Sippin' Sweet Tea

Just sittin' here sippin' some home-made sweet tea wishing the sugar hadn't settled to the bottom (I'm drinking the last bit of it and boy howdie! It is far too sweet for me.) I took my lab practical and final chapter exam Wednesday and I take my comprehensive final today.

Chapter Exam: 72% after adjustments
Lab Practical: 88% (I'm really pleased with this score because I was sure I hadn't done very well)
Comprehensive Final: I will update you later

I am having huge troubles studying though! 1) I have never taken a true comprehensive final before. My teacher says she gives the same final every semester to see how she is doing with teaching, but I heard it is ridiculously hard. Like, harder than her other tests. Plus, I heard this from some of the smartest people in our class who had to take it early because they have lives this summer. 2) I calculated the minimum score I need to pass the class. It's a 0. So, if I wanted to pass with a C and not worry about it anymore, then I could just skip this silly test. 3) I calculated what I need to pass with a B. That's only 30/120 points. This was probably a really bad thing to do because I have not been studying well all day. Knowing that an A is impossible and passing is a sure-thing, I have given up my fight with this class. I just don't care. That's not totally true. I do care, but I'm one of those people that will give up trying so hard for something if the outcome is so certain (as is the case here). I kinda wish I wasn't like this, but I wish that I would have done a million things differently this summer instead so that my A could have been earned, even if I did have to fight really hard for it. At least then I would know that I did my best. I think that's what bugs me about not getting A's. It's the fact that there is a score reminding me that I did not live up to my expectations or goals, especially when I only had this one class to take!

C'est la vie, eh?

On the bright side, my mom is here at our apartment and she brought... my Punkin! (Yes, I know I technically spelled that wrong, but that's how I pronounce it). It's my dog. The sweet, miracle of a dog G-d blessed me with in the 6th grade who embodies the entirety of a 6-8 page journal prayer. I still have the prayer too. She is my baby and I have missed her so much! When I come home, or when she gets to see me after being apart for a long time, she is so happy that she does this little wriggle thing and starts whining. The whining is super weird for her because she never whines or barks, unless there is an intruder or some kind of danger or when she sees me, I guess.

Work went really well yesterday. I worked with my favorite CNA and my favorite LPN last night. Both of them are trying to set me up with the LPN's brother. Good news there: he's not moving here anymore. He is on the army reserve and could not get transferred to this state from his home state so now I don't really have to worry about this fictional relationship suddenly coming to life. They are still quite convinced we'll find each other in some romantic, serendipitous way and he'll bring me home to meet his family where I will find the LPN welcoming me to the family with open arms. Me: ya, that's not gonna happen. But, I kept up with the girl who works that floor every night and I even had harder people. Well, normally they are harder, but everyone was completely exhausted last night. Normally, some people will stay up until 10 or 11 p.m. Everyone was in bed by 8:30... It was beautiful!

More to come tonight if I can remember. Daily Thanksgiving will likely be done then too. Hey, are y'all trying the thanksgiving thing? You know, everyday you find something new to be thankful to G-d for, even silly stuff like no traffic jam or sleepy residents. It can change your life and prevent the psychology thing of one wrong thing making you think of everything else that went bad that day. Just try it, it's good stuff.

Off to take a shower, get ready for my comprehensive final and then... NO MORE MICROBIOLOGY!!! Plus, shopping with my mom. Yay!

This May Be a Book

No, I'm not writing a book on purpose, but this post may be really long because I have had so much going on lately so I will write a shorter version and expound below for those who would rather not read my latest novel...

1) I got an apartment in an interesting complex because of my new/previous neighbors... It's good though.

2) Work is getting better.

3) My brother finally got into my university so he will be moving down with me.

4) My mom wants to move me in on Sunday, but I will be working until 3 so I don't know how that will go.

5) I was going to go see my kids (the children I babysit), but the little boy got sick. I really wanted to see them, but I'm behind in school so maybe G-d just wanted me to stay home a study a little more today.

6) Another boy asked me out...

Explainations:

1) Now, apartment shopping did not go as planned. My mom followed me down to the town my university is in (about an hour - an hour and a half drive) so that we could go look at some apartments in hopes of signing a lease and getting moved in soon. We went to one complex I had seen online and she did not like it at all. So then I took her to another complex that I really liked, she didn't. So, we went driving and exploring and found a few more. One was way too expensive and the other she loved. Turns out that the one she really likes is the one that my guy friends are moving into also! This is good because I will have them and my brother in case anything ever happens. This may not be so good because I am now in nursing school and the guys all like to hang out a lot. I have no time. Since time is such a difficult thing for me to come by, but they seem to have loads of time on their hands, I end up feeling like a bad guy for having to say no all the time because they don't like being told that I cannot do anything ever because I am bound and determined to get really good grades and become a nurse at some point, hopefully in the near future. Only G-d knows how this will end up working out. Until then, I am just relieved I got an apartment.


