Busy, Busy Summer

Guys, I forgot to blog a few weeks ago about my good day and now I can't recall what was so great about it. We'll just talk about other stuff then!

My new job has got me all sorts of excited. I was nervous that I would be overly tired after working nights but after a red bull at about 0200 and another when I start nodding off (only on occasion, I usually don't need the second one) then I am good to stay up for what feels like weeks. Just kidding. But I stay up the whole day, go to work, then stay up the whole next day until it's time for a decent bed hour or slightly before that. I then wake up at my normal 6 a.m. and I'm ready to go again! When I work back-to-back, I will definately have to sleep during the day. However, this up for 36+ hours thing is working for me so far. I think I can even make it work with school.

Also, I love that job. Being able to focus on one patient all night and get to know them and how to make them comfortable is a great feeling. That's also what I love about working NICU. You learn the babies and their likes/dislikes. Then you can make sure to devote your attention to your 3 babies and go from there. It's not like working med/surg where you are running from pt to pt passing meds (if RN), and making sure 6-8 patients have what they need when they need it.

I think I'm going to quit my long term care facility. I love the residents but it's getting hard to even be a CNA now that I've gotten a taste of NICU. Let's be real, if you were able to taste your favorite pie, but had to wait and work really hard just so it could be ready in TWO YEARS, would you be able to handle that well? Ya, I'm struggling with my NICU pie... Until G-d puts me where He wants me, I'll bloom where I'm planted and learn as much as I can along the way.

On that note, I totally embarrassed myself today. I was the float which means that I am a CNA who goes between all four of the courts at my LTC facility and make sure I am helping the floor CNA's with anything I can. So, I did vitals. I took a bunch and they were really low so I made a mental note to go tell the LPN. When I got to her med cart, she had just left for break. Awesome. Now I have to wait. No big deal, I'll just keep going and tell her later. Several hours later my charge nurse comes up to me asking if I took the vitals. I said I did. She asked what I took them with and I told her it was with an automatic wrist cuff. Right then it dawned on me that I forgot to tell the LPN!!! Ugh! She is/was my favorite charge nurse but now I'm too embarrassed to hardly make eye contact with her. I know I get way too embarrassed way too easily, but I thought I was doing okay today. Silly things I forget that just make me feel dumber than dirt. Really, my memory is an issue. I'm going to have to get on top of this because forgetting something might cause someone their life. Today it made someone get late blood pressure meds and they almost didn't get it because my measurement was way too low. Like they were 150/70's but my cuff said 80/40's. I'm giving general numbers, but they were in this ballpark. 

So sorry that I haven't been posting lately, life has just been busy, but a boring busy. It's kind of nice for summer. Talk to y'all later and I hope you're having fun wherever you happen to be in the world.

Crazy, Insane Weekend

Folks, there are awkward families... and then there is mine.

• My great-grandpa does not know my name, but he yelled at me for not knowing his though he makes no effort to be in my life when I was about 12.
• My Grandma yelled at my brother and I when we were about 3-4 for asking for a penny to get a gumball from her decorative gumball dispenser while simultaneously giving pennies to our cousins.
• My uncle did not know my name yesterday and I'm 20. He has seen me multiple times over the course of my life. In fact, my parents used to rent an apartment from him for the first 9 years of my life and he would come for visits.
• My mom's sister is cool and her youngest is buddies with my brother and I. Her oldest and her husband hardly say 2 words to my mom, my brother, or myself. 
• My Grandpa did not recognize my mom because he has not seen her in nearly 8 years. Though I do not blame him for this because my Grandma is abusive and so my mom chooses to not see her mom (Grandma) which means she cannot see her dad (Grandpa).
• Grandpa has been saving the birthday and Christmas money from the past decade of our lives because he sends money to all the other grandkids. As he was walking over to give it to my brother and I, my Grandma takes it from him and acts as though it was her idea. Lady, I saw him pull it out of his pocket and I saw you snatch it from his hands!!!

What is so mind-boggling to me, however, is that I love them regardless. It's this deep kind of love that I had not been aware of until driving home, unable to catch my breath between legitimate sobs. Despite the hours I have cried at night over them and their words to me, I love them. Although they don't know my name (after having been their niece/grandchild for 20+ years), I still love them. Forget the fact that they blame me for not knowing them even though I have not had transportation or contact from them for most of my life, I still love them. Why? Why is is that I can have such overwhelming love for these people that do not love me back? How can I continue to love them even though it causes me so much grief that I was crying on the drive back home last night? It wasn't even a few tears, it was wails from the deepest part of my gut because I was in such pain. Why do I have the capacity to love these people and I cannot even love myself?

Besides all that, my brother dropped a few bombs on me about his own life that have re-stimulated my persistent nausea r/t stress and complete disbelief that this is now what his life has become. Plus, I have been getting super dizzy spells, so that's a bonus. I think it may be orthostatic hypotension caused by possible dehydration and electrolyte imbalances, but it's a wonder I can keep anything down at all with my stomach always in knots anymore.

My cousin is having a baby with his girlfriend. He just graduated high school... His older sister is fixin' to get married come July and just announced that she has been expecting for about 3 months and is due in January. They have another older sister who is just chillin'.

My summer went from me being on top of the world for about a week and a half to being down deeper than the deepest pits in the World. G-d has it all in His hand, I believe that. Goodness, though, it seemed to have all hit me at the exact same time though.

