Surprise Homecoming

Today I got a great surprise, my brother officially moved into our apartment! He had all of his stuff down here, but he still had his old job an hour and a half away so he was staying with out parents. He was recently able to transfer his job to a branch down here and he came down today! I wasn't expecting him for a few days.

I am so glad that he is home now though because I have been so lonely. Plus, I really love my brother, like a ridiculous amount. Sure, we fight sometimes, but we are best buds a lot of the time. We went to the grocery store tonight, at 11 p.m., and we had a great time. I caught him up on my current boy situation and he laughed at me... But it was great and at the end of the day, he really wants me to be happy and, for some reason, he really wants me to have a boyfriend. He actually took it pretty hard that I didn't start dating my country boy, but c'est la vie, non? (Non is how you spell no in French. I learned that in French class and it's one of the only things I actually still remember 4 years later.)

I forgot to tell him about my coworkers trying to set me up with my friend's brother but I have a feeling that if I tell him he will just try to actually work with them to make it happen.

Folks, I'm getting so beat. I haven't really had a vacation at all this summer and likely won't get time off until I am completely finished with school, retired from work, and finally taken home to see the L-rd. Unfortunately, life is ridiculously busy and it seems as though I'm letting life slip away. It also seems like I am growing farther and farther away from G-d. I'm going to try to find a church, for real this time, but it's so hard to find a new church. Especially when I don't really want to be going to church, I want to find a good Messianic congregation but I've visited those and have not liked what I've seen. Maybe I'm just too picky. My brother says I am too picky about food, boys, people, and everything else in my life, so I bet it's true.

You know, I made a list of what I want in a boyfriend/husband. Now, my lists aren't just random lists that I jot down, I make a lot of them. A lot of time and effort goes into thinking about them and praying about them. I made a list of what I wanted in my roommates for college, it was simple. I wanted all of them to at least be under the "Christian" umbrella and I wanted at least one of them to be "Messianic." Guess what happened? I got what I prayed for! One girl considered herself "Messianic" because she did some of the Jewish holidays (though I don't technically count her as such), and all of them were at least some type of Christian. It did not work out between us, but I think it could have been much worse if I had been rooming with people who drank, slept with boys, partied, etc. I thank the L-rd that He put me with the girls He did because I learned so much and He answered my prayers.

I also made a list/journal prayer about a dog. My parents had finally decided I could have a dog and I was so excited (and slightly worried because we had a dog before for 3 weeks but the dog wasn't a good fit, so I didn't want to have to give up another dog the same way). So, I prayed about it very specifically and wrote everything I wanted in the dog. Next day we went to the pound and G-d gave us the perfect dog. She is everything I asked for and more. The list was very specific but G-d provided us a dog that fit it to a T! We framed the prayer and we still have the dog 7 years later.

Funny thing is, I have prayed about boys before too. Sometimes I start to crave the attention of a boy (I'm just being honest here. It feels good to have a guy think your cute, smart, funny, and datable.) So, I have prayed that a boy start to like me who has certain qualities. Soon after, a boy starts to like me who just so happens to have those qualities. Up to now it's great for awhile, then I begin to see why it would not work out. Thank the L-rd that I have not dated anyone yet because my life could have been a totally different story if I had dated all the boys I thought I wanted to date. It seems as though He is showing me that I think I know what I want, but in reality I need to be patient and just let Him bring the right man into my life on G-d's own schedule. Let me tell you, it's not easy. I have the longest grocery list of what I want in a boyfriend/husband, but only G-d knows what I will be happy with and when/if I will meet this man. I hope I get married and I really hope that I meed my future husband soon because I am getting so antsy. However, it seems like when we try to speed G-d's schedule up to fit our own selfish plans, we just make the waiting worse than it has to be. For now, I will pray while I'm waiting. I will work on my relationship with the L-rd and allow Him to work on me being content single. When I try to find someone who is "my other half" or has a personality that fills for all of my personality flaws, I just get so badly crushed because I am relying on someone else to complete me. That is not how dating and marriage work! I have to be complete on my own so that I can share a life with someone else, L-rd willing that I will have a husband in the future.

I'm off to be complete on my own and work on my relationship with G-d before I cultivate a new relationship with anyone else.

Daily Thanksgiving: I am so very thankful that G-d listens to me when I pray. The Creator of the Universe listened to and answered my prayers about a dog. How incredible is that? He listens to us all and answers all prayers, but I am constantly amazed when He does, especially for the little things that are so trivial. I am thankful that my brother is home with me and that my summer class is beginning to wind down. I get to work the night shift tomorrow with my favorite CNA and possibly my favorite LPN. Hopefully they won't try to keep talking me into dating her (LPN) brother... G-d had protected my heart from so many bad relationships that could have happened but didn't. He has kept me ignorant when I needed to be, wise for other occasions, and always very stubborn when boys try to talk me into things that would be no good for me. I am a truly blessed girl.

Blessings and good night y'all! It's 1 a.m. and I'm very tired but still have to get up early tomorrow so I can cook pancakes for my brother, who is my best friend (here on earth, G-d holds the overall title).