The Great Debate: Does this sound like flirting?

A few nights ago we decided to keep Roommate's dog (a chihuahua) at our apartment for a couple of nights to see how it would work out if we decide to pay the pet rent and keep her with us. Her mom had driven into town to see us, which is about a 45 minute drive from their country home to where we met. We were not expecting to keep the puppy with us but we both love critters and were missing the joy dogs bring.

Long story short, we needed some supplies for the dog. So, on the way home we stopped by the local Walgreens and picked up a can of dog food and a dish brush. Now, the brush was for the sugar glider's cage so we could clean it easier.

Anywho, we bring our items to the cashier and he just looks at us and asks, "Really? A dish brush and a can of dog food?" That's all he said.

I responded, "It's been a weird day..." At which time my roommate and I both giggled a little to keep from exploding in laughter and looked at each other.

Now, Roommate's mom thinks he was flirting. I, however, think he may have been high or something. But, if that was his attempt at flirting, he needs to work on that because I totally did not get it!*

*Note: It's beside the point that I don't know what flirting is...

Dirty Meanings

Guys, did you know that most people assume tongue piercings were received with a dirty reasoning behind them? Apparently they are used for unsavory acts that I cannot even imagine.

Well, nobody told me before I got mine! I know, I had talked myself out of my piercings, but right after my last final, my friends and I all went to the tattoo shop to get holes in our faces. Actually, one friend got nothing because she is about as pierced as you can get. Our other friend got 4 cartilage piercings between her two ears and I got a nose and tongue piercing.

After having dozens of people ask me why I did it, I got to thinking. With all of the pain of having a friend die, my brother move out, and me losing Best Friend (through my own fault), I wanted to have real pain that goes beyond what just my heart feels. That plan backfired. Neither one of my piercings hurt. I could feel the needle going through, but they did not hurt. Super. Maybe I should have gone with the cartilage? Maybe my pain tolerance is just too high. I just plumb don't know.

When I went and showed my parents, they already knew I was going to get piercings. They both exclaimed that I "actually got my nose done" and they laughed when I showed them my tongue. A few hours later my mom decided to explain the tongue ring... I was completely mortified! She and my brother had a great laugh on the phone about it a week or two after my conversation with her. Then I told my friends that I had not known the dirty connotation associated with it. Oh my goodness, they laughed so hard at me!

Why do people assume I know things that most people know? I am about as innocent as a 5 year-old. I laugh hysterically at burp, fart, and poop stories while I stare blank faced when someone tells a dirty joke. However, if you ask me about labor and delivery stuff, or some other type of medical thing, that's when I can finally contribute to the conversation and that is my passion. After 2 years and multiple attempts at explaining this to friends, plus the 20+ years with my family, you would think that they would know!

These people are stealing my innocence. Not cool bro.

Oh man, I went to the mall with my brother and a couple of his friends the other day. They went into this store that has an entire section of "dirty" toys. They were laughing and giggling at pictures of naked women and penis toys while all I could think of was anatomy. They started telling stories and all I could think about was why their story was medically unrealistic. Hookah was brought up and I went on a 5 minutes rant about how it's not actually as safe as they believe it is. I'm broken, I can't even have normal conversations anymore. I now know why nurses ban together and they/we can always find each other regardless of how big a crowd is. I was not expecting this for a few years after graduation from nursing school, but hey, it's here and I think I can live with it.

IT on pause

Today was my last day working my IT job for the summer and possibly forever. It is so surreal that I have finished my second year of college (well, one more final tomorrow) and I am finished with one school-year of working as an IT person. Not quite sure if it is good or bad yet, we shall see.

In light of it being my last day, I would like to tell y'all a funny story. Well, it's kinda funny... for me...

One of my friends that works IT with me asked me to a party this Friday. He was telling me how great it would be and it's all in his apartment complex. I said "no" just flat out. There was a smile on my face but I told him no. He and his friend continued on about how fun it would be and yada, yada, yada. Then he asked if I was single. He has a girlfriend so he wasn't asking for himself. Turns out he has a friend who is Messianic who was going to be at the party and my friend was absolutely convinced I needed to go so that I could possibly meet this fellow. I told them no because I am ridiculously awkward and I was planning on getting my tongue pierced so I would be unable to speak. Then they tried for 10 minutes trying to convince me that I am not awkward because I wear cowboy boots to school and they don't know anybody in cowboy boots that are awkward... Yikes, these boys just haven't spent enough time with me. That and they are both really charismatic which means they could have a conversation with a rock and the rock would talk back and none of the conversation would be awkward.

