All through nursing school I was looking forward to this year, my last year as a nursing student. Turns out, it SUCKS!
On my own personal, very mean note, I do not like the people in my class. At my school, there is a whole cohort (the whole group of people you will graduate with) and then those people are divided into two groups so that one group can be doing med/surg 4 while the other does peds/ob and then we switch. I do not like the people in my group/class and I am going to be with them for the rest of the year while I don't get to see all of my favorite people because they are in peds/ob without me. That happened because I am completing this degree faster than most of them so they have more credits meaning they get to sign up for classes before me. Please forgive this bit of whining but I am at my whits end with the people in my class. Many of them are the ones I avoided on purpose last year and so I took the classes they were not in order to not have to be in class with them. So, it does not help that I show up to class grumpy and leave angry each day simply because of personality clashes.
Now, on top of everything, it turns out that senior year is just about writing a billion papers that are essentially our thesis papers for each class. My current med/surg professor had us fill out a bunch of worksheets and pick out an upwards of 6 articles. She then went through all of them, approved/declined many of the articles, and is having us resubmit them to her for grading. She is overwhelmed with the amount of work she has to do and we are all frustrated because we can't move on with the rest of the assignment until she grades our stuff. However, she doesn't have time to look at our stuff before the paper due date so we have been shot in the foot and forced to do the impossible. So, I have been told that she is worried I will fail the paper because the articles I chose are not acceptable but she is not helping any of us or making it possible for us to have success because we don't have enough time!!! It's the worst, vicious cycle of paper writing I have ever been a part of and I am at about level 87 of stress on a scale of 1 to 10. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
So, senior year sucks. I am glad we only have a couple more weeks of this crap before we move on to the next class of this semester. It's Community Health which I'm not excited about, at all, but I like the teacher and she is reasonable so I hope it will be tolerable.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Monday, September 21, 2015
The Break
In lieu of LOTS of recent fights with the fiance, I suggested a break. I learned a couple of things today: 1) many of us, including myself, do not believe in breaks (I knew this before but right now, I feel it is appropriate) 2) there are great misunderstandings between genders as to what a "break" in a relationship is.
Do you guys watch Friends? I hope you do, it's a delightful show. Anyway, Ross and Rachel start dating and they start having a lot of problems. Rachel decides she needs a break. To her, this means they simply do not talk for awhile. For Ross, a break means that the relationship is on pause but it is like a break-up so he can now go see/sleep with other people. And so he does... and then Rachel is devastated and hurt and angry. This whole fiasco is simply because of the differences in understanding between genders.
To me, a break is where the relationship is still intact, but the couple is simply not talking to each other for a time so that they can hopefully both do some thinking and reevaluating. To fiance, a break means that we are broken up. I cleared the air and explained what I was actually wanting in addition to calling it a break but he got all sorts of upset and angry because he thought I was breaking up with him (for the third time). Now, I get why he would be hurt, especially with it being the third time, but I feel like I was clear when I told him what I was expecting a break to be and what I needed from this time. After the air was clear and he was understanding that we are simply not talking for a few days/weeks we hung up the phone and that was that.
Not even 5 hours later, and as I was writing this post in rage, he called. The terms of the break was that I would call him when I have thought about my stuff and after I was ready to talk to him whenever that happened to be in the next few weeks. He called and told me he couldn't live without me. It's going to take some time for him to prove that to me because I am tired of not being treated right. However, I move forward with cautious optimism. I pray that our relationship works, but I know that I am strong and self-sufficient and I do not need a man. They are a blessing, and we learn a lot by being tied to another human being in such a way as marriage, but being single has it's blessings too.
Interesting turn of events, I really wasn't expecting any of that. I was literally just about to start on the last paragraph (starting with: "not even 5 hours later"; but it wasn't going to be written to start out that way...) and he called.
Y'all, please pray for me and pray for fiance. We need tender hearts to be able to serve each other and listen to the L-rd. We both need the L-rd, desperately.
Meanwhile, I could desperately use a break from school. I am beyond stressed out, my days are running together, and I have so many assignments due all the time! I ended up dropping my sexual assault class because I was getting nightmares and flashbacks. Needless to say, the Professor and Dean approved the dropping of the course. So, I now have more time!
