationship with someone I really liked without kissing them." Yes, it will be hard, but that doesn't mean that it is bad. I am not forcing these rules on anyone else and I understand that if G-d sends along someone who I really like and who really likes me, there will be a pull for physical contact like kissing and hand-holding. However, by saving these little gestures, it's not going to cause any harm to me or my beloved. We won't get an STD or become pregnant before marriage, we won't become ill or suffer any psychological issues by waiting either. Why, then, is everyone counseling me to just go ahead a kiss whatever guy comes along? Why are they encouraging me to date, just to get the first one out of the way? I "tried" that, it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because I don't want to date just anybody, I wanted to wait until it seemed like the L-rd was guiding us both into the relationship instead of me getting talked into it by someone who had put me up on an unrealistic, unhealthy pedestal.
Seriously, the most waiting could do is make me become a cat lady. Which would make my death folder come in mighty handy because I am allergic to cats and they would likely suffocate me in my sleep.
You know what makes me the most sad? I feel embarrassed discussing these things with people because I have gotten such negative reactions from them so far. Some of my friends have decided they are going to take me to a bar, try to get me drunk, and then attempt to talk guys into making out with me. There are so many holes in that plan, but it bugs me that my closest friends can't just leave me be. It's not they are intervening for self-destructive behavior, they are attempting to make me do things that I don't want to do but that aren't causing harm to anyone. My mentors have continuously told me that it is okay to kiss boys and I shouldn't go any farther than I am comfortable with, but that lines should be past the hand-holding/kissing/cuddling things to really only prevent "real sex" from occurring until marriage. It's almost like skinny shaming where people tell thin people to go eat a hamburger or gain some weight even though the person is not anorexic or bolimic or anything else unhealthy.
I want another chance with this kid. I want to explain that while many people lose their virginity or hold a lot of emphasis on getting to a certain point in their physical relationship, that is not the general consensus among everyone. Yes, it may seem like everyone is sleeping around and has done more than you, but that's just because the people that hold-off are either not talking about not doing anything or they are getting drowned out by the people with the crazy hook-up stories. I just want to explain that this tongue ring was an attempt to not go back down my self-harm path that I have a history of. I want to explain why I am choosing to not kiss or hold hands right now. I want to explain that I am in the minority, but I CHOSE to be in the minority and it's not as small of a group as it may seem. Oh I pray I get the chance and I pray that this person is receptive!
There have been stories of people losing their virginity in middle school. Many conversations about "numbers" (the amount of people individuals have slept with. Some people have begun describing in vivid detail certain acts or positions. Still others discuss their sadness that they have not yet given themselves entirely over to another person in that way. Most of these conversations were cut short on my end because I proceeded to plug my ears and began humming in order to drown out the information being presented.
I don't want to know the details of acts, or numbers, or anything else that I do not need to know about sex! In my book, I need to know that: 1) it's how you get babies, STD's, funky rashes, and other various conditions that one may find themselves in that require medical treatment, 2) there are psychological and emotional scars that can develop, 3) THAT I DO NOT NEED TO BE PARTAKING IN THESE ACTIONS UNTIL I AM MARRIED!!! That is it! All other information simply chips away at my dwindling innocence and causes me to have nightmares and panic attacks (on a regular basis).
My dating/marriage rules are strict, I understand that. However, those rules only apply to myself, I do not expect anyone else to follow them. If they don't follow them, I simply ask that all conversations about sex be held until I am out of hearing range. People cease cussing due to simple requests, is it too much to ask that inappropriate talk be held too?
It was brought to my attention that one of my friends is not pleased with the amount of physical contact they have had with the opposite gender. This conversation was light and was mostly about kissing and holding hands which are both okay for me to discuss with people because those are "normal" dating practices that are mostly started when dating anybody (with me and maybe a handful of others in the exception). When talking about these things, though, most people don't realize that I abstain from these little gestures as well. This may have a large part to do with my tongue ring, which I have been informed is used for unsavory acts of the sexual nature (things that I do not partake in). So people begin talking about these things and they haven't known me long enough to know that I am saving hand holding for my engagement, or kissing and beyond for when I am married.
Bringing this up with other people has proven slightly foolish in my experience because my closest friends and mentors all advise me to not wait for these things. I was encouraged and told that "it would be highly unlikely for me to be in a relationship with someone I really liked without kissing them." Yes, it will be hard, but that doesn't mean that it is bad. I am not forcing these rules on anyone else and I understand that if G-d sends along someone who I really like and who really likes me, there will be a pull for physical contact like kissing and hand-holding. However, by saving these little gestures, it's not going to cause any harm to me or my beloved. We won't get an STD or become pregnant before marriage, we won't become ill or suffer any psychological issues by waiting either. Why, then, is everyone counseling me to just go ahead a kiss whatever guy comes along? Why are they encouraging me to date, just to get the first one out of the way? I "tried" that, it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because I don't want to date just anybody, I wanted to wait until it seemed like the L-rd was guiding us both into the relationship instead of me getting talked into it by someone who had put me up on an unrealistic, unhealthy pedestal.
