Boundaries

Recently, I got yelled at over email because I told my former roommate (that I was going to room with next year too) that I could not live with her. I know that I did not handle the whole situation the way I was supposed to, but I had planned to talk to her in person. I asked her to let me know when she was leaving so that I could talk to her before we both left school for the summer, but she didn't so I had to email her. This was probably actually a blessing because I don't think I could have handled it very well. So, that was a blessing that she did not let me know when she was leaving. However, the email I received made me cry.

Fortunately, G-d showed me all the true colors of my former roommate before I signed a lease to stay with her for another year. She revealed how she really feels about me and I am pretty sure I was going to be used instead of in a partnership. Plus, it turns out that she had been the one spreading rumors that caused the problems last semester for me with my other roommates which has now blown up. However, G-d has brought me more friends than I ever expected. All of the people that they stopped talking to now talk to me and we have a huge group of friends.

Through all of this, I kept having this thought of, "what's wrong with me that I keep finding people that use me and people that hate me?" The last year I have been pestered by this awful thought but it is not true, it if from the Adversary. If people are going to be unhappy with the way that I set my boundaries and the fact that I will no longer bend over backwards for people that disrespect me time and time again, then they will have to talk with G-d about it.  She had continually put me down and talked about me poorly behind my back. The last stick of straw that broke my back was the fact that my other former roommates did something right in front of her and she didn't stick up for me. If we are going to live together and trust each other essentially with our lives, we need to stick up for each other and defend each other. Long story short, my tears today are now stopped and I have a strengthened resolve to stick up for myself because I can't depend on anyone to stick up for me if I don't do it for myself.

So, for everyone that reads my rantings and ravings about life and nursing school, please set boundaries for yourself. Teach people how to treat you and don't back down. Talk with G-d to see what boundaries you need to set up for yourself and ask Him to teach you how to enforce them in a loving and kind way. My boundaries are set by me and G-d and if they are challenged by other people, I will talk to G-d and see if I need to be changed. I will talk with my mentors and my parents to figure out what I need to change or if I even need to change. You should also find mentors that love you enough to tell you the truth with what they believe is best for you, based on sound, Biblically sound advice.

Semi-successful Day

All I've done today is study, from 10 a.m. on. Of course, I had minor breaks to eat, stretch, take a nap... and various other things that may have caught my attention at one point or another. But, for the most part, I studied. I really need a high A on my chem test and I can go as low as a C on my psych test tomorrow, but I would like to get higher of course. Unfortunately, it's a beautiful day outside and I am wasting it sitting in my room, relearning all the material needed for finals. Hopefully this will be enough studying, but currently, I'm not so sure that it will be.

It's days like this when I wish I could just clean and pack my dorm room instead. I'd rather be doing almost anything but studying because it's soooooo boring! L-rd willing, this week will go by quickly and successfully and I will get good grades. Then, I can go home and enjoy a week with no classes, no work, and the celebration of my baby brother's graduation from high school. I can't believe I missed most of his senior year because I was busy with my freshman year of college and lived an hour away from him. It's just so weird that we are both almost full-fledged adults (he doesn't turn 18 until the end of August). Thinking on it won't let it be untrue though, so I might as well just suck it up and accept that we can no longer be children, now we have to navigate life on our own. But, I'm pretty excited that he's thinking of coming down to my university for school and he might even get an apartment with me!

Daily Thanksgiving: Today is almost done, which means tomorrow's tests are almost done. That all means that summer is nearly here! I am thankful for the amount of studying that G-d has allowed me to complete today, because I have actually been very productive considering my normal study habits. Also, I am grateful that G-d put in my head to take off from work today, because I would have had much less studying actually completed by now. Instead, I was able to go slow, take my time, relax, and truly learn the material (or so I hope).

Spring Break!

I should have updated you all yesterday once I got out of lab that I was now on my spring break, but I was hanging out with my friends. So, I am now officially on spring break! To start off the festivities, I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching t.v., but I also did my laundry and hung out with my friend until about 10:30.

I am so excited to go home today, unfortunately I have to stay until at least 2 or so because of my RA interview. I do not like interviews, they make me uncomfortable and stress me out. If I do interviews, I would want it to be at a coffee shop, where we can get a coffee and sit and get to know each other because it seems that people are more themselves when they are not sitting in a chair alone being questioned by a panel of strangers. Anyway, after my interview, I have to wait for my friend to get off work, then we are going to his new house until the traffic subsides a bit. Fridays are awful for traffic from my campus to the city I live in. A typical hour drive turns into a 2-3 hour drive because people won't get out of the fast lane and were not taught how to properly utilize highways. Plus, the highway is mostly a two lane highway (in each direction), when it really needs to be closer to three or four because of the large influx in population. But, it is what it is, and I really enjoy cranking up my radio and jamming out for an 1+ hours.

Not having homework (except for editing and submitting a paper) is so nice! I miss high school because homework had an end to it after just a couple of hours. In college, not so much. No matter how long or how hard you work, there is always more that can be done. Whether it is reading for the next class period, or studying, or writing your papers, or even actual homework, there is never an end.

Daily Thanksgiving: It's spring break and life is nice right now. I loved hanging out with my friend last night and I finally made the move to delete my Facebook account to avoid the awkwardness from my ex-roommates. This is gonna be a good week... once I can get through my interview.

Life In the Dorms

Living in the dorms is fun, it is interesting, and it is very convenient most of the time. On the flip-side, we get to have health and safety checks. That just means that two RA's come into your room and inspect everything. It proves to be awkward because they look in you bathroom, in your shower, under your bed, behind your nightstand, etc. Plus, they drop in randomly so that you don't have time to stash drugs, alcohol or anything else lawfully illegal or "illegal" according to the university's policies. With all that said, I just had my inspection and it took a whole 30 seconds. Plus I got to meet the other RA on my new floor. So, at the end of the day, it wasn't so bad.

Now I just need another hug...