I stumbled upon this blog, and it hits close to home. This young lady lost her husband in a car wreck that she was present during.
Her post about Job is something that I very much relate to. I did not lose a husband, but the thoughts of suffering, grief, pain, and the roller coaster that is present after trauma is very much in line with revelations that were made to me in the aftermath of my traumas. I remember reading Job after I broke up with exfiance. Of all the times I had read it before my two years of hellish life events, I never understood how Job could continue to love the L-rd, how he could be so grief stricken one moment, and yet defend the L-rd. Having lived through the shit I've somehow survived, it somehow makes a little bit more sense now. I've been to the place where I was in so much pain I was praying the L-rd just end my suffering. Let's be real, I still have a few days like that here and there. I have been to the point of not caring, of being so broken and hopeless that I was sure life couldn't get worse, and then it did. Yet, I believe the L-rd brought me through. I have no idea why. Why this was my lot in life and why certain people experience things while others don't.
However, I have met so many people that simply don't understand how to be empathetic. They sing worship songs about suffering, sadness, loneliness, and pain, but it means something different to them than it does to me. I know this because of how they talk about the songs and also because I used to be there. The songs about suffering and loss used to remind me of wanting a boyfriend, losing belongings, or otherwise being sad that I was not handed all of my wants and desires on a silver platter. Now, having been through the events that put me here today, these songs remind me of the horrors I have endured and how I am still standing. Songs of salvation, forgiveness, love, and redemption bring me still that sting of intense pain (and typically a lot of tears), but also a sweeter peace than I knew before. I know the L-rd in ways I never thought imaginable and through it all, I feel like I know who I am just a little bit better. I praise the L-rd that many people do not understand this shift I am talking of, and I don't hold it against anyone because I don't want anyone to have to suffer in order to understand what I feel. But I am so very glad that despite the evils done to me, there is some hope and some type of silver lining to the brokenness and struggle of my life.
Please visit Ms. Murri's blog here and her other one here (though it only has a couple of posts). She's a great writer and doesn't ramble on like some people we know *cough, cough, wink, wink (me...)*
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Heavy Heart and An Empty Room
Brother moved out yesterday after we got in a huge fight. I knew he was moving out, thus the reason for me packing the night before, but he came back yesterday to begin collecting all of his things and we just had it out. The yelling match only lasted for about 15 minutes until he concluded that he, "just couldn't handle this anymore." He proceeded to slam the door in my face and take a shower. At that point I hopped in my car and drove the hour and a half back to Home-base. I waited for my mom to get home from shul and we just talked for about 6 hours. Praise the L-rd that I live so close to home but not close enough to be there every night.
Guys, I cried that entire car ride. Let me tell you, when you are angry and bawling, it's really hard to see how fast you're going. Thankfully G-d was watching out for me and didn't let me get a ticket but I was going about 90 mph at one point in a 65-75 mph zone.
It feels like I lost my brother though. That is what hurts the most. When we were little kids, we fought, but it was just little things. You know, my brother would poke me so I would scream at him. He would like a girl so I would tease him until he punched me... Normal sibling stuff. Now, it takes nothing for us to be in a room and go from laughing to yelling. Just the most random little things set either of us off. He got really aggressive ever since his testosterone hit full gear and his voice dropped. I was informed by my mom that a few years ago I started to get weepy and I was able to be set off a lot easier. I'm thinking that's when all of my estrogen's decided to take over. Stupid hormones. I am praying that this is only a phase and that we can be pals again like we used to but right now I'm not seeing the light.
Tonight, my brother's room is completely empty and my heart is following with emptiness and this deep deep longing for him to come back. I fear for his safety living with boys who are drinking and partying almost every night. They skip class and think it's funny to fail classes. Some of them are sleeping around with random girls and doing "recreational" drugs. Depending on who you ask, cocaine could be a "recreational drug." I don't even know where he lives because I don't want to go meet his roommates and he doesn't even really want me to know where he lives.
Why does it feel like my life is falling apart? This blog was supposed to be about the funny things that happen or good-to-know tips about nursing school and college life. Instead, I just come here to complain and pour out my heart.
Guys, I cried that entire car ride. Let me tell you, when you are angry and bawling, it's really hard to see how fast you're going. Thankfully G-d was watching out for me and didn't let me get a ticket but I was going about 90 mph at one point in a 65-75 mph zone.
