I got to go to work last night! On top of that, I got a bunch of baby snuggles, got to see how nursing work is done for time-change, AND I got to watch a vaginal twin birth and the second kid was a footling breech!
Guys, let's talk about that again...
An OB/GYN delivered a footling breech baby!!! AND I got to see it!!!
I went into work, with the charge offering me two babies that had been with us for awhile. I asked one of the girls who was on admissions if she wanted to go to the birth, because I had heard the mama was going to a vaginal delivery. The girl said I could go because she doesn't like deliveries!!!
Oh what a wonderful day. The poor girls that were there all night had to work 13 hours. We had two 0100 columns in our charting system due to time change. I would be perfectly okay if we did away with the irritating daylight savings' time changes. Goodness, babies don't understand why we're holding off food from them for an extra 30 minutes for two "random" feedings. They can't be talked to and reasoned with as to why we are making them wait and why they are hungry. So many of the babies were hungry and crying because we had them wait. Poor kids.
Ah well, I think I may have passed out from exhaustion if I had to work the full 13 hours. Praise the L-rd for helping me in unexpected ways!
Oh, and on top of that, I learned that I wasn't supposed to get floated the other day. I'm not supposed to get floated until I've been working for at least 6 months. So maybe the practices of this particular charge nurse will get questioned so that an investigation into the hazing of newbies can be started... If not, I'll survive. Whatever, now I know I'm not supposed to go by myself. Cross-training is one thing, but to be sent by myself is another.
Showing posts with label daylight savings time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daylight savings time. Show all posts
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
Daylight Savings, Again
Stupid Daylight Savings Day was trying to throw me off. Too bad for it, I'm exhausted from my battles with insomnia, flashbacks, and anger. Ha! You can go try to mess with someone else Daylight Savings.
Next week is spring break. This week was not supposed to have much going on for school.
Roomie's boyfriend is coming into town for a week... tonight. She should be back any moment from the airport with him. I don't handle strangers well. I handle strangers in my place of residence even more poorly. I'll probably go up to visit my parents for a couple days this week. I guess we'll see because Dad is upset with me again.
I "ditched" class today because we had a guest speaker and my brain is in no way prepared to be able to learn anything because my sleeping is getting worse, my nightmares and flashbacks are getting worse, and my attention span is shorter than it's ever been. I have no mental faculties. I was getting better but last weeks fiascoes set me back about 2 months of progress and put me back even farther than I was when I had not even begun counseling yet.
I was told that a friend admires my ability to blow life stressors off. Well, y'all know the truth about my thoughts, I just don't keep harping on things when around her so as to not stress her out or bore her to death. It's also probably not healthy that I blow everything off. My counselor tells me I'm really good at dissociation which is a fancy way of saying that I get into auto pilot when I become stressed because I no longer have any ability to deal with stress. I've been maxed out for my little brain's threshold of bad things happening so any type of stress shuts ME off and I don't know where I go, but I'm not in my right mind.
I asked my friend what she meant by saying that blowing things off was a good thing. She said she wished she could do it because she feels like she becomes too emotional. Well, I don't have emotions anymore. Honestly, it's a good day if I can start crying when I become overwhelmed instead of going about life numb. She doesn't understand but I decided to take it as a compliment and know in my brain how dangerous her comment was. She meant it as a good thing, but I know that it is because I'm sick and my brain is messed up. That'll be our secret. Yes, this friend knows about what happened with the guys and she knows I'm seeing a counselor. However, those who do not live this life do not have any way of understanding the struggles and dangers I'm facing.
Counseling is tomorrow. I'm going back numb. Counselor is going to say that it's normal to go back in steps. She's going to tell me it's okay and that I'm getting out of the numbness and other steps faster than I have before. I'm still frustrated that I had to go back. I am frustrated that I'll never be okay, I'll never be fixed.
