G-d has a sense of humor!

Have y'all discovered this yet? From people stripped down buck naked in the Bible to the things He allows to happen in your life so that you look up to Him, He has a sense of humor.

This post is about a verse He laid on my heart tonight. I don't know how He speaks to you, but He usually gives me the "address" of a verse in the Word to go read. Sometimes it's just a verse and sometimes it is the whole book, just depends. Regardless of what is going on, these verses always hit right on what I am going through whether it be joyous, angering, or what-have-you. Tonight, however, He gave me a single verse.

A little background: Since deciding to "date" my best friend (a guy) from last year, I have been in rough shape. My anxiety has increased several times over. I'm having panic attacks all the time. My brain is unable to focus. I keep thinking of worse case scenarios where I can't win no matter how hard I think about finding a solution. All of this is because I don't want to break his heart. I've known from the beginning (because G-d told be at the start) that we would not be able to work out together. It's simple logistics. He's one political party and I am the complete opposite. He's okay being in the city and I despise it. He is all gum drops and rainbows while I am extremely pessimistic and cynical... on a good day. He LOVES all the mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey nonsense that makes my skin crawl. Last, but certainly not least, he lives for Christmas while I spend all year figuring out how to survive it without having a major throw-down with every cashier wishing me a "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!" Now, everyone tells me "opposites attract". So what? That doesn't mean they should stay together. In our case, our complete polar opposites works really good for a friendship. It does not work as anything beyond that.

So why did I decide to jump into this train wreck? Good question. I listened to the World instead of to what G-d told me about 5-7 years ago. He told me to wait. He told me that it was possible to marry the first boy I ever really date without kissing him until our wedding day and the marriage could be blessed. He told me the boundaries to keep and He has been giving me hints of what I need in a man that would eventually become my husband. Then I listened to that, while still having my human doubts about everything that sounds too good to be true. I listened for several years while also praying that I would be able to meet my future husband that particular year. This year was no different.

But then I listened to the World. My friends were all rooting for us, but I believe that is because they are living vicariously through us. My mom thought it would be a good idea to get some experience with a boyfriend. My mentor (who is a believer and supports my Messianic beliefs) believed I needed to experience all college has to offer, including the "fun" of being attached to another person. My best friend (the guy) thought that it would be fun and exciting. Granted, he is extremely biased because he is on the receiving end of this deal. No matter who I talked to, or how much I explained my reasoning's for refraining from dating, everyone in the World that I talked to told me to jump in and roll with it. Even the pastor at my church started talking about "walking in faith".

Guess what? EVERYONE OF THE WORLD LIED!!! It'll be fun they said. It'll be a good experience, they said. It won't hurt, they said. It's exciting, they said. Bologna! I don't know that I have ever been so anxious or fallen back into my depression so fast as I did when I agreed to this. No joke and I'm not exaggerating. This whole thing makes me feel like I'm seriously broken in the head because everyone around me is excited for this whole thing to go down and I am dreading every waking moment. Then, when I'm asleep, I have bad dreams about it. Movies and TV shows say that it is so great to be in a relationship. Blah, blah, blah. So far, this is less than ideal.

Despite all of this, I believe that G-d can allow me to be excited one day for the man that I am supposed to marry. Maybe at that time, I will no longer be broken and G-d can show me a deeper version of the love He has for us by allowing me to experience dating and marriage on His time and not on mine.

To get back to the verse, though, He gave me one that I couldn't help but laugh at. I was already in bed with all the lights off, reading the Word while I start to fall asleep. However, upon reading this verse, I couldn't help but wake myself back up so that I could talk about and share it with y'all. He gave it to me after I had been pleading with Him to allow my best friend to decide to break up with me on his own. That's when the Ruach HaKodesh (Hebrew for Holy Spirit) reminded me that G-d allows us to screw up so that He can teach us some lessons in the midst of being frustrated and punishing ourselves for being foolish. It was impressed upon me to be thankful for the lessons and listen for what G-d wants to tell me. So, I thanked Him repeatedly and waited for a verse.

Moments later I received the verse Proverbs 5:13. It says: "I ignored what my teachers said, I didn't listen to my instructors." In my case, I listened to my teachers and instructors of this world instead of listening to the Teacher and my only Instructor. Just because people go to church and you trust them doesn't mean that they know what G-d has in store for you. They have no real way of knowing that unless G-d shows or tells them. Chances are, they are giving you advice from their own experiences and learning but you need to run that all past G-d before acting on their instruction. To make it even easier, don't sample from several people before you find an answer you like. I did that and got no answers that I liked or that I agreed with, but I followed them anyway and now I am paying for it. Just pray and ask G-d about everything. He will answer you but sometimes you have to be patient. Also remember to Praise G-d in the storm and not just when things are hunky dory.