Since I explained that, let's talk about how nice it is! It feels really small. It's only 900-somethin' square feet, but it's better than the ones I had originally liked. It comes with a washer and dryer for no additional cost... inside of the apartment! So, I will not have to use laundry facilities because I have it in my apartment. My brother and I both have our own rooms and our own bathrooms. This will be so nice for getting ready in the morning because we will be riding together each day to save money on parking passes. We have a fireplace and a porch. We have a kitchen with plenty of counter space for making challah. Our dining room area is a lot bigger than I had expected and the living room is a decent size. So, even though it feels small now, once we put our furniture in, it will likely start to feel homier and it will be very good. Plus, it's on the second (top) floor. It is on the corner of a building and it's the very last building of the complex. So, we have tons of parking, no one banging on the floor above us, only one person directly next to us, and we have a view of the mountains. Praise the L-rd! He answered all of my requests in addition to providing me an apartment and money to pay the rent! It would have been sufficient to just let us have an apartment that I can afford, but He threw in all the things I wanted and lots of things I didn't even now I wanted!

2) Do y'all remember how miserable I used to be at work? Did I ever tell you about it? That was more of a rhetorical question because I can't remember and I'm talking to myself and then writing it down... Anywho, I used to hate work because I am slow, never know what I'm doing, and I felt like a failure most of the time because I would make the other CNA's get behind. Plus, I don't ever really feel like anyone likes me, so that played into my dislike of work a lot too. For the past month or so, however, I have been working a little more than full time hours and I have been making lots of money for my apartment. Since I'm working so much, I am getting a little faster and I made friends! I think they may actually agree that we are friends too because I'm not always the one to instigate the conversations, they come and talk to me just to see how life is really going. Then, they even share their life happenings, many of which are hard and require trust in order to tell me their situations.  So, I now don't mind work so much and I don't feel like a failure at work as often! This may sound odd, but it's good news.

3) He found out yesterday! I was wondering if he would actually get in because it is so close to the time when I need to move down there and he needs to get classes and he wasn't sure if he would be able to come with me. But, right after we signed the lease and he went back up to our hometown (he came down with my mom yesterday to look at apartments), he called the school and they told him he got in! Now I don't have to find a new roommate and I will get to live with my best friend, my brother. He drives me nuts, we drive each other nuts, but we also know how to live to together and we are actually pretty good together. Plus, it will be safer living with him than it would be if I were to live with another girl.

4) This is just a case of my parents loving me so much that they want to rush me into my apartment so that I don't have to drive an hour and a half both ways every day while I live at home. I left my friends house for a little while because I am homesick and I did something very stupid which is still a sore subject. I will tell you guys all about it another day though, once the sting has worn off. So, hopefully I can find a replacement for Sunday so that I don't have to miss moving into my apartment and so that my family doesn't have to do it all themselves because that's not fair for them!

5) This one is self-explanatory really. I haven't seen these kids in a really long time, since my birthday in the beginning of April actually, so I was going to go see them today. Unfortunately, the little boy puked, so his mom texted me and told me I could come if I wanted to, but she would understand if I didn't want to. I think this is actually a blessing in disguise. I feel so bad that he is not feeling well, especially because he is a toddler and toddlers do not take illness well. On the other hand, it is really good because I was stressing out about school because I am a bit behind of where I should be right now. So, now I will get caught up and I can go see them another time real soon. We may even be able to go to the pool instead of me having to leave early from the visit because I have to go to school the same day.

