Cross-Training

A beautiful perk to working at a small hospital is being able to ask to cross-train into other units without getting hired on with them as a PRN employee. I asked about a week ago to be able to start training on Postpartum or Labor and Delivery. For those of you that work L&D, or many others of you, y'all know how many certifications and training you have to have in order to be able to be an L&D nurse. As such, I was told that it was too difficult to train a nurse as an L&D RN, unless they are willing to work there full time. Seeing as I am absolutely content and excited to be full-time in NICU, I was completely okay with not doing L&D and sticking with postpartum.

Last night, turns out it was the perfect time to ask to cross-train because we had a low census last night! I showed up, scrubbed in, and looked at my assignment sheet only to find that "Hey, you've been floated to Postpartum!" "Hey, alright! I'll see y'all later!" I said cheerily as I walked my butt right back out that door and down the hall to L&D.

Y'all, I was mildly aprehensive about working on PP (postpartum), because my clinical experience in that area absolutely sucked. I was laughed at, to my face, for a few of my rookie mistakes. Now, keep in mind that this was my first night of clinicals on postpartum, that particular night, and I also didn't make a big deal about anything, I was simply asking for an experienced set of eyes.

The thing I wanted them to see? Well, I wanted a nurse to look at a baby I was checking on because the mom asked why the kid was purple. I did a short assessment to make sure the child was warm and not seeming like it was fixin' to go meet Jesus. Then I calmly (it was a fake calm for the mama's sake), walked to the nurses station and said something to the effect of, "So, know that this is my first day on this unit and the child looks fine. However, the mom is wondering why the baby is purple."

Legit, this is damn near exactly what I said.

Apparently the disclaimer that came before the "purple baby" part didn't matter at all because two nurses jumped up and legit ran into the room. I get it, they were concerned. They checked the kid out and decidedly told me, and everyone else on the fucking floor, that the baby's color was simply due to the purple pain on the wall reflecting back onto the baby. So, in order to fix said problem, the baby should be looked at with the room lighting fully on. Okay, makes sense. 

I apologized profusely and they told me it was no big deal and that they would rather run into a room because of a concern or question I had, than for me or anybody else to keep quiet about anything. They said this a mere 5 seconds before recounting the story to my clinical instructor and every single person that made their presence within 25 feet of them. As they told the story (incorrectly, I might add, as they embellished different things with each retelling), and proceeded to point at me and laugh. I shit you not. They seriously pointed at me and laughed.

For nurses who I listened bitch about constantly being short-staffed because they could not retain any of their new-hires, whether new grads or transfers from other hospitals/counties/states, they seriously made fun of a nursing student right in front of her face. And to their coworker who just so happened to be the nursing student's clinical instructor! SERIOUSLY!!! And you ladies wonder why nobody wants to join you on your floor... really? You have no fucking clue? Can I clue you in any???!!!???

Regardless, I survived the day and never had to go back to that stupid floor. It did, however, turn me off to the idea of working in postpartum.

...Until I came here. I met the postpartum nurses and talked to Mema, who was a postpartum nurse when they were short-staffed, and I decided to at least try it. Even if I hated the job, I figure it's something to help me in case I ever have to be floated somewhere, so I can work instead of being sent home, without pay, for a low census of NICU babies.

You know what? I actually ended up loving the night. I had a great nurse who is normally in the Newborn Nursery. So, once we were finished with our first assessment, we went back to the nursery and snuggled babies who were waiting until their feeding times, so their moms could sleep as much as possible during the night. It was beautiful! Plus, I found some gals to come out dancing with me!!! Since the NICU girls don't want to go line-dancing... and they don't actually seem to want to do a whole lot of dancing at all... I found some people to go with me!

Don't get me wrong, I will still do my absolute best to hang out with the NICU girls, doing what it is they want to do. I really do want to be able to spend time with them, get to know them, and bond with them so that we can all have some support on this tough road. However, I still have some desires to go out dancing and go to the country music places, and even have a few drinks every once in awhile! Goodness, I'm not looking to get blacked out drunk, but I want to enjoy a couple drinks with some fun girls, out in a place where I can dance in a line with a whole bunch of other single girls that I don't know from Eve. I can't explain it, but I'm not ready to leave that part of college life just yet. It's a good stress relief for me and I will stick to my rule about not giving my number out at bars.

For goodness sake, I'm in a place with a lot of southern guys and I just want to dance with a few of these great smelling, cutie pie guys. Is that a crime?