New Roommate is so absolutely supportive. She listened to me rant and rave and be sad and depressed and angry and everything for about 2-3 hours today. She just sits there and listens and encourages me. She knows everything that has happened, watches me when I can't leave my bed for days on end, and she still has such a tender spot to try to help me through all of this by allowing me to ask her for what I need her to do. Oftentimes, I simply ask her to listen. Sometimes I ask her for advice and she helps to "nurse" me back to being semi-mentally healthy by helping me find ways to stay busy, encouraging me to spend time out of the house doing activities I enjoy, making sure I am eating and she even assessed my self-harm ideation status because she knows I've had a rough past, even though she didn't know how rough until she asked if I had ever had those thoughts. I am almost certain she has no idea I have tried to kill myself on several occasions back in 8th grade. Guys, she is so sweet and tender and I don't want to ruin her with my cynicism and anger at the world and at life. However, I am so beyond grateful for the way G-d has allowed her and I to meet each others needs when we both needed roommates and how we've been able to pour into each others lives with the love and G-dly advice only Believers can give to each other. Now, she is Catholic and I am Messianic Jewish, but we serve the same G-d and believe in the same Messiah. We are called to love each other and that is certainly what I plan to do because I absolutely adore her!
Do you guys watch Friends? I hope you do, it's a delightful show. Anyway, Ross and Rachel start dating and they start having a lot of problems. Rachel decides she needs a break. To her, this means they simply do not talk for awhile. For Ross, a break means that the relationship is on pause but it is like a break-up so he can now go see/sleep with other people. And so he does... and then Rachel is devastated and hurt and angry. This whole fiasco is simply because of the differences in understanding between genders.
To me, a break is where the relationship is still intact, but the couple is simply not talking to each other for a time so that they can hopefully both do some thinking and reevaluating. To fiance, a break means that we are broken up. I cleared the air and explained what I was actually wanting in addition to calling it a break but he got all sorts of upset and angry because he thought I was breaking up with him (for the third time). Now, I get why he would be hurt, especially with it being the third time, but I feel like I was clear when I told him what I was expecting a break to be and what I needed from this time. After the air was clear and he was understanding that we are simply not talking for a few days/weeks we hung up the phone and that was that.
Not even 5 hours later, and as I was writing this post in rage, he called. The terms of the break was that I would call him when I have thought about my stuff and after I was ready to talk to him whenever that happened to be in the next few weeks. He called and told me he couldn't live without me. It's going to take some time for him to prove that to me because I am tired of not being treated right. However, I move forward with cautious optimism. I pray that our relationship works, but I know that I am strong and self-sufficient and I do not need a man. They are a blessing, and we learn a lot by being tied to another human being in such a way as marriage, but being single has it's blessings too.
Interesting turn of events, I really wasn't expecting any of that. I was literally just about to start on the last paragraph (starting with: "not even 5 hours later"; but it wasn't going to be written to start out that way...) and he called.
Y'all, please pray for me and pray for fiance. We need tender hearts to be able to serve each other and listen to the L-rd. We both need the L-rd, desperately.
Meanwhile, I could desperately use a break from school. I am beyond stressed out, my days are running together, and I have so many assignments due all the time! I ended up dropping my sexual assault class because I was getting nightmares and flashbacks. Needless to say, the Professor and Dean approved the dropping of the course. So, I now have more time!
New Roommate is so absolutely supportive. She listened to me rant and rave and be sad and depressed and angry and everything for about 2-3 hours today. She just sits there and listens and encourages me. She knows everything that has happened, watches me when I can't leave my bed for days on end, and she still has such a tender spot to try to help me through all of this by allowing me to ask her for what I need her to do. Oftentimes, I simply ask her to listen. Sometimes I ask her for advice and she helps to "nurse" me back to being semi-mentally healthy by helping me find ways to stay busy, encouraging me to spend time out of the house doing activities I enjoy, making sure I am eating and she even assessed my self-harm ideation status because she knows I've had a rough past, even though she didn't know how rough until she asked if I had ever had those thoughts. I am almost certain she has no idea I have tried to kill myself on several occasions back in 8th grade. Guys, she is so sweet and tender and I don't want to ruin her with my cynicism and anger at the world and at life. However, I am so beyond grateful for the way G-d has allowed her and I to meet each others needs when we both needed roommates and how we've been able to pour into each others lives with the love and G-dly advice only Believers can give to each other. Now, she is Catholic and I am Messianic Jewish, but we serve the same G-d and believe in the same Messiah. We are called to love each other and that is certainly what I plan to do because I absolutely adore her!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Life of Adventure
When praying about fiance at the beginning of our relationship, the L-rd whispered to my heart we would have adventures, he would give me a life of adventure. This prayer occurred shortly after engagement which was a mere couple of months into our relationship.
