Nursing School is Finally Starting to Sink in!!!

Today was the first day of Basic Health Assessment lab. Let me tell you, I am finally starting to realize that I am in nursing school. The first two weeks was all talk and it makes it seem like I'm in the wrong career path. Finally having BHA lab for the first time, though, has reassured me that this occupation suits me. We learned all about stuff I had already learned in CNA school and what I had learned at the medical clinic I volunteer at, so it wasn't a whole lot of new info and it wasn't particularly exciting. That is okay by me, though, because it just makes school that much easier right now. Anywho, I am starting to do nursing stuff and we are learning assessment. CNA's don't do assessment which means that I am finally breaking free from being "just an aide."

Now, let's talk about that. I have heard so many people refer to nurses as "just a nurse." Even more people refer to aides as "just an aide." I have even caught myself doing it when I am talking about my own career or when someone asks me if I'm a nurse, I respond: "No, I'm just an aide." Folks, this should not be. My CNA schooling was only a month long course, but in that month I learned so much! I learned (and continue to learn) even more every day. Plus, I deal with the poop, pee, vomit, behaviors, punching, yelling, screaming, biting, scratching, and torture that is the care role of a Nurse Aide. Don't get me wrong, I do love the people I care for, but being a CNA is not even a little bit easy, especially in a nursing home where you are paid significantly less than you would be in a hospital setting. So to be referring to any aide as "just a CNA," is not giving our job and our title justice. How much more truth is there to saying that about an actual RN? Nursing school is BRUTAL!!! Learning how to be a nurse after graduation can be just as bad if not worse. Therefore, please work with me to stop ourselves from referring to ourselves or any other nurses as "just a nurse." We don't say, "he's just an engineer" or "they're just a dentist" or "she's just a lawyer," so why should we say "they're just a nurse?" (I was not trying to attach a specific gender to any particular occupation, I apologize if I sounded like ladies cannot be engineers or guys cannot be lawyers, that was not my intention.)

Off to do my homework: completing an assessment at home... My poor brother gets to be assessed every week, but he's a good guinea pig.

Daily Thanksgiving: My BHA and Foundations of Nursing teachers (same lady) is so adorable, funny, and kind. Also, I was able to make it into her BHA lab instead of having a different instructor for lab! She is allowing us to take open book tests online too!!! Ya, that took away a ton of stress (I dislike tests, I'm not so good at them.) Today is over and tomorrow I have 2 simple classes. The third week of school is blowing by! If only the bad stuff could always go by this quickly but the fun stuff could slow down so I can savor it... G-d has showed me 2 churches to go to and I am going to start the 2nd church this week. It is a college group and so I hope it is talking about deeper stuff that is more relevant to us instead of the typical, simpler Sunday morning messages I keep getting (I go Saturday nights but it's the same message.)

Got Myself a Boyfriend

No, this has nothing to do with my friend that I think is flirting with me (though I don't really know what flirting is). But I got myself a boyfriend... at work. He doesn't know my name, and so he gets really creative every time he calls me over. He often refuses to feed himself, he wants me to feed him. He gets aggravated at the others around us occasionally. I also take him to the bathroom. You guessed it! He's one of the residents.

Somehow, he attaches himself to me each time I work. Which is really good, because I can actually convince him to go to the bathroom when others can't. He cooperates so well with because of this attachment. Maybe I look like someone from his past?

Anyway, I had my second AMAZING day! This time, I didn't have my work mama teaching me, but my day went well because I am finally starting to get this job a little bit. I was able to get 5 people up and to breakfast which is hard because each person has their own personality and everyone seemed to be having an "off" day today. Anyone else notice strange behavior at work today? I know I am still slow, but I am getting much faster than I was. For the first month and a half I was miserable at work, as I am sure you can recall. Work made me want to cry, and I don't cry all that much. It made me wonder if I could be a nurse and I seriously doubted my intentions of becoming a CNA. G-d has since allowed me to have much better days. He even lets patients that are normally uncooperative, and sometimes combative, settle down and help me. It's so amazing, and I have no doubt that G-d is the one calming the residents down.

Daily thanksgiving: I am thankful for how ridiculously amazing Ad-nai is. He is always answering my prayers, even the silly, little, random prayers said under my breath. He gives me my hearts desires by first giving me the desire for something, then providing what I desire (my theory). No matter what it is that I am going through, He is always there protecting me and listening to me even when I am having "toddler tantrum" days.

RA Position?

Now that the school year is a little over half way over, there are RA positions open! I think it would be fun to be an RA (Resident Assistant) and it is also a great "scholarship" in a way because I wouldn't have to pay for housing. That means it over a $10,000 job position. Ya, when I realized that my jaw dropped too.