My mom laughed at that story for like 5 minutes...

Happy Finals Week everyone. Finish strong! I believe in you.

Chronicles of a Terribly Awkward Girl

Does anyone else suffer from foot-in-mouth disease? It's a chronic condition that I have developed and I have many, many acute exacerbations. If only there was a treatment for it... medication... a padded room... a handler... complete solitude... SOMETHING!

Let's just start with today's incident.

At 0700 I arrive at my nursing school in order to finish my 10 page paper and print off a few articles before class at 0830. The way that my university is set up, the nursing school is set way at the edge of campus, away from the rest of the normal class buildings. Why? I don't know. We should be close to the cute mechanical engineering guys. That's a story for another day though.

My paper got turned in and class went fine. After class, I get a short break for lunch and then I go to my IT job. Upon walking into my IT job desk, I start up a conversation with the gentleman that worked the shift before mine. I mentioned that there is a student IT down in the nursing school computer lab that was not there before. A few more things are said and just as my IT boss (the real boss) walked in I ask, "how can I get that job." A chuckle behind me that can only come from him brings on an extreme heat in my face and I'm sure I turned bright red. He explained that they aren't really IT advisers. Instead, they are employed by the nursing school department. He mentioned that the job is probably easier and the student adviser down there doesn't stay there for the whole time that the computer lab is open, yada, yada, yada. After his whole explanation (said all while slightly giggling to himself) of the job, he just looked at me with a smile on his face. More heat and more red on me. Stupid blood vessel dilation in response to embarrassment. They say blushing is supposed to be an endearing trait because it suggests that the person is honest and innocent.

Let's just talk about this for a second. I am in no mood to be messed with, belittled, or otherwise made uncomfortable. There is very little that I can handle in addition to the other tragedies that have occured in the two weeks since I've turned 20. I told y'all bad things happen on birthdays. Unfortunately, my birthdays have gone from specialty of the day being forgotten about when I was in elementary school, to being called into the principal's office (middle school), and now to a friend committing suicide (college). There were other scarring events mixed throughout, but these gems are the special few examples I can share today.

Yes, this whole foot-in-mouth awkwardness was brought on by me. One precipitating factor of this condition is having a big, fat pie-hole. It is ever present and always in overdrive for me. This is so beyond frustrating. No matter how many conversations I have with my IT boss, or how much I try to avoid talking, I always end up saying stupid things around him. Sometimes it is because I don't know what I am doing because I had no training for this job. Occasionally it is because words escape me on most days and so I cannot describe what I need to have happen with the computer or whatever is happening at that particular point. On most other occasions, it is just because I say stupid things at an above average rate for someone of my age, stature, and developmental stage.

So, for now, I have to figure out a way to get out of my head and keep my sanity for the next few weeks until school is done. Maybe then I can focus on grieving for my dead friend and perhaps get some much needed rest. I haven't had a full-on summer break without any schooling for about 1.75 years and I am extremely overdue.

Does anyone else feel any little bit of my pain? No, just me? That's cool. If y'all find a nice little rock for me to climb under, give me the coordinates because I am so over this season of my life. IT'S ONLY BEEN 2 STINKIN' WEEKS SINCE I TURNED 20!!!

Trying Something New...

If you've followed me for any length of time, you probably know that I am neurotic and really weird when it comes to dating. I wasn't planning on dating until later into my college career but my plans have changed.

I got a boyfriend today. Wow, that is weird to say.

It's my best friend from last year. He asked me out before and I just wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. However, I'm taking a leap of faith and giving into my heart for once. It may blow up in my face and then I'll be right back on here venting about how stupid I was for ever trying something like this. Maybe I'll learn a thing or two. In fact, I've already learned a bunch of stuff. I learned how to start a hard conversation and how to direct the conversation. That's huge for me because if something makes me uncomfortable (and it's not required for work or something) then I avoid it at all costs. Hard talks are one of those things because I don't want people to know the deep innards of me. That is all mine. It's even hard to go to G-d with that stuff, but He taught me how to do that.