This whisper was not a lie. We have had so many ups and downs I wonder most days if I am going crazy or not.
He came home early from work a couple weeks ago on the premise that he thought I was having problems and he wanted to help "fix" us and me. I have repeatedly told him that fixing people is G-d's job and I cannot be fixed in a conversation or two. He disagrees but we've been working through my Country Boy and exboyfriend stuff all summer and I feel like I've made very little progress. Mostly, I just need downtime to heal and start to make my life mine again. I don't feel like I have any control over anything anymore. Granted, how much do any of us control anything that happens to us? Is it not all in G-d's hands? So, I am learning to let go.
Today in church we talked about living a life of adventure. We learned about how the pastor and the church elders/employees feel that G-d is about to move in powerful ways and we are supposed to surrender and let the L-rd have at it. I completely agree, G-d is in control and it is silly for us to try to plan or control anything because everything happens on His time frame, not ours.
If you recall, I had tons of plans for the past two years to go work with Mema in her NICU because I was already offered a job there. She was going to let me pay low rent in exchange for help around the house and we could help each other out with job stuff and whatnot. Those plans went up in smoke this summer. I no longer have any idea of where I will work after graduation, where I will live, what state I will end up in, or even if I will work in the NICU.
If I cannot have kids, I do not want to work with babies (NICU/L&D) because I know I will get burnt out, cynical, and way depressed if I work with babies when I cannot have any. Lately, I have not even wanted to have children or be married because I don't want to drag other children into this world to go through terrible things. I have experienced some rough stuff, but so many other people go through so much more. I cannot bear witness to my children going through such hard life circumstances. I cannot even live through them myself.
I came to this conclusion after watching my mom struggle with my life choices and consequences and happenings the past few months. From her finding out about suicide attempts and self harm at the beginning of the summer, to her watching me go through rape stuff, she is having a hard time with my issues almost worse than I am. I don't want to go through that or watch my kids go through that. So, what do I do to fix such a potential situation? I simply avoid having children. Bam, no issue. If fiance and I do not happen to make it, I'm not saying we will or won't, but I will not try for another relationship. If I stay alone then I don't have to worry about having another person to care for and be concerned about, I will simply have to worry about myself and my work. Yes, it may be a lonely life, but honestly, I've gone through enough for a lifetime or two, I don't need to have anything else happen. I just wanted an easy, simple, pure life. That was stolen in a matter of months and I no longer strive to go for the dreams I had at the beginning of this past April. I just want to be done.
So, I am continually being pulled from listening to the L-rd as He confirms His whispers to me time and time again, to listening to the world/friends/parents/etc when they tell me to cut it off with fiance. How do I know what the L-rd meant by adventure? How do I know when to throw in the towel? I don't know what to do!!!!!
I'm getting burned out at work but I have to go in tonight. I desperately want another job but I don't have time to go through the training involved in getting a different job. What do I do? I'm struggling today, I don't want to do school, or work, or anything but sleep.
It is now Rosh Hashanah! (Jewish New Year!) So, shanah tovah! (Good year, it's like Happy New Year) May you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Another thing the L-rd keeps bringing to me is the thought of restoration. I want so badly to be restored and for fiance to be restored. We are both broken and the only way any of us can be fixed is to have the L-rd, the Creator, fix us. That was part of the message in church today too. Surrendering and being restored and allowing ourselves to be continually created by the One who created and continues to create us for His glory. So many days I wish I could go back in time and avoid all of this, but what if this can all be used for beauty? G-d's beauty. I want so badly to have beauty from these ashes, but I don't know how that can ever come about. Between my mistakes and the things that have happened, I don't feel worthy, I feel so dirty and beyond repair. I now understand the grief and cry in so many worship songs where I just didn't before. Songs that talk about us needing to surrender didn't make much sense before, now I get it.
This whisper was not a lie. We have had so many ups and downs I wonder most days if I am going crazy or not.