Long story short, I am working on getting cross-trained in Postpartum. I thought I would hate it, but it ended up being a lovely surprise, especially if I need to be floated. Plus, maybe they will let me pick up some extra shift PRN!!!

21st Birthday Win!

Clinicals went amazingly (Thursday). My nurse was absolutely fantastic, I had the CNA that took advantage of me a couple weeks ago and she did most of the ADL's and CNA type activities for my patients freeing me up for nursing stuff like discharges and dressing changes. Yay! My boss is on my floor, so I have a slight overlap of school and work happening right now, but she bought me a cookie and came to hang out with me for a little bit during my rotation time. Between her and my clinical instructor, I'm certain most of the staff at the hospital knew it was my birthday and my whole day was so easy.

My clinical instructor only knew because Beauty announced it to both of our clinicals groups because our two groups are kind of one large group with two instructors. So my instructor was asking what my plans were and I told her. Next day she was so shocked I didn't look like I had been drinking! I only had four shots though.

So birthday dinner was fun. I got Boyfriend, Big Red, Beauty, Roommate, Brother and his Roommate (which Boyfriend didn't care for and got really jealous about until he saw how we interact with each other so I settled his mind with going over to Brother's house which was a big deal for us because I don't handle jealousy well). Anywho, Big Red made the staff sing to me... Not cool! But it was kinda funny. Then Roommate suggested we go to a bar where Brother and his roommate could get into (because they are both underage still) and I'm really glad they got to come. Brother got to watch my first legal shot and he also got to see me dance with Boyfriend and how happy I was.

Friday night we finally got to go out! There was a deal at the bar where you could buy a Solo Cup for $10 and drink from 9-midnight as much as you wanted so I had a few drinks that way and then my friends bought me a few shots. I had maybe 4 mix drinks and 3 shots, didn't get white girl wasted, I remember everything that happened that night, and I didn't wake up with a hang over! Yay!!! I win turning 21!

Turns out I dance a lot when I've been drinking. I did the wobble... twice... which I swore I would never do because it's just a lot of shaking your butt. I danced with Boyfriend, his two buddies, and a bunch of my girlfriends, just because I could! I also felt really special because about 15-20 people show up, just for me! How sweet is that? So I had a complete blast.

Saturday I got to bring the wine for my family's Passover Seder and Sunday I brought Boyfriend up to go to my old congregation's (still mom's) huge seder so he could learn about it. I finally got to have wine and he even said he understood a lot more now that he's gone through it. He even said it wasn't bad, which is big because he doesn't like having loads of people around or meeting tons of people. He was subjected to both because it turns out I have tons of people that loved me at shul (congregation)!

They all put Boyfriend through the ringer too. I don't know why but I love people telling him that he better treat me well or they're gonna have a problem. It's mean, but I also feel really comfortable because every social group I have has so many people watching out for me and willing to protect me at a moment's notice.

Guys, I even went to Boyfriend's family's Easter celebration. Turns out they kinda like me too... The kids booked it to my car when I arrived and they wanted to play all day. Oh man, I miss kids.


So, Happy Passover y'all! Chag Semeach!

Well, that's not what I expected.

Y'all remember the date I was going to go on? It ended up getting cancelled because of weather. The guy lives about an hour outside of town and his town was getting hammered with snow and the roads were really icy so we decided to postpone. My heart sunk a little when he texted me that but we ended up talking anyways, well, texting. I am really looking forward to going out with him and I hope he really is too. Besides the panic attacks and bad nervousness that is typically accompanying me, I am not normally one to get worked up or excited about boys. This guy, though. Let's just go over my schedule from the time he asked for my number until now.

We danced. He asked for my number. We danced again. We went to a party and DOMINATED beer pong (remember, I was cheating a little bit by not drinking...). I wait two painful days for him to text me and I worried the whole time that he didn't really think I would be worth the time or that he had forgotten me entirely. He finally texts. He asks me out for the next night. I clean house all day, scrubbing almost every inch of our apartment to keep my nerves at bay and to hopefully get it all ready for him to see it. Date got cancelled and my heart sunk. We texted back and forth for hours anyways and found a lot of common interests. He texted me again this morning and we talked for a solid three or four hours before I decided I needed to take a nap before work tonight. Now I'm waiting to get called into work and updating you on my life which was a lot more interesting from my vantage point before blogging it... I need to learn how to tell stories better.