Seriously, the most waiting could do is make me become a cat lady. Which would make my death folder come in mighty handy because I am allergic to cats and they would likely suffocate me in my sleep.
You know what makes me the most sad? I feel embarrassed discussing these things with people because I have gotten such negative reactions from them so far. Some of my friends have decided they are going to take me to a bar, try to get me drunk, and then attempt to talk guys into making out with me. There are so many holes in that plan, but it bugs me that my closest friends can't just leave me be. It's not they are intervening for self-destructive behavior, they are attempting to make me do things that I don't want to do but that aren't causing harm to anyone. My mentors have continuously told me that it is okay to kiss boys and I shouldn't go any farther than I am comfortable with, but that lines should be past the hand-holding/kissing/cuddling things to really only prevent "real sex" from occurring until marriage. It's almost like skinny shaming where people tell thin people to go eat a hamburger or gain some weight even though the person is not anorexic or bolimic or anything else unhealthy.
I want another chance with this kid. I want to explain that while many people lose their virginity or hold a lot of emphasis on getting to a certain point in their physical relationship, that is not the general consensus among everyone. Yes, it may seem like everyone is sleeping around and has done more than you, but that's just because the people that hold-off are either not talking about not doing anything or they are getting drowned out by the people with the crazy hook-up stories. I just want to explain that this tongue ring was an attempt to not go back down my self-harm path that I have a history of. I want to explain why I am choosing to not kiss or hold hands right now. I want to explain that I am in the minority, but I CHOSE to be in the minority and it's not as small of a group as it may seem. Oh I pray I get the chance and I pray that this person is receptive!
Friday, September 26, 2014
Me and My Big Mouth
Mema came into town yesterday so I got to go visit with her and my uncles and their family yesterday. The uncles were seperated because it wasn't a big dinner or anything. So, I was invited to dinner tonight by one and then went to visit with the other. I thought they had been invited and knew about the whole ordeal. They did not... So, I went to the second uncle's house and told them about a barbeque happening tonight that was not actually happening. Awesome.
I got to put out my fire today after realizing the first uncle may not have meant it to be a big deal... Then I explained that to the second uncle's family. Now they are planning one anyway since I invited them to something that wasn't happening and I am thoroughly embarrassed. Praise the L-rd for kind family but I really need to stop assuming those two families talk all the time!
Ugh, if I had a house out there then I could have just invited everyone to my house to fix this whole mess. Instead, I just have to deal with the embarrassment of my big mouth and go to dinner with my tail between my legs. Someday I will learn to watch what I say, until then I will just have to deal with a constantly bruised ego.
I got to put out my fire today after realizing the first uncle may not have meant it to be a big deal... Then I explained that to the second uncle's family. Now they are planning one anyway since I invited them to something that wasn't happening and I am thoroughly embarrassed. Praise the L-rd for kind family but I really need to stop assuming those two families talk all the time!
Ugh, if I had a house out there then I could have just invited everyone to my house to fix this whole mess. Instead, I just have to deal with the embarrassment of my big mouth and go to dinner with my tail between my legs. Someday I will learn to watch what I say, until then I will just have to deal with a constantly bruised ego.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Busy, Busy Summer
Guys, I forgot to blog a few weeks ago about my good day and now I can't recall what was so great about it. We'll just talk about other stuff then!
My new job has got me all sorts of excited. I was nervous that I would be overly tired after working nights but after a red bull at about 0200 and another when I start nodding off (only on occasion, I usually don't need the second one) then I am good to stay up for what feels like weeks. Just kidding. But I stay up the whole day, go to work, then stay up the whole next day until it's time for a decent bed hour or slightly before that. I then wake up at my normal 6 a.m. and I'm ready to go again! When I work back-to-back, I will definately have to sleep during the day. However, this up for 36+ hours thing is working for me so far. I think I can even make it work with school.
Also, I love that job. Being able to focus on one patient all night and get to know them and how to make them comfortable is a great feeling. That's also what I love about working NICU. You learn the babies and their likes/dislikes. Then you can make sure to devote your attention to your 3 babies and go from there. It's not like working med/surg where you are running from pt to pt passing meds (if RN), and making sure 6-8 patients have what they need when they need it.
I think I'm going to quit my long term care facility. I love the residents but it's getting hard to even be a CNA now that I've gotten a taste of NICU. Let's be real, if you were able to taste your favorite pie, but had to wait and work really hard just so it could be ready in TWO YEARS, would you be able to handle that well? Ya, I'm struggling with my NICU pie... Until G-d puts me where He wants me, I'll bloom where I'm planted and learn as much as I can along the way.
