It's nearly 11 p.m. here and I'm supposed to be getting up at 5 a.m. for work tomorrow...
I can't sleep because I've been trying to take NCLEX practice tests and start studying because I'm scheduled to take my NCLEX on Friday.
It occurred to me today, while at my "cousin's" kid's 1st birthday party, that I'm taking the NCLEX this week. Then I started thinking about how little I've studied because of work, moving, exhaustion, depression flare-ups, and general PTSD bullshit coming back. C'est la vie, non?
Anyway, I also started considering pushing it back another week or two to give myself some legit time to study. I don't know what to do. Do I just get it over with and hope that the 54% average on practice tests gets me on the passing side of the NCLEX scale? Or, do I try to attempt another shot at studying more?
They say that by passing nursing school, you should have most/all of the info needed to pass this damn test, but being on this end of taking the silly thing, I'm not sure how much I believe that. 54% is a pretty abysmal score to get on anything, let alone a $200 test. I guess I'll see how the rest of the week goes and if I need to, I'll change the date by Wednesday so that I don't lose said $200...
Goodnight y'all
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Friday, July 22, 2016
Support Group
Back in Home State, I asked my counselor about getting into a support group. While she was supportive, she told me there were two minor issues with that desire, but that I could do whatever it is that I felt would help. She told me: 1) you may want to wait until you are more stable because it may produce more triggers than you are used to, and 2) there isn't one at this crisis center, but I can help you search for one, if you decide this is something you still want to pursue.
Long story short, I didn't go to a support group in Home State, but I continued on with counseling. I went to counseling for a little over 4 months (3 months of which was 2 times a week). Now, with the help and support of Nurse Dee, and my worsening struggles with the events that put me in counseling to begin with, I have searched for one in Small Town and found one!
I went to support group last night. It was small at first. At 5:45 (when it starts), there were the leader, one other survivor, and myself. Shortly after group started, 2 more ladies came. We talked about boundaries, which is something I had requested my counselor to teach me about several months ago. So, it was mostly just a refresher, but still helpful because those are things that are commonly a struggle and that are good to practice and be reminded of on an ongoing basis.
So, group was good. I plan on going back when I have the chance and don't have to be at work or anything. I hope it goes well. I hope that this is a good group that helps me make connections and brings some peace. Granted, if the only thing it does is get me out of the house, that's a pretty big win anyway.
Long story short, I didn't go to a support group in Home State, but I continued on with counseling. I went to counseling for a little over 4 months (3 months of which was 2 times a week). Now, with the help and support of Nurse Dee, and my worsening struggles with the events that put me in counseling to begin with, I have searched for one in Small Town and found one!
I went to support group last night. It was small at first. At 5:45 (when it starts), there were the leader, one other survivor, and myself. Shortly after group started, 2 more ladies came. We talked about boundaries, which is something I had requested my counselor to teach me about several months ago. So, it was mostly just a refresher, but still helpful because those are things that are commonly a struggle and that are good to practice and be reminded of on an ongoing basis.
So, group was good. I plan on going back when I have the chance and don't have to be at work or anything. I hope it goes well. I hope that this is a good group that helps me make connections and brings some peace. Granted, if the only thing it does is get me out of the house, that's a pretty big win anyway.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
New Job
Folks, I finally started my new job. I love it!
I have spent the majority of my life, waiting to get to this job, to this point. I am graduated from nursing school, I'm employed at a wonderful hospital, and I have my dream job. Yes, this may change, but for right now I am excited!
I understand I wrote my other post sounding quite angry about my past and the abuse that occurred along with the lack of legal help that is available. It's utter bullshit. However, I'm angry at the injustices and excited for my new phase of life, all at the same time.
I am cleansed of friends that didn't work at our friendship, while I was expected to bend over backward to help them and make them happy. Sorry, but that's not how friendships are going to work with me.
