Future Husband

Yesterday I worked a double at work (15 hours) and my favorite evening LPN and my favorite CNA's worked too! All of the residents were really tired too so they all went to bed early. This left me in a position I've never been in before... I was finished with my duties 2 hours early... AS THE FLOAT! That never happens, especially to me. But I put more people to bed than I am required to, I finished all of my work and then some. So, I got to chat with my pals. The LPN is the girl trying to set me up with her brother and she is in cahoots with one of my favorite CNA's that worked last night. They kept asking me silly questions then would freak out when I gave them my answers.

LPN: "Do you like cats?"
Me: "I'm allergic to cats, so not really." (Readers, I don't have anything against them, their are adorable but I can't do anything about allergies so please don't be offended by this answer.)
LPN: "*gasp* He doesn't like cats! What about dogs?"
Me: "I like dogs."
LPN: "What kind? Do you like dobermans?"
Me: "I love dobermans, I was planning on getting one anyway once I get a house with a yard."
LPN: *Goes nuts gasping, smiling, almost having a stroke with excitement*
Me: *Thinks to self: 'She is really getting way over-excited! Her brother will probably not even really "like" me, especially not enough to marry me'*

That conversation carried on for about an hour or so. Her and a couple other CNA's just kept asking questions about me, silly question, and they convinced themselves we would be perfect for each other. I'm not saying that G-d couldn't bring me my husband this way, but let's be honest, it's not necessarily realistic to be planning on marriage from this. Plus, she would want me to be a missionary dater (someone to date someone else in order to help the second person improve their life, find G-d, etc). I will not do that because it would all go away once we break up. Plus, if they changed their life for me instead of for G-d and for themselves, then it's not necessarily real. It would likely be an act that would cause strife, resentment, and a host of other ill-feelings towards the entire situation, G-d, me, and his sister.

This whole ordeal has gotten me to thinking about what I want in a husband and the absolute foremost thing I need is for him to love G-d more than anyone or anything, including more than me or our children or his family. G-d is most important because marriage is only for this life, it doesn't transfer into eternity. G-d created us for eternity, for Himself. If He chooses to bless us with a companion for our life here then so be it. If not, we are still His and our relationship is the only thing that will last for eternity. So, he has to love G-d more than anyone or anything and he has to have this love and connection with Him before I ever meet him. I don't want this passion for G-d to be on my account because I would have no way of knowing if it is all an act for me or not. Truly, I will never really know if it's real because I cannot know his heart for certain, but I trust that the L-rd will reveal the truth before we marry and likely before we start dating.

Daily Thanksgiving: I have friends at work! I keep having to think about dating but G-d is showing me that marriage may be a possibility in my future because I had really been struggling with thoughts that I am unmarryable (I think I just made that word up but you know what I mean). I have the next 3 days off to study, do homework, get caught up and ahead in micro. I have a coffee date with my nursing school mentor/G-d adviser today. I get to volunteer tomorrow night. Work went really well yesterday. I have an apartment! I don't have to drive 2 hours each way everyday. It's rainy today, which I absolutely love. G-d is reassuring me in this journey of life. He is correcting me and leading me.