Boundaries

Recently, I got yelled at over email because I told my former roommate (that I was going to room with next year too) that I could not live with her. I know that I did not handle the whole situation the way I was supposed to, but I had planned to talk to her in person. I asked her to let me know when she was leaving so that I could talk to her before we both left school for the summer, but she didn't so I had to email her. This was probably actually a blessing because I don't think I could have handled it very well. So, that was a blessing that she did not let me know when she was leaving. However, the email I received made me cry.

Fortunately, G-d showed me all the true colors of my former roommate before I signed a lease to stay with her for another year. She revealed how she really feels about me and I am pretty sure I was going to be used instead of in a partnership. Plus, it turns out that she had been the one spreading rumors that caused the problems last semester for me with my other roommates which has now blown up. However, G-d has brought me more friends than I ever expected. All of the people that they stopped talking to now talk to me and we have a huge group of friends.

Through all of this, I kept having this thought of, "what's wrong with me that I keep finding people that use me and people that hate me?" The last year I have been pestered by this awful thought but it is not true, it if from the Adversary. If people are going to be unhappy with the way that I set my boundaries and the fact that I will no longer bend over backwards for people that disrespect me time and time again, then they will have to talk with G-d about it.  She had continually put me down and talked about me poorly behind my back. The last stick of straw that broke my back was the fact that my other former roommates did something right in front of her and she didn't stick up for me. If we are going to live together and trust each other essentially with our lives, we need to stick up for each other and defend each other. Long story short, my tears today are now stopped and I have a strengthened resolve to stick up for myself because I can't depend on anyone to stick up for me if I don't do it for myself.

So, for everyone that reads my rantings and ravings about life and nursing school, please set boundaries for yourself. Teach people how to treat you and don't back down. Talk with G-d to see what boundaries you need to set up for yourself and ask Him to teach you how to enforce them in a loving and kind way. My boundaries are set by me and G-d and if they are challenged by other people, I will talk to G-d and see if I need to be changed. I will talk with my mentors and my parents to figure out what I need to change or if I even need to change. You should also find mentors that love you enough to tell you the truth with what they believe is best for you, based on sound, Biblically sound advice.

Gettin' Nervous

Guys, it's coming down to the wire for so many things. The HESI is in 4 weeks, finals are the week after next, it's time to find an apartment, and I also need to transfer to a hospital so I can work more. So many things to do, it's just a tad bit overwhelming.

Yes, I finally registered for the HESI. I take it in the beginning of June and L-rd willing I pass the test with a high enough score that I can get accepted into nursing school! I forked over the $90 virtually and I'm a little saddened that I had to pay about 1/3 of my paycheck to taking a test. I guess that just means that I really have to study hard and do well so I don't have to take it again.

Currently, I'm at the library working on not procrastinating so much and I'm starting a bunch of my assignment early! So, the procrastinating is only getting cut slightly because I should probably not be writing right now, but I'm a work in progress...

Our apartment hunting went really well today. We found some great places and they are close to school. It scares me a little bit because 1) I'm moving out of my parents house which is so weird and 2) the places that we can afford all smell strange and have some shady characters. Regardless, we found some better places that are still cheap and one doesn't smell terribly funky, so we are making head-way.

Job applications are yet to be sent in. I have heard that I should be able to transfer to a hospital in the same family of owners, so hopefully that is true and I can start working 12 hour shifts instead of 8 hour shifts or a double. I don't think I can handle working a double, I would probably collapse from exhaustion.

Daily Thanksgiving: Apartment hunting was a success, we are closer to the end of our process. G-d kept us safe from the silly drivers found in our little town, because there are some creative driving styles here. I made it to the library instead of taking a nap, which is a success. I also started my 10 page paper a week early, which is a new concept for me, but I hope that when I finish that I feel good. Hopefully that good feeling can translate into the rest of my life and motivate me to not procrastinate and cut down my stress levels. I was feeling pretty sick earlier, but I think G-d is healing me before I actually get super sick! It's a beautiful day out and I may just be able to play football with my friends later. Also, G-d is decreasing my worry and helping me to get my work done before it's all due the same day. I got to have chick-fil-a for lunch which is probably my favorite fast food place ever because they have really nice staff and delicious food.

Bad Driver, That's Me...