It feels like I lost my brother though. That is what hurts the most. When we were little kids, we fought, but it was just little things. You know, my brother would poke me so I would scream at him. He would like a girl so I would tease him until he punched me... Normal sibling stuff. Now, it takes nothing for us to be in a room and go from laughing to yelling. Just the most random little things set either of us off. He got really aggressive ever since his testosterone hit full gear and his voice dropped. I was informed by my mom that a few years ago I started to get weepy and I was able to be set off a lot easier. I'm thinking that's when all of my estrogen's decided to take over. Stupid hormones. I am praying that this is only a phase and that we can be pals again like we used to but right now I'm not seeing the light.
Tonight, my brother's room is completely empty and my heart is following with emptiness and this deep deep longing for him to come back. I fear for his safety living with boys who are drinking and partying almost every night. They skip class and think it's funny to fail classes. Some of them are sleeping around with random girls and doing "recreational" drugs. Depending on who you ask, cocaine could be a "recreational drug." I don't even know where he lives because I don't want to go meet his roommates and he doesn't even really want me to know where he lives.
Why does it feel like my life is falling apart? This blog was supposed to be about the funny things that happen or good-to-know tips about nursing school and college life. Instead, I just come here to complain and pour out my heart.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Found a New Blog
So, I think y'all should check this blog out. Yes, it is mostly on dating, but has a lot of great advice and makes some interesting points. So far I like this post the best and definitely recommend reading it. This is about the difference between "Girls" and "Women". Now, there is also one on the differences between "Boys" and "Men" so check that one out too.
Let me know what you think!
I'll hopefully be back on in the near future to talk about the funeral I went to tonight but for now I must go finish my epidemiology paper on C. diff. Yum.
Let me know what you think!
I'll hopefully be back on in the near future to talk about the funeral I went to tonight but for now I must go finish my epidemiology paper on C. diff. Yum.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Be Women/Men of Integrity
I recently read a blog post from a mom who was going on about young ladies posting inappropriate things on Facebook and YouTube. I encourage you to read it here. I love her explaining her reasons why she blocks certain people and why it is inappropriate to post half-naked pictures on Facebook. In order to help everyone remain pure in heart and mind, we all have to work together. Just trust me and read this post, she inspires me to parent like her.
Disclaimer: I'm not blaming girls for posting improper pictures and I'm not blaming boys for looking/encouraging said pictures. I think both genders have something to do with the whole problem but we can all work for fix it and to encourage purity.
Disclaimer: I'm not blaming girls for posting improper pictures and I'm not blaming boys for looking/encouraging said pictures. I think both genders have something to do with the whole problem but we can all work for fix it and to encourage purity.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Found Some New Blogs
These new ones I stumbled upon are fantastically witty and slightly sarcastic. I love them! I wish I wrote more like these people, but perhaps I can learn to write how I talk instead of writing like a 4 year old... perhaps. Until then, look them up and enjoy. One of them reminds me of Dr. Cox from Scrubs. I love his sarcastic remarks and rants. Check them out!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “…The Biggest Risk In Waiting Another Week Is A Slightly Bigger Baby.”
Thoughtful Thursday! “…The Biggest Risk In Waiting Another Week Is A Slightly Bigger Baby.”
That's it, just a bigger kid. Sometimes, there are other, more hazardous health risks, but for the most part, just let labor happen when it's going to happen. Many women pass their due date by a few days and that's normal and healthy. Why do we feel the need to continually mess with our bodies so that everything happens on our time?
That's it, just a bigger kid. Sometimes, there are other, more hazardous health risks, but for the most part, just let labor happen when it's going to happen. Many women pass their due date by a few days and that's normal and healthy. Why do we feel the need to continually mess with our bodies so that everything happens on our time?
Monday, May 13, 2013
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “I’m Not Comfortable Prescribing You Something That Might Jeopardize Your Milk Supply.”
Thoughtful Thursday! “I’m Not Comfortable Prescribing You Something That Might Jeopardize Your Milk Supply.”
This doctor needs to teach the other doctors! I love when doctors stand up for what they believe is right and are keeping mom's and baby's best interests in mind. I know that most doctors do, and I do not dislike doctors or anything, but it seems like everyone is starting to give in more and more to outside pressures. Then they do things despite what is actually best for mom and baby or anyone else. I also love that this doc is seeming to be pro-breastfeeding. You would be surprised how many aren't liking breastfeeding anymore. Why? It's natural and it's virtually free for the mom. Plus, it is best for the baby! In cases where the mom cannot nurse, formula is totally understandable, and formula every once in a while is fine. But for the most part, moms should have the total freedom to try breastfeeding if they want to and not be bullied by L&D nurses/lactation consultants/doctors/midwifes/etc.