He came home early from work a couple weeks ago on the premise that he thought I was having problems and he wanted to help "fix" us and me. I have repeatedly told him that fixing people is G-d's job and I cannot be fixed in a conversation or two. He disagrees but we've been working through my Country Boy and exboyfriend stuff all summer and I feel like I've made very little progress. Mostly, I just need downtime to heal and start to make my life mine again. I don't feel like I have any control over anything anymore. Granted, how much do any of us control anything that happens to us? Is it not all in G-d's hands? So, I am learning to let go.
Today in church we talked about living a life of adventure. We learned about how the pastor and the church elders/employees feel that G-d is about to move in powerful ways and we are supposed to surrender and let the L-rd have at it. I completely agree, G-d is in control and it is silly for us to try to plan or control anything because everything happens on His time frame, not ours.
If you recall, I had tons of plans for the past two years to go work with Mema in her NICU because I was already offered a job there. She was going to let me pay low rent in exchange for help around the house and we could help each other out with job stuff and whatnot. Those plans went up in smoke this summer. I no longer have any idea of where I will work after graduation, where I will live, what state I will end up in, or even if I will work in the NICU.
If I cannot have kids, I do not want to work with babies (NICU/L&D) because I know I will get burnt out, cynical, and way depressed if I work with babies when I cannot have any. Lately, I have not even wanted to have children or be married because I don't want to drag other children into this world to go through terrible things. I have experienced some rough stuff, but so many other people go through so much more. I cannot bear witness to my children going through such hard life circumstances. I cannot even live through them myself.
I came to this conclusion after watching my mom struggle with my life choices and consequences and happenings the past few months. From her finding out about suicide attempts and self harm at the beginning of the summer, to her watching me go through rape stuff, she is having a hard time with my issues almost worse than I am. I don't want to go through that or watch my kids go through that. So, what do I do to fix such a potential situation? I simply avoid having children. Bam, no issue. If fiance and I do not happen to make it, I'm not saying we will or won't, but I will not try for another relationship. If I stay alone then I don't have to worry about having another person to care for and be concerned about, I will simply have to worry about myself and my work. Yes, it may be a lonely life, but honestly, I've gone through enough for a lifetime or two, I don't need to have anything else happen. I just wanted an easy, simple, pure life. That was stolen in a matter of months and I no longer strive to go for the dreams I had at the beginning of this past April. I just want to be done.
So, I am continually being pulled from listening to the L-rd as He confirms His whispers to me time and time again, to listening to the world/friends/parents/etc when they tell me to cut it off with fiance. How do I know what the L-rd meant by adventure? How do I know when to throw in the towel? I don't know what to do!!!!!
I'm getting burned out at work but I have to go in tonight. I desperately want another job but I don't have time to go through the training involved in getting a different job. What do I do? I'm struggling today, I don't want to do school, or work, or anything but sleep.
It is now Rosh Hashanah! (Jewish New Year!) So, shanah tovah! (Good year, it's like Happy New Year) May you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Another thing the L-rd keeps bringing to me is the thought of restoration. I want so badly to be restored and for fiance to be restored. We are both broken and the only way any of us can be fixed is to have the L-rd, the Creator, fix us. That was part of the message in church today too. Surrendering and being restored and allowing ourselves to be continually created by the One who created and continues to create us for His glory. So many days I wish I could go back in time and avoid all of this, but what if this can all be used for beauty? G-d's beauty. I want so badly to have beauty from these ashes, but I don't know how that can ever come about. Between my mistakes and the things that have happened, I don't feel worthy, I feel so dirty and beyond repair. I now understand the grief and cry in so many worship songs where I just didn't before. Songs that talk about us needing to surrender didn't make much sense before, now I get it.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Marriage
I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. Marriage isn't about finding the "right" person, it's about learning how to love more unconditionally. We're learning to love how Yeshua (Jesus) loves and how Adonai (G-d) loves us. Good job Eric Church for figuring that one out (song titled: "She Loves Me Like Jesus Does"). None of us can be an absolute "right" person because we all sin. Marriage is about learning how to walk along side someone who is selfish, has bad days, can do/say hurtful things, and otherwise do things that the world tells us we have a "right" to not forgive them for. Is that the model set up in the Bible? Not even a little bit. Look at the profit who married a prostitute. She continued to cheat on him, yet, the L-rd told him to stay with her and love her. He was instructed not to sleep with her, I think, but he was supposed to remain with her. Now, I'm not saying that you stay with your spouse if they are cheating on you, abusing you, or otherwise putting your and/or your family in danger. Seek help, talk to the L-rd, and determine what you are supposed to do. However, time and time again the L-rd tells us to forgive. Yeshua told us to forgive 77x7 times (in other words, continue forgiving. So why would we need to do that for strangers and friends and not for spouses? I have seen so many marriages implode because each spouse starts keeping a tally of what the other person did or didn't do and so they feel justified in not serving the other person as the L-rd serves us. Marriage is only temporary, it's only for our short lives while on earth. Being with the Creator is eternal. Our lives, it seems to me, are not about finding a battle partner and procreation for this life, it is about being molded into people who are more like G-d. Look at David. He was a man after G-d's own heart. He messed up royally, but he repented and worked towards allowing the L-rd to right his wrongs and take control of the situation. He worshiped the L-rd and continued to serve and minister to Him (G-d). David also had wives, concubines, and loads of children, but that is not what his life is about. That is not the picture we see in the snapshots that are kept in the Bible/Tanakh for us to study. Marriage, and life, is about extending forgiveness, grace, kindness, and loving your spouse as much as we love ourselves (or more) because that is how G-d loves us. Yes, marriage is about having a partner and continuing on the human race, but there is so much more than companionship and kids. Love is a choice and it can be a powerful choice.