On that note, I totally embarrassed myself today. I was the float which means that I am a CNA who goes between all four of the courts at my LTC facility and make sure I am helping the floor CNA's with anything I can. So, I did vitals. I took a bunch and they were really low so I made a mental note to go tell the LPN. When I got to her med cart, she had just left for break. Awesome. Now I have to wait. No big deal, I'll just keep going and tell her later. Several hours later my charge nurse comes up to me asking if I took the vitals. I said I did. She asked what I took them with and I told her it was with an automatic wrist cuff. Right then it dawned on me that I forgot to tell the LPN!!! Ugh! She is/was my favorite charge nurse but now I'm too embarrassed to hardly make eye contact with her. I know I get way too embarrassed way too easily, but I thought I was doing okay today. Silly things I forget that just make me feel dumber than dirt. Really, my memory is an issue. I'm going to have to get on top of this because forgetting something might cause someone their life. Today it made someone get late blood pressure meds and they almost didn't get it because my measurement was way too low. Like they were 150/70's but my cuff said 80/40's. I'm giving general numbers, but they were in this ballpark.
So sorry that I haven't been posting lately, life has just been busy, but a boring busy. It's kind of nice for summer. Talk to y'all later and I hope you're having fun wherever you happen to be in the world.
My new job has got me all sorts of excited. I was nervous that I would be overly tired after working nights but after a red bull at about 0200 and another when I start nodding off (only on occasion, I usually don't need the second one) then I am good to stay up for what feels like weeks. Just kidding. But I stay up the whole day, go to work, then stay up the whole next day until it's time for a decent bed hour or slightly before that. I then wake up at my normal 6 a.m. and I'm ready to go again! When I work back-to-back, I will definately have to sleep during the day. However, this up for 36+ hours thing is working for me so far. I think I can even make it work with school.
Also, I love that job. Being able to focus on one patient all night and get to know them and how to make them comfortable is a great feeling. That's also what I love about working NICU. You learn the babies and their likes/dislikes. Then you can make sure to devote your attention to your 3 babies and go from there. It's not like working med/surg where you are running from pt to pt passing meds (if RN), and making sure 6-8 patients have what they need when they need it.
I think I'm going to quit my long term care facility. I love the residents but it's getting hard to even be a CNA now that I've gotten a taste of NICU. Let's be real, if you were able to taste your favorite pie, but had to wait and work really hard just so it could be ready in TWO YEARS, would you be able to handle that well? Ya, I'm struggling with my NICU pie... Until G-d puts me where He wants me, I'll bloom where I'm planted and learn as much as I can along the way.
On that note, I totally embarrassed myself today. I was the float which means that I am a CNA who goes between all four of the courts at my LTC facility and make sure I am helping the floor CNA's with anything I can. So, I did vitals. I took a bunch and they were really low so I made a mental note to go tell the LPN. When I got to her med cart, she had just left for break. Awesome. Now I have to wait. No big deal, I'll just keep going and tell her later. Several hours later my charge nurse comes up to me asking if I took the vitals. I said I did. She asked what I took them with and I told her it was with an automatic wrist cuff. Right then it dawned on me that I forgot to tell the LPN!!! Ugh! She is/was my favorite charge nurse but now I'm too embarrassed to hardly make eye contact with her. I know I get way too embarrassed way too easily, but I thought I was doing okay today. Silly things I forget that just make me feel dumber than dirt. Really, my memory is an issue. I'm going to have to get on top of this because forgetting something might cause someone their life. Today it made someone get late blood pressure meds and they almost didn't get it because my measurement was way too low. Like they were 150/70's but my cuff said 80/40's. I'm giving general numbers, but they were in this ballpark.
So sorry that I haven't been posting lately, life has just been busy, but a boring busy. It's kind of nice for summer. Talk to y'all later and I hope you're having fun wherever you happen to be in the world.
Friday, May 9, 2014
I've been laughing all afternoon...
My brother is moving out tomorrow... well, he moves out officially tomorrow, he's already staying there tonight. Not really a huge deal, he warned me a number of months ago. He is breaking our agreement for the lease but that's another story.
So, he brought a buddy over to help him load his mattress today. We sat around talking for a little bit, loaded the mattress, not a big deal. At the end of their visit, our conversation stumbles across a path I did not know existed. My brother mentioned that he was moving out because I kicked him out. I did not recall ever doing such a thing which made him really defensive. "You kicked me out!" I asked him what I said and when. He was unable to answer that question and just kept replying that I kicked him out. He didn't say how or when or anything else besides he is moving out because I forced him to leave. I am thinking that he told that story to all of his friends and got mad because I called him out on it in front of another friend. They both proceeded to leave and left me all alone.