Are any of you RA's? What advice do you have for me? Is the position worth it? Next year I will be in the nursing program, L-rd willing. In addition to that, I will still be a CNA but I will likely keep my PRN position so I can work a max of 2 days a week (8 hr. shifts). Will there be too much on my plate or should I go for it?

Any input is greatly appreciated!

Homesick

For all of you that have ever been away from home, I'm sure you know what homesickness is. It's brutal! I just got back to my dorm today from spending the weekend with my family, but I cannot seem to get over this overwhelming sense of sadness that I am not with them. It seems so strange that I used to live at home all of the time, and now I hardly get to be with my family. I am very blessed that my university is only an hour away, but I still miss my family greatly. I would love to sleep at home all the time, have my mom's cooking and still be getting the same education at this college. Unfortunately, that is just not how it works. This raises the question: How am I supposed to grow up and move out? How am I supposed to get married? Leaving my family seems like I am abandoning them or something. They spend so much of their life caring for me, then I just up and leave? That doesn't seem right. I know they did it, and almost everyone in history has had to do that at some point, but I cannot wrap my head around this. It makes my heart hurt and then brings back my depression for a good few days.

Today, I am so very grateful to have such a loving family. One that I cannot separate myself from. My parents both had abusive families, but Ad-nai has blessed me so greatly with such amazing parents and a great brother (even though he is awfully ornery lately). My parents have supported me all my life, always looking out for what's best for me. (I can't even see what I'm typing right now through this blurry mess. I used to not cry very much, but it seems that between the huge amount of stress I encounter on a daily basis, and my homesickness, all I ever do is call my mom on the edge of tears. This brings another problem because I try to pretend I am not crying in order to avoid worrying her, but I think she knows...) G-d has even blessed me with pseudo extended family. My dad's father passed away when I was young (I had only met him a few times.) But G-d always provides someone else to step into that role. We do not talk at all to my mom's parents, but still I have even more pseudo grandparents. This is true for aunt, uncles, cousins and beyond! Plus, the one biological grandparent we do talk to, my Mema (dad's mom), is absolutely amazing! I could go on and on about her. She is a NICU nurse, so very kind, and I am the spittin' image of her (with brown hair, instead of blonde). I believe family is one of the biggest blessings G-d gives to us, whether they are our family by blood or not.

Refused the Flu Shot

So I already posted today, but I keep meaning to write about this... and then I forget.

Anyway, I refused the flu shot. Yes, I do work in healthcare. Yes, I do work at an elderly care facility. I get to wear a lovely mask that reduces my oxygen levels by about fifty percent (probably more like five percent, but still!). Does anyone else stand with me on this issue? I do not believe they should have the right to force me to get a shot. This is my health, my body and my life! I thought the whole point of a flu shot was to protect those who get it, so why then must I get one in order to protect the residents if the residents get their for protection? I do not want to put anyone in danger, especially not myself, but I do not agree with their demands or claims. People, if you agree that they should not be able to require this of us, stand with me! I had a job offer taken back just because I am unable to get the shot. I have had several employees come up to me and ask me why I am wearing a mask. When I tell them I am unable to get the flu shot because of religious reasons, they tell me they wish they could have refused the shot. To tell you the truth, they likely could have. I do not believe G-d wants me to have the vaccine, that is why He created our bodies with the ability to produce antibodies. We are made to become stronger from illnesses in order to fight it off the next time it comes around.

So, if you believe as I do, that we should be able to decide whether we want vaccines (without getting strong armed), please stand with the rest of us that are unable/unwilling to receive this vaccine. Wear the mask, fill out the paperwork and let's start standing up for our health by trusting the Creator and how He designed our bodies. If enough of us (CNA's, nurses, doctors, admin employees, EVERYONE), stood up to unnecessary "requirement", we could get it overturned. Hospitals cannot allow half of their CNA's, nurses, doctors or any number of employees go or be on suspension because there are already such great shortages. Fight with us, do not allow this to become common place. Fight for your beliefs and rights!

Peace

After a couple months last semester, and several weeks this semester of roommate drama, G-d has given me peace. It's this peace that surpasses understanding, just like the verse says. I know these problems are far from over, but He gave me joy in the storm. Even though I cannot yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, He has still provided me with a firm place to stand, happiness and a breath of fresh air. Today, I am grateful for the calming presence of the L-rd in my life. He is my rock, my life and my absolute love. He is all I need. Every time I have heartache, He brings me back to this point of realizing He is all I need. Once I finally realize this, He provides me with this weightless feeling. He envelopes me in love and gives me His shalom.