This doctor needs to teach the other doctors! I love when doctors stand up for what they believe is right and are keeping mom's and baby's best interests in mind. I know that most doctors do, and I do not dislike doctors or anything, but it seems like everyone is starting to give in more and more to outside pressures. Then they do things despite what is actually best for mom and baby or anyone else. I also love that this doc is seeming to be pro-breastfeeding. You would be surprised how many aren't liking breastfeeding anymore. Why? It's natural and it's virtually free for the mom. Plus, it is best for the baby! In cases where the mom cannot nurse, formula is totally understandable, and formula every once in a while is fine. But for the most part, moms should have the total freedom to try breastfeeding if they want to and not be bullied by L&D nurses/lactation consultants/doctors/midwifes/etc.
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “…Just Listen To Your Body & Push When You Feel Like Pushing…”
Thoughtful Thursday! “…Just Listen To Your Body & Push When You Feel Like Pushing…”
Love that the mama gets to have control of the birth and isn't being screamed at to birth her kid by a certain time. The fact that the mother is relaxed (as much as possible) and not pressured will actually likely speed up her time pushing instead of stressing her and the baby.
Love that the mama gets to have control of the birth and isn't being screamed at to birth her kid by a certain time. The fact that the mother is relaxed (as much as possible) and not pressured will actually likely speed up her time pushing instead of stressing her and the baby.
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “…We Can Just Go Off Your Body’s Signals.”
Thoughtful Thursday! “…We Can Just Go Off Your Body’s Signals.”
I love it when the midwife lets the mom be in control. If the mom doesn't want those silly cervix exams every hour or half hour or whatever, then she shouldn't have to have them. Women had been birthing for centuries without that exam and now that we have it, it is used way too often and is quite unnecessary. Even for first time moms, when something actually changes, they will know. Until then, I think they should be able to go free and be left alone as much as possible so they can concentrate and relax as much as possible. But who am I? I am not even a nurse yet.
I love it when the midwife lets the mom be in control. If the mom doesn't want those silly cervix exams every hour or half hour or whatever, then she shouldn't have to have them. Women had been birthing for centuries without that exam and now that we have it, it is used way too often and is quite unnecessary. Even for first time moms, when something actually changes, they will know. Until then, I think they should be able to go free and be left alone as much as possible so they can concentrate and relax as much as possible. But who am I? I am not even a nurse yet.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “It’s Your Baby; You Can Do Whatever You Want!”
Thoughtful Thursday! “It’s Your Baby; You Can Do Whatever You Want!”
What ever happened to more midwives and doctors letting the mom be in control? I love that the midwife is so supportive and doesn't try to scare the mom into doing anything or out of anything. This is, after all, birth. Birth is simply the start of a family. Since this is kind of a big deal (how you start your family), shouldn't the mom and dad have more say in what goes on? I'm sorry, I've given this little soapbox lecture several times, but I am so very passionate about giving the mom and dad what they want when it doesn't harm the child or mother in anyway, just to make them happy.
What ever happened to more midwives and doctors letting the mom be in control? I love that the midwife is so supportive and doesn't try to scare the mom into doing anything or out of anything. This is, after all, birth. Birth is simply the start of a family. Since this is kind of a big deal (how you start your family), shouldn't the mom and dad have more say in what goes on? I'm sorry, I've given this little soapbox lecture several times, but I am so very passionate about giving the mom and dad what they want when it doesn't harm the child or mother in anyway, just to make them happy.
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “You Don’t Need To Thank Me…”
Thoughtful Thursday! “You Don’t Need To Thank Me…”
It's true, patients make our jobs the best. I love my residents and I already love my patients that I haven't even met yet. Also, diggin' the fact that the CNM gave the mom all the credit. Truly, birth is all about the mom, no one else can push when the baby is ready to be born, only the mom. Of course, now there are C-sections and other things the doctor/midwife can do to assist or take over delivery, but we over-use those devices and procedures. In reality, the mom should be rooted for because every mom is a champion for all that they do for the children (biological or adopted, naturally birthed or through another method; none of it matters because moms are amazing).