I was super mad. Like, super beyond angry. I don't know that I've ever been so mad at him or at a certain set of circumstances. So, I decided to be "productive." I pulled a Miranda Lambert (reference "Baggage Claim" and "Gunpowder and Lead" and really many of her songs to get an idea of what I was acting like). I started packing all of his stuff. Sure, he'll probably be mad and shocked tomorrow but hey, you want to tell people I'm kicking you out? Then fine! I will make sure that your belongings are ready to go first thing in the morning and you can leave me behind in a cloud of dust to figure out this mess you have now left me in. Now I have to find a roommate and pay YOUR rent that you agreed to pay when I signed the lease (because you were a minor at the time) but are now skipping out on. He said he would help with his part of the rent until the lease is up but I don't see that happening.
Needless to say, I went a little nuts. However, I finally understand why women (people) throw all of the boyfriend's/husband's things on the front lawn when they do something soooooooo stupid that it warrants them getting kicked out of their own house. I came pretty close to that myself but G-d didn't let me remember that people do that while I still had the energy to do anything. So, it's all just piled up in the living room.
I didn't even need a gun because sometimes that isn't as effective as going insane on someone and letting them sort through their own feelings. Just don't do us wrong though because we love with all that we are but when you cross us... Boy howdy you better be getting ready for WAR. I love him but this just took it too far. I feel like I have turned 73 cheeks to him to keep getting slapped. I think I have forgiven him and helped him even when he has done me wrong (thought I probably haven't done it right). But I am not going to be a doormat that he can use as the butt of every joke with his friends. I won't take his rumors quietly.What's more is that he wants me to meet his friends. That was before he informed me that he has been spreading rumors so that I now seem like some terrible, awful, evil, mean sister. I ain't meeting his friends just so that they can have dinner conversation about how I seem compared with Brother's account of me. That just ain't gonna happen!
The struggles of college and siblings...
More on the roommate front later. Actually, I hope to inform y'all about it tomorrow.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Applause!
I am terrible with technology yet I work in IT...
Normally on Mondays I have stories of how terrible I did at my IT job because I always seem to make a fool of myself on Mondays. Why? I don't know. Today, however, I actually did well! I got a call from a classroom that I get frequent calls from for a simple problem that I have explained how to solve multiple times. Anyway, I got TWO calls from that room today because I solved the problem and then it came back up. Whatever, I went back to the room to fix the problem. After doing all that I could, it still wouldn't work. The professor and students were asking if there was another room they could use since the computer was not working. I said I had a computer I could bring in, in the worst case scenario but I wanted to try one of their laptops first. Their laptop worked as a bandaid and the whole class broke out into applause! I have been in classes where we applaud the IT tech for fixing the solution but I am terrible with computers and never expected to be on the receiving end. I didn't even fully fix the problem!!! Needless to say, it pretty much made my day.
After work and school I went to the grocery store and the guy at the deli remembered my order! He helps me nearly every week so I'm sure it was bound to happen but it made me feel special.
So, after the near break down during the death and dying lectures, I had a fantastic day. Praise the L-rd for little breaks of sunshine in our gloomy seasons.
Normally on Mondays I have stories of how terrible I did at my IT job because I always seem to make a fool of myself on Mondays. Why? I don't know. Today, however, I actually did well! I got a call from a classroom that I get frequent calls from for a simple problem that I have explained how to solve multiple times. Anyway, I got TWO calls from that room today because I solved the problem and then it came back up. Whatever, I went back to the room to fix the problem. After doing all that I could, it still wouldn't work. The professor and students were asking if there was another room they could use since the computer was not working. I said I had a computer I could bring in, in the worst case scenario but I wanted to try one of their laptops first. Their laptop worked as a bandaid and the whole class broke out into applause! I have been in classes where we applaud the IT tech for fixing the solution but I am terrible with computers and never expected to be on the receiving end. I didn't even fully fix the problem!!! Needless to say, it pretty much made my day.
After work and school I went to the grocery store and the guy at the deli remembered my order! He helps me nearly every week so I'm sure it was bound to happen but it made me feel special.
So, after the near break down during the death and dying lectures, I had a fantastic day. Praise the L-rd for little breaks of sunshine in our gloomy seasons.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Foolish Choice
I got invited out tonight! Ya, I was kinda excited and skeptical too. It was just an invitation for my brother and I to go out to dinner at a local wing place so I figured it would be alright. Little did I know that there were other people coming too. They were all nice and friendly, but I am too stinkin' awkward around groups larger than 2. Really, I'm too awkward around anyone but myself... Anyway, I wasn't uncomfortable, but I said probably 10 words the whole night. Fortunately, other people find stuff to talk about all the time so I didn't have to worry about it too bad. I just don't know why I put myself in these situation. The others were also drinking and cursing. They only had a beer, maybe a beer an a half per person. As far as I could tell, they were of age but I don't really know. Drinking doesn't make me uncomfortable, per se, I just never know what to do. Has anyone else noticed that when in college, waiters/waitresses assume you are of age if you have some type of university paraphernalia with you? They typically i.d. before you get alcohol, but it's kinda weird to say that you are not old enough yet. Maybe that's just me.