Lately I keep noticing couples around me. I know that I'm not ready for a relationship. I know that the last two ended horribly and I'm now messed up for the rest of my life because of them. However, I'm getting discouraged because all I wanted was a prospect of a future with a possible husband and potential children. Lately my future looks bleak. I know these are negative self-thoughts and I'm supposed to work away from these. I've gotten tools to try to help me fight these bad thoughts. However, they seem totally rational and understandable to me. I know they are negative, but they feel so real. Who is anyone to tell me that my life will have a happy ending? Who's to say that there will be some guy, someday, that will treat me with respect and forgive me for my checkered past? I'm pretty certain I wouldn't believe it if an angel of the Almighty were to come to me and show me a vision of a happy future for my life with a great guy and children. I just don't believe it and it's okay. I don't want to be told otherwise. My brain will cycle through and eventually have hope for a short amount of time, but for right now my brain is angry and hurt and overwhelmed with negativity.
Next week is spring break. This week was not supposed to have much going on for school.
Roomie's boyfriend is coming into town for a week... tonight. She should be back any moment from the airport with him. I don't handle strangers well. I handle strangers in my place of residence even more poorly. I'll probably go up to visit my parents for a couple days this week. I guess we'll see because Dad is upset with me again.
I "ditched" class today because we had a guest speaker and my brain is in no way prepared to be able to learn anything because my sleeping is getting worse, my nightmares and flashbacks are getting worse, and my attention span is shorter than it's ever been. I have no mental faculties. I was getting better but last weeks fiascoes set me back about 2 months of progress and put me back even farther than I was when I had not even begun counseling yet.
I was told that a friend admires my ability to blow life stressors off. Well, y'all know the truth about my thoughts, I just don't keep harping on things when around her so as to not stress her out or bore her to death. It's also probably not healthy that I blow everything off. My counselor tells me I'm really good at dissociation which is a fancy way of saying that I get into auto pilot when I become stressed because I no longer have any ability to deal with stress. I've been maxed out for my little brain's threshold of bad things happening so any type of stress shuts ME off and I don't know where I go, but I'm not in my right mind.
I asked my friend what she meant by saying that blowing things off was a good thing. She said she wished she could do it because she feels like she becomes too emotional. Well, I don't have emotions anymore. Honestly, it's a good day if I can start crying when I become overwhelmed instead of going about life numb. She doesn't understand but I decided to take it as a compliment and know in my brain how dangerous her comment was. She meant it as a good thing, but I know that it is because I'm sick and my brain is messed up. That'll be our secret. Yes, this friend knows about what happened with the guys and she knows I'm seeing a counselor. However, those who do not live this life do not have any way of understanding the struggles and dangers I'm facing.
Counseling is tomorrow. I'm going back numb. Counselor is going to say that it's normal to go back in steps. She's going to tell me it's okay and that I'm getting out of the numbness and other steps faster than I have before. I'm still frustrated that I had to go back. I am frustrated that I'll never be okay, I'll never be fixed.
Lately I keep noticing couples around me. I know that I'm not ready for a relationship. I know that the last two ended horribly and I'm now messed up for the rest of my life because of them. However, I'm getting discouraged because all I wanted was a prospect of a future with a possible husband and potential children. Lately my future looks bleak. I know these are negative self-thoughts and I'm supposed to work away from these. I've gotten tools to try to help me fight these bad thoughts. However, they seem totally rational and understandable to me. I know they are negative, but they feel so real. Who is anyone to tell me that my life will have a happy ending? Who's to say that there will be some guy, someday, that will treat me with respect and forgive me for my checkered past? I'm pretty certain I wouldn't believe it if an angel of the Almighty were to come to me and show me a vision of a happy future for my life with a great guy and children. I just don't believe it and it's okay. I don't want to be told otherwise. My brain will cycle through and eventually have hope for a short amount of time, but for right now my brain is angry and hurt and overwhelmed with negativity.
Monday, March 11, 2013
It's Simple Really
Walking back from chem today, I started thinking to myself about anatomy and how simple it really is, as long as you have someone making the information understandable and relatable. Nearly everything in life is simple, once you break it down. Mountains are just rocks, the ocean is kinda just a HUGE lake, college is school (of coarse). Dating is hanging out with a friend, getting to know them better. It's also like an extended interview to see if you would want to live with that person, attached in a covenant for the rest of your lives. Marriage is simply the before mentioned covenant and an extended sleep-over. Babysitting is playing house... with real live kids. "Liking" someone is the initial stage of dating, obviously. And I'm sure you can come up with more examples that are way better. Life is simple.