Isaiah 54 paints a picture of the L-rd forgiving Israel after He had divorced her earlier in Isaiah's book of the Bible. This chapter describes Jerusalem as a woman who is currently childless and a widow, but it tells her to prepare to be "bursting at the seams". She is instructed to expand her house and she is promised a house made of saphires and gems. To me, this chapter sounds like a prophecy. It talks about her being protected in the land they are about to go into (so it is a prophecy that was taking place in their near future) but it also talks about things that are mirrored in Revelation and the other scriptures about how Yeshua is going to prepare a place as a bride-groom prepares a house for His bride. The house sounds like the house in Heaven that is described, and it sounds like what I will call a near-far prophecy. It talks about a government that is just and fair as well as all citizens being taught by G-d (as is said about heaven). It was occurring in Israels near future and also the more distant future. Please, read this chapter for yourself.
Anyway, it talks about G-d's promise of peace never being broken and the L-rd having mercy upon her (his people). It is home of the verse that says, "...in that coming day, no weapon turned against you shall succeed..." It also says the Creator will be Israel's Husband. It specifically states, "For a brief moment I abandoned you. But with great compassion I will take you back. In a moment of anger I turned my face a little while, but with everlasting love I will have pity on you, says the L-rd, your Redeemer." verse 7-8.
Does this form of anger or turning away not sound like how guys, and often women, handle disagreements and fights sometimes? I know that in the fights I have had with Brother, Dad, exboyfriend, fiance, and other men (sometimes even with women), the men tend to need to take a moment to walk away. Having been reading many books on male behavior lately to try to understand fiance's point of view so I can better know how to relate and love him, it has been stated again and again that men often need space to think when women often need to be able to talk about issues for hours, often rehashing the same things over and over, until they feel they have thoroughly looked at every nook and cranny of the issues and they feel there is a satisfactory solution to the issue. In the passage above, G-d is taking time to calm down because He loves His people so dearly, but they messed up really badly. It's almost like G-d was showing women that it is okay for men to need space after an argument to process and calm down because that is how He wired them and sometimes that is what He does too. We are made in His image and both genders have different characteristics that mirror His as well. Dealing with arguments seems like it would not be needed to mirror Him, but we obviously do. But G-d uses the metaphor of marriage to show us how deeply He loves us and how greatly He forgives us even after doing horrendous things. His mercies are unfailing. Marriage, much like many things, are simply a tool He uses to give us tangeable ways to see and experience His love more deeply and to understand a fraction of the pains He feels as He watches and supports us through the earthly adventure, desperately desiring us to be back with Him.
Just some thoughts that I had bouncing around my head for weeks now. I told some of these things to my friends over the past couple days and they told me they are worried about how I view marriage. They tell me that marriage is about finding the right person and if I do that, then everything else will just work out. My thought was that divorce rates are high and I think it is because sometimes divorce is understandable, but sometimes people go into the marriage wanting a happily ever after and life isn't necessarily about happily ever after on Earth. Marriage takes work. The Bible says that your own body is not even yours anymore because you were bound with your spouse so women cannot hold out sex all the time because men have that inherent need for it. That is because that is how G-d wired them to be able to feel loved and so that they can have a place that they can let their guards down. Read "for women only." It was very helpful for me. There is one for men ("for men only") and you can get the set ("for couples only"). I bought them on Amazon and it brought up a whole slew of other books that talks about couples and how each spouse should relate to each other from a Biblical or Christian standpoint. There are probably Messianic books too if you are interested.