Folks, I need to get funny and I need to work on my people skills. I promise I'm fine when it's at work. I could find the most random things to say when I'm working to make customers/patients more comfortable. When I am out in the real world, however, I become mute and really observant.
At dinner, it seemed like one of the guys kept looking at me. I'm just making this up right?
Then, as I was driving off, two of the guys that were at dinner were following me on their motorcycles. We stopped at a red light and I get a little nervous/over excited when people I know are behind me. Anyway, I blasted around the left turn and since I was going too fast, I underestimated how sharp the left turn was. I didn't hit anyone, but I veered into the lane of the person turning left beside me. Now I feel foolish because I suck at driving. I'm a girl, though, so can I just blame my poor driving abilities on the extra X chromosome? Most girls aren't bad drivers though...
Ugh, people drive me crazy and it's mainly my fault.
In other news, I learned how to use an opthalmascope and an otoscope. I got to look into people's eyeballs and ears today! It's more exciting than it sound, but not really.
Someone give me advise on how to stop being weird around people! I wish I were more charismatic and way less foolish, but I'm not. Instead of learning how to be around people, I was busy becoming wise. Was this a mistake?
Folks, I need to get funny and I need to work on my people skills. I promise I'm fine when it's at work. I could find the most random things to say when I'm working to make customers/patients more comfortable. When I am out in the real world, however, I become mute and really observant.
At dinner, it seemed like one of the guys kept looking at me. I'm just making this up right?
Then, as I was driving off, two of the guys that were at dinner were following me on their motorcycles. We stopped at a red light and I get a little nervous/over excited when people I know are behind me. Anyway, I blasted around the left turn and since I was going too fast, I underestimated how sharp the left turn was. I didn't hit anyone, but I veered into the lane of the person turning left beside me. Now I feel foolish because I suck at driving. I'm a girl, though, so can I just blame my poor driving abilities on the extra X chromosome? Most girls aren't bad drivers though...
Ugh, people drive me crazy and it's mainly my fault.
In other news, I learned how to use an opthalmascope and an otoscope. I got to look into people's eyeballs and ears today! It's more exciting than it sound, but not really.
Someone give me advise on how to stop being weird around people! I wish I were more charismatic and way less foolish, but I'm not. Instead of learning how to be around people, I was busy becoming wise. Was this a mistake?
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Bad Attention
Living in an apartment is a totally different experience than living in the dorms where most people are under the drinking age. Now, I'm not saying that just because those people are under-age meant that they weren't drinking, it just meant that they couldn't be as open about it as they can in apartments. I bring this up because there are some guys across our little lawn-like thing between the apartment buildings who were drunk and standing on their patio. The before mentioned patio over looks my kitchen window where I was doing dishes. They started calling out, "Hey girl!" and simple stuff like that for a few seconds before I walked away from the window to keep from laughing. I do not want this type of attention, especially because they were drunk (so bad I can smell them from 20 feet away if the wind blows just right) and they may not be guys of good moral standing if they are calling out to strange girls in the first place. I don't know them and I cannot judge their hearts, G-d has to do that, but it is not proper attention to be paying to a lady like myself.
Ladies, if a guy makes you feel beautiful, intelligent, and truly loved, pray about allowing G-d to reveal his true heart to you. If they only make you feel pretty because you are wearing skimpy clothes that are barely more than underwear, they don't allow you to exercise your G-d given brain, and they show you "love" by sleeping with you, then let me just suggest that you have a real heart-to-heart with G-d because that is not a man of integrity. They should not be whistling to girls walking by, checkin' them out, flirting, or focusing on other girls because that is a tell-tale sign of not such good things to come. He should be focused on getting to know you, understanding what you like/don't like, how to make you happy, sharing his life stories and preferences, and making sure that you are safe and that you both remain pure (in both mind and body). You should feel beautiful because G-d created you beautifully and wonderfully, not just because some guy says you're pretty. You should feel beautiful and not ashamed or cheap. Trust me, I have felt pretty because some boy was tellin' me I was and he complimented me in ways that made me so ashamed! You should not feel embarrassed, cheap, or sleazy in your relationship, if you do then there is something wrong and that needs to be addressed ASAP! He should compliment you like milk compliments cookies. He should admire who G-d created you to be including your passions, intelligence, personality, and everything. You likely won't agree on everything and there will be some things that you just don't understand about each other, but that's life. Make sure to live purely, righteously, and to walk in grace because we all fall short of the glory of G-d, but He is gracious and merciful.