When life begins to get complicated is when we insert ourselves, our feelings, our desires and our pasts into the basic plan of life and the related events. As we step into a new phase of life, we often begin to over-think or under-think. We may be unable to let go of our past while others forget about their past and live the same events over and over. Sometimes we are scared of what is up ahead so we take a detour and remain in our same location. Others of us take all the leaps they can and may be better or worse for the wear. It all depends on who you are as a person. Personally speaking, I am an over-thinker, unable to let go of my past who takes the detours to remain in my present state (most of the time) all because of fear. Sometimes I do under-think, take leaps and forget my past so I relive some troubles. Do I regret this? No. No matter what, G-d brings me through the obstacles, the seasons of learning and the foolish mistakes I make. Because of these things, who I am most of the time and who I am when I try spontaneity (btw, it's not a good look on me), G-d uses it all to mold me into who He needs me to be. I am grateful that the past is behind me and that my future is ahead. I am even more thankful that G-d is in my past, He is with me now, and He will be always beside me in the future. Because of Him, my life is relatively simple... until I insert myself into the life events without taking a second glance at what He would like me to do.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful I did not fall asleep during chem today, I nearly did because I went to bed at 1 a.m. only to get up a 8 a.m. This daylight savings time deal is really handy for letting me have a quiet day at work, but when it comes to my motivation after being so sleep deprived, I'm not a fan. I am thankful for my family who called me last night. I love talking to them and it is so nice to be reminded that they are thinking of me as I think of them. Last night, I talked with my dad (because everyone else was asleep by then) and it was so good to hear his voice. I am such a daddy's girl. (The song All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood is quite similar to my life. So is Who I Am by Jessica Andrews.)
Random Sidebar: It's the strangest thing, but my guy friends keep talking about their kids and getting married. I am still at a point in my life where I cannot even comprehend the fact that I no longer live with my parents, but the guys are planning how many kids, what genders they want when, thinking about their wife during pregnancy, etc. I am just dumbfounded by their complete honesty and the level of thought they have put into their future families. I am also astounded by the fact that they would share these things with me. I have had dreams of being pregnant, but they usually come after watching my midwifery documentaries. Man, if only I had that contraction machine so I could watch them go through labor... maybe then they would not be planning to have 6 children without having talked with their future wives first. Gosh, that little rant turned weird quickly...
When life begins to get complicated is when we insert ourselves, our feelings, our desires and our pasts into the basic plan of life and the related events. As we step into a new phase of life, we often begin to over-think or under-think. We may be unable to let go of our past while others forget about their past and live the same events over and over. Sometimes we are scared of what is up ahead so we take a detour and remain in our same location. Others of us take all the leaps they can and may be better or worse for the wear. It all depends on who you are as a person. Personally speaking, I am an over-thinker, unable to let go of my past who takes the detours to remain in my present state (most of the time) all because of fear. Sometimes I do under-think, take leaps and forget my past so I relive some troubles. Do I regret this? No. No matter what, G-d brings me through the obstacles, the seasons of learning and the foolish mistakes I make. Because of these things, who I am most of the time and who I am when I try spontaneity (btw, it's not a good look on me), G-d uses it all to mold me into who He needs me to be. I am grateful that the past is behind me and that my future is ahead. I am even more thankful that G-d is in my past, He is with me now, and He will be always beside me in the future. Because of Him, my life is relatively simple... until I insert myself into the life events without taking a second glance at what He would like me to do.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am thankful I did not fall asleep during chem today, I nearly did because I went to bed at 1 a.m. only to get up a 8 a.m. This daylight savings time deal is really handy for letting me have a quiet day at work, but when it comes to my motivation after being so sleep deprived, I'm not a fan. I am thankful for my family who called me last night. I love talking to them and it is so nice to be reminded that they are thinking of me as I think of them. Last night, I talked with my dad (because everyone else was asleep by then) and it was so good to hear his voice. I am such a daddy's girl. (The song All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood is quite similar to my life. So is Who I Am by Jessica Andrews.)
