Weary Soul

Y'all, I'm so exhausted. I am ready for school to be over (1.5 weeks of learning left, then 1 week of finals). I am ready to know where I am going to live next year and I would really like to be able to get a job in a hospital soon! Also, I just want the HESI to be over with (unfortunately, I have not begun studying for it yet...) L-rd willing, I will get into nursing school for fall 2013, but I don't know if that's going to happen and it's stressing me out. At least today is my last lab before my very last anatomy practical (lab test) so I am almost done with A&P. Funny thing is, I just realized that as I was typing. Seeing as I dislike this class very much, I thought I would have had a count-down long ago, but it never even crossed my mind. School just needs to be over and I need to be a nurse and/or a midwife already!!!!!!!!

That brings me to another point of interest: Should I continue on with school for midwifery as soon as I graduate with my BSN? Should I work as a nurse for awhile then go back to school? What if I get married? What about children? Where will I be? Will I even get married? Am I even able to reproduce? How am I going to be able to pay for midwifery school and pay off my undergrad debt? Will I become a nurse at all? Will I even live to see 3-5 years from now? What am I doing here?

I don't know. I have no answers to any of these questions and there is a good chance I will not have any answers for awhile, or at least until G-d decides to tell me what's going on. Maybe He never will and I will just be here, living, doing stuff without knowing why I am doing anything at all...

Yes, I'm still in a funk from the last couple of weeks and it's starting to cause pain in my shoulders and I am not sleeping as well anymore (even with magnesium!).

Daily Thanksgiving: I am not in control of my life, G-d is. If I were in control, my life would be awful! But G-d holds my past, present, and future and He knows what He's doing. I am almost finished with school for the Spring 2013 semester. Summer is almost here which means I only have 1 class for a few months and I will be able to work a lot more in order to save up a little bit for an apartment. My past/future roommate (the same person, it's a long story but I've written about it before) and I found quite a few nice apartments. Some places even have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms on our price range! I am almost not a freshman and I am almost 1/4-1/5 of the way done with my undergrad degree (depending if I get into the nursing program in the Fall of 2013 or not). G-d is teaching me, yet again, to not worry and to trust Him.

It just occurred to me that I should be telling you guys about my favorite verses and the Bible stories I am reading! So here is one of my favorite verses, I can't remember if I've shared it with you yet or not.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

He gave me that verse one day when I was sobbing because of my anxiety about the future. Funny how He has the exact right words to give you and He meets you were you are.