Don't take my words as stone, this is merely a quick brain dump before I rush off to clinicals because my Messianic devotional ("The Voice of the Lord") reassured me of my theory that I had just gotten discouraged about after telling my friend about it yesterday. She is a believer but did not like this thought, I feel like it was a G-d revelation though. Oh well.
Isaiah 54 paints a picture of the L-rd forgiving Israel after He had divorced her earlier in Isaiah's book of the Bible. This chapter describes Jerusalem as a woman who is currently childless and a widow, but it tells her to prepare to be "bursting at the seams". She is instructed to expand her house and she is promised a house made of saphires and gems. To me, this chapter sounds like a prophecy. It talks about her being protected in the land they are about to go into (so it is a prophecy that was taking place in their near future) but it also talks about things that are mirrored in Revelation and the other scriptures about how Yeshua is going to prepare a place as a bride-groom prepares a house for His bride. The house sounds like the house in Heaven that is described, and it sounds like what I will call a near-far prophecy. It talks about a government that is just and fair as well as all citizens being taught by G-d (as is said about heaven). It was occurring in Israels near future and also the more distant future. Please, read this chapter for yourself.
Anyway, it talks about G-d's promise of peace never being broken and the L-rd having mercy upon her (his people). It is home of the verse that says, "...in that coming day, no weapon turned against you shall succeed..." It also says the Creator will be Israel's Husband. It specifically states, "For a brief moment I abandoned you. But with great compassion I will take you back. In a moment of anger I turned my face a little while, but with everlasting love I will have pity on you, says the L-rd, your Redeemer." verse 7-8.
Does this form of anger or turning away not sound like how guys, and often women, handle disagreements and fights sometimes? I know that in the fights I have had with Brother, Dad, exboyfriend, fiance, and other men (sometimes even with women), the men tend to need to take a moment to walk away. Having been reading many books on male behavior lately to try to understand fiance's point of view so I can better know how to relate and love him, it has been stated again and again that men often need space to think when women often need to be able to talk about issues for hours, often rehashing the same things over and over, until they feel they have thoroughly looked at every nook and cranny of the issues and they feel there is a satisfactory solution to the issue. In the passage above, G-d is taking time to calm down because He loves His people so dearly, but they messed up really badly. It's almost like G-d was showing women that it is okay for men to need space after an argument to process and calm down because that is how He wired them and sometimes that is what He does too. We are made in His image and both genders have different characteristics that mirror His as well. Dealing with arguments seems like it would not be needed to mirror Him, but we obviously do. But G-d uses the metaphor of marriage to show us how deeply He loves us and how greatly He forgives us even after doing horrendous things. His mercies are unfailing. Marriage, much like many things, are simply a tool He uses to give us tangeable ways to see and experience His love more deeply and to understand a fraction of the pains He feels as He watches and supports us through the earthly adventure, desperately desiring us to be back with Him.
Just some thoughts that I had bouncing around my head for weeks now. I told some of these things to my friends over the past couple days and they told me they are worried about how I view marriage. They tell me that marriage is about finding the right person and if I do that, then everything else will just work out. My thought was that divorce rates are high and I think it is because sometimes divorce is understandable, but sometimes people go into the marriage wanting a happily ever after and life isn't necessarily about happily ever after on Earth. Marriage takes work. The Bible says that your own body is not even yours anymore because you were bound with your spouse so women cannot hold out sex all the time because men have that inherent need for it. That is because that is how G-d wired them to be able to feel loved and so that they can have a place that they can let their guards down. Read "for women only." It was very helpful for me. There is one for men ("for men only") and you can get the set ("for couples only"). I bought them on Amazon and it brought up a whole slew of other books that talks about couples and how each spouse should relate to each other from a Biblical or Christian standpoint. There are probably Messianic books too if you are interested.
Don't take my words as stone, this is merely a quick brain dump before I rush off to clinicals because my Messianic devotional ("The Voice of the Lord") reassured me of my theory that I had just gotten discouraged about after telling my friend about it yesterday. She is a believer but did not like this thought, I feel like it was a G-d revelation though. Oh well.
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