Crazy, Insane Weekend

Folks, there are awkward families... and then there is mine.

• My great-grandpa does not know my name, but he yelled at me for not knowing his though he makes no effort to be in my life when I was about 12.
• My Grandma yelled at my brother and I when we were about 3-4 for asking for a penny to get a gumball from her decorative gumball dispenser while simultaneously giving pennies to our cousins.
• My uncle did not know my name yesterday and I'm 20. He has seen me multiple times over the course of my life. In fact, my parents used to rent an apartment from him for the first 9 years of my life and he would come for visits.
• My mom's sister is cool and her youngest is buddies with my brother and I. Her oldest and her husband hardly say 2 words to my mom, my brother, or myself. 
• My Grandpa did not recognize my mom because he has not seen her in nearly 8 years. Though I do not blame him for this because my Grandma is abusive and so my mom chooses to not see her mom (Grandma) which means she cannot see her dad (Grandpa).
• Grandpa has been saving the birthday and Christmas money from the past decade of our lives because he sends money to all the other grandkids. As he was walking over to give it to my brother and I, my Grandma takes it from him and acts as though it was her idea. Lady, I saw him pull it out of his pocket and I saw you snatch it from his hands!!!

What is so mind-boggling to me, however, is that I love them regardless. It's this deep kind of love that I had not been aware of until driving home, unable to catch my breath between legitimate sobs. Despite the hours I have cried at night over them and their words to me, I love them. Although they don't know my name (after having been their niece/grandchild for 20+ years), I still love them. Forget the fact that they blame me for not knowing them even though I have not had transportation or contact from them for most of my life, I still love them. Why? Why is is that I can have such overwhelming love for these people that do not love me back? How can I continue to love them even though it causes me so much grief that I was crying on the drive back home last night? It wasn't even a few tears, it was wails from the deepest part of my gut because I was in such pain. Why do I have the capacity to love these people and I cannot even love myself?

Besides all that, my brother dropped a few bombs on me about his own life that have re-stimulated my persistent nausea r/t stress and complete disbelief that this is now what his life has become. Plus, I have been getting super dizzy spells, so that's a bonus. I think it may be orthostatic hypotension caused by possible dehydration and electrolyte imbalances, but it's a wonder I can keep anything down at all with my stomach always in knots anymore.

My cousin is having a baby with his girlfriend. He just graduated high school... His older sister is fixin' to get married come July and just announced that she has been expecting for about 3 months and is due in January. They have another older sister who is just chillin'.

My summer went from me being on top of the world for about a week and a half to being down deeper than the deepest pits in the World. G-d has it all in His hand, I believe that. Goodness, though, it seemed to have all hit me at the exact same time though.

Tomorrow I want to tell you about my good day though! So, stay tuned for that. I promise, G-d blesses me incredibly, sometimes it's just more pronounced once you understand the struggles and obstacles that cross my path. I want you guys to see all of my life, even these really ugly parts because they all make me who I am and they are all tools G-d uses to shape me. Also, I got a new roommate and I'm so beyond stoked about her. She needs a whole blog about her, that's how amazing and excited I am about this rooming situation! Plus, it is totally a work of G-d. You'll see once I tell y'all the story of how it came to be.

Daily Thanksgiving: My day was exponentially better than I anticipated and I got to work with my favorite CNA! G-d is not through with me even though I have been a wayward child. 

Pregnant and Coping

Guys, I think I'm pregnant. I've been nauseous, moody, and all sorts of discombobulated for the past couple of months. Except it's physically impossible for me to be expecting because I know how babies are made and I didn't do that. I don't even hold hands with boys... So maybe I'm just stressed?

Next week is finals. I am coping by laying on the couch with my favorite blanket and watching children's movies (today's viewing is Croods). It's a wonder I am allowed to live on my own and take care of other people's loved ones seeing as I act like a 3-year-old any time I get stressed, sad, or otherwise not happy or at least normal.