There is a good chance that you have heard that women are terrible drivers. This is not completely true and it is not a complete lie. When my friend and I went apartment shopping, I was the designated driver, and it was not a great experience for her, as I have recently been informed of, in front of a huge group of my friends. I was the butt of nearly 10 minutes worth of jokes, but I just laughed along. They were pretty funny, and somewhat true, but that doesn't mean they didn't hurt just a little and I was embarrassed. Now, I can refuse to drive people, because I'm a bad driver...

Just to give you an idea of how bad, let's review the points she brought up, and a couple she failed to mention:

1. I almost ran a stop sign. (I was looking at apartment complexes and just missed the little red sign. Fortunately, she pointed it out and I stopped with no problem.)
2. According to her, I ran into a little column that sticks out in random parking spaces in our university's parking garage. (My story: I did not run into it, I tapped it, with my car, because I was not sure how long my car was, but it was a minor tap!)
3. She failed to mention that I slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light even though she told me to just go through it.
4. Also, I drive a stick shift, and I am not a smooth shifter (she didn't say this).

So, clearly I am a terrible driver. I am actually aware that I am not a good driver, it just sucks to be made fun of in front of all my friends... But hey, it's cool, whatever. I get made fun of for lots of stuff. Then I change the behavior or practice, then I'm not so bad. I guess, this will have to be one of those times where I just practice and get better so that I cannot be mocked anymore. Even though it stings, I think this may be beneficial, because at least someone is honest with me so that I can make others more comfortable.


Also, I have noticed that I do the "..." thing a lot. I really am fond of it and I would put it in a lot more, but I figure I overuse it. How can you not though? It's like one of my favorite things!

Summer

Guys, I cannot wait until summer. My former roommate, also my future roommate, and I went apartment hunting today. We found so many great options! Now, we just have to narrow down our list to a top few for different scenarios (if we can get more people or if it will just be us). Then it's time to call, reserve places, and start saving up for our deposit. This is so scary but so exciting! I will have a place of my own, bills of my own, and a job and a car of my own. The last two I already had, but that whole list is basically what being an adult is about, paying for stuff. Stuff we could live without, but our society tells us we need it to survive in this culture, so, unfortunately, we buy into it. Oh well, it is what it is and I am almost an adolescent adult... That's the next step from baby adult, which I still am. And yes, I am making all of these titles and steps up. It's just part of how I view life. Dude, one of the next big steps is getting hitched... after college of coarse, but still that's so scary to think about. Then kids and so on.

I have to stop freaking myself out and just take one day at a time.

In other news, I got new dresses today. Have you ever been to Plato's Closet? It's like a consignment place but they have the cutest stuff for super cheap. So I bought three dresses and though y'all should know about it because I'm pretty pumped for summer.


Daily Thanksgiving: G-d allowed us to see our top apartment picks and they are even better in person. We found even more options in a nicer part of town! I have loads of friends and I am super excited about my roommate(s) next year because I love all of them. My parents are going to let me use some of their furniture that they don't use anymore and it's really nice. I am moving out and while it's scary, I know G-d is providing a way for me to grow and mature and rely on Him. I got new dresses that are modest and they were cheap! That doesn't seem to happen anymore, either one of them. I have Fridays off and also I got to go to chick fil a today. Today was an awesome day. Also, G-d kept me safe while driving because I was side-tracked and people drive nuts!!!

No More Mask!!!

Another thing I forgot to tell you guys is...





I no longer have to wear a mask because flu season is over!!!!!!!

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I will be able to breath and work and not have my face constantly breaking out because of the silly masks at work. Yes, I would rather wear the mask than to have the flu shot. But we shouldn't even be given the ultimatum of flu shot or unemployment. Honestly, this is overbearing and extremely wrong for all healthcare companies to ban together and require immunizations. The patients don't have to have it, they can spread the flu around. Plus, isn't the vaccine supposed to protect the victim... I mean person who gets the vaccine, from the flu? So if they are protected, why do they have to worry about getting the flu if the vaccine really works? Guys you need to stand with me and fight these mandatory immunizations! If more of us banded together, we could make it illegal for companies to force employees to get shots. We could be the change that is needed. We need to be the ones to change these ridiculous rules and unfair treatment.