I've been going to the same church for about a month and a half now. I am really starting to enjoy it too. Still, I haven't plugged in and I don't really know anyone because 1) I'm shy, 2) I don't know how to make friends... 3) it's a large church. Last night they made an alter call for anyone who needed prayer. G-d laid it on my heart and I went up. He even showed me who to go to.
I went up and my problems just spilled out of my mouth as tears started streaming down my face. The lady I had been shown prayed with me and even invited me out for brunch this morning. G-d is really using this woman to help me tremendously. She has spoken over my life and G-d has reassured my heart. I know I will still have "bad days," but my current stretch of struggling has subsided. She has also given me some more resources and has given me ideas for new young adult groups both on campus and at the church. She also knows one of the teachers at my nursing school and she is going to get me in touch with her in case I need prayer at school or just to have someone else that I can get help with for nursing school. Furthermore, (I'm not a fan of that word, but it fit...) she told me how to get started in childcare at the church!!! Oh my goodness I miss my babies. I think I'm addicted to the oxytocin, but is that really a bad thing?
So, I feel much better. It's only been a day, so time will tell, but I have a devotional book and a new friend with daughters my age.
My brother introduced coffee with hazelnut creamer to me. Ya, that's a problem.
Off to work. I'll let you know how it goes. I am planning on talking to my manager about transferring or quitting today. It's a new development that occurred just this week at my meeting with my nursing school mentor (the other nursing student that is a year ahead of me in the program.) She told me that I seemed miserable and depressed at my CNA job. I knew that I disliked my job and that it stressed me out to no end, but I hadn't considered quitting until I talked to my mom. G-d has allowed for me to get extra loans so that I can financially be secure if I quit. So, I discussed it with my mom and my dad and I know that I can't take much more of this nonsense at work, so I think I'm just going to quit. Then, I'll have more time to study, my cortisol (stress hormone) levels will hopefully decrease, and maybe I can even get better grades. I really want to get A's this semester, but that's going to take a miracle, even with my decreased work load.
BTW, I drank two cups of coffee with that delicious creamer and it's making me need to pee every 5 minutes. Those 2 cups were a bad idea because this is super inconvenient... Forgive me for the TMI but my brother is gone and I and hopped up on coffee with no one to talk to. (I know that doesn't make the most sense grammatically, but my brain is kinda going nuts right now.)
Showing posts with label mentor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mentor. Show all posts
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
Never thought this day would come...
No I'm not talking about getting married, having kids, or any number of "normal" things that would fit under this category. I'm talking about getting to be a mentor.
Today, I was called up by a dear family friend. We helped develop a church together, and my mom has been her hairstylist for probably over a decade. Anyway, she called today, asking me to give her daughter advice. I am so honored that she would think of me to speak into her child's life. I have had people speak into my life before and it can be powerful, either good or bad. To be asked to advise somebody's baby (okay, she's 14, but everybody is somebody's baby) is a huge responsibility. Plus, she knows just about everybody in the world because she is so kind, she could have asked anyone. Instead, she called me even though my family left the church we attended together close to 4 years ago.
This whole thing has got me thinking about what I should say to her daughter, and what I should be speaking over my friends, family, and the children I babysit. Of course, it isn't the same for everybody, but it reminds me of the song, "The Words I Would Say," by Sidewalk Prophets. It's chorus goes:
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
These words are so true! Folks, we need to be encouraging and lifting up our brothers and sisters in the Messiah. Speak life over each other instead of gossiping behind their back. Pray over each other so that we may be strengthened. Let's face it, life is tough. Since life is tough, we need to build each other up in all ways and cease the process of tearing others down, whether they are believers or not. Only then can we all stand strong and really reach the poor and hurting.
My challenge for you all: pray about someone in your life who may be struggling. If the L-rd lays someone on your heart, even if they normally seem happy or strong face-to-face, talk to them. Ask them if you can pray with them for anything. Encourage opening up the conversation and share your heart. Let them know of some of your struggles so that they will be comfortable opening up to you about theirs.
The lady that called me did that for me when my family lost our house. It was really rough on me. Not only had we lost our house, but we left the church we had been at for 10+ years, we were helping start a new church, and nothing was going right. One day, as we were working at the new church, she asked me how I was. I said I was doing fine. She looked into my eyes and asked me, "How are you really?" Just thinking about it makes me start to tear up and I don't cry a whole lot. Knowing that she new my struggles and knowing that she didn't want the down-pat "church" answer touched me. She could see past my business face and the strength that I hide behind to know that I was crumbling. To this day I don't think she knows how much that moment has meant to me. During that short conversation, I felt like I belonged. I have never, ever felt that way. Here I go with the waterworks... Still to this day I don't feel like I belong anywhere, but I can remember what it felt like to have a true sister in the L-rd be able to see past my facade into my world of hurt and actually care. I know people care, but they usually just take the, "I'm fine," response and go on with their business. She didn't. G-d helped to pull me through one of my bad days of depression through her and her sincerity. So, we need to do that for each other.