Ladies, if a guy makes you feel beautiful, intelligent, and truly loved, pray about allowing G-d to reveal his true heart to you. If they only make you feel pretty because you are wearing skimpy clothes that are barely more than underwear, they don't allow you to exercise your G-d given brain, and they show you "love" by sleeping with you, then let me just suggest that you have a real heart-to-heart with G-d because that is not a man of integrity. They should not be whistling to girls walking by, checkin' them out, flirting, or focusing on other girls because that is a tell-tale sign of not such good things to come. He should be focused on getting to know you, understanding what you like/don't like, how to make you happy, sharing his life stories and preferences, and making sure that you are safe and that you both remain pure (in both mind and body). You should feel beautiful because G-d created you beautifully and wonderfully, not just because some guy says you're pretty. You should feel beautiful and not ashamed or cheap. Trust me, I have felt pretty because some boy was tellin' me I was and he complimented me in ways that made me so ashamed! You should not feel embarrassed, cheap, or sleazy in your relationship, if you do then there is something wrong and that needs to be addressed ASAP! He should compliment you like milk compliments cookies. He should admire who G-d created you to be including your passions, intelligence, personality, and everything. You likely won't agree on everything and there will be some things that you just don't understand about each other, but that's life. Make sure to live purely, righteously, and to walk in grace because we all fall short of the glory of G-d, but He is gracious and merciful.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Awkward Encounter
In life, there are glorious moments when you put your foot right in you mouth and say something ridiculously foolish. I tend to have those moment several times a day...
This morning on my way to breakfast, I went by to pick up my friend because her dorm room is on the way to the cafeteria. We were talking about another friend, because I was asking for advice, and guess who comes around the corner? Yes, it was the friend we were talking about. The friend I was with just so happened to use the other friends name in a question that can be greatly misconstrued for taking place in a very nasty, gossipy conversation. I assure you, it was not, but I do believe she heard the question and her name because the friend we had mentioned was within ear shot and she was not her usual perky self at breakfast. Why am I so terrible at life? I don't want to bring it up with her on the off-chance that she did not hear anything, but I also do not want it to eat at her.
So, here I am not knowing what to do, yet again.
Folks, this is why I don't talk. Even when I don't talk much and I explain problems to a friend, somehow that information gets out to the world, causing me a lot of problems because I opened my mouth in the first place. I should take a vow of silence, move to the forest and not come into contact with anyone ever again, because I just end up making a fool of myself and hurting everyone.
G-d told us that the things we do in secret will be exposed, right? (Obviously that was paraphrased, but please correct be if I'm wrong.)
This morning on my way to breakfast, I went by to pick up my friend because her dorm room is on the way to the cafeteria. We were talking about another friend, because I was asking for advice, and guess who comes around the corner? Yes, it was the friend we were talking about. The friend I was with just so happened to use the other friends name in a question that can be greatly misconstrued for taking place in a very nasty, gossipy conversation. I assure you, it was not, but I do believe she heard the question and her name because the friend we had mentioned was within ear shot and she was not her usual perky self at breakfast. Why am I so terrible at life? I don't want to bring it up with her on the off-chance that she did not hear anything, but I also do not want it to eat at her.
So, here I am not knowing what to do, yet again.
Folks, this is why I don't talk. Even when I don't talk much and I explain problems to a friend, somehow that information gets out to the world, causing me a lot of problems because I opened my mouth in the first place. I should take a vow of silence, move to the forest and not come into contact with anyone ever again, because I just end up making a fool of myself and hurting everyone.
G-d told us that the things we do in secret will be exposed, right? (Obviously that was paraphrased, but please correct be if I'm wrong.)
Monday, April 22, 2013
Bad Driver, That's Me...
There is a good chance that you have heard that women are terrible drivers. This is not completely true and it is not a complete lie. When my friend and I went apartment shopping, I was the designated driver, and it was not a great experience for her, as I have recently been informed of, in front of a huge group of my friends. I was the butt of nearly 10 minutes worth of jokes, but I just laughed along. They were pretty funny, and somewhat true, but that doesn't mean they didn't hurt just a little and I was embarrassed. Now, I can refuse to drive people, because I'm a bad driver...
Just to give you an idea of how bad, let's review the points she brought up, and a couple she failed to mention:
Also, I have noticed that I do the "..." thing a lot. I really am fond of it and I would put it in a lot more, but I figure I overuse it. How can you not though? It's like one of my favorite things!
Just to give you an idea of how bad, let's review the points she brought up, and a couple she failed to mention:
- I almost ran a stop sign. (I was looking at apartment complexes and just missed the little red sign. Fortunately, she pointed it out and I stopped with no problem.)
- According to her, I ran into a little column that sticks out in random parking spaces in our university's parking garage. (My story: I did not run into it, I tapped it, with my car, because I was not sure how long my car was, but it was a minor tap!)