Random Sidebar: It's the strangest thing, but my guy friends keep talking about their kids and getting married. I am still at a point in my life where I cannot even comprehend the fact that I no longer live with my parents, but the guys are planning how many kids, what genders they want when, thinking about their wife during pregnancy, etc. I am just dumbfounded by their complete honesty and the level of thought they have put into their future families. I am also astounded by the fact that they would share these things with me. I have had dreams of being pregnant, but they usually come after watching my midwifery documentaries. Man, if only I had that contraction machine so I could watch them go through labor... maybe then they would not be planning to have 6 children without having talked with their future wives first. Gosh, that little rant turned weird quickly...
Daylight Savings Time
The fact that an hour is gained in the fall because of daylight savings time is great! Don't you love that extra hour of sleep you get when part way through the beginning of a school year? The beauty of everyone on time, or even early, and actually awake at Sunday morning church was so delightful. Then, when we forget all about the hour we gained in the fall, it is snatched away from us in the spring. Just as light begins to appear as I am arriving at work (at 6:30 in the morning), someone decides to go and take that beauty away from me to give me another hour of cold, darkness in the morning. There is one upside to this however, whether working in an elderly care facility or in childcare, those you are taking care of will be so sleepy they sleep ALL day!!! Ya, I had a great day because everyone was asleep, or so sleepy they didn't want to do anything but sit and listen to music. Ah, the serenity caused by something that seems to only take sleep away from me. I loved it!
On the school scene: I spend a solid 4-5 hours in the library with my friend studying for anatomy. Guys, I finally think I am beginning to understand this stuff! I am so glad I went to study with her because she actually explained things to me so I could learn, remember and understand the material. Who knew anatomy could be understood? Anyway, I am praying for good grades on these next two tests. That's right, two anatomy tests in one day. Lovely. Then, the day after that, I take a psych test that I will be nowhere near ready for because I am studying for anatomy. Oh well, I believe G-d will provide a way for me to get good grades, or at least the grades He wants for me.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am very thankful for the amazing day at work today. I actually feel like I am beginning to be slightly competent as a CNA. I am also very glad for the daylight savings time drowsiness that kept all of the residents calm today. I am thankful for my friends, my true friends, that I have made. It is crazy that I have been so close to them in space, but never gotten to know them until I moved out on my own. G-d has blessed me incredibly. Also, I am thankful for my new friend who has taught me anatomy for my upcoming tests. While it is still a work in progress, she is helping me to slowly work through the information instead of putting it all aside while I freak out in a corner (yes, I do this). G-d is allowing me to not stress about the things that normally have me worried sick.
Blessed is the L-rd who provides all things as He see's fit.
On the school scene: I spend a solid 4-5 hours in the library with my friend studying for anatomy. Guys, I finally think I am beginning to understand this stuff! I am so glad I went to study with her because she actually explained things to me so I could learn, remember and understand the material. Who knew anatomy could be understood? Anyway, I am praying for good grades on these next two tests. That's right, two anatomy tests in one day. Lovely. Then, the day after that, I take a psych test that I will be nowhere near ready for because I am studying for anatomy. Oh well, I believe G-d will provide a way for me to get good grades, or at least the grades He wants for me.
Daily Thanksgiving: I am very thankful for the amazing day at work today. I actually feel like I am beginning to be slightly competent as a CNA. I am also very glad for the daylight savings time drowsiness that kept all of the residents calm today. I am thankful for my friends, my true friends, that I have made. It is crazy that I have been so close to them in space, but never gotten to know them until I moved out on my own. G-d has blessed me incredibly. Also, I am thankful for my new friend who has taught me anatomy for my upcoming tests. While it is still a work in progress, she is helping me to slowly work through the information instead of putting it all aside while I freak out in a corner (yes, I do this). G-d is allowing me to not stress about the things that normally have me worried sick.
Blessed is the L-rd who provides all things as He see's fit.
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