In other news, I taught my pall how to drive stick today. Let's name her Pretty Princess. So, PP is one of the other girls in my nursing program and we met last year through Best Friend in the dorms. She is hilarious and stupid gorgeous. Like, I'm jealous that she is so charismatic, thin, gorgeous, and smart. But, hey, I'm blessed that I met her and that we found Big Red on the first day because we make quite the trio. BR was also with us as we were practicing starting and stopping in the parking lot outside of our nursing school. Oh man, it was so hilarious! All three of us yelling jokes and names at each other and just having a good time with it. I needed this so bad and it was awesome therapy.

I got a little carried away with pictures so enjoy this never-ending stream of pictures/memes I found on Google!

Medical TV Shows

I follow the blog The Days When I'm Not a Nurse and she starts a blog discussion about various topics every month. This month it is about medical TV shows.

Seeing as I have watched almost everything that has anything to do with medicine since I was a ripe old age of 5, I would say that I have a little to say about the subject.

First, I would like to say that my favorites include (but are not limited to): Scrubs, House, Birth Story, Teen Mom (has little to do with medicine except for the delivery part of the show, but I like seeing the babies), Emily Owens M.D., and Mystery Diagnosis. Also, Call the Midwife is probably my favorite because it is so stinkin' cute in all ways!!!

With that said, I do find most of the shows highly unrealistic but fairly fascinating. I really like Mystery Diagnosis because it a real-life account of some House quality mysteries. I like House because he is cynical, sarcastic, and ridiculously smart. Plus, they have really cool, weird diseases/symptoms. Emily Owens is so cute and awkward that it brings me comfort because I am much like her, just less pretty. Scrubs reminds me of my dorky guy friends so that helps me with home-sickness, and one of the main characters is a NURSE! Ya, that never happens. We need more shows about nurses, folks, because they have so many funny and interesting stories. Call the Midwife, Teen Mom, and Birth Story are also so interesting to me because I am obsessed with birth, pregnancy, babies, and all related information to the labor and delivery process. I have been since before I ever started preschool and my fascination continues to grow each year.

So, we need more nursing shows that are fictional, but that bring in the hilarious encounters that nurses actually face. I have read many stories that had me bawling and hiccuping from laughing so hard. Guys, that is my favorite Saturday night entertainment. Then there are the stories of how nurses touched families and helped them through difficult times in their life. Unfortunately these stories hardly get shared even though they happen all the time. That is what nurses do and I think it would help the general population understand just a tiny bit of what nurses bear and go through for their patients.

Do you have any shows you would like to add? I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows and points. Ultimately, these shows are just for vegging, not for learning or for portraying reality. They are some of my guilty pleasures...






P.S.
        I got a 92% on my BHA test today!

Thoughtful Thursday! “Giving Birth Is A Natural Process…”

Thoughtful Thursday! “Giving Birth Is A Natural Process…”

Very true. Still doesn't firm up my beliefs about birth control yet, though.

Why am I even thinking about birth control? I don't even have a boyfriend yet...

Surprisingly Eventful, Uneventful Day

Work went well yesterday. Well, I was only able to say that after I was sitting in my car from a 13 hour day patient sitting a wanderer. Golly, it was tiresome and my back and legs hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. Then I had to trade with the other float from the other 2 courts because she can't do heavy lifting, so I went and did my best with the heavy lifting. I put 4 out of 16 down on one court and got another 2 down on the other court. I also put 3 down on my original court and left without putting anyone to bed on the final court but my girls were working the final court and told me to not even worry about it. I love them!

We got a new CNA at work too. He was in my A&P class and he made it into the nursing program so we will be in class together! It always helps to have as many friends and connections as possible. I never would have believed that, but it's totally true! Now, if we ever work together, we could study on the night shift and quiz each other. It was kinda awkward meeting him though and I didn't know what to say to him all night, so I didn't. I never come off very well at first. I should probably work on my first impressions a bit.