- She failed to mention that I slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light even though she told me to just go through it.
- Also, I drive a stick shift, and I am not a smooth shifter (she didn't say this).
Also, I have noticed that I do the "..." thing a lot. I really am fond of it and I would put it in a lot more, but I figure I overuse it. How can you not though? It's like one of my favorite things!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Continuation
I tried to find a word different than update because it seems I use that word ("update") in a lot of my blog titles... so I chose continuation, but it doesn't really make sense...
Anywho, I haven't done a whole lot with my day. I went to English without my completed paper, but my teacher didn't seem to care. Then I had chem lab and I got so embarrassed! So my lab partner and I are always the last people because we are always messing around and talking. Then my lab instructor came over to see if we were doing alright and they started joking around about how funny it would be if I ever cursed anybody out or yelled at them because I have a fairly high-pitched, soft voice. I turned all sorts of red! Then I got redder because I was embarrassed that I was blushing which made the whole situation worse. Whatever, it was pretty funny. Now I am the Hulk with an anger problem in chem lab... Haha, at least we have a good time.
Also, I got to work-out today!!! I ran for a whole 5 minutes and burned about 250 calories by running that little bit and walking. That's not bad. I know it takes a whole lot more calorie burning to actually lose weight, but I just do cardio to burn energy so I can sleep better and do something besides sit in my room. Maybe tomorrow I will conquer the stair stepper, or probably an elliptical first because stairs kill and I need to climb 2600+ stairs to start to train for the stair hike. That's a lot of stairs! But, I have rarely had goals that I actually go through on, but I really want to do this so that I am not the slowest person who keeps their whole group waiting for an hour. It's also good because I used to be the chubby kid in class. I was called fat repeatedly by different groups of kids in different grades and schools. Now, for the first time I am comfortable (kind of) with where I am and I am finally starting to enjoy exercise, not as a weight loss campaign that I get on a month before the pool opens, but as something that makes me feel good. Nobody is pushing me but myself and if I want to run, I run. If I just want to talk, that's all I do. This is a big step for me because I usually resist exercise because I was forced onto diets as an elementary and middle school student because I hated the way I looked. G-d is showing me the beauty in my curves and He is also teaching me to eat healthy to keep this body healthy because it is His body, I just rent it while I'm here on earth.
Daily Thanksgiving: All my tests are done for this week and I am now on the weekend! I got a volunteer opportunity with a faith-based medical clinic and I will get to work, hopefully, as a CNA in a clinical setting! I got to work-out and I ran today. Also, I probably could have run longer than 5 minutes which is big for me because I don't run (normally). G-d is showing me the beauty in this body he created. I have an amazing lab partner and a great chem lab instructor. Regardless of the cold weather that has come in and the bad feelings about my tests, I am having a great week. I have Shalom and joy, true joy that only comes from the Father. Tomorrow I get to go apartment shopping with my old roommate who is going to be my roommate again next year! I get to live with the girl that I got along with when I was in my dorm suite (before I moved out).
Anywho, I haven't done a whole lot with my day. I went to English without my completed paper, but my teacher didn't seem to care. Then I had chem lab and I got so embarrassed! So my lab partner and I are always the last people because we are always messing around and talking. Then my lab instructor came over to see if we were doing alright and they started joking around about how funny it would be if I ever cursed anybody out or yelled at them because I have a fairly high-pitched, soft voice. I turned all sorts of red! Then I got redder because I was embarrassed that I was blushing which made the whole situation worse. Whatever, it was pretty funny. Now I am the Hulk with an anger problem in chem lab... Haha, at least we have a good time.
Also, I got to work-out today!!! I ran for a whole 5 minutes and burned about 250 calories by running that little bit and walking. That's not bad. I know it takes a whole lot more calorie burning to actually lose weight, but I just do cardio to burn energy so I can sleep better and do something besides sit in my room. Maybe tomorrow I will conquer the stair stepper, or probably an elliptical first because stairs kill and I need to climb 2600+ stairs to start to train for the stair hike. That's a lot of stairs! But, I have rarely had goals that I actually go through on, but I really want to do this so that I am not the slowest person who keeps their whole group waiting for an hour. It's also good because I used to be the chubby kid in class. I was called fat repeatedly by different groups of kids in different grades and schools. Now, for the first time I am comfortable (kind of) with where I am and I am finally starting to enjoy exercise, not as a weight loss campaign that I get on a month before the pool opens, but as something that makes me feel good. Nobody is pushing me but myself and if I want to run, I run. If I just want to talk, that's all I do. This is a big step for me because I usually resist exercise because I was forced onto diets as an elementary and middle school student because I hated the way I looked. G-d is showing me the beauty in my curves and He is also teaching me to eat healthy to keep this body healthy because it is His body, I just rent it while I'm here on earth.
