Complacency

Do any of you ever get complacent? In your job, at home, with your friends, with G-d? (I put a dash in G-d, btw, out of reverence for His name. This is a show of honor, not disrespectful or anything.)

Well, I do. It seems I go through seasons where I can be really into everything. Colors are brighter, I laugh and am happy all the time and G-d seems to be right here because I am drawing closer to Him. Lately, I have hit a rut. Oh, how I dislike being in ruts. Maybe it is just because school is starting again and I just started a new job? I don't know, but it is quite an uncomfortable place to be, ironically enough. I do not like being complacent because it means I am not growing. It means I just show up somewhere, at the time I should be there and go through the motions. I like when I am learning and growing and experiencing different things about life. Often times, this means being highly uncomfortable, but in a very different way. I love to learn, and experience life the way G-d wanted us to.

In all honesty, I know this complacent season is my fault. I have put G-d on a back burner when He deserves the whole stove, my whole life. Yet He has grace, and has made me aware of the problem so that I can fix it. I love His grace! I still kinda feel bad though because He is so incredible, and I am nothing. Who am I to put Him into a corner or on a back burner? Still, He gives me peace even if I want to feel bad for not acknowledging Him the way I ought to. His mercy and grace abounds, covering all of our sins and bringing Shalom (peace, relational wholeness; look up all meaning of Shalom, it may blow your mind there are so many meanings).

New CNA on the Block

I have recently started a new job as a CNA. My first CNA job in fact. There are so many things that they do not tell you in schooling for this position! Boards do not test the way real life requires you to complete skills, for one. I was also not told about the old "wives' tale" about the full moon making people nuts until a lady at my congregation informed me. That is truly a gem of information and NOT a wives' tale. Seriously guys, pay attention to the moon cycle and mentally gear up ahead of time to save you from utter panic once it finally hits.

On that note, let me tell you about my work day recently. Keep in mind, I am completely green as a nurse aide. I feel so bad for the others that have to work with me because I am trying but seem to be failing miserably. Anyway, so all the residents were trying to escape the last time I was at work. Fortunately, we have door alarms on every door leading out of the units because it is an elderly care facility. So one lady was trying to get out, I successfully brought her back to the common area and shut off the alarm... or so I thought. A few hours later, I was helping change a lady and the lady I was working with noticed a lady wheeling past the window! Oh golly, I suck at this job. So I go out, bring her back in (the courtyard she got into is completely fenced in, but still!) and tell the nurse. I am so blessed to have such gracious CNAs and nurses working with me. Still, it just seems like I fail miserably every day I go in for work.

Anyone else have any horror stories about their first days as a CNA or nurse? Any hilarious stories or advice for a very new girl?

Wide Open Spaces

Have you ever listened to Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks? I love that song. Have not listened to it in years but it's somehow as clear as day in my head right now. This song gets me!

If you have not heard it before, or perhaps you forget how it goes, I recommend listening to it on YouTube. These ladies understand me, it's beautiful really. (Haha, I don't really talk like that normally.)

You know who else gets me? Miranda Lambert. Her song Gunpowder & Lead suites me quite well. I probably wouldn't be smoking or shooting at an ex, even if he did beat me up. But the song represents the freedom us ladies have to stand up for ourselves - with a catchy tune.

These songs bring up the fact that I have been told I am too independent. Just as these ladies are very strong and independent. Plus, I am a bit of a feminist, if you haven't noticed. Not a bra-burning one, (though I have considered it before). I just believe in equality. G-d did make distinctions, and not everything a man can do a woman can do or vice versa. However, females and males are created to compliment each other. This doesn't mean the woman has to stay home or the man has to bring home the turkey bacon (keepin' it kosher guys). To me, this simply means that we work together in our careers to best mirror Yeshua (Jesus') image and G-d's image. We are created in His image. So show grace, extend mercy, forgive, love and live a life worthy of G-d's approval.

...It just occurred to me that was one of the most random sets of transitioning I have read in a blog, but it effectively explains my thought process. This is also why I do not talk much, my thoughts go EVERYWHERE!

Hurt Feelers

Being a tomboy, raised around mostly guys, and also by a dad who is very masculine and a mother who is super tomboyish herself, I have developed many "male" outlooks on certain situations. When, however, my "feelers" get hurt (my dad's way of saying hurt feelings), I can be crushed. This is because it takes a lot to hurt me enough to get to that point. All through my childhood I have been called fat, ugly, and a few other choice words. I have been excluded most of my life, to the point where I can hardly remember being included with people. These times of pain have made me much stronger and I am glad that I have gone through them because of the lessons I have learned.

With all of this said, I have recently had my feelers hurt almost worse than any other time in my life. I cannot really get into it, but it really stings when someone says they do not want you around to someone else, and it gets back to you...
 
Needless to say, I will get through this. G-d will get me through this because without Him, I would have been crushed and finished long ago. There is a lesson to be learned, a scar that needs to be healed and grace that will abound through Him alone.