Ahhh, now that that is off my chest and I have shared my piece of life I am thankful for today, let's talk about nursing school. Technically it is pre-nursing school... but nobody is going to say that every time they talk about their college career. Right now, I am taking intro to organic chem, anatomy and phys 2, english and psych. I love these classes! I adore my english teacher and that makes me like the class. Normally, I despise english because I do not understand it. It is my first language, but I cannot understand what makes writing good. It's fuzzy logic for me. My strong suits have always been science and math. So the fact that I have 3 sciences this semester, makes life a lot easier. So, as of yet, school is enjoyable. I will update next week after my two anatomy tests in one week. And then again the following week after my chem and psych tests are done. Seem like a ton of tests? Ya, it is. But G-d will get me through, He always does!

LPN?

So lately, I have been talking to some of the LPN's at work about getting my certification. I have heard that after my second or third year of nursing school (when I am a sophomore or junior), I may be able to sit for the LPN exam. Has anyone tried this or done anymore research on this subject?

Speaking of work, does anyone know when the "full moon effect" stops acting on residents? Hopefully you read my post a few days ago about my insane day at work. Well, it has not settled down. Thankfully, my first two weeks just happened to be when the residents were all ridiculously calm. But now it seems like everything is going wrong, in the crazy way, and not just at work. I will explain more someday, but right now I do not believe I have the proper mindset to fully explain the situation as unbiasedly as I can (even though I am in the middle of the whole situation). Needless to say, I am hoping to move out into another dorm room. This seems to have happened to a lot of people in dorms across the world. There are just so many personalities and there cannot be too many big, differing personalities in the same vicinity 24/7. I do not even have a big personality, but I still cannot handle this situation.

These are times when I am frustrated at life, but also very glad for Ad-nai. I know that even though this seems like a really bad season for me, but I am able to feel. While I am walking around "blind" (of my life purpose), I am not walking around in autopilot. Even though I hurt most days, I know G-d is working on me. It reminds me of that verse that says something like: A father disciplines the son(s) he loves. I may be getting disciplined or I may just be going through growing pains. Either way, G-d lets me go through enough to grow and become stronger while not letting me break. He is absolutely AMAZING! This is one of those really real moments where after the current struggle is through, the love of G-d is a giddy, new boyfriend/girlfriend type of love and infatuation. This is the type of relationship that gets me excited and unable to contain my joy, even in the midst of such sorrow and pain. So, whether I am to be an LPN or not, He will decide and direct my path. Whether I am to be a nurse, midwife, actual wife, a mother or any variety of life roles, only He will decide and direct my path. I walk this life blind for the most part, but one thing I do know is: My life is for G-d. Whatever I do I need to love G-d with all of my heart, soul, strength and might. Also, in doing so, I need to love my neighbor as myself. This is how we walk out life in this dark, dark world.

New CNA on the Block

I have recently started a new job as a CNA. My first CNA job in fact. There are so many things that they do not tell you in schooling for this position! Boards do not test the way real life requires you to complete skills, for one. I was also not told about the old "wives' tale" about the full moon making people nuts until a lady at my congregation informed me. That is truly a gem of information and NOT a wives' tale. Seriously guys, pay attention to the moon cycle and mentally gear up ahead of time to save you from utter panic once it finally hits.

On that note, let me tell you about my work day recently. Keep in mind, I am completely green as a nurse aide. I feel so bad for the others that have to work with me because I am trying but seem to be failing miserably. Anyway, so all the residents were trying to escape the last time I was at work. Fortunately, we have door alarms on every door leading out of the units because it is an elderly care facility. So one lady was trying to get out, I successfully brought her back to the common area and shut off the alarm... or so I thought. A few hours later, I was helping change a lady and the lady I was working with noticed a lady wheeling past the window! Oh golly, I suck at this job. So I go out, bring her back in (the courtyard she got into is completely fenced in, but still!) and tell the nurse. I am so blessed to have such gracious CNAs and nurses working with me. Still, it just seems like I fail miserably every day I go in for work.

Anyone else have any horror stories about their first days as a CNA or nurse? Any hilarious stories or advice for a very new girl?

Hurt Feelers

Being a tomboy, raised around mostly guys, and also by a dad who is very masculine and a mother who is super tomboyish herself, I have developed many "male" outlooks on certain situations. When, however, my "feelers" get hurt (my dad's way of saying hurt feelings), I can be crushed. This is because it takes a lot to hurt me enough to get to that point. All through my childhood I have been called fat, ugly, and a few other choice words. I have been excluded most of my life, to the point where I can hardly remember being included with people. These times of pain have made me much stronger and I am glad that I have gone through them because of the lessons I have learned.