6) Now, this totally blindsided me and it's kind of a long story so hang with me. The girl I was staying with lives in a forest in the town I go to university in. There was a fire near her house and her and her mom were evacuated from their house which means I got evacuated too. We went and stayed at their friends house. At this house, the son had the whole basement to himself. He has a little living room with couches, a bathroom and his bed. So the three of us crashed in his basement while he went and stayed at his grandparents house because they were out of town anyway. I stayed there 4 days without ever meeting him, even though I was sleeping in his bed, using his bathroom, and getting to know his mom. He would come over for dinner every day, but I was working late and he always left before I arrived at his house so our paths never crossed. One day, I didn't have to work late so I actually ate dinner with them. We were all sitting in the living room eating because we were glued to the t.v. and all of a sudden they lifted the evacuation zone so that we could get back in! He and his friend (who also lives at their house) came with us to help us move back in and to make sure everything was safe. Then he texted my friend and asked her for my number. That was such a surprise. I thought he was cute, but since I'm refusing to date my other guy friend, I knew nothing could happen. Plus, I was certain that he did not like me back because I am just not the kind of girl guys typically ask out randomly. So she told me the whole situation, asked if she could give him my number and then he started texting me. We had only talked for a couple hours while we were waiting for the barricades to be lifted and I was so shocked when she told me the whole story.

So, he and I started texting for a couple days, just getting to know each other. He asked if I had a boyfriend and also asked what I look for in a guy. Haha, this poor kid doesn't know me at all! I kept it friendly and told him I don't know what I look for in a guy because I'm waiting for G-d to show me who I'm supposed to be with. Then he asked my friend and I to the movies with him and his friend. I declined because us girls do not have free time and we are not looking to date. He kept it friendly for a couple more days, then he asked me to dinner. Ahhhhhh! I don't know what to do with that. I've never been on a real date and that sounds like it's pretty close to a real date. I told him I couldn't but offered to go to coffee instead. He accepted and we talked for a solid hour and a half, but it only felt like 10 minutes.

I have yet to tell him that I'm not looking to get a boyfriend and I don't think he will like my boundaries if we ever were anything more than friends because we have very different morals. Those differences though will probably keep me from allowing this to become more than friends though.

But, he like muddin', hunting, fishing, working on engines, racing, and so many other things that I find so much fun! He is very masculine with dark hair, dark eyes, a souped up truck, and he is kind of a country boy that is stuck living in the city. He wants to be an EMT but he already has an Associate's degree in diesel mechanics and he is really smart. I have a think for country boys with souped up trucks and dark eyes... This doesn't seem like it can work though because he is Catholic, which is good because he is a believer, but our beliefs are very different. So, maybe G-d wants us to get married down the road, but for right now it seems like I am getting a "no-go" from the L-rd as far as dating is concerned.

After we went to coffee though, he hasn't texted me. It's been two days... I always wondered why it was such a big deal of who texts first after a "date" (I don't really consider this coffee meeting an actual date). I'm starting to understand it a little more though. If I text him, then I am not sure if he really likes me or not. If he texts me, then he may think that I am not interested in putting in the effort to text him. In my opinion, the guy should be in control. He should text/call first after a date. He needs to show the girl that he is interested in her and she has to be responsible to tell the guy that she is/isn't interested in furthering the relationship with him. I'm super traditional and old-fashioned though.

So, I am flattered that he thought I was cute and worth while because I still see myself as the chubby kid in class that thought she was ugly because she always hung out with really pretty girls who got asked out (since first or second grade on). Also, he thought I was attractive when I thought he was attractive too. I had a little crush on him from the time he went home that night from helping us back in all through work the next day but I doubted that anything would come of it because I was a mess, I said stupid things, and I'm not one of those pretty girls that guys usually ask out. I know that I am beautifully made, and very intricately designed, but I have a hard time believing that guys thing I'm pretty. This boy told my friend he thought I was gorgeous. That's a flat out lie and probably a line to get her to give him my number. Whatever, I had a small dose of confidence for a few days, especially since he said I was gorgeous even though my hair was up and a total wreck, my face was breaking out, and I was stressed because of work, school, and being homeless from the evacuation (their house is fine, I just felt homeless because I was displaced from living with my friend and it felt like I was living out of my car).

Now, I also feel guilty for even going to coffee with this guy because I have another guy that has a thing for me. I was not made for anything like this, I am not used to it, and I do not know how people even try to date two people at one time. I'm not even dating either one of them but I feels like I am in two separate relationships.

End of story for now.

Super Great Day

For being a sunday, and having to work, I had a great day! Y'all got me up to 500 views, I had a great CNA teacher/partner today, and I felt like I knew what I was doing. So, today was a good day.