This guy has me staying up for hours at night because I can't stop thinking about him and I keep waking up early. He's in my dreams and I keep replaying the times we danced and hung out even though it was super short-lived. Am I blowing this all out of proportion? Is he going to regret going out with me if/when he discovers he's not going to get a kiss from me unless we get hitched? Roommate's mom was talking him up the whole time I was at her house and I've heard so much about him. I distinctly remember he telling me that she approves of us dating (which is big because she's like family now) and that he would "treat me like a queen." He's pretty much the most wanted eligible bachelor in the three-town area he hangs out in. He's not scared of marriage and he was engaged for a while but they broke up this summer though I haven't heard why. He's giving me butterflies and I'm dreaming about him but can't decide if it's the idea of a sweet country boy liking me or if there is really something here. He's got a great job, he's fixin' to buy a house (in the town I have been dreaming of living in since I was little), and he seems really smart. He likes going to museums which I'm hoping means he likes learning. He likes going to antique stores and is planning on decorating his house with antiques which I think will require tremendous amounts of patience. He can fix a lot, from what I've gathered about his job as a mechanic/everything man. He grew up in the country, on a farm, and knows how to handle animals and crops. Plus, on top of everything else, I think he's pretty stinkin' cute.

This whole thing also brings up a lot of insecurities. Will he decide I'm not worth his time or money? Why did the engagement get broken? Will this make going to the town dances awkward if it doesn't work out? Will he pressure me to break my boundaries? Does he go to church? I know I can ask him that, but I just haven't yet because I'm scared of the answer.

Will I be enough?

I know you have read all this in a lot of my posts and I keep hoping and working to make these fears subside, even if just by a little bit. Will they ever even go away?

It's a Happy New Year Indeed!

Let me tell you a story about my New Year's Eve. It was so fun!

We decided to go out to Roommate's mom's house after I had worked to night. No big deal because I got to sleep for a couple of hours in between.

We headed out to her place around 5 with no big complications. There was a small dinner at her mom's house before we all headed to the dance. So, it was Roommate, her mom, the step-dad (he's is so cool, I just love him to pieces!), Roommate's cousin, and two of that kid's cousins on the other side of his family tree (just roll with it). Oh, plus me. Already we have a recipe for a great night because these people are so fun.

We get to the dance about an hour after it began with a different one of Roommate's cousins because we had to jump over to the next town to get soda. That's how small this town is, there isn't a gas station or grocery store for at least 9 miles down the road.

The dance is fun and we're all just hanging out in a big circle in the back with my uncle and aunt and some other people I've never met before.

At midnight Roommate agreed that we would start a new single girl tradition of giving each other high-fives because we have nobody to kiss (and I avoid kisses like the plague, but for very different reasons!) A little while later a guy comes up and asks me to dance. He is such a good dancer! He asked for my number after the first dance and then we danced a few more songs. Also, he smells really good even after dancing for hours before finally asking me onto the floor. That's a super great bonus!

So, excellent night right? We closed the city hall down, which is where the dance was at, around 2 a.m. I was so tired I was begging to go home but I got talked into going to another party. I was told we would only be there for 30 minutes. That was a lie. We left around 4 a.m.! However, the party was super fun. I didn't drink when I was there but I won three games of beer pong in a row! Every time the other team got the ball in a cup and it was my turn to drink I would pour it into a different cup and they didn't even notice! Ya, they were way too far gone. I feel like a cheater but... I wasn't about to get sick or do something silly just because I had been drinking. Hey, the guy was there and we won a game together! I need to come up with a name for him...

Fast-forward to about 0400 today and he finally texted me! I thought he had forgotten about me or didn't actually care that he got my number. Well, turns out he remembered me and we are going on a date tomorrow (tonight because it is now 0138). I'm too excited to sleep and I even took all my herbs to help with sleep, plus magnesium, plus melatonin...

Bonus #2! Roommate gets to come with me and it's going to be a group date because I was really nervous it would just be the two of us. Phew! I won't have to sustain a conversation the entire night by myself. We are going to go to dinner and bowling and though I am okay at beer pong, I am terrible at bowling so hopefully he doesn't dislike me just because we lose. I already warned him but nobody ever understands the severity of my badness until they experience it for themselves first-hand. Ah well, I will let you know how it goes tomorrow and maybe he'll even get a better nickname for this blog!