With all of this said, I have recently had my feelers hurt almost worse than any other time in my life. I cannot really get into it, but it really stings when someone says they do not want you around to someone else, and it gets back to you...
 
Needless to say, I will get through this. G-d will get me through this because without Him, I would have been crushed and finished long ago. There is a lesson to be learned, a scar that needs to be healed and grace that will abound through Him alone.

Extreme Introvert Here

I do not like to make others uncomfortable... most of the time. Sometimes it's just plain funny, but I usually only do that to joke around. Any-who... I have dealt with the fact that sometimes people are not comfortable with me around. Maybe it is because I am very secluded, I do not talk much (if at all), I do not need to be around others 24/7 and I actually enjoy spending most of my time alone. Due to these tendencies to be alone, dorm life is highly incompatible. Dorms just make you LIVE at school. I wake up, and I see the school right out my window. I go to meals and see more school buildings. I come back to my dorm room after class, and work on home work (a.k.a. more school). School brings hundreds and thousands of people with it. Do you see the conflict? I am a self proclaimed loner who is very content being introverted. This much time around people causes anxiety problems for me in turn causing health problems.

This fits in with me not liking others to be uncomfortable because sometimes my friends do not understand that I am not ignoring them, nor do I dislike them. I just need a lot of alone time. Seeing as I need so much alone time, they become uncomfortable that I do not want to hang out or talk every waking second of my life. Sorry guys, I am just a weird, really shy, highly introverted person. Hanging out is something I truly enjoy, but I need it in moderation.

So readers, if you have a friend like me, do not take it personally. Let them know that you do not find it offensive that they do not talk to you but maybe once a week or even once a month. We really do like you guys! We often find friends who are extreme extroverts that consequently talk a lot. We like this feature because you keep the conversation going when we really have no clue how you have so much to say. Keep talking and don't be confused if we only get together every once in awhile. We do like to be invited and we do enjoy the company of others, we just don't need very much time with people to be fulfilled in the social aspects of our lives.

Oh the Weekend!

Oh the beauty of college, only four days of school and a three day weekend! I do not know how I ever managed to go to school all day five days a week. I am really diggin' this maximum of three classes, set your own schedule, have extended weekends every week thing. Ahhh.

If only the classes could stay as easy as they are the first week of school...

I have counted up my quizzes, tests, lab practicals, papers due and other assignments for the semester. It came to a whopping total of 47 assignments (including finals). 15 weeks to go, then the first year of college will be under my belt. With this end, however, comes the joys of the HESI-A to try to get into nursing school and several months of anxiety for this very anxious girl.

Well, sweet dreams all! I get the privilege of working tomorrow. Truly such a blessing! :)  (Please forgive my little smiley face there, I usually do not use those but it seemed appropriate.)

Glorious Role of a Nurse Aide

Like many nursing students, I obtained my nurse aide certification. This title makes the job sound amazing to nursing students. It seems like we get to hang out with nurses and help, or at least watch, them do all the cool stuff like IV's and shots. In reality, I get to wipe people's bums, give showers, play waitress and get physically worn down. I truly do love the residents, they are very dear to my heart. However, with the many mental and physical disabilities that are around these days, it can be a trying job. I have had explicit offers for "love", I have been bribed by residents to let them out of their unit, I have been kicked and punched, and also yelled at repeatedly. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many Attends I have changed, how many bruises I have, or the fact that my back is killing me and my legs want to fall off. At the end of the day, I am satisfied knowing that the residents had someone they could talk to, someone to care for them as a person, and a whole staff of others ready to take on the next shift. To tell you the truth, I never wanted to work in an elderly care facility. I fought it tooth and nail because I have always wanted to be with infants and delivering mama's. But I am so very glad G-d brought this job to me, and these residents make my day every single day (all five that I have worked thus far).

First Day Back

For anyone that has had the privilege of going to school, you know the first day back is exciting, perhaps exhausting, and maybe a tad stressful. Speaking for myself, the first day back to my second semester of college is quite daunting. I am very grateful I get to go to school, don't get me wrong. The thing is, I enjoy being with my family! Winter break was a whole five weeks of lounging around, hanging out with people I have known most-if not all- of my life. School brings the great uncertainty of people. Strangers in my classes, strangers sitting around me at meals, and my dorm mates are still kind of strangers. I do not mean to whine or complain, I have just always had a difficult time adjusting to tons of change. G-d always gets me through though, providing in every situation.

So, here we go tomorrow. A brand new day. The first day of my second semester of college. Hey, I am half way through my first year and well on my way to becoming a nurse!