Stand with me and start asking people how they are doing. Don't just ask them just to receive the normal, easy response. Look at them and ask again, "How are you really doing?" It's hard to keep it from sounding like you're being sarcastic, but practice and pray about it.
Today, I was called up by a dear family friend. We helped develop a church together, and my mom has been her hairstylist for probably over a decade. Anyway, she called today, asking me to give her daughter advice. I am so honored that she would think of me to speak into her child's life. I have had people speak into my life before and it can be powerful, either good or bad. To be asked to advise somebody's baby (okay, she's 14, but everybody is somebody's baby) is a huge responsibility. Plus, she knows just about everybody in the world because she is so kind, she could have asked anyone. Instead, she called me even though my family left the church we attended together close to 4 years ago.
This whole thing has got me thinking about what I should say to her daughter, and what I should be speaking over my friends, family, and the children I babysit. Of course, it isn't the same for everybody, but it reminds me of the song, "The Words I Would Say," by Sidewalk Prophets. It's chorus goes:
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
These words are so true! Folks, we need to be encouraging and lifting up our brothers and sisters in the Messiah. Speak life over each other instead of gossiping behind their back. Pray over each other so that we may be strengthened. Let's face it, life is tough. Since life is tough, we need to build each other up in all ways and cease the process of tearing others down, whether they are believers or not. Only then can we all stand strong and really reach the poor and hurting.
My challenge for you all: pray about someone in your life who may be struggling. If the L-rd lays someone on your heart, even if they normally seem happy or strong face-to-face, talk to them. Ask them if you can pray with them for anything. Encourage opening up the conversation and share your heart. Let them know of some of your struggles so that they will be comfortable opening up to you about theirs.
The lady that called me did that for me when my family lost our house. It was really rough on me. Not only had we lost our house, but we left the church we had been at for 10+ years, we were helping start a new church, and nothing was going right. One day, as we were working at the new church, she asked me how I was. I said I was doing fine. She looked into my eyes and asked me, "How are you really?" Just thinking about it makes me start to tear up and I don't cry a whole lot. Knowing that she new my struggles and knowing that she didn't want the down-pat "church" answer touched me. She could see past my business face and the strength that I hide behind to know that I was crumbling. To this day I don't think she knows how much that moment has meant to me. During that short conversation, I felt like I belonged. I have never, ever felt that way. Here I go with the waterworks... Still to this day I don't feel like I belong anywhere, but I can remember what it felt like to have a true sister in the L-rd be able to see past my facade into my world of hurt and actually care. I know people care, but they usually just take the, "I'm fine," response and go on with their business. She didn't. G-d helped to pull me through one of my bad days of depression through her and her sincerity. So, we need to do that for each other.
Stand with me and start asking people how they are doing. Don't just ask them just to receive the normal, easy response. Look at them and ask again, "How are you really doing?" It's hard to keep it from sounding like you're being sarcastic, but practice and pray about it.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Future Husband
Yesterday I worked a double at work (15 hours) and my favorite evening LPN and my favorite CNA's worked too! All of the residents were really tired too so they all went to bed early. This left me in a position I've never been in before... I was finished with my duties 2 hours early... AS THE FLOAT! That never happens, especially to me. But I put more people to bed than I am required to, I finished all of my work and then some. So, I got to chat with my pals. The LPN is the girl trying to set me up with her brother and she is in cahoots with one of my favorite CNA's that worked last night. They kept asking me silly questions then would freak out when I gave them my answers.
LPN: "Do you like cats?"
Me: "I'm allergic to cats, so not really." (Readers, I don't have anything against them, their are adorable but I can't do anything about allergies so please don't be offended by this answer.)
LPN: "*gasp* He doesn't like cats! What about dogs?"
Me: "I like dogs."
LPN: "What kind? Do you like dobermans?"
Me: "I love dobermans, I was planning on getting one anyway once I get a house with a yard."
LPN: *Goes nuts gasping, smiling, almost having a stroke with excitement*
Me: *Thinks to self: 'She is really getting way over-excited! Her brother will probably not even really "like" me, especially not enough to marry me'*
That conversation carried on for about an hour or so. Her and a couple other CNA's just kept asking questions about me, silly question, and they convinced themselves we would be perfect for each other. I'm not saying that G-d couldn't bring me my husband this way, but let's be honest, it's not necessarily realistic to be planning on marriage from this. Plus, she would want me to be a missionary dater (someone to date someone else in order to help the second person improve their life, find G-d, etc). I will not do that because it would all go away once we break up. Plus, if they changed their life for me instead of for G-d and for themselves, then it's not necessarily real. It would likely be an act that would cause strife, resentment, and a host of other ill-feelings towards the entire situation, G-d, me, and his sister.