So, after graduation, I cleared out my snapchat and Facebook friend lists. I have cleansed as much as I can, so that I am not followed by the negativity that surrounded those particular relationships. It was freeing while simultaneously making me very lonely. After some time, I have learned to grow accustomed to the quiet and lack of people surrounding me all the time. I'm growing up, and learning how to fit into the adult world while many of my nursing school friends are still in their college mindset, which just so happened to be their high school mindset carried over into the higher education system.
I'm seriously worried for the well-being of the world because our future is looking bleak with the abysmal characteristics of the next generation coming into adulthood. Oh boy, it's going to be a bumpy ride, at best.
While shitty things are brewing for society, to be released in the near future, I'm gonna go find me a house, on my own private island. Preferably somewhere warm, and I'll have my own private beach. Y'all can come get me if everyone calms the fuck down and figures out to behave like decent human beings... but I don't suppose that's gonna happen before I die.
Going back to the happy post, I love my job. I had 2 days in the nursery, to be able to see assessments for healthy, mostly "normal" babies who don't require NICU care directly after delivery. It was a great experience and I actually really like working the nursery, I may end up requesting that I float over to that unit or try to pick up extra shifts there. I love giving babies baths, having all those babies snuggled up, teaching moms to breastfeed, and diapers aren't even a chore because they are so tiny! However, I got to be in the NICU yesterday for a full day and that's still where my heart is. I love teaching babies to eat, getting them all settled and parents knowing that their baby is well-cared for. It's hard seeing parents freaked out, but there are little things to be able to do to comfort them.
I have spent the majority of my life, waiting to get to this job, to this point. I am graduated from nursing school, I'm employed at a wonderful hospital, and I have my dream job. Yes, this may change, but for right now I am excited!
I understand I wrote my other post sounding quite angry about my past and the abuse that occurred along with the lack of legal help that is available. It's utter bullshit. However, I'm angry at the injustices and excited for my new phase of life, all at the same time.
I am cleansed of friends that didn't work at our friendship, while I was expected to bend over backward to help them and make them happy. Sorry, but that's not how friendships are going to work with me.
So, after graduation, I cleared out my snapchat and Facebook friend lists. I have cleansed as much as I can, so that I am not followed by the negativity that surrounded those particular relationships. It was freeing while simultaneously making me very lonely. After some time, I have learned to grow accustomed to the quiet and lack of people surrounding me all the time. I'm growing up, and learning how to fit into the adult world while many of my nursing school friends are still in their college mindset, which just so happened to be their high school mindset carried over into the higher education system.
I'm seriously worried for the well-being of the world because our future is looking bleak with the abysmal characteristics of the next generation coming into adulthood. Oh boy, it's going to be a bumpy ride, at best.
While shitty things are brewing for society, to be released in the near future, I'm gonna go find me a house, on my own private island. Preferably somewhere warm, and I'll have my own private beach. Y'all can come get me if everyone calms the fuck down and figures out to behave like decent human beings... but I don't suppose that's gonna happen before I die.
Going back to the happy post, I love my job. I had 2 days in the nursery, to be able to see assessments for healthy, mostly "normal" babies who don't require NICU care directly after delivery. It was a great experience and I actually really like working the nursery, I may end up requesting that I float over to that unit or try to pick up extra shifts there. I love giving babies baths, having all those babies snuggled up, teaching moms to breastfeed, and diapers aren't even a chore because they are so tiny! However, I got to be in the NICU yesterday for a full day and that's still where my heart is. I love teaching babies to eat, getting them all settled and parents knowing that their baby is well-cared for. It's hard seeing parents freaked out, but there are little things to be able to do to comfort them.
Can't Run From Your Past
When I told people about my plans to leave Home State, if they new my story, they would tell me that running away from my problems would not fix them. They always told me that my past will follow me wherever I go.
You know what? I have memories and things that come up with with everyday life, but I'm not constantly bombarded with everything I was hit with in Home State, especially in the town where I went to school (where the assaults happened).
Today is a rough day. The memories won't let up, but it's because I'm processing some bad news about one of my cases.