I don't really know what G-d wanted for me with this. I don't know if He was giving me a go-ahead or if He wanted me to be strong and resist. It seems like I can't hear Him lately. I think that's because I'm listening to music constantly and unintentionally ignoring Him. Why is it so hard to focus on listening and talking to Him? I know that He is still there with me regardless of what happens, unless I remove myself from His presence and instruction, however, I also know that I haven't been working so hard to stay close with Him. This lukewarm thing is really not good because I don't know His voice anymore. I haven't heard it in months. What if me dating this boy was actually a really bad idea and I screwed up a ton of stuff? I know G-d can fix it if need be, but I don't want to go through unnecessary heart-ache and pain because that's just silly. I also know that I'm freaking out and that's making me over-think everything right now.

I prayed for faith building and to be able to hear Him last week in church. That is like praying for patience... Asking for those things is sketchy because G-d gives you a billion ways to develop that particular trait instead of just giving you the trait. Needless to say, my week has been rough and I don't know if this whole boyfriend thing is part of that or not. Scary!!!

I'm headed to church. Goodnight y'all and Shabbat Shalom!

Oh my goodness, I forgot to tell you that I'm going out to lunch with him and his mom tomorrow. I'm super nervous. I've met her before and we get along just fine but I'm really awkward and weird.

Serious Struggles = Breakdown on Phone with Mother

Guys I was having a rough 24 hours yesterday. Actually, it all happened in about 18 hours, but whatever.

About a week and a half ago (on a Friday) I get a call to say that I don't have to work Sunday. They call me back the following Friday to say, "Hey, you have to come in now." Nobody asked if I had plans or studying or anything else going on since they gave me the day off. So, naturally, I steamed about it for a few days and went in anyway. Work was fine but I was the only float for all 4 courts so I was bounced around pretty heavily all night. Then, I got to go home. By the time I walked into my apartment door it was 10 p.m. and I had loads of homework to do.

Now, let me remind you that the facility recently changed their key policy from allowing every employee to have their own set of keys, to now requiring you to check keys out because they took them away from us. Why? A power trip by a whole set of new managers. As part of this policy, if you forget to check your keys back in and put them in the box, you have to drive all the way back to work to return to them before you get written up.

Guess what I found in my pocket as I was taking off my shoes at home? You guessed it you smart person! I found my keys. If I hadn't been so exhausted, I think I probably would have punch a hole in the wall because I was livid. Anger doesn't even begin to describe it. I was mad at myself for being so stupid for not returning my keys and I was even angrier at the facility and manager who thought this stupid policy would be a good idea.

So, a 30 minuted drive there and back later, I had cooled off slightly. G-d, in His infinite love and kindness, allowed me to hit all green lights even when other cars were waiting at intersections and nobody was traveling the way I was. He allowed me to be irrationally angry at a situation that doesn't really matter in the scheme of things and even helped me to cool down. He also kept me from the millions of cops that I saw because I was speeding a bit due to the rage boiling over inside of me. I don't think I've ever been so surprised by how G-d's worked in my life than I was that night.

After about 3 hours of homework, I woke up asleep at my computer. 5 hours later, I'm being woken up by about 12 alarms distributed throughout my room to ensure that I do, in fact, wake up and don't sleep through them. Went to class, no big deal.

Then, at my IT job, everything that could go wrong did. I rode on the elevator to the wrong floor while trying to take a computer to a teacher. That computer didn't work so I called my partner but accidentally ended up calling my boss. I ran upstairs, grabbed another one, took the stupid elevator again and went to the wrong floor, AGAIN! At some point I had to reimage a computer. Each time, it takes 30 minutes, and I had to do it twice because I thought I did it wrong. After talking to my partner, he confirmed it. (It turns out that computer was just broken too, so that made me feel a little bit better, but it was a whole day after that incident.)

So, after all of that nonesense, I went home and called my mom instead of going to the gym. We talked about my dating policies because I have recently been reconsidering my kissing thing but I don't know if that's just because I'm listening to country music or if it's because G-d is testing me or maybe He didn't even encourage me to make that policy. I don't know. So, we talked about her experiences and I asked questions I never thought I would ask ever, let alone to my mom... At some point I broke down and she encouraged me to have a boyfriend "just because they're fun and it would help you to understand more social cues." Seriously, that's what she said. We all know I'm not developed past a 5th grade social status, but I don't know that jumping into a random relationship would help that any.