The LPN was so stinkin' sweet. She is always asking if I'm doing alright and if everything is going well. Then the float CNA was kind enough to sit down and start talking to me. My partner was very nice and told me a bunch of tricks to help with the floor I was on and she even thanked me at the end of the night. I know that's not because she was really thankful that I was there, but she was just being polite and kind. After working for four months here with CNA's that have been here close to three decades, I have come to expect rudeness, yelling, and embarrassment. Not today though! Today, I was feeling like I knew what was going on, for the most part, and the LPN and CNA's were so sweet I can't even begin to describe how nice it is. Regardless of how fantastic my day was, I'm still beyond exhausted.

Tonight I get to finish my paper, and turn it in, for English... I love my teacher, but I still HATE writing papers. It's just not my forte and I don't understand what makes good writing. I also don't understand how I get a good grade on one paper and not on others. What makes the writing worth an A?

Daily Thanksgiving: I had a great day at work, I have amazing nursing staff to work with, and I am done with work for the week. Also, I am very glad that I only have a small section of my paper to finish writing instead of half of it. Finally, I got a B on my anatomy practical (I can't remember if I said that in a past post or not) and I got a 19/20 on my take-home chem quiz. Now we just have to wait and see how I did on my other tests...

Praise the L-rd for a good, safe day!!!

Super Great Day

First of all, my guy friend that I have a thing for, and he has a thing for me (recently verified by himself) got disclosed yesterday. Super scary, but so cute. He looked so nervous you don't even know, but it was adorable! He said he didn't care what happened either way, if I liked him back or not because he knew of my past and how bad it hurts me when guy friends ask me out and then stop talking to me when I don't reciprocate. So he went on to say that nothing would change if I didn't "feel" the same way about him. Then he said that he kinda sorta likes me... a lot. (He said it just like that.) But he was so nervous and anxious and scared. Then, being the awkward person I am, I gave him a hug and changed the subject... I know! He must have been dying inside. Not to worry though, he had the courage to bring it up once, so he just brought it up again later that night. That's when I told him that I'm diggin' him too, but I'm just not ready to date yet. So, we are now in a pre-dating phase that I had no idea existed, but there is so much about people I had no clue about. Science and algebra are my niche, people are way too far outside of my line of understanding. Even science is starting to become more difficult (A&P) and so my world is slipping away!

Today, I had an awesome day at work! I was paired with a CNA that is notorious for being super rude and mean to new girls, but I had no problem with her. I also cut the time I take to give someone a shower in half from 30 mins to 15 mins! I toiletted almost as many people as her and we were two hours ahead so I got to color with my residents while we were waiting for the next group of CNA's to come in. Plus, my LPN was so ridiculously sweet today and the CNA on the adjoining floor kept asking if I was okay and if I needed help. I am starting to make friends! Likely it is out of pity right now, but that's cool because someday I will be able to help new girls get on their feet in this very difficult job atmosphere.

Daily Thanksgiving: G-d blessed me with an amazing day at work when I was expecting a really rough day. I was paired with a sweet LPN and the CNA was gracious to me. No more stressing about this relationship with my guy friend, for right now anyway, because he had the courage to come out and ask me about it. He asked me even though he knows I hate talking about "feelings" and mushy, gross, heart stuff (not the anatomy heart, because anatomy and cadavers I can do, ironically enough). We were ahead at work and I get to go sleep. Also, I just got back from a very productive 2.5 hour study session with a good friend of mine, who just happens to have the same schedule as me (except for a lab because I change mine, but I didn't know her when I made my schedule, it's crazy). Anyway, she is a great teacher and we are praying that we do well on our crazy amount of tests and other huge assignments that we have this week. Oh, and she is thinking about moving in with me next year!!! So many good things going on.

My cup runneth over...

My heart is super happy...

Daylight Savings Time

The fact that an hour is gained in the fall because of daylight savings time is great! Don't you love that extra hour of sleep you get when part way through the beginning of a school year? The beauty of everyone on time, or even early, and actually awake at Sunday morning church was so delightful. Then, when we forget all about the hour we gained in the fall, it is snatched away from us in the spring. Just as light begins to appear as I am arriving at work (at 6:30 in the morning), someone decides to go and take that beauty away from me to give me another hour of cold, darkness in the morning. There is one upside to this however, whether working in an elderly care facility or in childcare, those you are taking care of will be so sleepy they sleep ALL day!!! Ya, I had a great day because everyone was asleep, or so sleepy they didn't want to do anything but sit and listen to music. Ah, the serenity caused by something that seems to only take sleep away from me. I loved it!