Extreme Introvert Here

I do not like to make others uncomfortable... most of the time. Sometimes it's just plain funny, but I usually only do that to joke around. Any-who... I have dealt with the fact that sometimes people are not comfortable with me around. Maybe it is because I am very secluded, I do not talk much (if at all), I do not need to be around others 24/7 and I actually enjoy spending most of my time alone. Due to these tendencies to be alone, dorm life is highly incompatible. Dorms just make you LIVE at school. I wake up, and I see the school right out my window. I go to meals and see more school buildings. I come back to my dorm room after class, and work on home work (a.k.a. more school). School brings hundreds and thousands of people with it. Do you see the conflict? I am a self proclaimed loner who is very content being introverted. This much time around people causes anxiety problems for me in turn causing health problems.

This fits in with me not liking others to be uncomfortable because sometimes my friends do not understand that I am not ignoring them, nor do I dislike them. I just need a lot of alone time. Seeing as I need so much alone time, they become uncomfortable that I do not want to hang out or talk every waking second of my life. Sorry guys, I am just a weird, really shy, highly introverted person. Hanging out is something I truly enjoy, but I need it in moderation.

So readers, if you have a friend like me, do not take it personally. Let them know that you do not find it offensive that they do not talk to you but maybe once a week or even once a month. We really do like you guys! We often find friends who are extreme extroverts that consequently talk a lot. We like this feature because you keep the conversation going when we really have no clue how you have so much to say. Keep talking and don't be confused if we only get together every once in awhile. We do like to be invited and we do enjoy the company of others, we just don't need very much time with people to be fulfilled in the social aspects of our lives.

Oh the Weekend!

Oh the beauty of college, only four days of school and a three day weekend! I do not know how I ever managed to go to school all day five days a week. I am really diggin' this maximum of three classes, set your own schedule, have extended weekends every week thing. Ahhh.

If only the classes could stay as easy as they are the first week of school...

I have counted up my quizzes, tests, lab practicals, papers due and other assignments for the semester. It came to a whopping total of 47 assignments (including finals). 15 weeks to go, then the first year of college will be under my belt. With this end, however, comes the joys of the HESI-A to try to get into nursing school and several months of anxiety for this very anxious girl.

Well, sweet dreams all! I get the privilege of working tomorrow. Truly such a blessing! :)  (Please forgive my little smiley face there, I usually do not use those but it seemed appropriate.)

Glorious Role of a Nurse Aide

Like many nursing students, I obtained my nurse aide certification. This title makes the job sound amazing to nursing students. It seems like we get to hang out with nurses and help, or at least watch, them do all the cool stuff like IV's and shots. In reality, I get to wipe people's bums, give showers, play waitress and get physically worn down. I truly do love the residents, they are very dear to my heart. However, with the many mental and physical disabilities that are around these days, it can be a trying job. I have had explicit offers for "love", I have been bribed by residents to let them out of their unit, I have been kicked and punched, and also yelled at repeatedly. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many Attends I have changed, how many bruises I have, or the fact that my back is killing me and my legs want to fall off. At the end of the day, I am satisfied knowing that the residents had someone they could talk to, someone to care for them as a person, and a whole staff of others ready to take on the next shift. To tell you the truth, I never wanted to work in an elderly care facility. I fought it tooth and nail because I have always wanted to be with infants and delivering mama's. But I am so very glad G-d brought this job to me, and these residents make my day every single day (all five that I have worked thus far).

First Day: Complete!

Okay folks, so it seems as though my initial anxiety about starting school again was for naught. I am pleasantly surprised by my English teacher. She is an absolute delight, and hilarious. My Anatomy and Phys teacher is the same one I had last semester, and he is pretty cool too. Tomorrow I meet my new Chemistry and Psychology teachers. I also still have to meet my lab instructors for A&P and Chem, but I like lab so I am not so worried about that.

Now for some personal background...

I graduated high school the spring of 2012. I am currently attending a university only about an hour from my home. It is at this university that I am pursuing a BSN (Bachelor's of Nursing Science). Once I graduate, I hope to obtain my master's degree in midwifery. Now, I could tell you my whole life story, but it's pretty boring. Perhaps I will save it for another day, just in case someone is having a tough time falling asleep.

First Day Back

For anyone that has had the privilege of going to school, you know the first day back is exciting, perhaps exhausting, and maybe a tad stressful. Speaking for myself, the first day back to my second semester of college is quite daunting. I am very grateful I get to go to school, don't get me wrong. The thing is, I enjoy being with my family! Winter break was a whole five weeks of lounging around, hanging out with people I have known most-if not all- of my life. School brings the great uncertainty of people. Strangers in my classes, strangers sitting around me at meals, and my dorm mates are still kind of strangers. I do not mean to whine or complain, I have just always had a difficult time adjusting to tons of change. G-d always gets me through though, providing in every situation.

So, here we go tomorrow. A brand new day. The first day of my second semester of college. Hey, I am half way through my first year and well on my way to becoming a nurse!