This whole ordeal has gotten me to thinking about what I want in a husband and the absolute foremost thing I need is for him to love G-d more than anyone or anything, including more than me or our children or his family. G-d is most important because marriage is only for this life, it doesn't transfer into eternity. G-d created us for eternity, for Himself. If He chooses to bless us with a companion for our life here then so be it. If not, we are still His and our relationship is the only thing that will last for eternity. So, he has to love G-d more than anyone or anything and he has to have this love and connection with Him before I ever meet him. I don't want this passion for G-d to be on my account because I would have no way of knowing if it is all an act for me or not. Truly, I will never really know if it's real because I cannot know his heart for certain, but I trust that the L-rd will reveal the truth before we marry and likely before we start dating.
Daily Thanksgiving: I have friends at work! I keep having to think about dating but G-d is showing me that marriage may be a possibility in my future because I had really been struggling with thoughts that I am unmarryable (I think I just made that word up but you know what I mean). I have the next 3 days off to study, do homework, get caught up and ahead in micro. I have a coffee date with my nursing school mentor/G-d adviser today. I get to volunteer tomorrow night. Work went really well yesterday. I have an apartment! I don't have to drive 2 hours each way everyday. It's rainy today, which I absolutely love. G-d is reassuring me in this journey of life. He is correcting me and leading me.
LPN: "Do you like cats?"
Me: "I'm allergic to cats, so not really." (Readers, I don't have anything against them, their are adorable but I can't do anything about allergies so please don't be offended by this answer.)
LPN: "*gasp* He doesn't like cats! What about dogs?"
Me: "I like dogs."
LPN: "What kind? Do you like dobermans?"
Me: "I love dobermans, I was planning on getting one anyway once I get a house with a yard."
LPN: *Goes nuts gasping, smiling, almost having a stroke with excitement*
Me: *Thinks to self: 'She is really getting way over-excited! Her brother will probably not even really "like" me, especially not enough to marry me'*
That conversation carried on for about an hour or so. Her and a couple other CNA's just kept asking questions about me, silly question, and they convinced themselves we would be perfect for each other. I'm not saying that G-d couldn't bring me my husband this way, but let's be honest, it's not necessarily realistic to be planning on marriage from this. Plus, she would want me to be a missionary dater (someone to date someone else in order to help the second person improve their life, find G-d, etc). I will not do that because it would all go away once we break up. Plus, if they changed their life for me instead of for G-d and for themselves, then it's not necessarily real. It would likely be an act that would cause strife, resentment, and a host of other ill-feelings towards the entire situation, G-d, me, and his sister.
This whole ordeal has gotten me to thinking about what I want in a husband and the absolute foremost thing I need is for him to love G-d more than anyone or anything, including more than me or our children or his family. G-d is most important because marriage is only for this life, it doesn't transfer into eternity. G-d created us for eternity, for Himself. If He chooses to bless us with a companion for our life here then so be it. If not, we are still His and our relationship is the only thing that will last for eternity. So, he has to love G-d more than anyone or anything and he has to have this love and connection with Him before I ever meet him. I don't want this passion for G-d to be on my account because I would have no way of knowing if it is all an act for me or not. Truly, I will never really know if it's real because I cannot know his heart for certain, but I trust that the L-rd will reveal the truth before we marry and likely before we start dating.
Daily Thanksgiving: I have friends at work! I keep having to think about dating but G-d is showing me that marriage may be a possibility in my future because I had really been struggling with thoughts that I am unmarryable (I think I just made that word up but you know what I mean). I have the next 3 days off to study, do homework, get caught up and ahead in micro. I have a coffee date with my nursing school mentor/G-d adviser today. I get to volunteer tomorrow night. Work went really well yesterday. I have an apartment! I don't have to drive 2 hours each way everyday. It's rainy today, which I absolutely love. G-d is reassuring me in this journey of life. He is correcting me and leading me.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
My Mind Won't Shut Up!!!
Normally I do not even like to say shut up, to me it is a "four-letter word". In this case, however, I think it is appropriate. I can't sleep well. I take magnesium, which usually helps me fall asleep and sleep peacefully through the night, but my mind won't turn off anymore. Last night, I stayed up until about 11 p.m. (very unusual for me now) working on anatomy (which was getting it done early! Also very unusual). By the time I fell asleep it was close to midnight or later. Then I woke up at about 6 a.m. and could not fall back asleep even though I usually sleep through a couple snooze cycles.