Daily Thanksgiving: Roommate gets to come with me on my first date and I had a blast dancing on New Year's Eve! Most importantly, G-d brought me through 2014. I think this was one of my roughest, if not the roughest year of my life so far but G-d allowed me to survive. He brought me through! I pray that 2015 goes much better for me and all of you out there. Happy New Year!

I think I will try to give a synopsis of my 2014 tomorrow, if I remember. I'll also let you know how the night goes with him and then maybe I'll tell you a bit more about him. Teaser: he's pretty cute and he seems to have his life together fairly well. He's a really good dancer and so far he's super sweet while also being able to be upfront instead of beating around the bush. He also instigated the whole thing and asked me out after only meeting me once instead of hoping I would ask him after months of only texting each other. All things I was looking and hoping for so we'll see! Pray for safety for both of our hearts, his understanding of my weird boundaries, and fun, lots of fun.

Found This Randomly On Pinterest

So I found this randomly on Pinterest today while trying to learn how to do my makeup... How it got to this type of subject matter, I'm not sure.

This post nearly broke my heart again because there is hardly a day I go for more than a few hours before getting reminded of Country Boy. I still see guys that look like him in the store and my heart skips a beat. I dream of him. I can't go into Super Targets that have a Starbucks inside because that was our/my first "date"-like thing. When I get dressed up I wonder how he would have reacted. When I go dancing I wonder if he would have danced with me. I only knew him for a few months but he was the first guy to make me actually feel like a girl instead of one of the guys, or some stupid chick that just shows up randomly at fun events.

Suicide broke my heart and continues to break it several times a day. Please forgive the language in this picture/post, I don't use this kind of language, but it captures a bit of the anger and pain I feel.

It's about time!

I figured I would try to stop my negativity from coming through so heavily and let you know the fun I have been having this summer!

I volunteered at a local rodeo which wasn't super fun, but I did get to watch bits and pieces throughout and there was a dance afterwards that I went to. The first night we went dancing I went with my buddy (Big Red) who is very much a city girl and happy to be. That's cool, I don't judge. I ended up convincing my new Roommate (I need to find her a nickname).

OH MAN! We were standing watching the dancing and a cowboy came over and asked to dance with me!!! No, I don't know how to dance. I was forthcoming with this information and he told me it was no big deal, he would teach me. <3 I was being twirled and guided and the smile on my face never left. Unfortunately, I did not get his number but he was just a sweet guy that was dancing with all the wallflowers.

A couple of days ago Roommate took me to ride her new horses and now I NEED one. No joke. I NEED a horse more than I need air. Well, maybe not that much. I am so excited she has horses though because that means that I can ride them too! We also went to the county fair out where she lives and watch another rodeo. Then we got to talk to her guy friends that she introduced me to about 5 years ago when we first met and it turns out they live down the road from us in the city. I knew they went to my university because they would come by and visit with me when I was working my IT job. Anywho, they are a hoot and I'm so excited for this coming year.

Have y'all ever heard of sugar gliders? There was a table at the fair with a guy selling them. They're kinda strange looking, but really cute. They love to cuddle and fly. Just watch...

Roommate and I saw them and decided we really wanted one. They were grossly overpriced at the fair so we started shopping around with some of her friends that have them. Well, one of their family friends heard that we wanted one and he bought it for her/us! So, now we have one of these little critters. She and I are kind of a dangerous mix because we both love animals... but we live in an apartment... I'll give y'all a whole bio about Roomie another day.

Oooh! I got to go camping with my family and extended family. Three days of nothing was absolutely beautiful. We got to make s'mores, I ate way more than I should have but hey, it was my vacation.

Crazy Couple of Weeks

School started back 2 weeks ago. This semester seems to be going well, so far. Eventually I will be starting my clinicals which require about 3x the work of all the classes I have right now combined. Not only are clinicals more work all around, but they require ALL the work to be done the night before getting up at 4 in the morning! Yikes. But, for now, I'm just enjoying being caught up and ahead in all of my classes. Also, I'm enjoying have 100% in a few of my classes. These perfect grades won't last long at all, but it's nice to enjoy them while they're here!

Would you believe me if I told you Country Boy texted me again? He did. Little sucker is trying to pull me in and wants to hang out. Darn it! I'm even considering inviting him to dinner with me and a huge group of my friends just to get him off my back, but that's probably a bad idea because my best friend (who also asked me out last year) is likely coming. These past few months I've been waiting and praying for him to text me so that I could give him a piece of my mind and now my ornery words have eluded me.