You know what? The legal system sucks when trying to actually get justice. I get that you have to have evidence and proof and whatnot, but seriously the amount of rapists that actually get charged compared to the number of rapes that happen is absolute garbage! No fucking wonder there is a huge number of people (men, women, or children) that are raped every single day. You wanna know why this damn rate is so high? Because the assholes that refuse to keep their appendages to themselves know the law. They know what to do in order to get away with their evil actions. They know that if you are drugged and don't remember the night, then nothing can be done to charge them, unless a witness watches everything that happens and catches the rapist in the act. They know to keep victims away from anyone else because that makes all of their assaults a case of "he-said-she-said" which makes their word just as reliable as the victim's, unless recorded and able to be used for proof.
Honestly, this world is so worried about being politically correct and not stepping on anyone's toes, that it's gotten to the point that nobody can be trusted and justice is unattainable. I know that the only one who can provide justice and truly fix anything is G-d. I don't believe that this is necessarily the end of the road, because He judges and punishes as He sees fit. Maybe one or both of these assholes that destroyed my life are sorry. Maybe they truly regret what they did, are remorseful, and have decided to apologize and ask for forgiveness to the L-rd. Maybe they think I'm over-reacting and think they've done nothing wrong. Maybe, they (or at least one of them), is truly evil and looks to further traumatize girls because he gets a kick out of it.
Who knows? Maybe they will never receive punishment, never feel sorry, never understand the extent to which they have caused harm to another living being. Maybe someday there will be showers of fire and brimstone. I don't know! I know nothing of the future. G-d might not want to punish them at all or maybe He does. Nobody can know.
I'll be honest with you, I pray for justice. I pray that somehow, these wrongs are made right and that I can have peace. I realize that one can have peace without justice being served, and I pray that I am able to come to a resolution regardless of whether judgement and punishment are served.
*sigh*
So, today I struggle but I am on my way to a support group. I pray I find friends who can help me here. I pray I find ladies who can help me walk this rough road that I am being held prisoner on. All I can do is keep marching on as slow or as fast as it requires. I desperately need a bridge to a different path. I need a different road, a different direction, a different life. However, that's not how it works, so here I go...
on my way...
I have no clue where I'm going...
You know what? I have memories and things that come up with with everyday life, but I'm not constantly bombarded with everything I was hit with in Home State, especially in the town where I went to school (where the assaults happened).
Today is a rough day. The memories won't let up, but it's because I'm processing some bad news about one of my cases.
You know what? The legal system sucks when trying to actually get justice. I get that you have to have evidence and proof and whatnot, but seriously the amount of rapists that actually get charged compared to the number of rapes that happen is absolute garbage! No fucking wonder there is a huge number of people (men, women, or children) that are raped every single day. You wanna know why this damn rate is so high? Because the assholes that refuse to keep their appendages to themselves know the law. They know what to do in order to get away with their evil actions. They know that if you are drugged and don't remember the night, then nothing can be done to charge them, unless a witness watches everything that happens and catches the rapist in the act. They know to keep victims away from anyone else because that makes all of their assaults a case of "he-said-she-said" which makes their word just as reliable as the victim's, unless recorded and able to be used for proof.
Honestly, this world is so worried about being politically correct and not stepping on anyone's toes, that it's gotten to the point that nobody can be trusted and justice is unattainable. I know that the only one who can provide justice and truly fix anything is G-d. I don't believe that this is necessarily the end of the road, because He judges and punishes as He sees fit. Maybe one or both of these assholes that destroyed my life are sorry. Maybe they truly regret what they did, are remorseful, and have decided to apologize and ask for forgiveness to the L-rd. Maybe they think I'm over-reacting and think they've done nothing wrong. Maybe, they (or at least one of them), is truly evil and looks to further traumatize girls because he gets a kick out of it.
Who knows? Maybe they will never receive punishment, never feel sorry, never understand the extent to which they have caused harm to another living being. Maybe someday there will be showers of fire and brimstone. I don't know! I know nothing of the future. G-d might not want to punish them at all or maybe He does. Nobody can know.