The reason that came up though, is because I had breakfast with my best friend. This best friend is the same one that asked me out last year. I hadn't seen him in several months and when I did it was weird because he and my other friend were unpleased with each other so then I felt like I was running interference. But my crush that had been so difficult to get over suddenly hit me like a train at dinner. It was so weird. Plus, the waitress thought we were dating so she only gave us one ticket and he paid for me and that was really weird for me. So I brought all that to my mom and that made me start crying because I don't know what's happening. When I don't know what's happening in my own head/heart, I freak out and seriously question all of my life decisions.

Lately, G-d keeps showing me blog posts and random articles through Facebook, or some really unexpected places, about dating through a G-dly person's perspective. One such article can be found here. I strongly suggest that you read it because I thought I was some independent, strong-willed girl that didn't listen to Hollywood's fairy tales and the silliness that Disney movies try to feed us about "love". Turns out that I'm influenced heavily and it is not allowing me to hear G-d's voice about what He wants for me as a person that can potentially date. For now, I'm throwing out all of my past rules and I'm starting from scratch with what I pray is G-d's voice, ONLY. I guess we'll see where that leads because I'm totally in the dark. Also, it's making me freak out a bit more, but it's not as unsettling because I know G-d is in control and I'm not holding on for dear life. It's a faith exercise.

Speaking of exercise, I went to the gym a lot last week and got down to 5 pound lost total so far. This week, however, is not fairing so well with the exercising establishment because I'm plumb exhausted and a bit lazy this week. Hopefully I will find some motivation to go to the gym again. I'm getting better at distance running for longer times and also faster running. It makes me feel to much better to go do something that makes me sweat and gets my anxiousness out in a more productive way that causing me heart palpitations and mild panic attacks.

I think that's all I have for now. I should probably go study...

Daily Thanksgiving: G-d totally understands me even in my irrational anger. He is changing me for the better and stretching me in ways I didn't think were possible. I've lost 5 pounds and feel a bit better about myself. I'm looking forward to being able to run a whole mile in under 8 minute.

Boxers, a Chihuahua, and nearly a Birthday Suit

Oh man, I'm having such a weird week. First, I was working at my IT job earlier this week and saw this little critter run across my peripheral vision field. It turns out that someone brought their Chihuahua to school. I wasn't expecting that and got a little freaked out until I got to pet the little cutie. He was an ALS dog (not entirely certain but I think that means some kind of a service dog?) Then, a mere 5 minutes later, I found a pair of boxers in the hallway. They hadn't been there when I came in and I'm not sure how they got there but I figure somebody was likely having a bad day without them. Today I was at the campus gym, just minding my business, when the kid on the treadmill in front of my de-pantsed himself. I was certain that he had stripped down to his skin. Turns out that he just had really short shorts on. But goodness, I need a warning or something! He actually should do that in the bathroom instead of in public because I nearly freaked out. I don't want to see his Birthday Suit!

These are just a few of the oddball things that have recently occured, if I weren't so exhausted I'd probably remember more to share with you.

Tune in tomorrow to here about my first day of clinical lab! (Not clinicals, but I dressed in my whites and we are starting to learn nurse stuff!!!

Daily Thanksgiving: Although my week has been weird, it's been great. I've been able to laugh a lot off (that hasn't happened in several months) and I think I may be out of my depression valley for awhile. It's nice to come up and get some fresh air.

Several Rants, So I Broke Them Up

Folks, I have so much to say it's ridiculous. In order to decrease confusion r/t my long-windedness, I have decided to makes several posts, each labeled with their main topic. That way, you can easily navigate the page and not read my whole entire weeks novel just to get past what you weren't interested in, to get to what you were...

I apologize for today because this blog has turned into more of a diary as apposed to an actually helpful nursing blog. I'm hoping that useful stuff will happen to me regarding nursing school soon, starting next semester, but this semester is all about theory and YAWN!

So, the formatting on my actual blog may be kinda strange. Don't pay attention to the times it says that the posts were posted because I am trying to put this one first, which requires me to do some finagling with the times. Also, I love the word finagling.