Yesterday in psych we learned about Freud's theories about anxiety and I fit to a "T" in the neurotic anxiety category. I have tried to change by focusing on positives, doing my daily thanksgivings, stopping myself from being sooooooo cynical and I am hanging out with my friends much more. With all of these things I figured my stress would go down and I would stop worrying about every little thing, especially before it happened. Unfortunately, my little experiment did not go as planned. Now I am sleepless, staying up to think about the guy I have developed a thing for, I worry about how awful I am as a CNA and now my poor grades are creeping into my head as well. I also believe my depression is coming back, with reinforcement. Folks, I am not sure what to do...
Let's change the subject though, this Debbie Downer thing is getting me worked up just a little bit. I went out to lunch yesterday with my mentor. She is only a year ahead of me but she gives me faith counseling and nursing school advice. At the end of lunch she asked me if there were any guys in my life which was so weird because she knows I don't understand the whole cute guy, attraction, dating thing. But it was nice to share with someone who was excited for me to be reciprocating "feelings" (I hate that word, it makes me want to cast up my breakfast) for this guy. I told her I wasn't ready to date and didn't plan on dating until junior year. To this she quickly rebuked my need to plan (and worry) about my entire life before I have even gotten anywhere. I think she is right. I cannot plan everything because, ultimately, G-d is in control of all things. I have little to nothing to do with how my life plays out, He already knows what happens and how the story ends. On the other hand, I don't want to date anyone that is not looking for marriage and is not totally in love with G-d first and foremost. Getting my heart broken is something I desperately want to avoid and I figured that by praying that I don't date anyone until my husband comes along, I would avoid the whole breakup mess. Breaking up would just cast me into a deeper depression than I would know how to handle and it breaks friends up. Again my neurotic anxiety is surfacing. Funny how that works, huh?
Daily Thanksgiving: Today I am thankful I got to have lunch with my friend yesterday. I was able to pass my chem test, with just a C, but it was a high C (78%). Next time, I plan to study much more and work towards an A in anatomy and chemistry because I really need to raise my grades. I am thankful for the fact that G-d holds me in His hands and never lets me go. I know that He is with me even in my darkest hour, and I seem to have a lot of those. He has also protected me from so many boys that would have been so very bad for me and he gives me wisdom, and sometimes ignorance, in order to preserve me.
"Bless the L-rd, oh my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. I'll worship Your holy name." (It's from a song and seemed fitting.)
Yesterday in psych we learned about Freud's theories about anxiety and I fit to a "T" in the neurotic anxiety category. I have tried to change by focusing on positives, doing my daily thanksgivings, stopping myself from being sooooooo cynical and I am hanging out with my friends much more. With all of these things I figured my stress would go down and I would stop worrying about every little thing, especially before it happened. Unfortunately, my little experiment did not go as planned. Now I am sleepless, staying up to think about the guy I have developed a thing for, I worry about how awful I am as a CNA and now my poor grades are creeping into my head as well. I also believe my depression is coming back, with reinforcement. Folks, I am not sure what to do...
Let's change the subject though, this Debbie Downer thing is getting me worked up just a little bit. I went out to lunch yesterday with my mentor. She is only a year ahead of me but she gives me faith counseling and nursing school advice. At the end of lunch she asked me if there were any guys in my life which was so weird because she knows I don't understand the whole cute guy, attraction, dating thing. But it was nice to share with someone who was excited for me to be reciprocating "feelings" (I hate that word, it makes me want to cast up my breakfast) for this guy. I told her I wasn't ready to date and didn't plan on dating until junior year. To this she quickly rebuked my need to plan (and worry) about my entire life before I have even gotten anywhere. I think she is right. I cannot plan everything because, ultimately, G-d is in control of all things. I have little to nothing to do with how my life plays out, He already knows what happens and how the story ends. On the other hand, I don't want to date anyone that is not looking for marriage and is not totally in love with G-d first and foremost. Getting my heart broken is something I desperately want to avoid and I figured that by praying that I don't date anyone until my husband comes along, I would avoid the whole breakup mess. Breaking up would just cast me into a deeper depression than I would know how to handle and it breaks friends up. Again my neurotic anxiety is surfacing. Funny how that works, huh?
Daily Thanksgiving: Today I am thankful I got to have lunch with my friend yesterday. I was able to pass my chem test, with just a C, but it was a high C (78%). Next time, I plan to study much more and work towards an A in anatomy and chemistry because I really need to raise my grades. I am thankful for the fact that G-d holds me in His hands and never lets me go. I know that He is with me even in my darkest hour, and I seem to have a lot of those. He has also protected me from so many boys that would have been so very bad for me and he gives me wisdom, and sometimes ignorance, in order to preserve me.
"Bless the L-rd, oh my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. I'll worship Your holy name." (It's from a song and seemed fitting.)
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