On a positive note, he (my best friend) has decided to heed my advice to date other girls until we decide if we need to reassess our friendship as a dating relationship. He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend this summer, I had to find out through another one of our friends, but I sure hope it's true. My source told me they only dated for a little bit then broke up, but he's not just waiting for me. Him waiting for me was making me really anxious, so this is good!

My friends have offered to get me vodka, beer, and the like... Temptation is getting pretty strong but I'm bound and determined to not give in. It's rough though. How is it that I'm getting all of the middle/high school coming of age issues in college? Dating, attraction, drinking, drugs, etc. I'm glad I'm strong and not highly influenced by these people but DANG!

Church was great last week. I hadn't been in about a month and a half and didn't realize how much I missed getting to sing to G-d and be in a place where people are focused on Him. It is beautiful.

My IT job decided to "promote" me. That doesn't involve a pay raise, it just means that they put me in a more difficult area of campus. I thought that would be great. Turns out that they give you no training. Instead, they let you try to figure out the computer problems with entire classes of students staring at you... Super awkward! I though public speaking was bad but this takes the cake.

I haven't been to my CNA job in almost a month and don't plan on going back to work there for any more than 1 day a month.



So, those are my life highlights from the past few weeks.

OH! I forgot to tell you that I am currently learning how to line dance. I learned the Watermelon Crawl, the Tush Push, and how to 2-Step. I would love to learn as many as I can though because there are tons of line dances. Who knew?

* Note: The lady in this picture is a nurse who teaches line dancing in Colorado, I think. Look for her here to see her videos on YouTube if you would like to join me in the pursuit of obtaining dancing skills.

Daily Thanksgiving: Have y'all been practicing your own daily thanksgivings? School is going well so far and my teachers seem to be really prepared and interesting. Clinicals start this semester! I'm gaining wisdom about my own dating life even though it's very difficult. I'm learning a lot about IT and my stress from the CNA job is minimal because I barely go there. I have a church to go to and live in a free country where I can worship freely. That is a huge blessing in and of itself.

Rejuvinated

Shabbat Shalom!

Today I went to shul (congregation), for the first time in a month and it was so good. G-d let the worship team sing some of my all-time favorite songs and I found out that I will be done with school by their Shavuot celebration so I get to dance with the dance team!!! I have missed dancing so much, and I didn't even do it all that much. But for some reason, it gets out in physical form what I want to do when worshiping. I can't really explain it, but oh how I love to dance! Only Davidic dancing, not slow dancing or prom dancing or anything, only the stuff for worship. Do me a favor and look up Davidic dancing or messianic worship dancing, or something about Hebrew dances or anything like that. Truly, if more churches danced the way David did, I think we would be better at expressing ourselves and our love for G-d because it doesn't matter what we look like, so long as we are giving G-d praise with every fiber, cell, atom of our being. Also, every since I saw Prince of Egypt by Dreamworks, I wanted to dance like they danced at that dinner party. Now I do! You have no idea how excited I was when I first went to our congregation and realized I could potentially dance like they danced.

Anyway, it was an excellent Shabbat. G-d made a lot of stuff a whole lot  clearer, I am on my way to getting right with Him and I pray that He will handle my life. Lately, I have been trying to figure life out which always gets me into trouble. I need to rely solely on Him, because when I do, He allows everything else to fall into place and He even improves my grades when I focus on Him and not necessarily on school. Foolish me, I had to try to drive the car of my life again. Unfortunately, I don't think I will ever be able to fully relinquish all of my life for the rest of my life, without trying to take control of stuff again, because I'm human. By the time He is in full control, I will likely be home with Him. But, for right now, I have Shalom. This peace that I have not felt in such a long time, and joy; both came over me today in worship and it was like a cold drink of water on a scorching hot day. A cool, sweet breeze in the midst of hot, muggy weather. My worries are at rest tonight and my brain is free for the first time in months. Life is never too much for G-d to handle and He performs miracles, some that we don't even see, every day. He is to incredible, gracious, holy, mighty and gentle.

Daily Thanksgiving: I was able to go to shul and dance today. I found out I get to be home for Shavuot (more on what that is to come). G-d provides me with the desires of my heart like dancing, the songs I love, and so much more. He has given me peace and rest from the worries and anxiety I bring on myself. He is so great and merciful and amazing. I had a wonderful day. Also, he brought me home safe and He brought me back to school safely!