On the school scene: I spend a solid 4-5 hours in the library with my friend studying for anatomy. Guys, I finally think I am beginning to understand this stuff! I am so glad I went to study with her because she actually explained things to me so I could learn, remember and understand the material. Who knew anatomy could be understood? Anyway, I am praying for good grades on these next two tests. That's right, two anatomy tests in one day. Lovely. Then, the day after that, I take a psych test that I will be nowhere near ready for because I am studying for anatomy. Oh well, I believe G-d will provide a way for me to get good grades, or at least the grades He wants for me.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am very thankful for the amazing day at work today. I actually feel like I am beginning to be slightly competent as a CNA. I am also very glad for the daylight savings time drowsiness that kept all of the residents calm today. I am thankful for my friends, my true friends, that I have made. It is crazy that I have been so close to them in space, but never gotten to know them until I moved out on my own. G-d has blessed me incredibly. Also, I am thankful for my new friend who has taught me anatomy for my upcoming tests. While it is still a work in progress, she is helping me to slowly work through the information instead of putting it all aside while I freak out in a corner (yes, I do this). G-d is allowing me to not stress about the things that normally have me worried sick.

Blessed is the L-rd who provides all things as He see's fit.

Wonderful Work Day! Who knew it could be fun?

Oh man, I had the best day yesterday! I was behind, and I am still super green. Plus I always feel so bad for the people that have to work with me because I get so behind, but I got to work with my favorite CNA yesterday! She used to be a biology teacher, but now she is a CNA while she goes back to school for nursing. This lady is a true blessing. She lets me learn on my own and she explains all the tricks and tips she has picked up over the years from working there. Most CNA's just do everything for you when you are new, that is really not good because then you don't get to develop your own rhythm and method for everything. So even though I had a tough day and I got us an hour behind, I learned so much and really enjoyed my day at work. That's a first, normally I go home exhausted and on the verge of breaking down. It gets so bad, I often wonder what I was thinking becoming a CNA and I want to quit even though I have only been there a month. It's a really hard, demanding job, but it is one that is truly satisfying. Plus, I have the best "work mama" (that's what I call this amazing CNA) a new CNA could ask for, she has truly taken me under her wing and is so very gracious to me in this learning experience.

So, my thanksgiving today is that G-d allowed me to meet my new work mama. She makes me not be so homesick, she makes work enjoyable and I just can't say enough about how great she is. I am truly blessed to have such incredible people that G-d puts into my life!

AHHHHHHHH!

 Today was NUTS at work. We had a digger, who also fell. First she dug out the solid contents of her disposable undergarments, then decided to have a little art session. Then, she somehow ended up on the floor from her wheelchair. Another lady, also in a wheelchair, would not stand up when she asked to use the bathroom, so she decided to sit on the floor also. The second lady did not fall, and we are not entirely sure if the first patient fell for sure. But it was crazy. Both incidences happened withing ten minutes of each other. Plus, I was the only CNA on the unit because we only have 2 CNA's per unit (max of 16 patients per floor) and I am brand-new. Now, I am not a crier, especially in front of others, but I almost lost it at work. But folks, we have the sweetest RN's and LPN's ever. They have made it so that I can survive work because work turns into a battle field when I get there. I do not know what it is about me, but the residents go wild. It's days like this that I wonder why I am a CNA, I wanted to become an EMT. However, I was trying to be concurrently enrolled in high school and I was too young for EMT classes. But I think these lessons are better learned now that when I become an RN with my BSN. It will be a tough road and I will constantly be learning, but this is the road G-d has allowed me to go down and I will take what He sends my way.

Daily Thanksgiving: Today, we had an awesome meeting at work. We talked about state compliance with safety procedures or something like that, which sounds boring but all we really did was practice using a "Hoyer" life, a "Sit-to-Stand" lift and a gait belt on our supervisors. This brought me back to the fun we had in CNA school doing this stuff to each other. I am thankful for the fun that we had at the meeting, the "ice-breaking" it allowed, and also my amazing supervisors! I have never been so thankful for LPN's and RN's that are so genuinely kind, gracious and understanding of how hard being a CNA is. I have heard stories of how RN's treat their CNA's, but at my facility, they are the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Along with the relationships with the patients, these LPN's and RN's make it worth while to come to work. I don't care a lot about the paycheck, just let me watch this amazing nursing staff do what they do best.

*Disclaimer: I have not told the names of the patients or facility and I have slightly fudged on the events that took place to maintain patient confidentiality. No HIPAA rules broken.*

Does anyone else have horror stories from brutal days at work? Does anyone else have stories about amazing nursing staff or coworkers in general? Please share, I would love to hear them!