Let's get this party started! A lot happened to me this week...

Foolish Choice

I got invited out tonight! Ya, I was kinda excited and skeptical too. It was just an invitation for my brother and I to go out to dinner at a local wing place so I figured it would be alright. Little did I know that there were other people coming too. They were all nice and friendly, but I am too stinkin' awkward around groups larger than 2. Really, I'm too awkward around anyone but myself... Anyway, I wasn't uncomfortable, but I said probably 10 words the whole night. Fortunately, other people find stuff to talk about all the time so I didn't have to worry about it too bad. I just don't know why I put myself in these situation. The others were also drinking and cursing. They only had a beer, maybe a beer an a half per person. As far as I could tell, they were of age but I don't really know. Drinking doesn't make me uncomfortable, per se, I just never know what to do. Has anyone else noticed that when in college, waiters/waitresses assume you are of age if you have some type of university paraphernalia with you? They typically i.d. before you get alcohol, but it's kinda weird to say that you are not old enough yet. Maybe that's just me.

Folks, I need to get funny and I need to work on my people skills. I promise I'm fine when it's at work. I could find the most random things to say when I'm working to make customers/patients more comfortable. When I am out in the real world, however, I become mute and really observant.

At dinner, it seemed like one of the guys kept looking at me. I'm just making this up right?

Then, as I was driving off, two of the guys that were at dinner were following me on their motorcycles. We stopped at a red light and I get a little nervous/over excited when people I know are behind me. Anyway, I blasted around the left turn and since I was going too fast, I underestimated how sharp the left turn was. I didn't hit anyone, but I veered into the lane of the person turning left beside me. Now I feel foolish because I suck at driving. I'm a girl, though, so can I just blame my poor driving abilities on the extra X chromosome?  Most girls aren't bad drivers though...

Ugh, people drive me crazy and it's mainly my fault.

In other news, I learned how to use an opthalmascope and an otoscope. I got to look into people's eyeballs and ears today! It's more exciting than it sound, but not really.

Someone give me advise on how to stop being weird around people! I wish I were more charismatic and way less foolish, but I'm not. Instead of learning how to be around people, I was busy becoming wise. Was this a mistake?

Tech Support, this is BedpanAlley...

I got to work in one of our academic buildings today after my shift in the library because someone was sick. Guys, I LOVED it! Let's start off by mentioning that I opened as IT support in the library this morning. We had a power surge a few hours after opening and that causes a surprising amount of problems for computers and technology campus-wide. In the library I had a lot of trouble shooting and I thought I broke one of the printers that cost a billion dollars (I'm exaggerating here). It turns out that I didn't, it just needed to be shown who is boss. Well, I just restarted it... After that shift, I went over to our main IT help desk in one of the nearby academic buildings. They were still fixing a lot of problems by the time I left at 4:30 p.m. However, I learned a ton and I got a walkie talkie over there. I missed having a radio from my cashiering job, they really are fun and convenient.

So, my day went really well and I like my boss even more because every time I would ask a question over the radio, he would meet me there without even asking for his help just to make sure that I had help should I need it. He is super nice, nicer than any of my bosses from any previous job. Well, that's not counting the lady I babysit for, or any of the families I have babysat for really because I love them all like they were my own family. I hope I get more training in that IT position so that I can be there next semester. That's how they usually do it, but I just get so excited for it to actually come and I get so excited to learn all this new, great stuff. After days like today, I feel so much smarter but I also realize how much I didn't know and how much there still is to learn. Perhaps someday I can be one of the student managers. Until then, I am content working in the slow-paced library and learning little baby bits over time because if I had many more days like today, my brain may explode from the huge increase in knowledge from class and from work!