I'll be honest with you, I pray for justice. I pray that somehow, these wrongs are made right and that I can have peace. I realize that one can have peace without justice being served, and I pray that I am able to come to a resolution regardless of whether judgement and punishment are served.
*sigh*
So, today I struggle but I am on my way to a support group. I pray I find friends who can help me here. I pray I find ladies who can help me walk this rough road that I am being held prisoner on. All I can do is keep marching on as slow or as fast as it requires. I desperately need a bridge to a different path. I need a different road, a different direction, a different life. However, that's not how it works, so here I go...
on my way...
I have no clue where I'm going...
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Best Buddy
Do any of y'all recall hearing about my Best Friend? I met him freshman year of college and we've been through quite a bit.
At the beginning of this blog, I used to write about how I thought he had a crush on me and we would hang out a lot. Fast forward about a year to sophomore year, and he and I "tried" dating. It lasted three weeks before I broke it off. We didn't talk much for awhile, but he contacted me again sometime between the end of Junior year and the beginning of Senior year. Weird thing about certain friendships, you can pick up right where you left off, as if nothing ever changed.
I shared with him what exboyfriend and exfiance did to me and he was crushed. It was the first time I've seen him get misty and the normal smile was not in his eyes. Regardless, he has stuck with me through my rants and raves, my days of self pity, and various legal situations where my counselor told me I needed a friend. Best Friend was that friend. He even offered to buy me a milk shake after a 5 hour wait at the police station with me. He just sat in the lobby, by himself, as I talked with an officer in the back. He didn't complain or seem irritated in the least. At the end, he gave me a hug, told me he was soooo proud of me, and listened as I rehashed the amazing work the police officer did to help me.
It doesn't matter what parts of the story I tell him or refuse to share with him, he is nothing but kind, supportive, and so very sweet. He knows when to be quiet and listen. He knows when to shut me off because I'm going down a bad thought process road. He knows when to give me time to process, or when I need to be around somebody. He asks before he hugs me. Most of all, he is working to rebuild my sense of self.
We were texting the other night, as we often times do, when he started asking questions. Questions about our short relationship (thought he has a girlfriend right now, he says he was just curious), some about what happened with the other guys, and some light-hearted questions to break up the seriousness of the conversation.
At one point, he asked, "Why, if you are so stubborn, did you not just leave these guys when you say you wanted to?" This question, in all honesty, made me get a bit defensive. I sent about 9 text pages about how I know I seem weak, staying with a guy even though I tried to break up over 4 times with him. I know it makes no sense to stay with someone who continually hurt me so badly. I know that the relationships are terrible and it makes no sense that I would have two boyfriends abuse me in terrible ways when I could have been with someone sweet. It makes absolutely no sense, even to me. However, I continued and told him that I was fighting. All those times he forced himself on me, I was fighting. All those times that I would break up with him, he would promise to be nicer and better, then I would take him back and he would be even worse because I "broke his heart," I was fighting.
I was fighting to stay alive. I was fighting to stay sane. I was fighting to make sense to myself and to do the best I could in the terrible prison I was in.
I don't know if he was shocked or sorry for asking that question in such a way, or maybe he knew that I was absolutely not bullshitting him at that point, but he replied saying: "I completely believe you. Of 4 women in my life that I actually believe 100%, you are one of them. I didn't mean to make it seem like you were foolish for not leaving. I can't imagine what it was like to be in your shoes. I'm so happy you stayed strong and came back into my life, it's such a blessing. I know you are so much stronger now. I want to thank you for fighting through, just in case no one else has thanked you for that. I can't imagine what it would have been like if anything worse (I know it can't get much worse, so you know what worse is [murder or suicide]) had happened to you."
At that point I cried. I cried. I ugly cried. I'm crying right now just reading it again.