Tomorrow I want to tell you about my good day though! So, stay tuned for that. I promise, G-d blesses me incredibly, sometimes it's just more pronounced once you understand the struggles and obstacles that cross my path. I want you guys to see all of my life, even these really ugly parts because they all make me who I am and they are all tools G-d uses to shape me. Also, I got a new roommate and I'm so beyond stoked about her. She needs a whole blog about her, that's how amazing and excited I am about this rooming situation! Plus, it is totally a work of G-d. You'll see once I tell y'all the story of how it came to be.

Daily Thanksgiving: My day was exponentially better than I anticipated and I got to work with my favorite CNA! G-d is not through with me even though I have been a wayward child. 

Dirty Meanings

Guys, did you know that most people assume tongue piercings were received with a dirty reasoning behind them? Apparently they are used for unsavory acts that I cannot even imagine.

Well, nobody told me before I got mine! I know, I had talked myself out of my piercings, but right after my last final, my friends and I all went to the tattoo shop to get holes in our faces. Actually, one friend got nothing because she is about as pierced as you can get. Our other friend got 4 cartilage piercings between her two ears and I got a nose and tongue piercing.

After having dozens of people ask me why I did it, I got to thinking. With all of the pain of having a friend die, my brother move out, and me losing Best Friend (through my own fault), I wanted to have real pain that goes beyond what just my heart feels. That plan backfired. Neither one of my piercings hurt. I could feel the needle going through, but they did not hurt. Super. Maybe I should have gone with the cartilage? Maybe my pain tolerance is just too high. I just plumb don't know.

When I went and showed my parents, they already knew I was going to get piercings. They both exclaimed that I "actually got my nose done" and they laughed when I showed them my tongue. A few hours later my mom decided to explain the tongue ring... I was completely mortified! She and my brother had a great laugh on the phone about it a week or two after my conversation with her. Then I told my friends that I had not known the dirty connotation associated with it. Oh my goodness, they laughed so hard at me!

Why do people assume I know things that most people know? I am about as innocent as a 5 year-old. I laugh hysterically at burp, fart, and poop stories while I stare blank faced when someone tells a dirty joke. However, if you ask me about labor and delivery stuff, or some other type of medical thing, that's when I can finally contribute to the conversation and that is my passion. After 2 years and multiple attempts at explaining this to friends, plus the 20+ years with my family, you would think that they would know!

These people are stealing my innocence. Not cool bro.

Oh man, I went to the mall with my brother and a couple of his friends the other day. They went into this store that has an entire section of "dirty" toys. They were laughing and giggling at pictures of naked women and penis toys while all I could think of was anatomy. They started telling stories and all I could think about was why their story was medically unrealistic. Hookah was brought up and I went on a 5 minutes rant about how it's not actually as safe as they believe it is. I'm broken, I can't even have normal conversations anymore. I now know why nurses ban together and they/we can always find each other regardless of how big a crowd is. I was not expecting this for a few years after graduation from nursing school, but hey, it's here and I think I can live with it.

Completely Blown Away

I have not posted for the past couple of weeks because I have been out of town! Oh my goodness, it was absolutely amazing. I went South to go visit Mema for a whole entire week. Also, I drove down there by myself! 6-7 hour drive and I actually made it there alive and without going through any unnecessary states. So, that's good.

While down there I also got the opportunity to shadow in both the NICU and L&D. What a fantastic opportunity, I am so blessed! For 2 days I woke up at 0515 in order to make it to the hospital in time to follow a nurse in NICU and then went on over to Labor and Delivery to follow a nurse (more like all the nurses) to anything that was at all fascinating. Before this experience, I was on the fence between the two specialties and not even knowing if I would actually enjoy either of them. Having shadowed, I think I would really enjoy working in the NICU. Yes, it will be rough. Babies die. However, I think it is something I could do with all my heart and still maintain my compassion and love for the job.

I got to see so much just in the NICU. An OG tube taken out and replaced with an NG tube in a itty bitty baby. Tube feedings and nipple training for other itty bitty's. A bath, which was just the cutest thing ever! An assessment and the preparation of breast milk into bottles or syringes for feedings. I also saw a father hold his baby for the first time after the baby had been born about a week ago. I nearly started crying. The love, amazement, and concern written across the faces of a baby's parents while he laid in a bed hooked up to pumps, tubes, IV's, and just about anything else possible for someone to be attached to. I don't think I could ever get sick of watching that.

Then I went over to L&D. Oh man, I feel bad for going over there. The poor nurses that I was following were having calm, easy days until I would start following one of them. First delivery out of the box went just fine until the mom started hemorrhaging. Seeing everyone know what to do and where to be was incredible. Seriously, they had to massage the mother's uterus and increase the Pitocin and the nurse upped the Pit before the doctor even requested it and they had to take turns massaging because they had to do that for a really long time. Oh the poor mom, I'm sure she had a huge bruise the next day and it was tender just when they were "massaging". Besides that I saw 2 C-Sections, 2 other deliveries, 2 episiotomies, a couple uteruses and the ovaries plus real-life abdominal muscles (during C-Sections). I watched a couple of lactation consultations and the a bunch of parents meeting their babies for the first time. 

Absolutely amazing. So, between that and getting tons of R&R with Mema, that is what I did this past week. How is your summer going?