I totally forgot it was Mother's Day today, by the way, until about half-way through righting this post. So, for all you mothers out there (current, soon-to-be, or future mothers), happy Mother's Day!
It's true, patients make our jobs the best. I love my residents and I already love my patients that I haven't even met yet. Also, diggin' the fact that the CNM gave the mom all the credit. Truly, birth is all about the mom, no one else can push when the baby is ready to be born, only the mom. Of course, now there are C-sections and other things the doctor/midwife can do to assist or take over delivery, but we over-use those devices and procedures. In reality, the mom should be rooted for because every mom is a champion for all that they do for the children (biological or adopted, naturally birthed or through another method; none of it matters because moms are amazing).
I totally forgot it was Mother's Day today, by the way, until about half-way through righting this post. So, for all you mothers out there (current, soon-to-be, or future mothers), happy Mother's Day!
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “…It’s Your Decision.”
Thoughtful Thursday! “…It’s Your Decision.”
YES!!! A low-no pressure doctor and no dead baby card. This doctor is doing it right!
YES!!! A low-no pressure doctor and no dead baby card. This doctor is doing it right!
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “I’ve Seen Lots & Lots Of Women Labor & To Me You Look Like You’re Doing Wonderfully…”
Thoughtful Thursday! “I’ve Seen Lots & Lots Of Women Labor & To Me You Look Like You’re Doing Wonderfully…”
It seems like lots of women wonder if they are laboring properly, just sayin'. I bet I'm going to be one of those ladies... But I love the encouragement and reassurance these women are recieving.
It seems like lots of women wonder if they are laboring properly, just sayin'. I bet I'm going to be one of those ladies... But I love the encouragement and reassurance these women are recieving.
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “I Don’t Have An Agenda, I Just Wanted You To Make An Informed Choice…”
Thoughtful Thursday! “I Don’t Have An Agenda, I Just Wanted You To Make An Informed Choice…”
This is the best type of encouragement, to let the mother go off and find everything she can about any decision she is presented with.
This is the best type of encouragement, to let the mother go off and find everything she can about any decision she is presented with.
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “So You Want To Birth Vaginally? Of Course We Can Try.”
Thoughtful Thursday! “So You Want To Birth Vaginally? Of Course We Can Try.”
I LOVE when CNMs allow for breech births! It's been done billions of times before but somewhere along the line, someone decided they were not a good idea and began opting for cutting people open instead. That is frustrating for me because we lost a hugely important piece of information as healthcare professionals! We need to know how to allow for breech births because natural is so important. Too often we change everything with medicine or technology, when life could be so much better and simpler by living naturally. I understand that sometimes the advanced medicine that we have can save lives, and in that case use it! But for most cases, it is used unnecessarily and can cause more problems than it prevents or fixes. Like anything, too much of a good thing can be bad.
I LOVE when CNMs allow for breech births! It's been done billions of times before but somewhere along the line, someone decided they were not a good idea and began opting for cutting people open instead. That is frustrating for me because we lost a hugely important piece of information as healthcare professionals! We need to know how to allow for breech births because natural is so important. Too often we change everything with medicine or technology, when life could be so much better and simpler by living naturally. I understand that sometimes the advanced medicine that we have can save lives, and in that case use it! But for most cases, it is used unnecessarily and can cause more problems than it prevents or fixes. Like anything, too much of a good thing can be bad.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “…You Are A Pregnancy Rock Star…”
Thoughtful Thursday! “…You Are A Pregnancy Rock Star…”
Doctors/Midwives/Nurses/everyone needs to be more supportive and encouraging like this CNM. A lot of times soon-to-be mothers may call a doctor from something that is totally normal, but she didn't know about it. I would rather answer a million of those calls and catch at least one potential problem than turn mothers away or make them feel like they are bothering me with questions. I pray that G-d gives me encouraging words and a kind heart (with loads of patience) for the mamas I will be taking care of some day. Questions are a good thing because you never know when something could be going wrong.
Doctors/Midwives/Nurses/everyone needs to be more supportive and encouraging like this CNM. A lot of times soon-to-be mothers may call a doctor from something that is totally normal, but she didn't know about it. I would rather answer a million of those calls and catch at least one potential problem than turn mothers away or make them feel like they are bothering me with questions. I pray that G-d gives me encouraging words and a kind heart (with loads of patience) for the mamas I will be taking care of some day. Questions are a good thing because you never know when something could be going wrong.
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