He thanked me for surviving. He thanked me for sticking around and not letting life kill me, not letting these assholes cause me enough pain that I end my own life. Not letting exfiance hurt me enough to kill me.
He thanked me for fighting.
Friends, if you have survived abusive relationships, sexual assault, rape, depression, suicide attempts, self-harm, traumas, or any other life-threatening struggles, thank you for fighting. It a struggle, day in and day out, but you are here. Know that, even your friends and family who don't know what you've been through, are grateful that you are still alive and fighting. They may have no clue you're even struggling, but someone somewhere (me included) is glad you're sticking around.
Thank you for still being here.
At the beginning of this blog, I used to write about how I thought he had a crush on me and we would hang out a lot. Fast forward about a year to sophomore year, and he and I "tried" dating. It lasted three weeks before I broke it off. We didn't talk much for awhile, but he contacted me again sometime between the end of Junior year and the beginning of Senior year. Weird thing about certain friendships, you can pick up right where you left off, as if nothing ever changed.
I shared with him what exboyfriend and exfiance did to me and he was crushed. It was the first time I've seen him get misty and the normal smile was not in his eyes. Regardless, he has stuck with me through my rants and raves, my days of self pity, and various legal situations where my counselor told me I needed a friend. Best Friend was that friend. He even offered to buy me a milk shake after a 5 hour wait at the police station with me. He just sat in the lobby, by himself, as I talked with an officer in the back. He didn't complain or seem irritated in the least. At the end, he gave me a hug, told me he was soooo proud of me, and listened as I rehashed the amazing work the police officer did to help me.
It doesn't matter what parts of the story I tell him or refuse to share with him, he is nothing but kind, supportive, and so very sweet. He knows when to be quiet and listen. He knows when to shut me off because I'm going down a bad thought process road. He knows when to give me time to process, or when I need to be around somebody. He asks before he hugs me. Most of all, he is working to rebuild my sense of self.
We were texting the other night, as we often times do, when he started asking questions. Questions about our short relationship (thought he has a girlfriend right now, he says he was just curious), some about what happened with the other guys, and some light-hearted questions to break up the seriousness of the conversation.
At one point, he asked, "Why, if you are so stubborn, did you not just leave these guys when you say you wanted to?" This question, in all honesty, made me get a bit defensive. I sent about 9 text pages about how I know I seem weak, staying with a guy even though I tried to break up over 4 times with him. I know it makes no sense to stay with someone who continually hurt me so badly. I know that the relationships are terrible and it makes no sense that I would have two boyfriends abuse me in terrible ways when I could have been with someone sweet. It makes absolutely no sense, even to me. However, I continued and told him that I was fighting. All those times he forced himself on me, I was fighting. All those times that I would break up with him, he would promise to be nicer and better, then I would take him back and he would be even worse because I "broke his heart," I was fighting.
I was fighting to stay alive. I was fighting to stay sane. I was fighting to make sense to myself and to do the best I could in the terrible prison I was in.
I don't know if he was shocked or sorry for asking that question in such a way, or maybe he knew that I was absolutely not bullshitting him at that point, but he replied saying: "I completely believe you. Of 4 women in my life that I actually believe 100%, you are one of them. I didn't mean to make it seem like you were foolish for not leaving. I can't imagine what it was like to be in your shoes. I'm so happy you stayed strong and came back into my life, it's such a blessing. I know you are so much stronger now. I want to thank you for fighting through, just in case no one else has thanked you for that. I can't imagine what it would have been like if anything worse (I know it can't get much worse, so you know what worse is [murder or suicide]) had happened to you."
At that point I cried. I cried. I ugly cried. I'm crying right now just reading it again.
He thanked me for surviving. He thanked me for sticking around and not letting life kill me, not letting these assholes cause me enough pain that I end my own life. Not letting exfiance hurt me enough to kill me.
He thanked me for fighting.
