Between stress, lack of time, constant studying, and teachers who are fresh out of school themselves, there is essentially no winning in nursing school.
I've heard that the first semester is the hardest and I pray that this is true! I studied for a long time for patho and G-d blessed me with an 86%. That's pretty good, but it used to be enough studying to get an A. I studied for about 8 hours for my basic health exam, which our professor did not prepare us for at all because she is still a really new teacher and makes her tests right before we take them (so she has no way of knowing what to teach us), and I got a 73%.
Now, I'll admit, I did not study as hard as I needed to. That's on me. However, I am so tired from all of these teachers experimenting on us and not teaching anything that they test on. Seriously! This particular teacher does not like lectures so she keeps them under 20 minutes (well, she tries). The rest of class is spent doing group projects and having us "teach" our fellow classmates what is in the book. It is NOT working, at all!!! She doesn't put any of the useful information in the power points and she doesn't write the test until a few days before we have to take it. I'm trying to have grace and stick up for her with my fellow frustrated classmates, but I'm getting so overwhelmed and frustrated. Plus, she teaches two classes that I'm taking and we have a comprehensive exam in both. Her exams are notoriously known for taking the most abstract, random information from the books that no one knows because it's based on a total of 3 words, and she tests on that tiny little blurb. It's not even a blurb! It's 3 tiny words that barely make a phrase and that's what she tests on. Even with an open book test, there would be no way to pass these exams.
My friends warned me about this test, they said it was rough. They were right. They also said that, even with the book and notes, the pharm test is ridiculous. I'm so overwhelmed and nervous I can't even function properly. I don't know how I'm going to get through this nonsense just to make it to clinicals. Right now, I am very worried that I will not pass pharm or basic health. These are not supposed to be easy classes, but so many R.N.'s have laughed in my face and told me that these are some of the easiest classes because it's just wrote (is this the correct word?) memorization. Well, both of these classes have brand new teachers who haven't fully gotten their teaching legs yet and I'm not super great at memorization. Guys, what if I get a terrible grade, like anything below an 86%, and I don't get enough on the final so then I don't pass the course? Then what?
"Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
This is my motto...
"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I
will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my
righteous strong hand." Isaiah 41:10
I know I've heard this one a lot...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is probably one of the most commonly used verses. I get it, don't worry...
Still, even with these verses, I have such a hard time living by them and giving my worry to G-d. How to I just give it up and not worry about stuff? How do you hand it over and let "tomorrow worry about tomorrow?"
Guys, I think I'm having a panic attack.
Can someone explain this to me? Will G-d get me into clinicals with my cohort or will I be held back a semester?
I'm not doing well today. It started off okay but quickly took a turn for the worse. I think I'm going to set up an appointment with the school counseling center tomorrow because this is getting to where I can't control it again.
That brings up a whole new issue. Does going to a psychiatrist/counselor mean that I'm taking my depression/anxiety into my own hands instead of releasing it fully to G-d? Or, is this preparing me and using the resources He has supplied me with? Ahhhh! my attack is getting worse just because now I'm confused. I think I better go try to sleep it off and face tomorrow when I get to tomorrow.
It's funny how nursing school changes a person- you go from wanting straight A's to simply wanting a passing score! As for the anxiety, you are not alone! I believe in using the resources God provides- He knows us and knows we all handle things differently. Hang in there! You're in nursing school for a reason, My nurse path had some road bumps (I think most people's paths do) but it all worked out in the end! Don't expect it to be easy. :) He probably wants some character building to happen along the way.
ReplyDelete