Guys I was having a rough 24 hours yesterday. Actually, it all happened in about 18 hours, but whatever.
About a week and a half ago (on a Friday) I get a call to say that I don't have to work Sunday. They call me back the following Friday to say, "Hey, you have to come in now." Nobody asked if I had plans or studying or anything else going on since they gave me the day off. So, naturally, I steamed about it for a few days and went in anyway. Work was fine but I was the only float for all 4 courts so I was bounced around pretty heavily all night. Then, I got to go home. By the time I walked into my apartment door it was 10 p.m. and I had loads of homework to do.
Now, let me remind you that the facility recently changed their key policy from allowing every employee to have their own set of keys, to now requiring you to check keys out because they took them away from us. Why? A power trip by a whole set of new managers. As part of this policy, if you forget to check your keys back in and put them in the box, you have to drive all the way back to work to return to them before you get written up.
Guess what I found in my pocket as I was taking off my shoes at home? You guessed it you smart person! I found my keys. If I hadn't been so exhausted, I think I probably would have punch a hole in the wall because I was livid. Anger doesn't even begin to describe it. I was mad at myself for being so stupid for not returning my keys and I was even angrier at the facility and manager who thought this stupid policy would be a good idea.
So, a 30 minuted drive there and back later, I had cooled off slightly. G-d, in His infinite love and kindness, allowed me to hit all green lights even when other cars were waiting at intersections and nobody was traveling the way I was. He allowed me to be irrationally angry at a situation that doesn't really matter in the scheme of things and even helped me to cool down. He also kept me from the millions of cops that I saw because I was speeding a bit due to the rage boiling over inside of me. I don't think I've ever been so surprised by how G-d's worked in my life than I was that night.
After about 3 hours of homework, I woke up asleep at my computer. 5 hours later, I'm being woken up by about 12 alarms distributed throughout my room to ensure that I do, in fact, wake up and don't sleep through them. Went to class, no big deal.
Then, at my IT job, everything that could go wrong did. I rode on the elevator to the wrong floor while trying to take a computer to a teacher. That computer didn't work so I called my partner but accidentally ended up calling my boss. I ran upstairs, grabbed another one, took the stupid elevator again and went to the wrong floor, AGAIN! At some point I had to reimage a computer. Each time, it takes 30 minutes, and I had to do it twice because I thought I did it wrong. After talking to my partner, he confirmed it. (It turns out that computer was just broken too, so that made me feel a little bit better, but it was a whole day after that incident.)
So, after all of that nonesense, I went home and called my mom instead of going to the gym. We talked about my dating policies because I have recently been reconsidering my kissing thing but I don't know if that's just because I'm listening to country music or if it's because G-d is testing me or maybe He didn't even encourage me to make that policy. I don't know. So, we talked about her experiences and I asked questions I never thought I would ask ever, let alone to my mom... At some point I broke down and she encouraged me to have a boyfriend "just because they're fun and it would help you to understand more social cues." Seriously, that's what she said. We all know I'm not developed past a 5th grade social status, but I don't know that jumping into a random relationship would help that any.
The reason that came up though, is because I had breakfast with my best friend. This best friend is the same one that asked me out last year. I hadn't seen him in several months and when I did it was weird because he and my other friend were unpleased with each other so then I felt like I was running interference. But my crush that had been so difficult to get over suddenly hit me like a train at dinner. It was so weird. Plus, the waitress thought we were dating so she only gave us one ticket and he paid for me and that was really weird for me. So I brought all that to my mom and that made me start crying because I don't know what's happening. When I don't know what's happening in my own head/heart, I freak out and seriously question all of my life decisions.
Lately, G-d keeps showing me blog posts and random articles through Facebook, or some really unexpected places, about dating through a G-dly person's perspective. One such article can be found here. I strongly suggest that you read it because I thought I was some independent, strong-willed girl that didn't listen to Hollywood's fairy tales and the silliness that Disney movies try to feed us about "love". Turns out that I'm influenced heavily and it is not allowing me to hear G-d's voice about what He wants for me as a person that can potentially date. For now, I'm throwing out all of my past rules and I'm starting from scratch with what I pray is G-d's voice, ONLY. I guess we'll see where that leads because I'm totally in the dark. Also, it's making me freak out a bit more, but it's not as unsettling because I know G-d is in control and I'm not holding on for dear life. It's a faith exercise.
Speaking of exercise, I went to the gym a lot last week and got down to 5 pound lost total so far. This week, however, is not fairing so well with the exercising establishment because I'm plumb exhausted and a bit lazy this week. Hopefully I will find some motivation to go to the gym again. I'm getting better at distance running for longer times and also faster running. It makes me feel to much better to go do something that makes me sweat and gets my anxiousness out in a more productive way that causing me heart palpitations and mild panic attacks.
I think that's all I have for now. I should probably go study...
Daily Thanksgiving: G-d totally understands me even in my irrational anger. He is changing me for the better and stretching me in ways I didn't think were possible. I've lost 5 pounds and feel a bit better about myself. I'm looking forward to being able to run a whole mile in under 8 minute.
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