Friends, if you have survived abusive relationships, sexual assault, rape, depression, suicide attempts, self-harm, traumas, or any other life-threatening struggles, thank you for fighting. It a struggle, day in and day out, but you are here. Know that, even your friends and family who don't know what you've been through, are grateful that you are still alive and fighting. They may have no clue you're even struggling, but someone somewhere (me included) is glad you're sticking around.
Thank you for still being here.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Great News!
So, if you've been following my journey through the Board of Nursing thus far, you would know that I hadn't gotten my permit... hadn't...
I got it yesterday!
I checked the website, out of the blue, and all of a sudden it looked much different than it had any other time I checked it. I looked closer and it was because my permit had been posted!
My HR lady was so excited when I called her! Her enthusiasm matched mine and that was a great thing to hear. She transferred me over to the education director and she was even more excited! They asked if I was okay starting in the middle of the week, or if I wanted to wait until a new week started. I told them, "I've been waiting months to be able to work, so the sooner the better!" the HR lady really seemed to like that answer ;)
Anyway, I go to work on Thursday (tomorrow) but it's mostly just paperwork. Then Monday is hospital orientation, but I'm hoping to be able to work a couple days in between but we'll see.
Off to try to be productive and study for the NCLEX. Maybe I'll just take another nap.
I got it yesterday!
I checked the website, out of the blue, and all of a sudden it looked much different than it had any other time I checked it. I looked closer and it was because my permit had been posted!
My HR lady was so excited when I called her! Her enthusiasm matched mine and that was a great thing to hear. She transferred me over to the education director and she was even more excited! They asked if I was okay starting in the middle of the week, or if I wanted to wait until a new week started. I told them, "I've been waiting months to be able to work, so the sooner the better!" the HR lady really seemed to like that answer ;)
Anyway, I go to work on Thursday (tomorrow) but it's mostly just paperwork. Then Monday is hospital orientation, but I'm hoping to be able to work a couple days in between but we'll see.
Off to try to be productive and study for the NCLEX. Maybe I'll just take another nap.
Monday, July 11, 2016
"Just wait 5 more days..."
I called 12-15 times today to talk with BON, but the automated system just says they are experiencing "high call volumes and cannot take my call at this time" after which it hangs up on you.
So, I began emailing everyone I could at said BON. I finally got a call back from a lady there who told me to wait another 5 days because there are so many graduations all at the same time they are swamped.
WHO DO I CALL TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FRICKIN' BON???
Seriously, this is ridiculous. I've been waiting on them for 2 months. They have lost my paperwork and they are not keeping their promise about finishing each step in 10 business days. Seriously people, you know graduations happen at least 2 times a year... HIRE MORE PEOPLE!!!
Honestly, you know how it gets, so why is now the normal time to be "understaffed" but not do anything about it. Get more people on the phones, get more people processing mail, get more people processing licenses and permits. For goodness sake, double your staff for 2 months around May graduations and another 2 months during December graduation and your life will not suck so bad when said graduation times come around.
For the love of Pete, somebody find the person I'm supposed to complain to so that I can get shit done for the people coming after me because this is COMPLETELY unacceptable.
My "cousin" (mom's cousin's daughter-in-law) had to wait 3 months for my state's regulatory agency to process her radiation tech licensing because they were moving buildings and took their sweet-ass time while also putting everyone else's life on hold who is depending on the agency to process their paperwork in order to start making a living. Seriously, there is no way to be able to prepare for this stuff besides hope that you have enough life savings to deal with the bullshit that is dealing with governmental agencies.
Today I need a Haldol...
So, I began emailing everyone I could at said BON. I finally got a call back from a lady there who told me to wait another 5 days because there are so many graduations all at the same time they are swamped.
WHO DO I CALL TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FRICKIN' BON???
Seriously, this is ridiculous. I've been waiting on them for 2 months. They have lost my paperwork and they are not keeping their promise about finishing each step in 10 business days. Seriously people, you know graduations happen at least 2 times a year... HIRE MORE PEOPLE!!!