Yesterday, we also got a new resident! I recognize her grandson, which was also awkward, especially because I don't totally know where I know him from. I think he was in some of my classes this last year too, but I'm not sure.

Today, I have to study and finish reading for my 3 tests that I get to take this week. I'm really nervous and pretty anxious about them because they will mean I either get an A or a B  in Micro. I know that I could have gotten an A if I would have worked harder. That's probably the most frustrating thing. Plus, if I get a B, it will only be because I missed just a few points that keep me from an A. Maybe next time I will hit the books harder and I know that I cannot wait for my textbook until half way through the course, it just doesn't work. So, pray for me please. Pray, that by a miracle, I get an A in Micro so I can add another A to my transcripts and not be weighted down by a B. It's in G-d's hands, but I will do what I can to work towards what I desire.

My girls started talking about me being pregnant, I don't remember how we got on that conversation, but they are so sweet! They said I would probably be a really cute pregnant lady. I was thinking I might be a cute pregnant person, but I have an obsession with pregnancy and babies anyway so all you ladies with a baby in your belly are stinkin' adorable! But, I am a bit biased, so I figured I would probably be cute when I'm expecting too (not to sound self-obsessed or anything, I'm just talkin' straight with y'all). The thing is, though, is that they said it first! Oh man, I am excited to get married and to be pregnant, but it can wait awhile. First, I need to work on at least becoming a nurse, maybe even a midwife. Then, I will wait for the husband G-d chose for me and we can start having a family as G-d sees fit.

That brings me to a huge debate I'm having with myself. Well, it's been going on for a few years, but I'm thinking about it more and more. Is birth control okay? If it is, what types are okay and which are not? I want to do what is Biblical, but it's not like the Good Book has a chapter on the do's and don'ts  of this type of thing. I also need to research what traditional Jewish beliefs are and what Messianic beliefs are on this issue. I'll let you guys know what I find, but I may not share my opinion on the matter once I have decided. Instead, I want to present the information so that you can talk with G-d and see what you feel He is saying.

Forgive me for rambling, I woke up at about 6:15 a.m. on my day off and I'm having a hard time forming decent thoughts.

Daily Thanksgiving (for yesterday): Work is over and I survived. I have great friends. I learned that I can do the heavy lifting and work on our hardest court (with the latest stage residents). I may have a new friend in nursing school if I could just stop being silly and get to know him. I put 9 people to bed! That's a record for me. Plus, I was decently fast at it, even though we had so many strange behaviors yesterday. My girls are flattering me because they are still trying to set me up with my LPN's brother and they said I would be adorable pregnant. This is my last week of Micro! Next week starts my week-long nutrition class and so I have the whole week off (of work) including Sunday. G-d has provided enough money that my brother and I have paid our bills this week and we still have money left over! My mom is coming down Thursday to spend the night and she might be bringing my dog for a visit (I miss my baby). I went to that interview for an on-campus IT job and I didn't think it went well but they asked for my information and consent for a background check so I might have gotten it. I need my brother to get the job though.

Thoughtful Thursday! “…We Know Your Body Was Designed To Do This…”

Thoughtful Thursday! “…We Know Your Body Was Designed To Do This…”

So very true! I love this statement.

Funny Quotes

Here are some things people have said to me lately that made me laugh just a bit:

"Coffee is better than sex!" (A new resident when asked if he wanted coffee with lunch)

"Don't call me mister. Call me lover, call me sexy, call me anything but mister." (Same resident when I was walking him to his room to get a jacket. I didn't call him mister, ever...)

"You are sexy!" (A lady resident to me because she heard t.v. infomercial say sexy. This one made me blush!)

"What does you future husband look like?" (A resident out of the clear blue sky when I asked if she wanted lunch. Ironically, it was after one of my pregnancy dreams and I was thinking about my country boy at the time. Very odd timing!)