That brings me to something I discovered today: I am really strange to those just getting to know me. I had heard it before but never understood the magnitude of my strangeness before today. My boss' wife is a NICU nurse at a local hospital that I had a CNA position offer for so he knows some of the nursing stuff, not much, but a little I think. He asked me how classes were and, being the crazy person that I am, I started telling him about how much fun I had reconstituting the fake powdered medicine in one of my classes and also went on about how I love playing with needles and vials of "medicine." My coworker was also in on the conversation and those two guys just smiled and looked at me like I needed to be locked up and given huge amounts of crazy pills. Maybe it's because my face lights up and I start talking really fast because I'm excited about it, or maybe it's the fact that I told them I love playing with needles. I don't know. I do know, however, that I get this look a lot. I can't help it that I share stuff that excited me about school and I want people to share what they are excited about too. I love when things finally pertain to my career choice and I think it's neat that I can love going to class because of the little things like this that make my week. Perhaps I do need to keep the fact that I love needles on the DL, but for right now, I just can't manage keeping that inside. I bet telling them that I get my blood drawn just to watch the needle go into my arm and to see the blood that used to be inside of me was most likely a tad much. But hey, at least I'm genuine, honest, and excited to be going into nursing. I don't want to be a nurse for the money, 3 work days a week, or for the ability to travel the country for a huge increase in pay. No, I want to be a nurse to care for the sick, injured, and dying in order to help them through this stage in their life with as much dignity and comfort as possible. I want to be a way for G-d's healing and love to reach those who are hurting and in need.

Daily Thanksgiving: I got training for one of the higher IT level positions. I learned a ton and had really nice teachers that called me for help and were patient when I didn't know what to do. I was paired with an amazing student manager who is a great teacher and explained everything with great amounts of grace and patience. (Are you noticing a pattern with the patience?) G-d revealed to me that I am crazy, but it's a good kind of crazy that will give me the purpose I need to continue on as a nurse. I have amazing bosses at my new IT job! That's a big one with me. My mom is also coming down tomorrow for a quick little visit before I go to my doctor's appointment tomorrow (more on that later.) We are getting so much rain here it's not even funny. I love the rain though! However, we had several fires this year and a few last year which is causing a lot of problems now that it is raining. So, if we could get prayer that no more people be killed and that no damage is done to the houses in the burn scars, that would be great!




BTW, the title is how we answer the phone. I know I wouldn't have known that so I'm just trying to help you guys out. :)

Meeting at the Reunion

Do you ever go to family reunions and you have to meet everyone that claims they know you? It's an odd event really. You know that you are related by blood or marriage to most/all of the people there, but you don't really know them. This forces a somewhat awkward situation. It's like friends trying to set you up on a date based off of the fact that you both like to bowl. You know that there is something in common, but what on earth do you talk about for the other 4+ hours of the reunion/date besides what you know about the other person already?

Last year, I met my "cousin". He's not really my cousin because his grandparents are my Mema's aunt and uncle. So, it gets really confusing and I just decided to save myself the headache and claim him as cousin. Anywho, last year we discovered that we would both be in the nursing program together. In fact, we had chemistry together the first semester. Unfortunately, our conversation stayed pretty minimal, at best. This year, the reunion was way smaller, but I got to talk to him for most of the day instead of smiling at stories of when I was a baby and these strangers/long lost family members last saw me. While this was a blessing, it was also slightly uncomfortable seeing as I am not a conversationalist and there were about 2 hours of luls in the conversation and an hour worth of talking... Golly, I need to work on my people and conversation skills!

Good news, I got to see my newly retired Mema and she may be moving closer to us! She is currently about an 8 hour drive through 3 states, but she is originally from the little town that my dad grew up in and most of her family is here. I so hope she moves down here. How amazing would it be if she could teach me how to be a nurse once I graduate?

Off to work a double... #too early (totally just kidding, I don't do hashtags)

Surprisingly Eventful, Uneventful Day

Work went well yesterday. Well, I was only able to say that after I was sitting in my car from a 13 hour day patient sitting a wanderer. Golly, it was tiresome and my back and legs hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. Then I had to trade with the other float from the other 2 courts because she can't do heavy lifting, so I went and did my best with the heavy lifting. I put 4 out of 16 down on one court and got another 2 down on the other court. I also put 3 down on my original court and left without putting anyone to bed on the final court but my girls were working the final court and told me to not even worry about it. I love them!

We got a new CNA at work too. He was in my A&P class and he made it into the nursing program so we will be in class together! It always helps to have as many friends and connections as possible. I never would have believed that, but it's totally true! Now, if we ever work together, we could study on the night shift and quiz each other. It was kinda awkward meeting him though and I didn't know what to say to him all night, so I didn't. I never come off very well at first. I should probably work on my first impressions a bit.