Daily Thanksgiving: All my tests are done for this week and I am now on the weekend! I got a volunteer opportunity with a faith-based medical clinic and I will get to work, hopefully, as a CNA in a clinical setting! I got to work-out and I ran today. Also, I probably could have run longer than 5 minutes which is big for me because I don't run (normally). G-d is showing me the beauty in this body he created. I have an amazing lab partner and a great chem lab instructor. Regardless of the cold weather that has come in and the bad feelings about my tests, I am having a great week. I have Shalom and joy, true joy that only comes from the Father. Tomorrow I get to go apartment shopping with my old roommate who is going to be my roommate again next year! I get to live with the girl that I got along with when I was in my dorm suite (before I moved out).
Monday, April 15, 2013
Well, That's Embarassing!
I apologize for yet another post about this pre-relationship thing going on, but it's consuming all of my thinking and I have to let it out and "talk" it out because I have three tests coming up that I cannot focus enough to study for.
So my guy friend told his roommate and my close friend. We are calling the Roommate B and my close girl friend Z. For the sake of easier writing, my guy friend will be P. Are we good? Anyway, so P told B and Z, without my knowledge, about our talk and confessions yesterday. This apparently made for some knowing looks and giggles because I say stupid things. We were talking about just random stuff, like sleeping, and I waited for a few other people to finish up their talking then decided that I should contribute to the conversation. BIG MISTAKE! B and Z exchanged knowing glances and smiled, likely giggling quietly to themselves at my foolish choice of speaking times. How embarrassing! I didn't even mean it the way they took it, but that's the price of talking about "feelings"... I think I better go lie down before I stress myself out too much over all the stupid things I'm fixin' to say. I had also better figure out how to go back to not talking... EVER. I used to never talk, I don't know what happened to me.
Today went well though. I can't pay attention during class, but I actually got to sleep in a little bit today so that was nice. I also studied for another hour and a half with a good friend who is in all of my classes. She is so awesome and chill and I am so glad G-d brought her into my life.
Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't say anything stupider than what I did at breakfast. Also, now I know who to watch what I say around because I guarantee I am going to be at the butt of a huge amount of jokes. It's cool though, I've been at the butt of jokes most of my life... (That wasn't supposed to sound like self-pity or sad, it's just a funny fact about yours truly.) I have studied quite a bit and I know most of the models that will be on my test. After this week, I only have to worry about finals and the HESI, but I will get a slight break before madness descends on my life, a very short break. Guys, Monday is done and G-d allowed me to survive!!! He will get me through this life. Everything threatens to break me, but I know that He will allow me to survive as long as He sees fit, then I get to go home and not worry about being so foolish, awkward and ridiculously bad at being around anything/anyone but rocks. I like rocks, except for when they decide to attack me, which actually happens a lot... Probably because I talk to them too much...
See!?! My brain does not work right now and I have to study!!!!!!!!!!!
So my guy friend told his roommate and my close friend. We are calling the Roommate B and my close girl friend Z. For the sake of easier writing, my guy friend will be P. Are we good? Anyway, so P told B and Z, without my knowledge, about our talk and confessions yesterday. This apparently made for some knowing looks and giggles because I say stupid things. We were talking about just random stuff, like sleeping, and I waited for a few other people to finish up their talking then decided that I should contribute to the conversation. BIG MISTAKE! B and Z exchanged knowing glances and smiled, likely giggling quietly to themselves at my foolish choice of speaking times. How embarrassing! I didn't even mean it the way they took it, but that's the price of talking about "feelings"... I think I better go lie down before I stress myself out too much over all the stupid things I'm fixin' to say. I had also better figure out how to go back to not talking... EVER. I used to never talk, I don't know what happened to me.
Today went well though. I can't pay attention during class, but I actually got to sleep in a little bit today so that was nice. I also studied for another hour and a half with a good friend who is in all of my classes. She is so awesome and chill and I am so glad G-d brought her into my life.
Daily Thanksgiving: I didn't say anything stupider than what I did at breakfast. Also, now I know who to watch what I say around because I guarantee I am going to be at the butt of a huge amount of jokes. It's cool though, I've been at the butt of jokes most of my life... (That wasn't supposed to sound like self-pity or sad, it's just a funny fact about yours truly.) I have studied quite a bit and I know most of the models that will be on my test. After this week, I only have to worry about finals and the HESI, but I will get a slight break before madness descends on my life, a very short break. Guys, Monday is done and G-d allowed me to survive!!! He will get me through this life. Everything threatens to break me, but I know that He will allow me to survive as long as He sees fit, then I get to go home and not worry about being so foolish, awkward and ridiculously bad at being around anything/anyone but rocks. I like rocks, except for when they decide to attack me, which actually happens a lot... Probably because I talk to them too much...
See!?! My brain does not work right now and I have to study!!!!!!!!!!!
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