"My goodness, she is so tall!" (A group of lady residents as I was walking away. I feel like a giant at work because the staff and residents are all shorter than me but I'm only 5'6"!)

"Are you pregnant?" (Female resident to a male CNA. It made no sense but I was sitting with 3-4 other CNA's and we were all in stitches from this one!)


There are some other gems but I can't think of them right now. I think this will be a new on-going post though because I am laughing all the time at funny things people are saying everywhere I go.

Repost: Thoughtful Thursday! “You Are My Role Model.”

Thoughtful Thursday! “You Are My Role Model.”

You know me, I love the encouragement! I hope someday I can be pregnant and be able to tell my patients this. (Yes, today is one of the days where I am not completely skeptical of the whole marriage/reproduction process for myself. Normally I'm cool if others want to get marriage and have youngins, but I typically get super weird when I consider it for myself. Today was a good day though so I'm thinking more optimistically... just for today.)

It's Simple Really

Walking back from chem today, I started thinking to myself about anatomy and how simple it really is, as long as you have someone making the information understandable and relatable. Nearly everything in life is simple, once you break it down. Mountains are just rocks, the ocean is kinda just a HUGE lake, college is school (of coarse). Dating is hanging out with a friend, getting to know them better. It's also like an extended interview to see if you would want to live with that person, attached in a covenant for the rest of your lives. Marriage is simply the before mentioned covenant and an extended sleep-over. Babysitting is playing house... with real live kids. "Liking" someone is the initial stage of dating, obviously. And I'm sure you can come up with more examples that are way better. Life is simple.

When life begins to get complicated is when we insert ourselves, our feelings, our desires and our pasts into the basic plan of life and the related events. As we step into a new phase of life, we often begin to over-think or under-think. We may be unable to let go of our past while others forget about their past and live the same events over and over. Sometimes we are scared of what is up ahead so we take a detour and remain in our same location. Others of us take all the leaps they can and may be better or worse for the wear. It all depends on who you are as a person. Personally speaking, I am an over-thinker, unable to let go of my past who takes the detours to remain in my present state (most of the time) all because of fear. Sometimes I do under-think, take leaps and forget my past so I relive some troubles. Do I regret this? No. No matter what, G-d brings me through the obstacles, the seasons of learning and the foolish mistakes I make. Because of these things, who I am most of the time and who I am when I try spontaneity (btw, it's not a good look on me), G-d uses it all to mold me into who He needs me to be. I am grateful that the past is behind me and that my future is ahead. I am even more thankful that G-d is in my past, He is with me now, and He will be always beside me in the future. Because of Him, my life is relatively simple... until I insert myself into the life events without taking a second glance at what He would like me to do.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful I did not fall asleep during chem today, I nearly did because I went to bed at 1 a.m. only to get up a 8 a.m. This daylight savings time deal is really handy for letting me have a quiet day at work, but when it comes to my motivation after being so sleep deprived, I'm not a fan. I am thankful for my family who called me last night. I love talking to them and it is so nice to be reminded that they are thinking of me as I think of them. Last night, I talked with my dad (because everyone else was asleep by then) and it was so good to hear his voice. I am such a daddy's girl. (The song All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood is quite similar to my life. So is Who I Am by Jessica Andrews.)

Random Sidebar: It's the strangest thing, but my guy friends keep talking about their kids and getting married. I am still at a point in my life where I cannot even comprehend the fact that I no longer live with my parents, but the guys are planning how many kids, what genders they want when, thinking about their wife during pregnancy, etc. I am just dumbfounded by their complete honesty and the level of thought they have put into their future families. I am also astounded by the fact that they would share these things with me. I have had dreams of being pregnant, but they usually come after watching my midwifery documentaries. Man, if only I had that contraction machine so I could watch them go through labor... maybe then they would not be planning to have 6 children without having talked with their future wives first. Gosh, that little rant turned weird quickly...