Yesterday, we also got a new resident! I recognize her grandson, which was also awkward, especially because I don't totally know where I know him from. I think he was in some of my classes this last year too, but I'm not sure.

Today, I have to study and finish reading for my 3 tests that I get to take this week. I'm really nervous and pretty anxious about them because they will mean I either get an A or a B  in Micro. I know that I could have gotten an A if I would have worked harder. That's probably the most frustrating thing. Plus, if I get a B, it will only be because I missed just a few points that keep me from an A. Maybe next time I will hit the books harder and I know that I cannot wait for my textbook until half way through the course, it just doesn't work. So, pray for me please. Pray, that by a miracle, I get an A in Micro so I can add another A to my transcripts and not be weighted down by a B. It's in G-d's hands, but I will do what I can to work towards what I desire.

My girls started talking about me being pregnant, I don't remember how we got on that conversation, but they are so sweet! They said I would probably be a really cute pregnant lady. I was thinking I might be a cute pregnant person, but I have an obsession with pregnancy and babies anyway so all you ladies with a baby in your belly are stinkin' adorable! But, I am a bit biased, so I figured I would probably be cute when I'm expecting too (not to sound self-obsessed or anything, I'm just talkin' straight with y'all). The thing is, though, is that they said it first! Oh man, I am excited to get married and to be pregnant, but it can wait awhile. First, I need to work on at least becoming a nurse, maybe even a midwife. Then, I will wait for the husband G-d chose for me and we can start having a family as G-d sees fit.

That brings me to a huge debate I'm having with myself. Well, it's been going on for a few years, but I'm thinking about it more and more. Is birth control okay? If it is, what types are okay and which are not? I want to do what is Biblical, but it's not like the Good Book has a chapter on the do's and don'ts  of this type of thing. I also need to research what traditional Jewish beliefs are and what Messianic beliefs are on this issue. I'll let you guys know what I find, but I may not share my opinion on the matter once I have decided. Instead, I want to present the information so that you can talk with G-d and see what you feel He is saying.

Forgive me for rambling, I woke up at about 6:15 a.m. on my day off and I'm having a hard time forming decent thoughts.

Daily Thanksgiving (for yesterday): Work is over and I survived. I have great friends. I learned that I can do the heavy lifting and work on our hardest court (with the latest stage residents). I may have a new friend in nursing school if I could just stop being silly and get to know him. I put 9 people to bed! That's a record for me. Plus, I was decently fast at it, even though we had so many strange behaviors yesterday. My girls are flattering me because they are still trying to set me up with my LPN's brother and they said I would be adorable pregnant. This is my last week of Micro! Next week starts my week-long nutrition class and so I have the whole week off (of work) including Sunday. G-d has provided enough money that my brother and I have paid our bills this week and we still have money left over! My mom is coming down Thursday to spend the night and she might be bringing my dog for a visit (I miss my baby). I went to that interview for an on-campus IT job and I didn't think it went well but they asked for my information and consent for a background check so I might have gotten it. I need my brother to get the job though.

Awkward Encounter

In life, there are glorious moments when you put your foot right in you mouth and say something ridiculously foolish. I tend to have those moment several times a day...

This morning on my way to breakfast, I went by to pick up my friend because her dorm room is on the way to the cafeteria. We were talking about another friend, because I was asking for advice, and guess who comes around the corner? Yes, it was the friend we were talking about. The friend I was with just so happened to use the other friends name in a question that can be greatly misconstrued for taking place in a very nasty, gossipy conversation. I assure you, it was not, but I do believe she heard the question and her name because the friend we had mentioned was within ear shot and she was not her usual perky self at breakfast. Why am I so terrible at life? I don't want to bring it up with her on the off-chance that she did not hear anything, but I also do not want it to eat at her.

So, here I am not knowing what to do, yet again.

Folks, this is why I don't talk. Even when I don't talk much and I explain problems to a friend, somehow that information gets out to the world, causing me a lot of problems because I opened my mouth in the first place. I should take a vow of silence, move to the forest and not come into contact with anyone ever again, because I just end up making a fool of myself and hurting everyone.

G-d told us that the things we do in secret will be exposed, right? (Obviously that was paraphrased, but please correct be if I'm wrong.)