Honestly, you know how it gets, so why is now the normal time to be "understaffed" but not do anything about it. Get more people on the phones, get more people processing mail, get more people processing licenses and permits. For goodness sake, double your staff for 2 months around May graduations and another 2 months during December graduation and your life will not suck so bad when said graduation times come around.
For the love of Pete, somebody find the person I'm supposed to complain to so that I can get shit done for the people coming after me because this is COMPLETELY unacceptable.
My "cousin" (mom's cousin's daughter-in-law) had to wait 3 months for my state's regulatory agency to process her radiation tech licensing because they were moving buildings and took their sweet-ass time while also putting everyone else's life on hold who is depending on the agency to process their paperwork in order to start making a living. Seriously, there is no way to be able to prepare for this stuff besides hope that you have enough life savings to deal with the bullshit that is dealing with governmental agencies.
Today I need a Haldol...
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Oh the beach!
Y'all, I just got back last night from a 2 week vacation and it was amazing! Sorry about the extended radio silence. A week at the beach and a week (split into two little pieces) of visiting with my family that lives in the south. Oh man, they are funny and boy can they cook.
We drove home to Home State and got in at about 0400 time there. I could have been dropped off at my new home, but I wanted to go back to get my dog. So, mom let me come to Home State, pick up the puppy (she's about 9 now) and then mom drove puppy and I back to Small Town yesterday. Actually, I drove but she was there. She just left here for Home State about an hour ago. I miss her terribly already...
Paperwork finally went through and I got to register for my NCLEX! *screams silently in head* I'm terrified. This is scary!!! What if I fail? Then I have to pay to take it again and my nursing permit will be revoked so I will be out of work until I pass it. Oh goodness, how could I handle that? How could I handle another thing wrong, I still feel like I'm on a constant teeter-totter and could fall into a pit that I'll never be able to get out of. I feel like I could drown at any moment and just not take another breath because of sheer exhaustion of surviving. Anyway, since the paperwork is in and I registered for the NCLEX, it'll take up to 10 business days from the day they processed it for me to get my permit so I can start working. Hopefully it happens sooner than that because I'd really like to begin working. Mema says they have babies again which is good for me but scary for the poor parents. It's one of those double-edged swords that makes nursing difficult.
So, it's just me a Puppy figuring out how to live in Small Town and getting our schedules back in order. Praise the L-rd for His timing and His provisions. I'm just barely making it, with loans from my parents and my one credit card nearly maxed out (and hardly any money in the bank). Money is tighter right now than it was when I was in college! Ah well, I'm hoping everything will get settled here shortly.
We drove home to Home State and got in at about 0400 time there. I could have been dropped off at my new home, but I wanted to go back to get my dog. So, mom let me come to Home State, pick up the puppy (she's about 9 now) and then mom drove puppy and I back to Small Town yesterday. Actually, I drove but she was there. She just left here for Home State about an hour ago. I miss her terribly already...
Paperwork finally went through and I got to register for my NCLEX! *screams silently in head* I'm terrified. This is scary!!! What if I fail? Then I have to pay to take it again and my nursing permit will be revoked so I will be out of work until I pass it. Oh goodness, how could I handle that? How could I handle another thing wrong, I still feel like I'm on a constant teeter-totter and could fall into a pit that I'll never be able to get out of. I feel like I could drown at any moment and just not take another breath because of sheer exhaustion of surviving. Anyway, since the paperwork is in and I registered for the NCLEX, it'll take up to 10 business days from the day they processed it for me to get my permit so I can start working. Hopefully it happens sooner than that because I'd really like to begin working. Mema says they have babies again which is good for me but scary for the poor parents. It's one of those double-edged swords that makes nursing difficult.
So, it's just me a Puppy figuring out how to live in Small Town and getting our schedules back in order. Praise the L-rd for His timing and His provisions. I'm just barely making it, with loans from my parents and my one credit card nearly maxed out (and hardly any money in the bank). Money is tighter right now than it was when I was in college! Ah well, I'm hoping everything will get settled here shortly.
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